I trusted that you will always be on my side, and that you would back me up with anything that I needed. I trusted that you would never do anything to hurt me, nothing that would cause me anguish.
That's why I agreed when you said to ignore what I had heard. Maybe they were lying, trying to break up our friendship. Maybe you were just talking. It didn't matter to me; you said nothing, and I trusted you.
If I had know that you were poised behind me with a knife in your grasp and gritting your teeth I would never have stayed. I would have run as fast and as far as I can from the you and all that you stood for. Death Eater.
Betrayal, lies. A horrible end to the story you fed me day after day to trick me into eating up your words as if they were served to me on a silver platter.
I trusted you and you let me down, and even now I can't help but blame myself. I should have seen the signs, heard the subtle changes in you speech as you spoke, evil words filled with distrust and malice that I, in my rose-colored glasses, couldn't see as I looked at you.
What if I had known? Maybe it wouldn't have gotten so far. Maybe our friendship could have been salvaged from the ruins you created by pulling apart the foundation.
Maybe I wouldn't feel like a thousand swords were running me through and you were pushing all of them, your face a mask of fake apologies and sugary words that burn as they enter my ears.
Why wasn't it enough for you to puncture my heart with murmured secrets and untruths? Instead you have to torture me by coming back for more; every time I start to get better you're there, cooing sharp, sweet words as you beg for forgiveness.
Until finally, I concede. I forgive you. I forgive you for the horrors that you have done unto me, the terrible things that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, things that I wouldn't even wish upon you, because even in my anger and sadness and wondering, I can't bring myself to hate you. Sometimes I wish I could. When the dementors are outside my room and I just want to give up I want to.
So yes, I'll forgive you. I don't have a choice. But I will never forget the things you did to me and James. And Lily and Harry and everybody else you hurt. And because of you, things will never be the way they were. I have to build myself up before I can let anybody in again, because while a piece of crumpled paper can be smoothed and a broken heart can be mended, neither will ever be the same.
All thanks to you.