This is a translation of one of my OS, originally in French. Don't hesitate to point out any mistake.
My name if Fance. Uh, sorry, I was busy chewing my favorite shoe there - Jamie's right sneaker, to be precise. Let me try again. My name is Chance. But maybe you already knew that. However, what you don't know is that I'm going to be a dad soon.
How about that? Delilah told me the news while I was digging a hole in the backyard as part of my plan to redesign the house - every dog knows what I'm talking about, you humans have terrible taste aesthetically speaking, and it falls to us to make adjustments -, and I literally jumped for joy.
The whole family shares my happiness, of course - except for Sassy, but cats are never happy, otherwise they wouldn't be cats. Jamie has already picked names for all the puppies : there need to be at least twelve of them, or he will be horribly disappointed. I wonder what they will look like. Will they have the same soft white fur as Delilah? Will they inherit my legendary bravery? Will they chase Sassy all around the house by themselves, or will I need to teach them that skill?
I'm wondering about all this, and much more, when the resident fur ball comes into view. She looks like she's just woken up from one of those incredibly long cat naps, which means she's in a slighty better mood than usual. She gives me a feline look - meaning devious.
"Ha," she mews,"so that's where Jamie's sneaker is. He's been looking for it for fifteen minutes."
I let go of the delicious shoe, sniff in a refined manner, and answer :
"And what are you going to do about it? Going to rat me out? I mean, cat me out?"
"I wouldn't dream of it. Oh, look who's coming..."
Jamie storms into the room, and glares daggers at me when he understands that I've kidnapped his shoe.
"Chance!" he says in that special tone of voice he uses when he's angry at me. "You bad dog!"
I cower, taking a position that means "please nice master, don't be angry at me, it's the shoe that started it all, it taunted me, I swear". Unfortunately, as most dogs can attest, this position has a success rate of about 0%. Even worse, humans tend to mix it up with the one that means "haha, my evil plan worked", even though they look nothing alike.
"Mom, look what Chance did to my shoe! It's the third one this month, it's like he's doing it on purpose."
Oops. Time for a diversion. I jump on Sassy, growling. She takes off in a hurry with a outraged mew, and soon I'm long gone from the crime scene. I didn't flee, no, not at all. I heroically protected my human from the most dreadful allergy there is : the allergy to cat hair! Dreadful, because everyone has it without knowing about it, and they force themselves to like cats nonetheless. Such won't be the fate of my little Jamie. Mission accomplished!
"Chance?"
That's the voice of my Delilah. She's lying at the feet of the (delicious) couch, in the living room. She looks worried, which in turn worries me.
"Chance... The humans, they're dressed as if they're going out. I don't understand... Where are they going?
"Oh, that," I answer. "Don't worry, it always happens around this time of year, when that white stuff falls from the sky. They leave one evening, and come back in the morning with lots of delicious leftovers for us. I never really understood where it came from, but I'm not complaining."
"Yes, but... what if the pups were born tonight? I have a bad feeling about this, Chance."
I come closer and lick her on the muzzle.
"Don't worry, everything will be all right. I will be there, and Shadow too, and even Sassy..."
I can hardly believe I'm naming a cat in order to put her mind at rest. Oddly enough it seems to work. I have to admit that Delilah and Sassy are getting along way better than what I expected. A girls' thing, no doubt.
"Chance is right, Delilah. There is nothing to be concerned about. Ours humans will be back by tomorrow morning."
That's Shadow right there. Good old Shadow. I don't know where I'd be without him. Probably not as happy, and certainly not as alive. He's watching us from the doorstep, keeping a eye on the comings and goings of the humans. Once a guard dog, always a guard dog.
I scurry along to join him. Outside, the humans are getting into the big machine that makes thunderous noises - and that runs way faster than me. I've studied it in detail, that thing, and I've come to the conclusion that in exchange for swallowing the humans, it consents to drive them wherever they want. But then, and that's where the genius of humans comes into play, they manage to convince the thing to spit them out, somehow. It will never cease to amaze me.
