MAJOR SPOILER WARNING: If you haven't finished the end of danganronpa 2, seriously, this contains major spoilers. Like you can't even read the first line without running into a spoiler. If you don't mind, or you've already finished, you may proceed.
It's been nearly a week since we woke up from the Neo World Program. The real Jabberwock Island is actually a lot darker than the fake one, almost like the sun stopped rising. Or maybe that's just me.
Junko lied, as it turned out. We didn't lose our memories of our time in the simulation, in fact we kept every single one of them. I remember everything: what an ass I was in the beginning, the deaths of all our friends.
Peko.
No one else has woken up yet. It's just the five survivors from the killing game simulation right now. Makoto and the others from the Future Foundation left yesterday, but Makoto promised that once everyone was awake, and if we weren't still tripping balls on Junko's despair brainwashing, he would take us off the island and protect us. It's a load of optimistic bull if you ask me, but it sounded like he meant it.
Izuru-I mean, Hajime-has been kind of obsessive, occupying himself with finding scraps. Bits of metal, weird parts, information pieces, he's just searching and searching like a dog looking for its missing owner. Obviously we've been helping out where we can, but he's the one who's all manic about it. If I had to guess, I'd bet he was trying to make a physical body for Chiaki. If he'd just stop and think for a minute he'd know that he wasn't going to find anything more than shit metal scraps. But I guess that proves that he's not Izuru Kamukura anymore.
When we woke up, the first thing he wanted to do was cut his hair. I mean, it was fuckin' ugly. But you'd think the guy would've had some better priorities. Me, I was starving, and Kazuichi nearly pissed himself tryin' to find a bathroom. Hajime the poor bastard tried to hack it all off himself, and he made it so much worse. Sonia finally helped him, but she wasn't much better. Surprisingly, Kazuichi finished the haircut, and made it look decent. I guess you'd have to be pretty confident in yourself to dye your hair fucking pink, but who would've figured Kazuichi was such a stylist? He even managed to get back Hajime's weird hair antenna thing.
When I woke up, my eye was bleeding. I was fuckin' confused at first, but then it all came back to me. That wasn't my eye. It was Junko's. Akane wrapped it up for me to stop the bleeding, but none of us dared mess with it since we didn't know shit about anatomy.
I can't for the life of me remember why I ever thought that was a good idea. My depth perception is fucking shit. I've been running into tables and walls and tripping over things all the damn time. Plus, it's creepy as hell, just the thought that a piece of the Ultimate Despair is still inside me. Fucking disturbing. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night, just knowing that Junko's eye is sitting where mine was supposed to be.
To my relief, when I move my eye, hers doesn't follow. It just sits there, still and dead. I guess that makes sense; I didn't do the procedure right and didn't connect all the nerve endings. Basically I ripped out my eye and shoved a fake one in the socket. Fuck I hope it's not infected.
I guess I thought it would be badass, seeing through the eyes of someone who only saw despair. I can't really remember my feelings back then, what was going through my head right before the procedure. Maybe I was just so messed up that I thought despair was the only option, the only way out. But as it turns out, it's not. Despair only brings you one thing: more despair. Hope is when you start moving forward, start doing something with your life. And even if your life fucking sucks, even if everything around you is crumbling and on fire, moving onwards is a hell of a lot better than letting the flames consume you.
I guess Hajime isn't the only one who's changed.
I haven't said her name aloud, not even once. But everyone knows that she's on my mind. Hell, most of the day I just sit by her comatose body, only leaving to join everyone for meals and to sleep. Sometimes even then I don't leave. Sometimes I'll fall asleep on top of her pod, wishing I could hear her breathing or feel her heartbeat. A couple times when I didn't make it for meals, the others brought the food over to the sleeping pods, and we'd share the meal with all of our classmates.
Sonia and Kazuichi have been warning me not to stay in the pod room too much, and I guess they have a point. It's depressing as hell, and I should probably get more sunlight. But I just can't tear myself away from Peko.
It's funny, I thought I had mostly gotten over it. After I started hangin' out with the others, I finally started feeling better, almost okay. Like I might be able to go on. But now that I know I might see her again, it's not okay. It's pretty fucking far from okay. She's been by my side every single day of my life, and now she's so close to being alive and with me. But she's not.
