Spider-Man What Ifs
by Spider-Matt
What if Mary Jane discovered Peter Parker was Spider-Man in an
odder manner? Well, what if?
Mary Jane walked up the Peter's apartment door. She took a
deep breath, and once again took into consideration what she was
about to do. She knocked.
"One minute!" Peter yelled. "No Peter, I know your secrets and I
have to talk to you now!" Mary Jane tried the door knob and
discovered it was unlocked. How clumsy of Peter, considering!
Mary Jane walked in. "Peter!" she called. She checked the
ceilings just to make sure! "Come out here Peter!" she yelled. Mary
Jane then found herself to his bed room.
"Peter! Get out of bed. I have to talk to you," Mary Jane said.
"Peter, I know you're Spider-Man. Don't say anything, because I
know you're just going to try to dissuade my knowledge. This is how I
found out. The other day I saw you in the alley changing into Spider-
Man. Once you were finished you web-swung away."
"Mary Jane, I'm not Spider-Man. Really!" Peter persuaded. "Oh,
well that's a relief. For a moment there I thought..." Just then Black
Cat popped out from under the covers.
"Peter, must you do that. I can't breathe," Black Cat said. "It's
true! It's all true," exclaimed Mary Jane. She then ran away saying
"it's true" over and over again.
"Oh well. Get back down there," Peter said. He then pushed
Black Cat back under the covers!
What If Venom were gay? Try not think about this too hard!
Spider-Man and Venom faced each other once again. They
stood upon a roof top. This was going to be their final fight.
"You know, Parker," Venom started, "this is going to be our final
fight. We don't have enough money for a psychiatrist, so we were
wondering if we could just talk to you for a bit." "Sure, lay it on me."
"Well, you asked for it."
"First off, we're gay!" Venom said. "You're gay!" Spider-Man
exclaimed. "Our fights will never be the same, you know." "Hold on
Parker, there's more. We've decided that we're actually quite turned
on by you." "Oh my..."
A few hours later Peter wakes up. "Wow, that was good." "Of
course Parker, this is us you're talking about!" Peter looked over to
see Venom lying in bed with him. They never fought again.
What if May Parker wasn't Mary Jane's? All right, brace you're self
for the finally!
Peter is now in his late fifties and has gathered his family
around. This wasn't going to be easy.
"Mary Jane, this isn't easy to say but..." Peter paused, "May isn't
yours!" "WHAT!" May exclaimed! "Peter! I know that! It's May you
have to tell it to!"
"Who is my mother, then?" May asked. "The Black Cat," Peter
said. "Who?" May asked. "The Black Cat. It's either her, or Venom.
I'm not sure which. They were together when I was given the good
news. Wait a minute!" Peter raced over to the phone and dialed a
number. "Black Cat! Yeah? Uh huh? Aw crap!"
Peter turned to face Mary Jane and May. "May, you're Black
Cat's and Venom's!"
The End?
(Probably not. I have more in mind.)
by Spider-Matt
What if Mary Jane discovered Peter Parker was Spider-Man in an
odder manner? Well, what if?
Mary Jane walked up the Peter's apartment door. She took a
deep breath, and once again took into consideration what she was
about to do. She knocked.
"One minute!" Peter yelled. "No Peter, I know your secrets and I
have to talk to you now!" Mary Jane tried the door knob and
discovered it was unlocked. How clumsy of Peter, considering!
Mary Jane walked in. "Peter!" she called. She checked the
ceilings just to make sure! "Come out here Peter!" she yelled. Mary
Jane then found herself to his bed room.
"Peter! Get out of bed. I have to talk to you," Mary Jane said.
"Peter, I know you're Spider-Man. Don't say anything, because I
know you're just going to try to dissuade my knowledge. This is how I
found out. The other day I saw you in the alley changing into Spider-
Man. Once you were finished you web-swung away."
"Mary Jane, I'm not Spider-Man. Really!" Peter persuaded. "Oh,
well that's a relief. For a moment there I thought..." Just then Black
Cat popped out from under the covers.
"Peter, must you do that. I can't breathe," Black Cat said. "It's
true! It's all true," exclaimed Mary Jane. She then ran away saying
"it's true" over and over again.
"Oh well. Get back down there," Peter said. He then pushed
Black Cat back under the covers!
What If Venom were gay? Try not think about this too hard!
Spider-Man and Venom faced each other once again. They
stood upon a roof top. This was going to be their final fight.
"You know, Parker," Venom started, "this is going to be our final
fight. We don't have enough money for a psychiatrist, so we were
wondering if we could just talk to you for a bit." "Sure, lay it on me."
"Well, you asked for it."
"First off, we're gay!" Venom said. "You're gay!" Spider-Man
exclaimed. "Our fights will never be the same, you know." "Hold on
Parker, there's more. We've decided that we're actually quite turned
on by you." "Oh my..."
A few hours later Peter wakes up. "Wow, that was good." "Of
course Parker, this is us you're talking about!" Peter looked over to
see Venom lying in bed with him. They never fought again.
What if May Parker wasn't Mary Jane's? All right, brace you're self
for the finally!
Peter is now in his late fifties and has gathered his family
around. This wasn't going to be easy.
"Mary Jane, this isn't easy to say but..." Peter paused, "May isn't
yours!" "WHAT!" May exclaimed! "Peter! I know that! It's May you
have to tell it to!"
"Who is my mother, then?" May asked. "The Black Cat," Peter
said. "Who?" May asked. "The Black Cat. It's either her, or Venom.
I'm not sure which. They were together when I was given the good
news. Wait a minute!" Peter raced over to the phone and dialed a
number. "Black Cat! Yeah? Uh huh? Aw crap!"
Peter turned to face Mary Jane and May. "May, you're Black
Cat's and Venom's!"
The End?
(Probably not. I have more in mind.)