Disclaimer: I own nothing all characters are propety of the wonderfully talented Kurt Sutter.
Please send reviews, this is my first fan fiction and I want to make it a great one. It's told from Tara's POV and mostly in the form of a mental recap. This story takes place just after season 3. I am thinking as the story unfolds to me I will change the POV and include some more dialoge but for now this is the story as I see it.
I really don't know how much more I can take. In the last 2 months I have had my Son ripped from my arms while I watched one of Jax's Brothers bleed out on the floor. I have had Jax blame me and tell me that him and Abel are not my family, I helped his mom murder the caregiver, found out I was pregnant, and walked in on Jax just after he fucked that porn cunt Ima. After all of that I was kidnapped, forced to murder that bitch Louisa and survived being beat by her psycho old man Salazar. I can put all of that aside because it is nothing compared to what I was about to go through.
Last night after Jax had rescued me and we had made sure our baby was alright, we went to gemma's topick up our Son. Yes "our" Son because no matter what, Abel is mine. We went home and bathed Abel then put him to bed. After spending hours talking through everything, and I mean everything that had happened. We made sure we were in a good place and then we made love. We both knew today was going to be the last time we were together for a while so we took full advantage of the time we had left.
All of that though is nothing compared to how scarred I am today. I am so afraid I will lose both Jax and Abel now. Standing there while the ATF and that Bitch Stahl are dragging Jax off and listening to his brothers tell him he's a dead man was more than I could take. Looking into Gemma's shocked and scarred eyes I knew this was bad. I can't understand why Jax would risk his life like this. Why would he rat? And once he was gone it was a very real possibility that Gemma or even Wendy would take my Son from me. I swear I will get that bitch Stahl back for this. If Jax dies and my kids lose their Daddy I will kill her myself. After all she's responsible for us losing Donna as well. Donna was my best friend growing up and coming home I was able to get all of my family back. That is until this bitch came in and started taking them away, one by one. Donna, Sak, Abel, Gemma and now Jax and the guys. God that bitch will get what's coming to her.
After the scene at the club Lyla offered to take Abel over to spend some time with Gemma. I knew I needed a few hours to pull myself together and then I would go pick him up. Part of the deal Jax worked apparently got Gemma off on 6 months house arrest, 3 months if she behaved. At least, I am not all alone. I still have Gemma, Opie and Lyla. Lyla and I have gotten close. Between her slapping the shit out of Ima's skanky ass and me taking her for her abortion we have gotten to know each other really well. It's nice to have someone close to my age who I can talk to about the stuff with SAMCRO. Not everyone understands and it's nice that she does. She's just a kind hearted person and I'm glad Ope has her.
I walked into the house and collapsed to the floor in tears as soon as I closed the door. The house felt so damn empty without Jax and Abel in it. Once I was finally able to pull myself together I decided I needed to clean up the house and get myself together so that I could go get Abel and bring him home. As I was pulling Jax's dirty laundry out of his bags I found the letters from Maureen. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was shocked that John thought Gemma and Clay would kill him. I was saddened by the fact that John had fallen in love in Belfast and that the man I had once worshipped as a father figure was happy to abandon his son (the love of my life) for the new family he started in Belfast. Reading those letters's made me sick to my stomach. How could we have all been so wrong about John Teller. How could he leave his wife and kids here and start a new family and honestly consider never seeing them again. If Thomas hadn't gotten bad he may have never bothered with them again. After reading this I was glad he was gone. What a bastard. We all thought the sun rose and set in John, we all could not have been more wrong. The more I sat there and thought about it the more I figured if Gemma and Clay had killed John, maybe he got what he deserved.
I couldn't stand to stare at those letters any longer. I took them and put them away in the closet. If I ever got to talk to Jax again I would have to tell him about those letters, but it will have to wait until the time is right. Just then a knock at the door broke me from my concentration. I quickly grabbed the gun and went to answer the door. Standing there staring at the barrel of my gun were the prospects. I quickly invited them in and put the gun down.
" Jax wanted us to drop this by after everything was over" Miles said "He wants you to burn the letter once you read it" Phil chimed in.
He took a large manila envelope from his cut and handed it to me. With that they walked back out the door. I quickly locked the door and went to sit down on the couch. I stared at the envelope for what seemed like hours before I forced myself to open it. Inside was a folded piece of paper and a bunch of legal documents. I opened the letter first.
My Dearest Tara,
I want you to know how sorry I am to have worried you the way I know you worried today. Please don't be scared. If you are reading this letter it means everything has went as we planned. Yes Babe I said as WE planned. You know I would never turn rat. I would never do that to my club and I would never put you and our sons through that. I couldn't fill you in on this before, we all agreed it was too dangerous for you or Mom to know what was going on. It would have made you guy's accessories. The deal that was made gave Mom her house arrest for fleeing and cleared her of murder. For giving Jimmy to the ATF we will be doing short time, three years. Fourteen months with good behavior for giving information on our Irish connection. However, we knew Stahl would double cross us and she played right into our hands. Mom's paperwork and our deal have already been filed and now Stahl and Jimmy are both dead and the paperwork regarding our Irish connection has been destroyed.
Inside this envelope you are going to find some other documents. I had the lawyers start this paperwork as soon as we set our plan into motion. There are papers giving you full custody of Abel while I am locked up and also adoption papers. Once you sign the papers where they are marked, give them back to Lohen. She will file them and as soon as they are put on record you will be Abel's Mother... legally. Don't worry Mom knows and won't fight you on it. Also there are other documents in there that put you on the title of the house and gives you access to all of my accounts. I don't want you struggling to do everything on your own. Everything I have is now yours as well. Also in there is an even smaller envelope, I want you to make an honest man out of me. This is not how I wanted to do this and I promise when I get out I will get down on one knee and do this right but, Tara Knowles will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife? This way while you are walking around town carrying my Son you will at least have an engagement ring on your finger. I hope you like it babe. I was going to get the ring my Dad gave my Mom and give it from you but after all I learned in Belfast I didn't want to put his ring on your finger. So, I had one of the prospects pick this up for me last night. I had seen it in the window at the jewelers and I knew immediately it was perfect, just like you. After all right now you are the Princess of Charming and I promise Babe as soon as I get out of here I plan to make you my Queen.
I love you babe more than words can ever say. I have loved you since before we were 16 and I will love you for the rest of my life. I already miss you so much. Be sure to kiss Abel for me and tell him it will be alright. Tell both of our boys how much I love them both already.
Jax
I finally let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in and picked up the papers. Sure enough it was all here custody papers, adoption papers, title documents to the house and information on all of Jax's accounts. I could not stop the tears. He knew I would worry about losing Abel and he had given him to me legally. Now nothing anyone did could take him away from me. I grabbed a pen from the table and immediately signed them and called Lohen.
"Hello"
"Lowen its me Tara, I just got the adoption papers from Jax. I signed them now what do I need to do?" I asked. She began to chuckle as soon as I finished.
"Jax made me promise that as soon as you called I hightailed it to your house to get and file those papers. If I leave now I can get them down to the courthouse before they close."
"Thank you Lohen you have no idea how much this means to me."
"Tara honey I have seen the way you look at Abel. I know this means everything to you."
With that she hung up the phone. After that was done I picked up the small envelope and my hands began to tremble. I opened the envelope and shook the contents into my hand. Inside that envelope was a beautiful 1 carat princess cut diamond ring with small diamonds set inside the white gold band. Tears streaming down my face at full force now (thanks to my damn pregnancy hormones). I placed my beautiful ring on my finger and I lay down on the couch clutching the adoption papers to my chest and staring at my ring. I cried myself to sleep.