I don't know if she's dead, or sleeping, or somewhere in the middle. Maybe she's dreaming of something nice, like sparring 100 guys at once as a fun warm up. Sometimes I think I see her eyelids twitch, just a little, but then they freeze again. All these fake-outs are starting to wear me down, but I just keep pushing through. I'm not leaving her side until she wakes up, and when she does, good fucking luck taking her away from me again.
Two weeks in, and finally, finally, someone's woken up.
It was Mikan, much to our surprise. I was betting on someone with a stronger will, like Nekomaru or Gundham, but the timid nurse woke up instead. Good thing I didn't bet actual money, like Kazuichi did. Dumbass.
Hajime was terrified, citing the way she was right before she died. "The Remembering Disease." She remembered being a Remnant of Despair, and all of the memories had caused her to go bat shit insane. Including watching our beloved class president go through absolute hell before finally kicking the bucket.
Unlike us, Mikan hadn't made it to the end, so we weren't sure if she'd wake up exactly like her despair-self or if a different version of Mikan would greet us. Kazuichi was in tears he was so scared, and Akane was preppin' for a fight. I stood back a little farther, keeping my eye on Mikan.
But when she woke up, she blushed, embarrassed by all the attention on her.
Hajime was the first to sigh in relief, then he helped her out of the pod. She told us that the Neo World Program threw her into a different world after she died, and basically what I could make out in between her sniveling and her sobbing was that she ended up a lot like us: an amalgamation of the people we were in the simulation and our real selves.
She took one look at my bandaged head and knew. When she offered to remove the eye, I could have cried with relief. Hell, I almost did. This time, the procedure actually went smoothly, and she left my socket empty, sewing it up with a few tidy stitches.
The eye can't have been that heavy, but I felt like I weighed 50 kilograms less after it was gone. And, amazingly, I went to the place where I found my eyepatch in the simulation, and it was actually there in real life too. I don't know how long I'll keep it, but for now I think it's appropriate. It fit a little differently, I guess simulation-me had a smaller head, but it was nice to wear it again. It was nice to feel like things were finally starting to look up.
Gundham woke up next, and both Kazuichi and Sonia were in tears with relief. I once would have scoffed at them, but honestly it made me happy to see him again too. He was just as wacky as before, and I knew it was him when he shouted "Fellow hell-demons and comrades! Waste not your precious tears, for the dark lord has risen!". Whatever the hell that means. Seems like he too was an amalgamation of his old selves.
He was just as bizarre, though. Weird shit. But we all knew deep down he was a good guy, and we were relieved to have him back. His fucking hamsters made it, too. Don't ask me how the hell that happened. But I can tell he's happy they're still with him. So is everyone else.
Three weeks have gone by now, and three more people have woken up. Nekomaru practically jumped out of his pod, and even happy-go-lucky Akane couldn't keep her eyes dry. Mahiru was next, and she looked like she'd just woken up from a quick nap. Then Hiyoko, and the moment she stood up I hated her. I forgot that she's taller than me now. Fucking bullshit. Thank god I'm still taller than Teruteru. Unless he wakes up and he's suddenly had a growth-spurt too. I would deck him right in the fucking face.
So many people are awake now, but still she remains. My daily routine hasn't changed; I still sit on my ass just waiting by her pod for hours at a time. Everyone else has gotten used to it, too. They've stopped asking where I'm going, and they know exactly where to find me if they need me. I've gotten pretty casual about it. Some days I'll kick my feet up on her pod, just to see if it would jolt her awake. Not a damn thing happens of course. Sometimes whenever I want to quit, I remember Chiaki's words. She told us that "If you just do it, it will be okay!" And I really want to believe her. But when I look at Peko's motionless face, I can't help but wonder. Will it really be okay? Will she ever wake up? What if everyone else wakes up, and she's the only one still sleeping? What if I spend the rest of my life next to this fucking pod, sitting on my ass, blindly waiting for something that will never happen?
"How can you be sure she even still wants you?"
"Huh?"
I look over to the entrance and see Hiyoko standing in the doorway. She's leaning against the frame with a wicked grin. My legs are propped up on the pod, my head tilted back, almost ready to take a nap. Can't she just leave me to my misery?
"I mean, come on. She's been in there for a month. Maybe she likes the simulation world more because she's finally free from you."
I straighten, lowering my legs off the pod. The hell is this bitch on about?