A few minutes later, the humans are gone. The house is mine! I mean, ours. I rush into the kitchen to check if they haven't left some cake lying around somewhere. Alas, no such luck. But what's that ? I'm getting something on the old nose radar. It smells of... cat food! Haha! Big mistake, my dear friends! Where is it? Where is it?
I finally find what I'm looking for after three full turns on myself. Noooo! I collapse on the floor, crying with despair. The food is out of reach, smack-dab on the middle of the table, and all that's left for me to do is glare at it in the foolish hope that it will jump down on its own and grace my mouth with its divine presence.
"Well, Chance? Getting hungry, are you?"
Sassy leaps onto the table and heads toward the (my) dish full of (delicious) cat food.
"How come they left you some food, while we didn't get anything?"
"Because I'm a cat, of course. And cats..."
"...rule, I know."
That's when a genius idea occurs in my brain. See, there's a sort of plastic thing hanging from the table, on all sides. The dish of cat food and the cat are on it, and if I pull in this direction... I grab the plastif stuff with my teeth - argh, doesn't taste goot at all -, and move back, jerking my head left and right as if I was trying to snatch a toy from Jamie's hands.
The operation ends up being partially successful. On the good side : Sassy lets out a heart-rending mew, almost but not quite takes a tumble (bonus!), and I can distinctly hear the dish clatter as it falls. On the bad side : I'm suddenly blind, because the thing landed on my head.
I attack it vigorously and it defends itself quite well, until I finally manage to make it slide off of my head and trap it under my paws. Victory! It doesn't move anymore, so I decide it must have understood who's the boss, and I hurry to eat all the (delicious) cat food that is now scattered all over the kitchen floor.
Mmh, sooo good. I want more! Mooore! Oh, no. It appears I've eaten it all. Damn. I really intented to save some for Delilah. Oh well.
After that, the evening goes by slowly. I bring a brand new shoe to Delilah, but she chews on it only half-heartedly. Shadow is lying down in front of the door, faithfully waiting for Peter. Sassy is somewhere upstairs, probably napping.
Huddled up on the (delicious) couch, I'm listening to the rain. It's pouring down. I'm happy not to be outside in such a cat weather. Suddenly a blinding flash of white lights up the room, followed only seconds later by a terrifying growl. Well, terrifying if your name is Sassy, perhaps. It didn't affect me at all. Nope.
"When I was a pup, my mother used to say that the growling in the sky was our ancestor protecting us from humans."
I turn my head to look at Delilah. I can hardly see her in the darkness.
"Weird story. Doesn't explain the rain, though," I say.
"No. I guess I can always come up with my own take on the story when I'll tell it to our children."
I get off the couch to go snuggle up against her. What can I say? I'm a big sweetheart.
"We'll do it together."
All of a sudden, Shadow starts growling.
"What's wrong, pops?" I say. "Afraid of the dark?"
"Someone is coming, and they're not our humans."
I cock an ear. Both of them, in fact. I can hear snatches of a conversation :
"...nobody home... ...in and out... ...easy buck..."
There are shadows moving at the window. Immediately my hackles rise. I growl in warning, much stronger than that sky-dwelling dog Delilah was talking about. They better stay away!
"There's a dog..."
"Don't worry, I got it covered."
The shadows disappear, and there's an odd noise, as if someone was scratching at the door. In the hall, Shadow starts barking.
"Chance, what's happening?" asks Delilah.
"I'll protect you, whatever happens."
The smell of meatballs reaches my nose. Uh? Where are those coming from?
"Don't touch them, Chance," advises Shadow. "It must be a trap."
As traps go, that's a really good one. The meatballs look delicious... Yummy. I lick my chops, trying to keep my goal in mind. Protect Delilah. Protect Delilah. Pro...
