[The episode starts with the Loud siblings playing football in the hallway.]
Lynn: "33, 89, 52, Hike!" [Lily throws the ball to Lynn from behind.] "Loud looks for a receiver, but no one's open! And there she goes!" [hops past her siblings] "The quarterback sneak!"
Lola: "Get her!"
[Lynn runs into Lincoln's room offscreen and crashes through the wall, landing in the basket. The siblings gasp in shock and the camera zooms out to show a Lynn-shaped hole in the wall.]
Lori: [worried] "Lynn? Are you okay?"
Lynn: "Yes! That's still a TD, people!"
Lori: [to her siblings] "Yeah. She's fine."
Ian: "Good."
[Rita and Lynn Sr. are looking over the damage.]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, what the heck did you do, LJ?"
Lynn: "Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mom. I've been getting pretty ripped lately." [kisses her biceps]
Lana: [notices something] "I don't think that's why the wall broke." [rips off a piece to reveal a bunch of termites crawling around the inside of the wall.] "Look."
Rita: "Dang it. Termites. We're gonna have to call an exterminator."
Lana: "What? You can't! Look how cute these little guys are." [holds them up for the parents to see. Lynn Sr. screams and passes out.]
Rita: [sighs] "Lana, shoe." [Lana gives Rita her shoe. She winces in disgust by the foul stench.] "Sorry, honey, but we can't let the termites eat our whole house." [holds the shoe above Lynn Sr.'s nose]
Lynn Sr.: [sniffs it; comes to] "Daaaaah, termites!"
Lana: "They're just a few little bugs. How much damage can they really do? It's not fair!" [stomps her foot, only for it to break through the floor. She lifts it up to find more termites crawling on her shoe. The family look through the hole in shock, which is crawling with them underneath.]
[The living room. Family meeting.]
Lynn Sr.: "Okay, we obviously can't stay here. So, we called around to see if anyone can take all 13 of us. Once we've had enough of the laughter, your mother came up with a new plan."
Rita: "Half of us will be staying with Pop-Pop at Sunset Canyon..."
Siblings: [excited] "Ooooooh!"
Rita: "...And half of us will be staying with Aunt Ruth."
Siblings: [disappointed] "Awwwwwwww."
Lynn: [touches her nose] "Dibs on Pop-Pop's."
Siblings: "Dibs!" [They start going into an argument.]
Rita: [stern] "Kids! No one's calling dibs."
Lori: "Mom, I can't go to Aunt Ruth's. Last time, I literally got botulism from expired yogurt."
Lisa: "Yeah, I'm out too. Her water contains unsafe levels of chromium six."
Lucy: "I also must decline. Her cats hate me. Even the black ones."
Rita: "Come on, guys, let's have a good attitude about this. Aunt Ruth is doing us a huge favor and she's family."
Ian: "Uh, mom may I make a suggestion?"
Rita: "Sure Ian."
Ian: "Well you see, I think it should be simple." [he turns to Lincoln and Lori] "Lincoln, maybe you and Lori can stay with Bobby and Ronnie Anne, and I could stay with my girlfriend Laura."
Lori: "But won't you be alone without us?"
Ian: "Don't worry. I can have someone stay with me for the time being. Any volunteers?"
[the other siblings raise their hands]
Ian: "I think I saw Lana's hand go up first, so Lans, you're with me."
Lana: "Sweet."
Rita: "Okay then, it's settled. Ian and Lana will be with Laura, Lily, Leni, Luan, Lucy, and Lisa will be staying with Aunt Ruth." [The six siblings cheer in excitement.] "Lincoln and Lori will be staying with the Casagrande's, and Lola, Lynn, and Luna will be staying at Pop-Pop's."
[The other three siblings groan. Lynn punches the top part of the newel off and it bursts out with more termites. Lincoln quickly puts it back on.]
Lynn Sr.: "Guys, don't be like that. You can make the best of any situation." [smiles confidently]
Rita: [slyly] "Honey, you didn't draw a name yet."
Lynn Sr.: [laughs nervously and pulls out his slip of paper while looking away, showing he got Pop-Pop.] "Nice, I got Pop-Pop."
[later as Ian and Lana are walking, Ian calls Laura on his cellphone]
Laura: [on the line] "Hello?"
Ian: "Laura, it's me Ian. Mine and Lana's place got affected with termites and we were wondering if we could stay with you for now until this whole termite crisis is lifted?"
Laura: [on the line] "Sure Ian. Of course you and Lana can stay with me as long as you need to."
Ian: "Thanks. See you later." [hangs up]
Lana: "So what's Laura like?"
Ian: "Wait and see Lana."
[Ian and Lana make it to Laura's]
Ian: "Hi Laura." [he goes up to her and hugs her]
Laura: [hugs Ian] Hi Ian. [sees Lana] This must be Lana.
Lana: Yep, that's me. [she pulls out Hops] And this is my pet frog Hops. Ian has a pet bunny just like how I have Hops."
[Hops croaks]
[Sunset Canyon Retirement Home. The family comes in.]
Pop-Pop: "Ha, ha. There's my family." [gives them a hug]
Lynn: [breaks free] "No time for small talk, Pop-Pop. I gotta hit the pool." [heads to the pool] "Jackknife!"
Pop-Pop: [stops her] "Ooooh, sorry, kiddo, pool's closed. Seymour's noodle jammed up a filter."
Luna: "Uh, no problem. We'll just play shuffleboard."
Pop-Pop: "Whoa, can't do that either. They shut down the court, some... [shows the crime scene of the shuffleboard incident.] ...geese attacked Ms. Radley, and now it's a crime scene."