"You're fuckin nuts. Peko was devoted to me more than anyone."
She scoffs. "Uh, yeah, cuz she had to be. She was forced to serve you from birth, right? No way she actually wanted to be with you of her own free will. Now that she's in the Neo World Program, she can live the way she really wanted: away from you."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about." What the hell did Hiyoko know? She can't even tie her own damn kimono.
She groans, as if she was waiting for me to see somethin' obvious. It pissed me off. "Come on, Fuyuhiko. Hasn't the thought crossed your mind at least once?" Matter of fact, it hadn't. Christ I wanna slap her. "In fact, assuming that she wants to be with you after you basically caused her death is just really short-sighted. Oh, that's ironic isn't it, one-eyed shortie?"
"Hiyoko! That's enough!" Mahiru? When did she get here? Whatever, doesn't fuckin' matter. Before I realize it I have my fist clenched around Hiyoko's collar. I have to look up to glare at her eyes, which pisses me off even more.
"You shut your whore mouth!" I shout, clenching my fist.
"Waah! Mahiru, he's being mean!" she snivels. I spare a glance out the entrance and see Mahiru, standing with her arms crossed and glaring down at Hiyoko.
"And I'd say it's well-deserved," she states coldly. "That was a horrible thing to say."
"Well, it could be true," Hiyoko whines. If I was still a Remnant, I would have slit her goddamn throat by now.
"I'm sure it's not. No one could devote their entire life to someone they didn't love, right?"
Love?
My grip on Hiyoko's collar slips. What did Mahiru mean, love? Did she really think that? It wasn't something I'd let myself really think about. Things like devotion and absolute faith came easy for the two of us, the way you can't stop yourself from reading a sign if you see it. But love?
I see something shift in Hiyoko's face, a look of pity. Like she thinks I'm head-over-fucking-heels for someone who wants nothing to do with me. Like she knows everything. Like she's just waiting for me to accept the truth.
It's fucking pissing me off, this whole damn thing.
"I need some air."
I shove Hiyoko off my hand, a little harder than I meant, and let her crash against the wall before I stomp out to the beach.
Hiyoko was probably more Remnant than Hope's Peak student. And even when she was just a student, she was a fucking bitch. That was why she said all that shit. She was just tryin' to get me riled up and start doubting myself.
Well it fuckin worked.
Peko always thought of herself as a tool at my disposal. That was what our parents told her to be. That was what she told herself to be. But I wish she would just be honest. Did she really want that? To be at my side every day, to hold my life in her hands? There were so many questions I wanted to ask her before she died, and I can't remember most of them. My head gets too muddled, my temper too short. I wish I had someone with a steady hand and a clear mind. I wish I had Peko.
Short-sighted, Hiyoko said. She was right: it's so fucking ironic I could laugh. She's not short anymore; I'm the shortest person on the island. And poor vision...I placed my palm on my eyepatch, feeling the bulge from the stitches underneath. If Peko hadn't also been a Remnant of Despair, could she have stopped me from gouging out my eye?
Would she have wanted to?
Things have started to settle into a routine, and I really should thank Mahiru for keeping the little shit away from me. If I were still a Remnant, I would have fucking strangled her to death with my bare hands. In fact, I'm surprised no one else has yet.
God, why couldn't it have been Peko who woke up and not Hiyoko? All these doubts are swirling around in my head, and I wish I could make 'em go away. But I can't. I need Peko. I wish she was here so I could just fuckin talk to her. I have so much I need to say, to ask, to hear her say to me.
Fuck, if I could hear her voice again… Even one more time, just once. Even if she only said my name or something stupid, even if she never said another word ever again.
Twice now I've seen her almost move. Like she was about to take her first breath again, or sit up or move her head. I could have sworn I saw her eyebrows crinkle, but as Hiyoko has so charitably reminded me, my eyesight isn't worth a damn anymore. But every time she shifts, my hopes work themselves all up in a hissy fit, and then they come crashing down on me. I keep trying to hear Chiaki, keep trying to listen to her telling me to push through. But getting your hopes up really fucking hurts when they come back down. Even if Peko did wake up, would she want to be around me anymore? What if she would have, but when she wakes up she's a different version of her that could care less about me?
A month and a half. Nothing. Fucking nothing.
