From: Rick To: Marissa Subject: Arrived!
Hey sweety,
SWell... I arrived in Houston.
The flight was absolutely horrible. When I was in the airforce, I was used to being the pilot of the plain. It's a really different feeling, not being in control of the situation.
I'm living in a building with the other astronauts that are in training. I hope all goes well.
How are you? I'm sorry I left you while you are pregnant, but I didn't have any choice. They wanted me, and you know it's always been my dream to go to space.
Write back when you can. I think of you and our unborn child every day. Rick
From: marissa To: Rick Subject: re: arrived!
Hey,
I'm fine. The house isn't the same without you.
I'm in bed and my sister is taking care of me. Don't worry. Focus on yoour work. I wish you were in bed with me...
Great news! Do you remember the doctor's appointment today? We'll have a boy! We know!
I wanted you to be here when I found out, but I know you're there learning science, astronavigation, and who knows what other shit you have to know to go to space.
Our neighbours gossip about everything! My god! Now they're asking if you've found other women in NASA! I told them to shut up. I know you're the most faithful husband in all the world.
Well I can't write much because my stomach hurts. Just one month and our baby will be born! I want to call him gustavo. What do you think?
From: Martinez To: his perfect wife Subject: ok...
In all the world, out of all the names you could have picked, why gustavo? That's a terrible name! I reject it. And nasa maintains all our e-mails, so if you name him Gustavo there will be proof that I rejected it. I met the crew today. I'll be the second in command. Our commander is a gal by the name of Melissa Lewis. She's something else... really something else! I wouldn't want to cross her. Don't worry... she's married.
There are 4 other members of the crew. We have our doctor, Chris Beck, a nice man, although he's a little overprotective about our health.
The German, ALex Vogel, is very quiet. It's kind of what you'd expect out of a German. He's logical, a good chemist, and very serious. He has a strong accent when he speaks english. I'll have to watch him... He could make a bomb or something to kill us all!
There's a woman... a girl really, Beth Johanssen. She's smart and always thinking. She didn't talk to us much. It's hard to get to know her, she's usually very private.
The lowest member of the crew is Mark Watney. Remember that kid in our highschool? The one who got class clown? Yeah, that's like Watney. He's smart, but loves to make terrible jokes for the whole crew.
Today, we introduced ourselves. Tomorrow we begin training.
I love you a lot. I'll bring you back a gift from Mars. Don't go out with another while I'm here.
With Love,
Rick
From: the perfect wife to: her (almost) perfect husband subject: bored, bored...
Wow, you're doing a lot! My days are boring, I watch TV all day. I can't do anything, because I grew a lot since you left.
Well... I have something to discuss. You didn't tell me there'd be other women in NASA. You're going to flirt! I know you! I have known you since we were 15!
I didn't just write that. I don't know myself now. Something took me over. This baby is taking all my energy. I know you're faithful and wouldn't do anything like that.
You and Watney are going to be best friends. I pity the rest of the crew. You're going to frustrate and annoy each other on earth, on mars, and everywhere in between.
I have to go to eat more. Our kid will be a man like you when he's born.
With love,
Marissa P.S. I'll call him David.
From: The tired, tired husband To: His bored wife Subject: FUck it I'm very happy with the name David. Reminds me of David and Goliath. One of these days, he'll surmount his own goliath.
Today I had to run 15 KM. If you think making a baby is hard, try a 15 KM run after 6 hours of classes. It's terrible.
Today we went out for mexican food. I say, the food is excellent. I miss you a lot. Cook for me when I get back from Mars.
Watney and I are planning a practical joke on the whole crew tomorrow... but I won't tell you what it is. I hope all's well at home. Tell the neighbours to put bags without holes over their heads. I hope to see you.
With Love,
Rick
From: Marissa To: Rick subject: Be careful!
How many times do I have to tell you... You're not a kid! Since we were 15, I've been the one stopping you from doing stupid shit. Think about this, you'll be with them for the next 4 years. Don't do anything terrible! You're jokes are funny, but sometimes... let's put it this way... you don't think before you act.
I have this feeling that our baby will come out really soon. I don't know how to explain it, but a woman always has this premonition. I hope all's well. My sister's with me every day. Don't worry. I'll be fine.
with love,
Marissa
At midnight, when the rest of the crew was sleeping, Mark arrived in Rick's room. The rest of the crew was still sleeping.
"Are you ready to show them what we've got" asked mark.
"Yeah, the memory cards are ready", responded rick.
"And I found where the rest of the crew kept the alarm clocks. We can do it real fast."
"ok!"
Mark and Rick left mark's room, and went to the next room.
" Who sleeps here?" asked Mark.
"Vogel," said Martinez.
"ok...! Let's give him his first feelers for American music!"
Without saying a word, the two changed the memory card in Vogel's alarm clock with the one they'd prepared beforehand.
Vogel moved a little in his sleep. Suddenly. Mark and rick were scared.
