He wished, for the first time in his life, that he wasn't holding his son. He imagined himself hugging Boruto's tiny body, making sure the child felt secure, but that's all it could be, his imagination. The weight he so loved in his arms made him sick to the stomach. The serene expression on Boruto's face made him want to scream. What was he going to tell his mother? His sister ? The answer to those questions made him nauseous.

Images of holding his baby boy for the first time flooded his mind. How tiny his arms were, how his feet were just a tad larger than Naruto's own thumbs. To him, Boruto would be that small no matter how big he grew. That same body laid lefless in his arms. Naruto could only feel the same weight as all those years ago. Light as a feather and fragile as glass. The only other sensation right then was the wetness of the tears in his face.

Boruto was never so still in his life. He slept much like his father; limbs spread everywhere, mouth agape and drool on his face. None of those were present then and it was the most hideous scene, even if his face looked peaceful. Their enemies were long dead but that did nothing to quell the ache in Naruto's heart. He didn't think it ever could be.

Going back home never felt so hard. One look towards Sasuke and he knew it was just as difficult for his best friend. His dark hair covered his face successfully masking his expression but Naruto could tell what he was thinking.

"It's not your fault, Sasuke. You know that." he croaked out with his hoarse voice. He believed every word of what he said and could only hope Sasuke did too.

"He was following my order-".

"It was an accident! You know as well as I do your plan was good and he did his best till his last breath. No one could have seen this coming" Naruto screamed, ignoring the pain in his throat.

A dark eye poked out through Sasuke's hair with more emotion than he's seen in a long time and he knows neither of them can speak of it anymore. The five kage were eerily silent giving them a moment before they needed to leave the dimension. With Boruto gently cradled in his arms, Naruto made his way towards the portal and got ready for battle once more. A very emotional one.

Relief was the first thing she felt seeing her husband and first born in the distance but that soon changed to worry. The grim looks on Naruto and Sasuke's faces spoke volumes to her and she immediately made her way towards them. Seeing her face seemed to make their expressions even worse and then she started to panic.

"Naruto?" she inquired when she got closer. Looking at her sleeping child she wondered why they looked so stern until she noticed the tears on her husbands face and the way his best friend avoided her gaze. She picked up her pace and she was about to take Boruto from Naruto's arms her mind went as cold as the boy's hands felt. She looked at her husband once more questioningly who could only shake his head as more tears fell from his eyes.

The tears fell before she could say anything and she was shaking her head like she didn't want to believe the reality she was in. In seconds she was on her knees her, husband doing the same as they held their child like their life depended on it. His cold hands gently held between their shaking ones. Boruto was such a warm boy all his life it felt wrong how cold and sweaty his hands felt.

Without uttering any words, they both knew they were thinking of the same things. Boruto's first words, first steps, his first time eating solid foods, the times he wet the bed that always ended up in giggles and an embarrassed 3 year old. But there were so many more firsts to come that were no longer possible.

"W-we l-love you so much, B-b-oruto". Hinata's stutters were coming back but she didn't even care all she wanted to do was hope Boruto could hear her even if she knew he couldn't.

"We're so proud of you. We know how hard you worked. I'm so sorry for everything up until now. I should have paid more attention to you and made more time to spend with you and-", a shaky hand on his shoulder interrupted Naruto and he looked up to see the tear stained face of his wife who shook her head. Naruto's voice was getting shakier as he spoke as his tears were all over Boruto's jacket.

No, his jacket. The jacket he was so proud to see on his son's back which brought back old memories. He looked like Naruto's own shadow clone'but with a bunch of bananas on his head' he had joked to himself just a few hours ago.

"You did see him…You were watching him in your own way...so please...p-please don't blame yourself". She didn't know how she was able to speak so calmly but the words came on their own. Slowly they made their way to a nearby tent where Boruto's body was laid and covered. Sakura made her way nearby at some point only to gasp and let out a few sobs while being held by her husband as well. Naruto didn't want to think about Sarada walking in on this scene when his mind floated towards his daughter.