The door slams open. Shadow charges the first intruder, growling all the way. According to my sense of smell, there are at least three of them. Shadow's getting old; he can't possibly hold his own against three humans. I hesitate for a couple of seconds. I hate to have to leave Delilah alone, even if it's just for a minute or two.
"Go ahead, Chance," she tells me. "I'll be all right."
She's as brave as me ! Perhaps even more - yes, I know, it's hard to imagine, but make an effort. Barking like a mad dog, I throw myself into the fray. Shadow has already closed his jaws on the arm of the tallest of the assailants, and is pulling on it with all his might.
I jump on a prey at random, knock him over, and growl in his face.
"Get lost, stupid," I bark at him.
He obviously gets the message, because he gets back on his feet in a hurry and scampers off. I look around. Shadow is done with his prey too : the human runs away screaming, leaving behind a piece of his trousers as a souvenir. The screeching of an angry cat draws my attention. Sassy is busy climbing up the back of the last intruder. I can't believe it. This one was mine! What does she think she is, a guard cat?
Still, her tactic turns out to be quite effective, and soon there's only the three of us standing on the porch.
"I'm going to end up thinking you two are magnets for trouble," Sassy says in a tone of reproach.
"And I'm going to end up thinking you like it," I reply while shaking myself.
A new flash of light greets my words. The sky-dwelling dog growls.
"I'm going to stay here and keep watch," Shadow informs us.
"Seeing as I'm no longer needed, I'm going to go back to sleep in my cozy little bed," Sassy decides.
Well, what do I do? Ah, but of course. How silly of me. Delilah!
She hasn't moved an inch, but I sense something is wrong right away. Her eyes closed, she's lying on the side and breathing rapidly. She raises her head upon hearing me.
"Chance... The pups... They're coming."
I jump at least a feet straight up into the air.
"What do I do? WhatdoIdo? Whaaat dooo I dooo?"
Okay, maybe I'm a tad nervous. It makes her laugh.
"Calm down, Chance. Everything will be all right."
"Yes, everything will be fine," Sassy adds, appearing seemingly out of nowhere - a cat thing, again."Why don't you go keep Shadow company?"
"Why?" I protest. "I want to help, too."
"By doing what ? You've got experience in giving birth, maybe?"
"Well... You don't either, so there."
I'm so proud of my rhetoric skill.
"Chance, please..."
Ah, since it's Delilah who's asking... I go join Shadow, still a bit worried. The night passes slowly. From time to time I hear small whinings coming from the living room and my heart somersaults in my chest. Shadow does his best to keep my mind off what's going on back there, telling me stories about his youth, but even though they're quite funny - who would have thought you could do that with a vacuum-cleaner? -, I'm not really in the mood for them.
Finally, as the sun rises over the horizon, I hear Sassy calling me. I rush into the living room, slipping on the carpet on the way - hey, the meatballs are still there. At the feet of the couch, Delilah is suckling five, no, six, no, seven little puppies. I come closer to sniff them.
"Are they supposed to be this tiny?" I ask, puzzled. "They look like... kittens."
"Don't be silly, Chance. They've just been born, it's normal for them to be this size" Delilah explains.
Right. But still, I was expecting them to be a little bigger. I take a closer look at them. They seem so fragile. They know nothing about the heroic act their father just carried out. They're also not aware that they were born the day of the Great Food Distribution, which bodes very well for their future.
Four of them have the same fur as Delilah, that fluffy white hair which I worship. Two are completely black, and the last one looks just like me. I give him a lick as a welcome gesture.
"That one is Chance Junior," Sassy says.
"Pfff. You don't have much imagination, kitty."
"Actually, I chose the name," Delilah cut in.
"Oh. Well, it's a really good name! A perfect name, even!"
"Riiight."
"But I'll choose the name of the next one."
As I was saying, my name is Chance. And I'm the happiest dog in the world.
It just occured to me, one whole *year* after writing this oneshot, that Chance is most likely neutered. This makes me sad. Should I label this AU ? xD