Lola: "Don't tell me the pudding machine's out, too?"
Pop-Pop: "Nope, that's working. And we just got a new flavor: butterscotch."
Lola: "Out of my way!" [runs past Pop-Pop. She opens the doors to the room where the pudding machine is and sees Scoots stealing all the pudding.]
Scoots: [notices] "You saw nothing." [laughs maniacally and escapes with the pudding.]
[Lola pushes a chair up to the pudding machine and presses the button to find that there is no pudding left. She growls in anger, takes some old man's cane, which the old man falls over, and starts whacking the machine with it out of fury.]
Pop-Pop: [steps in] "Easy there, slugger. If you're hungry, we could eat dinner. They start serving at 3." [Lola smiles at this]
[Later, the family and Pop-Pop are eating dinner in the dining room.]
Pop-Pop: "So kids, what's been going on?"
Lola: "Termite infestation."
Lynn Sr.: "We had an infestation of termites so some of us came here while some of us scattered in different places. Ian and Lana are with Laura, Lincoln and Lori are at the Casagrande's, while my wife and the rest of the siblings are at Aunt Ruth's.
[back with Ian, Lana, and Laura]
Ian: "So that's pretty much the skinny on what's going on."
Laura: "I see."
Lana: "But luckily, I volunteered to go with my big brother." [she hugs Ian]
Ian: I'm glad too. [he hugs Lana back]
Laura: "How's about some video games?"
[soon Ian and Lana are playing a parody of Donkey Kong Country]
Ian: "I've never played Candy Pong County before."
Lana: "Neither have I."
Laura: [smiles] "Well there's always a first time for everything. Anyways if you need me, I'll be outside enjoying the fresh air.
[Laura steps out]
Lana: "I gotta admit, your girlfriend is awesome."
Ian: "I'm glad you think so Lana. I always liked her cute complexion, the way she talks, the way she laughs, the way she...
[just then Ian and Lana hear Laura screaming]
Ian: "The way she screams?"
Lana: "Sounds like there's something wrong. We'd better go investigate."
[Ian pauses the game and he and Lana run outside to see Nicky carry Laura with him]
Laura: "Ian, Lana, HELP ME!"
Ian: [turns to Lana] "We gotta rescue her. Are you with me?"
Lana: "Always."
[Ian and Lana run off to go rescue Laura]
[Later Ian and Lana go on a rescue in a Donkey Kong Country style]
Ian: "Doesn't this seem familiar to you, Lans?"
Lana: "Not really."
Ian: 'Well we're gonna have to track Laura and get her back to safety soon."
[soon a montage of Ian and Lana going through the forest happens]
[eventually Ian and Lana make it to a cave]
Ian: "We'll need a source of light to look inside this cave and see if Laura's here."
[Ian and Lana then hear Laura scream again]
Ian: "We're coming Laura!"
[Ian and Lana run into the cave as Ian turns on his flashlight]
[soon a song starts as Ian and Lana chase after Nicky who's carrying Laura and making different obstacles along the way]
"First you're here, and then you're not
You never seem to stay in one spot
I'm looking, looking
Looking for you."
"I try to keep up as best I can
I wanna be there if you need a hand
I'm looking, looking
Looking for you."
"I'm just one step behind
Oh, why are you so hard to find?"
"I've looked high and I've looked low
You know that everywhere I go
I'm looking, looking
Looking for you.
"Looking, looking
Looking for you."
"Looking, looking
Looking for you."
[song ends as Ian and Lana make it to where Nicky and Laura are]
Ian: "Ok Nicky, the jig is up. Either you let Laura go or I'm gonna have to make you!"
Nicky: "Never on your life, you overgrown kid." [he laughs]
Ian: [is furious] THAT'S IT! YOU ASKED FOR IT!
[Ian beats up Nicky off screen as Lana cringes at what she's seeing]
Ian: [while carrying Laura]"Well, that's that. Now let's head back."
[Later at Laura's place, Ian is untying the rope off Laura. Just then the phone rings]
Lana: "I got it." [she goes over and answers the phone]
Ian: "Are you alright Laura?"
Laura: "Don't worry my sweet boy. I'm fine."
Ian: "Good. He didn't hurt you now, did he?"
Laura: "Nope not a scratch."
[Lana returns to Ian and Laura]
Lana: "Ian, that was dad. He said that our termite problem is cleared up. That means we can head home."
Ian: "Great."
[Later at the Loud House, Ian and Lana show up as Lincoln, Lori, Lynn, Luna, Lynn, and Lynn Sr. show up]
Ian: "Hey everybody."
[the family hugs]
Lana: "Did you miss us?"
Lori: "We literally did."
Ian: [counts how many family members are present] "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... Who's missing?"
Lori: "I think the only ones not present at the moment is Mom, Lily, Leni, Luan, Lucy, and Lisa."
Ian: "I think I should call them to tell them that the whole termite problem is cleared up." [he pulls out his phone and calls Rita]
Rita: [on the other line] "Hello?"
Ian: "Mom, it's me Ian. I called to remind you that the whole house is free of termites."
Rita: [on the other line] "That's great to hear but I'm afraid we'll be gone for a couple days."
Ian: "What!? How come?"
[It's revealed that Rita, Leni, Luan, Lucy, Lisa, and Lily are at a beach]
Rita: "Apparently, Aunt Ruth decided to book us a few days at the Royal Woods Hotel. Gotta go now, Bye." [she hangs up]
[we then cut back to Ian with a face of defeat]
Ian: "Why do I even bother."
The End