"Hima?" Naruto croaked out in the middle of his sobs but Hinata had no answer. She didn't want her to see them in this state but she knew it was inevitable. Himawari would see her deceased brother sooner or later and they would have to break the news somehow no matter what. She didn't have enough time to think about what to do when a squeal turned everyone's head towards the entrance.

"Papa! You're back!", Himawari was ecstatic to see her father back safe and sound, nearly missing the gloomy atmosphere. Naruto's cries came back ten fold at her words and he couldn't help but kneel and hold her tight. Her father's actions left her confused but she hugged back just as hard. However, when she saw her mama's expression worry clouded her mind.

"Mama? Papa? What's wrong?", she pulled away only to see both her parents crying heavily and this sent her into a panic. Then she remembered. Where was her brother? She was waiting so long for him to come back as a hero. She knew how much he wanted to be acknowledged by their father and she knew he would be able to bring their father back from monsters that took him. She just couldn't wait to hear his story about how he fought with the five kage and the monsters he was able to beat.

"Where's big brother?" she asked with the most innocent voice.

"H-hima...I-I'm so sorry… I failed to… to protect...", the words weren't coming and Naruto couldn't go on. He just hugged her once more and was joined by his wife. Himawari reluctantly pulled away with a look of shock. She wanted to back away and to believe she was under some spell. This was all just a bad dream and she would wake up any second. She'd go to her brother's room tell him she had a nightmare and wanted to share the bed for the night. He would whine but she knew he didn't actually mind it. She hated nightmares but right then she wanted nothing more than to feel like she was in one.

However, she was proved wrong when her mother gently took her hand and guided her towards the only bed in the tent. Hima chose to ignore it the whole time, thinking maybe it was all a mistake and her brother was using the restroom or saying hello to his teammates. But she could ignore it no longer as the body's hair peeked out from under the sheets. The golden hair she loved so much, that reminded her of her beloved father and brother, looked nothing like the sunshine it was supposed to be. 'Your hair looks like bananas' she would tell him every morning when he did his hair. The same hair that no longer retained the banana like shape and sat messily on his head.

They didn't have to remove the white cloth over his face for her to know. She slowly made her way towards the bed without making a single noise and put her ear to his chest. When the comforting sound of his heartbeat didn't reach, her the silent tears fell and she hid her face. This was not the way she wanted to share a bed. Hinata couldn't watch any longer and nuzzled into her husband's chest with her own silent tears as her held her.

Sasuke and Sakura left some time ago to give their family some privacy but their daughter was yet to show up. Both Naruto and Hinata hoped she wouldn't. They were both all too aware of how it felt to lose a teammate and friend and it was the last thing they would want a fresh genin to experience. But she wasn't surprised when the bespectacled girl ran into the tent in a hurry. She must have heard something from her parents. She mumbled something under her breath when she saw Himawari crouching on the still covered body and her pace slowed to a stop on the other side of the bed. She clutched her chest as she gasped and her tears stained the sheets.

There were not enough words to tell Boruto how much she still wanted to do as a team. They were only starting out, about to become chuunin, their whole lives were laid bare for them to accomplish so much. She wanted to experience all of it by his side. She didn't even get to tell him how much she wanted him to be her right hand man when she becomes hokage.

Himawari wished it was raining. The day outside was beautiful. Sunny and cloudy with a slight breeze, just right for a picnic. But that is not the sort of event she was going to that day. Clad in black, she looked at herself in the mirror with a blank expression. She hoped she would have worn this dress to a different outing but after this, she knows she would never touch it again.

Her mother had not stopped crying since that day. Her father has had to calm her down constantly and she has only gone without crying for a few hours at most. The last few nights they all shared a bed together after what seemed like an eternity. She couldn't sleep alone, not after how cold her own bed felt at the absence of her brother's warmth. In contrast, her brother's room was avoided like the plague by her parents. It hurt too much to look at the signs of his existence scattered around.

But she wasn't one to run away from her grief. The last few days were the longest time she'd ever spent in his room clutching at the sheets that still held a faint smell of his hair gel or the gross smelling cologne he sometimes wore. She secretly wore his jacket without her parents seeing her because even though she's young, she knew how much it would hurt them to see her like that.

