Well, if you really wanna hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

In the first place, that kind of stuff bores me. It really does. Secondly, my parents were quite touchy. They probably wouldn't want me going into any personal details about them. Don't get me wrong, they're not emotional or any of that horseshit. They're just touchy. And that's the truth.

The names McCloud. Fox McCloud. If you give a damn, you'll remember it. Anywhoo, I'm not going to sit around here giving you my whole goddam autobiography here. That shit bores the hell outta me. I'll just tell you the goddam madman stuff that happened to me around Christmas when I was 16 years old.

It all started back in that goddam hellhole of a school: Cornerian Acadmey. My dad went there before me. That was before he died, but I won't go into that. I'm not in the mood. You need to be in the mood for that sort of thing. Any goddam way, I was at the Cornerian Academy around Christmas time.

There were never many girls at the academy. Just a buncha' goddam shit-faced jerks. Boy, I'll tell you. One look at a kid from the academy and you'd shit your pants. It was standard protocol to wear sweatpants. Sweatpants, for chrissake. Not even good sweatpants. They were all ratty and shit.

Anywhoo, like I was saying. I'm at the goddam academy and this jerk, Falco (Falco is a swell guy. Damn well likeable. Terrific personality.) he comes up to me. He actually runs up. I don't even know what the hell for. So I turn my head way the hell around and look him right in the eye. He stops running and almost shits himself. Right there. I swear to God.

So he stops and starts panting and inbetween his damn gasps he said: "Slippy's… fallen in… the goddam well!"

I whistled. "Holy shee-it."

"I know, for chrissake. The goddam well. He fell in. Damn near busted his ass." Falco gasped.

"Jesus Christ." I said.

"Goddam, Fox. Don't just stand there. Do something for chrissake!!" Falco shouted. I don't like it when people shout. Especially when they're asking you to do something or whatever. I was starting to hate Falco at this point. He had a lousy attitude today.

"For god sakes take a breath." I said, angrily. Falco sat down a damn bench right next to me. Then I heard a sound. Sounded like a goddam fart. All of a sudden I look down and I see Falco shitting all over the place. Must have been a goddam mountain of crap, just piled up on the floor.

"Why don't you scoop your goddam poop for chrissake?" I asked, disgusted. How the hell do people shit anyway? Does the shit just fall out their goddam ass or what?

"Sorry." Said Falco. I could see he was embarresed. I damn well felt sorry for him. "I'm just excited." He added sheepishly.

"We better rescue that goddam frog from the well, eh?" I said. Falco nodded, though I saw him turn pale. It was clear he didn't like the idea.

"Jesus Christ. You come to me asking for help, now you DON'T wanna help him?" I almost shouted that last part. Hell, I'll admit it. I did. I was so damn angry. I'll admit it. I was pissed. "Cut the goddam crap, you ass hole."

Falco just nodded. That's what I liked about him. He was a man of few damn words. I once knew a girl, Fara Phoenix. She had big ass boobs, but jesus Christ. She would never shut the fucking hell up. Lousy personality.

Anyway, eveantually I got that jackass Falco off the bench and down to the well. When we got there, we called for SLippy. The moment we did, we wished we hadn't. He start bawling his goddam ass off. Jesus Christ. You wouldn't have believed the racket he was making. I wanted to fuck him. I could feel my wang getting hard. I touched my crotch absent mindedly.

"What the hell?!" Falco shouted. Damn. I had accidentally touched his damned crotch. Any fucking way, we eveantually got the toad out of the goddam well. All his bones were busted, though. We were pretty sure he was gonna die, so we left him there. It was wrong to do. I have to admit it.