Eyy I've been sitting on this oneshot for a couple months now, but I figured better late than never! I'm pretty hopeless at writing humor but I gave this my best shot. I hope you enjoy!
"Lance, may I speak with you for a moment?"
Lance froze, back stiffening at the frigid edge to Allura's voice. The rest of the team paused too, their congratulations to each other for a mission well done fading as they watched Allura pull off her helmet, stalking onto the bridge. She looked livid, but Lance swallowed down the fear, allowing a smirk to slide onto his face.
Shifting his weight, he pulled off his own helmet with a flair, resting it on his hip. "Sure thing, Princess. Why, did you want to personally congratulate me?" he asked suggestively. The team groaned in unison, but Lance paid them no mind.
Allura brushed off the question, instead standing to tower over Lance furiously. Lance was pretty sure she'd even adjusted her height for those few extra inches. "Just what were you thinking back there, screaming in the middle of a mission? You put the whole team in danger for what, a laugh? You're lucky we managed to escape with the information we needed at all! If Shiro had been just a little bit slower, we could have lost Keith to the Galra!"
She drew in a breath in an obvious attempt to calm herself.
Lance tore his eyes away from the angry woman in front of him to gauge the reaction of the rest of the team. They all seemed as bewildered as him, but Lance couldn't find a chance to get even a single word in edgewise. "When will you learn to take these missions seriously, Lance? Do you not understand the stakes we are dealing with? We need every win we can get, and your sabotaging the team is only going to end up giving Zarkon the upper hand!"
It wasn't until Allura paused to take another breath that Lance finally had the opportunity to interject, hands raised as a protective barrier between the two of them. "Allura, I swear I have no idea what you're talking about. When did I-"
He tried to think of anything Allura could possibly be referring to- realization struck him, and Lance sputtered out a laugh. An attempt to mask it as a cough was made, but he obviously didn't do too well, judging by Allura's increasingly unamused expression. "Are you talking about when we were sneaking through the hub on our way out?"
"What else would I be talking about?" Allura replied stiffly.
Lance tried not to laugh, he really did, but Allura's expression was too hilarious not to. He burst into laughter, doubling over from the force of it. He could feel everyone's bewildered stares, and was able to pinpoint the exact moment it clicked for the rest of the team. Snorts and chuckles filled the room, causing Allura's anger to dim, overtaken by bewilderment.
"Just what is so-"
"Have you never seen one of us sneeze before, Allura?" Shiro asked, managing a somewhat neutral tone that Lance would have never have been able to manage. Not that he could have tried, practically rolling on the floor by this point as he was.
"What is… sneeze?" A pink tone began spreading across Allura's face. Shiro, always the peacemaker, stepped forward, placing a calming hand on her shoulder.
"It's automatic human reaction to allergens in the air, "Shiro explained. "In order to keep us from getting sick, we quickly expel air through our mouth and nose to keep out pathogens. It's not something we can stop or control. Lance wouldn't 'scream' in the middle of a mission like that." Shiro pressed his lips together tightly, trying to keep the smile at bay for Allura's benefit.
Despite the kindness, Allura stuttered, face bright red by now as she realized the mistake. "So you just… sneeze out of nowhere? At any time?"
"Well it's not something we can control, but essentially… yes."
One look at her scrunched up face and Lance was on the ground, laughing so hard tears were beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. Pidge was right there with him, and Lance had suspicions that Hunk was holding back. In all honesty it wasn't that funny, but the mission had been stressful and draining, especially after the little mishap. Everybody needed a good laugh right now.
Allura couldn't muster a response to that, instead taking the opportunity of everybody's eyes being on Lance to slip away from the bridge and the scene she had accidentally caused.
Later that night at dinner, Allura stood up from her chair abruptly, interrupting the idle conversations floating around. "I believe that an apology is in order," she said curtly. "Lance, I'm sorry for accusing you of sabotaging the mission today. It seems Coran and I still have much to learn about humans, and that perhaps…" she looked to Coran, who made a subtle 'go on' gesture he had picked up from the Paladins, "we- I, should have more faith in you."
She gave him a small smile, and even though her words were stiff and to the point, Lance could feel the sincerity behind them. His face lit up in a bright smile, and he leaned back in his seat to rest his legs on the table, arms propped behind his head. "It's no problem Princess," he said dismissively, waving a hand for emphasis. "Your face made the whole thing worth it, but if you really want to apologize, you could always-"
"Lance," Shiro interrupted sternly, a hint of warning in his voice.
Lance's smirk fell into a pout as he sulked. "I was going to say 'give me a hug'?" he defended weakly, earning eye rolls from the table.
"Mmhmm."
"Sure you were."
"Right."
A hand flew to Lance's chest in deep offense as he leaned back further in his chair. "Ouch, guys. Must you all destroy my fragile ego like that?"
"Your ego is so big that a bulldozer wouldn't be able to make a dent in it," Keith stated dryly, earning an irritated glance from Lance.
"Oh yeah? Well your ego is so big that- that even your stupid mullet can't hide it!"
"...that doesn't even make sense, Lance."
"I thought it was pretty good," Hunk said, and Lance gestured towards him.
"See? Hunk gets it," he huffed, making Keith drop his head into his hands with a groan. Lance allowed himself to bask in his victory, leaning back in his seat once more.
"You're going to fall if you keep doing that," Pidge warned, but Lance waved her off.
"Am not." No sooner had he said that than Lance shifted his weight, causing the chair to finally overbalance and send him tumbling to the floor. There were several laughs and a sound from Pidge that sounded exactly like his mamá after Lance went and did something stupid after being directly told that it was stupid.
Lance scrambled to his feet, brushing off his shoulders as he tried to salvage what remained of his dignity. "I meant to do that."
The statement was met with an array of responses, and Lance chose to instead bask in the attention he was being given. Even Allura was attempting to mask a smile, her embarrassment from earlier finally forgotten as she laughed at Lance. He didn't mind, happily soaking in their reactions.
Suddenly, his throat constricted, nose tingling with a vengeance. In a spectacular display, Lance sneezed into his hands with no warning, his body jumping slightly with the force of it. He sneezed once, twice, three times before it finally stopped, and his hands came away covered in snot and spit.
Allura had screamed in shock, leaping away from Lance as if he'd just fired a gun. He paused in wiping his hands onto his shirt, staring at the horrified look on Allura's face. He couldn't help but sputter into a laugh at her scandalized expression.
"Don't do that!" she chided, looking embarrassed all over again. Lance just laughed harder, the rest of the team joining in to different degrees.
Lance schooled his expression into one of genuine hurt. "Aren't you going to bless me?"
"Why on Earth would I…" Allura paused, taking a deep breath to reign in her bewilderment. "I take back what I said. You're insufferable and impossible to work with," she grouched, but everybody could see the small smile on her face.
And as Lance continued laughing at her expense, reveling in how the tables had turned, he made a promise to himself. He would never, ever let Allura live this day down.