It was not much different than that day he was brought back when Boruto was finally buried six feet under. His body was surrounded by his mourning family once more. Himawari spotted Shikadai shedding uncovered tears next to Chocho and Inojin who were all holding each other for life. Sarada was close by next to her parents coping with her own . She got a brief glance of white hair just like that day and before she knew it, Mitsuki was gone. In fact, she still has not seen Mitsuki visit Konoha ever since the funeral.

She didn't speak a single word during the entire occasion and only let her tears do the talking. They were kneeling then, in front of his tombstone not wanting to say goodbye just yet.. This was different from visiting Uncle Neji and she didn't like it. She wondered if her parents felt the same when they had to watch him being buried.

Sarada and her family left not too long after but she stayed there next to her parents. Himawari and her parents were the only ones left, given some privacy by the rest of the attendees. Finally her father broke their painful silence telling them they should go home. When her mother didn't reply, her father gently took them both by their shoulders and moved them towards the exit with one final goodbye.

"Wait", she spoke in what felt like days. Her parents regarded her curiously, momentarily halting their cries.

She turned and walked back towards the tombstone with determined steps. Smoothing a hand over the name plaque she whispered.

"See you tomorrow, big brother."

To think that her father only got a few days off right after the events of the chuunin exams is infuriating to say the least. The death of her brother had not changed a thing for his work load, in fact, it came back ten fold. She thought during those few days they were all able to share a bed that he would be home more often but then, she was not so sure. Her brother fought so hard to make sure their father came home for her birthday which he didn't even show up to. He was angry for her when she wasn't, made sure she didn't feel any less lonely at the absence of their father. She knew he missed him too and would want nothing more than for him to come home earlier and spend more time with them. It hurt her to think Boruto would believe he failed to bring their father home to her and her mother like he always claimed he would. It wasn't his fault though and she finally had enough.

The past 6 months were excruciatingly painful for the Uzumakis. But Himawari didn't yield. Her brother was strong for her and she would be stronger for him. She visited him everyday along with her Uncle Neji. It brought her peace knowing he would finally meet their famed uncle along with their grandparents. In fact, he was probably enjoying his time much more than she did. Every morning she was greeted by an empty house and a pre made breakfast.

Her parents coped with their grief with work, something she couldn't do. Her mother decided she had enough crying and went back into her ninja career taking more missions. Her father initially didn't agree but knew he couldn't change her mind once she was determined and drowned himself in more paperwork than before. It made her blood boil knowing that this was the time they needed to be a family the most. They needed to stick together, not fall apart. The empty house made her sick and her rage fueled her determination to take on her brother's legacy. She would become the shinobi he could no longer be.

Before she knew it, she was demanding to be placed into the Academy. Her parents, having lost themselves, didn't put up much of a fight. She decided they wouldn't take her seriously until she could prove herself an adult in their eyes, something her brother tried to accomplish constantly. The growing distance between the three of them meant she didn't have much time. Her mother spent more time at the compound and her father at the office. They didn't even bother getting her a babysitter anymore. It didn't matter though; her favourite babysitter no longer existed anyway. Her parents couldn't even bring themselves to visit him at the cemetery after the funeral.

She endured a whole year of this behaviour when one night it all came apart. In what felt like forever, the three of them were finally home at the same time. Her father came home from his office, her mother just back from a mission and she herself, a fresh genin, cam home from training.

"I'll be going to bed soon" Naruto muttered out after entering their house. He hadn't slept in the master bedroom in God knows how long in fear of having to pass Boruto's room and made a permanent bed of the couch in his office.

"Are you sure you don't want any dinner?" Her mother's voice sounded uncharacteristically uncaring.

"I'm sure, Hinata. Please make Himawari some-"

"I can do it myself." Himawari interrupted Naruto and made her way to the kitchen.

She didn't stand around to see the look of surprise in her parent's faces. They probably didn't know she had been practicing cooking the way her brother used to. It made her feel closer to him.