"Probably just a dream," said Mark.
"Yes," said rick.
They went from room to room, changing the memory cards. They even changed the cards in their own alarm clocks, to avoid suspicion.
At 4:30 A.M., when they all had to get up, Beth hoped to hear the news on his alarm clock, as was his custom. Every day, without leaving bed, he liked to know what was going on in the world.
Vogel knew he'd hear his favourite band, die princen, a german band, and the best band in the world. His alarm clock was programmed to play one of the 24 songs by them that was in its memory. It calmed him, it reminded him of home, of wife, of children. It was something familiar.
Johanssen, when she woke up, wanted to hear "we all live in a yello submarine". It was her favourite beatles song, and she loved England. It reminded her that although she was in Texas, and her family was in California, they all lived on one earth.
But at 4:30 precisely, the same song issued from every alarm clock in every room...
looking for some hot stuff baby this evening i want some hot stuff baby tonight i want some hot stuff baby this evening gotta have some hot stuff, gotta have some love tonight!
Vogel woke up quickly. "What..." he asked himself. "What's this?"
Beck also wanted to know what was going on. He knew who to talk to. He went to Johanssen's room.
"Hey Beth... I don't know what's going on... but I think we have an alarm clock issue... maybe you can investigate? I know that you know a lot about computers."
"Yep..." responded Beth. I have the same problem.
"Was it the song, hot stuff?" asked Chris.
"Yes!" responded Beth. "I wonder what happened."
She started to investigate the situation, and figured out what happened almost at once.
"Someone changed the memory cards!"
Let's see the others.
The others had been changed, too.
"I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch that did this..." Chris said.
"no, no, no. calm down." answerred a passing Vogel. "It was a joke. I think I know exactly who it was."
Commander Lewis, waking up happy for the first time, went to Mark's room.
"Hey watney," she said.
"Yes, commander?" said mark.
"Thanks for improving my alarm clock. I love disco!"
"Really?"
From: Rick To: Marissa subject: our practical joke Well... we did it. And our commander isn't angry!
We changed the alarm clock song of the whole crew to a disco song. But the commander loves disco! It's her favourite music! So she thanked us for improving her alarm clock.
You see? We do good things with our jokes. You're my wife, not my mom! How many times have you told me not to do practical jokes? How many times have I not listened?
Thanks for protecting me, but I don't need to be protected. You know I love you, and I miss you. I hope all is well.
It pains me that I can't be there for the birth of our child, but I know your sister is taking good care of you.
With love,
Rick
From: gloria (Marissa's sister)
To: Rick Subject: Your baby is born!
Hi!
Your baby was born today! I'm here with marissa. She's sleeping right now, but she asked me to write to you about the baby.
David was born, just like you. He weighs 4.5 KG, and is 50 CM long! We're really proud. I wish you could have been here. We're planning a trip to see you, so you can meet your son.
The birth was very, very beautiful. I imagined it to be like jesus's birth when I saw it. It all went off without complications; and your new baby is drinking a lot of milk. Your mom said he looks exactly like you did when you were a baby. Maybe he'll be an astronaut when he grows up, too.
We'll have a party when you can come back. We want to celebrate the new baby you've brought into the world!
I've included a video so you can see what happened during the birth. The doctors said it went off without a hitch. It's almost like jesus said to us "your father can't be here. But let's make him a perfect baby to surprise him."
Well gotta go. Marissa's waking up, and I have to call the nurse. We all miss you, including the baby. We'll plan a trip to houston to see you.
Your sister
The next day, the whole crew happened to be together when Rick received the message. It wasn't custom to be together during personal time, but because they'd all moved from other parts of the country, and, in Vogel's case, from europe, they really didn't have any friends outside of NASA. so they used the time to get to know one another better.
They were all reading their own e-mails, when Rick began to cry.
"What's happening?" asked the commander. "You OK?"
Wordlessly Rick pushed over his computer so she could read it.
"I've had a baby! I'm a father!"
"Didn't know you had baby parts," quipped Watney.
"shut up, man, shut up."
After this news, 5 members of the crew had 5 different reactions.
Lewis congratulated him, shook his hand, and said: "that's great! What's he like?"
"4.5 KG, 50 CM," rick answerred.
"Great! One of these days he'll make a good, healthy soldier for our army! To protect our country, and to explore earth, the ocean, and... space!" answerred Lewis.
"Your problems begin today." said Vogel. "trust me. Now you're going to have to start protecting your son from the thousands of girls that will want him."
Beck asked him: "What did the doctor say? Are there complications? Did they test for... he said something with such a scientific name that Rick didn't get it.
"My sister-in-law told me he was perfect in every detail. But who knows, with those riverside doctors"
Johanssen hugged him without saying a word. She was so full of emotions that she couldn't say anything.
Mark said: "Let's party!"
And that's how they all went to a restaurant in Houston for barbecue, beer and fun.