A/N: This is a gift fic for my friend who lives in Canada, better known on the interwebz as World. She's one of the most amazing Kiriko cosplayers I've ever seen and she's just super awesome in general. :heart: She requested this piece of cracky goodness and I was happy to write it for her- mostly with my thumbs on a BlackBerry phone named Black Jack. 8D I really have no life. Enjoy.

Warnings: CRACK FIC, Implyed yaoi, fluff, alcohol usage/lol drunk, OOC like whoa, probably language in there somewhere. :B

Flames will be ignored as this was a gift of crack and out-of-charcater-ness written on a cell phone for the hell of it. Laugh at it. Laugh at me. Jerks who can't take a joke will also be laughed at. C:

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To put things simply, the two of them where completely smashed. Inebriated to the point of ridiculousness.

He couldn't even remember why they had started drinking in the first place. Or why they had been drinking together. Well, actually, they did that often enough that the owner of that one bar a few blocks from the apartment knew them by name now… Still, he couldn't quite recall how it all came together.

But he was pretty sure they'd never gotten this drunk before. The streets where spinning and swimming and on top of that he was half dragging a man taller than himself along the sidewalk. On the plus side the weight leaning on him happened to be a warm wind block.

"Kuuuuroooo…"

"…Don't call me that."

"But whyyy?"

"Because." He sighed. Kiriko was damn heavier than he looked, and he ended up using the side of a building to keep both of them upright. He didn't relinquish his hold on Kiriko though, and the man started protesting.

"I can walk…"

"Nooo, you ran in to the door on the way out."

"…It was hiding."

"And so was the street light?" Black Jack was trying not to laugh at him again, really. Yet it was just too hilarious not to.

"I'm half blind, you asshole." Kiriko huffed in mock anger, pushing Black Jack so that they both nearly toppled to the ground. "It's not funny!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's noooooot!" That last part sounded suspiciously like a whine. "Why are you so mean to everyone?"

"Not everyone. Just you." Black Jack corrected. They should probably get back to the apartment before they got mugged or something… He decided he'd move when the world around him stopped doing so.

"Jerk."

"Mmhmm."

Okay, it was getting a little better now. At least he was thinking clearer- or so he hoped. It was soon obvious that someone else wasn't.

"Kuuuuurooooo…"

"Didn't I tell you to stop?"

"….Maybe?"

With another sigh Black Jack made sure he still had a firm grip on Kiriko before starting down the street again. At the moment it was hard to tell just who was leaning on whom. He really didn't care so long as he got back to a soft bed to sleep all this lunacy off.

They managed to get to the apartment building without incident, although the stairs proved interesting. Of course the door to 118 was locked when they arrived which caused a round of fumbling with pockets in search of the key. The key was thankfully found and the apartment opened.

The one room studio was pitch black when they entered, and he made the mistake of letting go of Kiriko. The other man disappeared in to the darkness. A few seconds latter there was a low thud and a pained yelp, just before a lamp switched on.

"Got it!"

Without moving from the door way Black Jack flicked the overhead light on.

"...Oh, right."

"You're absolutely useless."

"Am not!"

"Yes, you are." Black Jack said with a shake of his head. "And we're going to bed."

In hindsight he probably should have worded that better. It took Kiriko's wide grin to alert him to the double meaning.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Or diiiiid you?"

Black Jack threw his cloak at him. Yes, this was decidedly the last time they were going drinking together.

He pulled off his jacket and was about to start unbuttoning his vest when a shirtless Kiriko was suddenly attached to his back.

"Kuuuuuuuuuuuroooooo…."

"Don't call me that."

"Whyyyyyy?"

"I don't like that name."

"Well I like it." He stated rather matter-of-fact-ly. "I think it's cute."

Great. Cute. Exactly what he wanted to be known as. Except not really.

"…You're warm, Kuroo." Said the voice snuggling in to his shoulder. Well, maybe it wasn't so bad when Kiriko said it like that. It was honest, not being recited to try to lure him in to an emotional trap or to convince him he was still someone that had perished so long ago. It was also the alcohol that blurred the edges of reasonable thought that allowed him to say such things and get away with it. So he'd allow it just this once.

"Mmhmm. Bed. Now."

"Okayyyy."

Kiriko was asleep before Black Jack had a chance to gather up the covers over the both of them. He was exhausted in his own right, but couldn't help but take a few moments to stare at the walking complication that was cuddling against him. This was always so hypocritical of the two of them, and even when rational thought was available it still made no sense. Maybe it never would. Either way, the birds where chirping and the dawn was breaking, and damn it, he was going to bed.

Fin