Sonia and Kazuichi were right: staying in here all the time is really startin' to mess with my head. I haven't been eating very much, forget sleep. All this sittin' around shit really isn't like me, but what else am I supposed to do? If she were dead, at least I could try to move on. But she can't fucking make up her mind. Even fucking Mikan made up her mind faster than Peko. What the fuck is this bullshit? Peko's sword never wavers, and neither does her spirit. What the hell is she doing? Why isn't she here with me?
"Why isn't she here with me?" Damn. How selfish could I be? Especially since I don't know if she even wants to be with me anymore. Maybe she feels like I wasted her life. God knows she's brilliant and beautiful and skilled beyond compare. She shouldn't have to be shackled to me just because we've known each other for almost two decades. If she had the choice, would she leave me? I thought I'd have to fight someone off so we'd never have to be apart again, but what if she left me of her own free will? What would I do then?
Suddenly, she shifts. I jolt and scrutinize her, seeing that her left wrist moved just a fraction of an inch, and her eyebrows definitely crinkled.
I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Her eyebrows smooth over, and just like that she's back to stone. Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Damn it all! Damn all of this fucking shit. No matter how I beg or plead or scream or swear, it doesn't change a fucking thing! Peko can't hear me, she's right here and yet she's still a million fucking miles away. Even if she was right here, she might not even want to see me. Even then she might not be the same Peko that I know and love.
Love, huh? Well I guess I finally figured it out. Not that it does a fucking thing! She's supposed to be right beside me. My right hand man, my closest friend, my confidant, my partner. Why isn't she here? Why? No matter how long I wait or how many times I let myself hope, it doesn't fucking matter! She's not coming back.
She's not coming back, is she?
Fuck, why does hoping hurt so much? I hate it. I can't do this anymore. Hajime and the others can all leave this island and go on to fix the world and face the Future Foundation or whatever. I don't give a fuck anymore. Nothing matters if she's not here. Nothing fucking matters. Nothing fucking matters. Noth-
"Fuyuhiko?"
It can't be.
No. No, I'm not getting my hopes up again. Guess now I can't trust my ears either.
"Master Fuyuhiko, are you alright?"
It's her. It's fucking her.
Peko.
I launch myself onto her, wrapping her as tight as I can in my arms. I realize for the first time that I've been crying. She's warm and soft, and hell she even smells like Peko. I hear her chuckle a bit, and I look up and she's crying too.
"Crybaby," I tease. She smiles. Fuck it's been so long. She hasn't smiled at me since we were 12. But now she's here, and she's smiling, and she's crying, and she's warm and soft and awake and safe and alive.
"Fucking hell I missed you," I murmur, with a bitter laugh. I nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck.
"Me too," she says. "I missed you so much." She wraps her arms around my back and squeezes tight. "It felt so wrong, being away from you. Like a sword without its master."
"We're gonna talk about that analogy you just made. But, later, okay? Because I think I accidentally let you die with some serious misconceptions about our relationship." She quirks her head, but I'll explain more later. Now that she's here, I have all of the time in the world.
"Master-"
"And don't call me that either. I'm just Fuyuhiko, got it?"
"Fuyuhiko," she said finally, with a strange hesitancy to it. Excluding two minutes ago, she hadn't called me by my name in 5 years. "What happened...your eye…" She cupped my right cheek and thumbed near the eyepatch.
"Got rid of it. Junko's gone forever."
"Thank goodness," she breathed, sinking into me. She's here now. Finally, finally. It's okay. Everything's okay.
I guess I should tell the others at some point that she's awake. But they can wait. I had to wait a fucking month and a half; they can wait a few hours.
Now that I have her back, I feel stronger. And I'm starting to believe in Chiaki's words. I wasn't able to "Just do it" on my own, but now that Peko's here, everything will be alright. I'd like to see the Future Foundation try and touch us. They won't lay a finger on Peko, and I know she won't let them so much as look at me wrong.
I haven't got a fucking clue what the future will look like. But now that we're together, it doesn't matter. We'll reshape this fucked up world together, side by side.
Rainbow's Thought Volcano: I wanted to try getting into character's mindsets more, and getting into Fuyuhiko's was quite a trip. But I really enjoyed it! I was constantly battling between swearing too much or not enough. Hopefully the end result is a good amount heh.
I made this originally right after I finished DR2, but before I watched the anime, so originally it was quite inaccurate. If some inaccuracies remain, please feel free to point them out!