She then did something something even more surprising. While her parents were busy getting changed separately for bed, she made them all a meal consisting of hamburger steak.

Wither uttering a single word, she went into their rooms one by one and dragged them to the table one by one.

"Dinners ready" she muttered, mostly to herself and sat down to eat. Naruto's confused expression turned to irritation but it didn't phase her.

"I thought I said I don't want dinner. What are you going to do with this food now?"

"You're going to eat it" she replied simply. Hinata didn't react as much and simply sat down to eat. Naruto didn't have as much patience that night and only wanted to sleep off his pain and so he started to walk away, completely ignoring his daughter's demand. As he started to walk away towards the dining room entrance, Himawari blocked his way. It was a sign he didn't think he'd ever see. The child, who not even a year ago had a cheerful spirit, looked at him with a new fire in her eyes. It brought him pride but also a realization, it was his fault that she was hurting.

"I said you're going to eat it Papa!" she said with a stern voice.

"Himawari" Hinata lightly scolded her for raising her voice at her father.

Naruto seemed surprised for a moment before looking solemnly at the floor and continuing his walk. She physically blocked him again.

"NO! I've had enough! You're never home anymore and I'm sick and tired of pretending we're fine when you KNOW we aren't!" She was shaking then and if the tears weren't there yet, they'd be coming soon.

"You knew Boruto wanted you home for me and Mama's sake and yet you didn't fulfil his wish! You're a liar Papa! Boruto was right, you never cared for us! You probably don't even miss-"

"Himawari!" it was Naruto's turn to raise his voice this time. She could see the fresh tears in his eyes and she knew her statement was wrong. She'd always known but she needed them to come back home. Hinata was sobbing too and she knew she opened a fresh wound but she decided it needed to be cut open once more.

"Then prove me wrong Papa! I...I know you mi-miss him as much as me and Mama do. I know you both miss him so much! So why won't you stay HOME?" she choked the words out and turned to her mother.

"You too Mama! You h-hurt so much when P-papa didn't come h-home before and now you're doing exactly what he did back then too!" her voice was rising with each word. "You're both liars! That day you said you'd be here but you only drifted farther apart! How cou-"

She was interrupted by her father's tight hug. He was openly crying at her outburst which she didn't expect him to do. Naruto had grown sterner since Boruto's passing and avoided the subject heavily. He even stopped eating bananas. Hinata was no different either and showed much less emotion than she used to, almost going back to her gloomy state from back in her genin days. Staying with each other or Himawari reminded them of Boruto so much… it hurt.

But Himawari knew it didn't mean they should fall apart. In fact, they needed to be stronger for Boruto.

"You should know b-better than anyone, Papa" she croaked between sobs. "We need to be stronger for Boruto… and for ourselves"

Her father only nodded after a moment, unable to find the words between his cries. Himawari didn't know when her mother joined them but she was glad they were together once more.

Naruto took action first. He wiped his own tears them Himawari's and then his wife's before taking them to the dinner table to eat.

"Thank you for the food" they all whispered in unison. Even thought that night they fell apart, they also finally gained the strength to rebuild.

The rain never felt better to on her fingertips than that moment. Nothing could ruin the perfect day she was having, not even the uncontrollable weather. She almost skipped as she made her way towards the cemetery, holding both her parent's hands. The sound of the water splashing under her feet echoed off the walls on either side of the street and made for a lovely background noise to her mother's laughter.

She let go of their hands as they got closer to their destination before promptly stopping and turning around with a smile that looked like home.

"May I?" she asked Naruto, who was holding a bouquet.

"Of course" he replied with his world famous smile, handing it over to her in a moment.

She accepted it gracefully before continuing onward and stopped at a particular tombstone.

"Big brother, we're back! Guess what! Papa is finally teaching me the rasengan! Also, I had my first A-class mission the other day and…"

As she blabbered on, her parents settled behind her, hand in hand and listened to the sweet melody of the breeze. He was home.

Author's Note: This was originally posted in my AO3 account (and is set to be a series there) and since I started using ffnet again I thought I'd put it here.