Disclaimer: Severus Snape, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and all related concepts belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. The song "Killing Me Softly" belongs to Roberta Flack. I'm just responsible for tossing them together for fun, but not profit.
Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who voted for this filk in my Livejournal poll. Feedback is, as always, appreciated.
(To the tune of "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack)
"Simmering Softly"
Walking one night inside Hogwarts
Strolling down to the dungeons
Passing the Potions class workroom
Passing the Potions class workroom
I saw a light in Snape's office
I stopped and went to turn it off
I saw Snape brew a potion, it took him quite awhile
He added shredded bat wings and armadillo bile
And then he grabbed a puffskein, and he removed its eyes
Squished up its brain with his fingers
Puréed both eyes and the fur
Then stirred it clockwise with his wand
Then stirred it clockwise with his wand
Tossed in a pre-sliced centaur turd
Then stirred it clockwise, with his wand…
Snape was all flushed with purpose, wearing an angry scowl
He muttered oaths and curses; sent Dumbledore an owl
And then he checked the potion, in the black cauldron
Added some monkshood and boomslang
Muttered a few Latin words
He let it simmer for so long
Bubbling softly, for so long
Waiting five minutes between stirs
Boiling liquid, smelled so strong
Snape sat and watched the potion, glaring through greasy hair
A knock! In one smooth motion, Snape rose to see who dared
He yelled and gave detention promptly when he saw
Weasley and Potter and Granger
Standing right there, so courageous
Telling some story about Black
How much they needed him back
Detailing their plan-outrageous!
Threatening to see Snape get sacked…
He made them get bubotubors
To harvest vials of pus
Picking and poking and squeezing
Pushing and pressing, releasing
Gushes and buckets of pus!
And Snape, he ignored their pleading
Eight o'clock came; Snape dismissed them
Gave them some stern parting words
He sat back down by his potion
Rubbed on some creamy hand lotion
Another knock sounded, and he glared
Snape always hated commotion
Standing right there, it was Lupin
Coming to get his Wolfsbane
Smiling softly at Snape-y
Smiling sweetly at Snape-y
Ignoring Snape's glare, he kissed him
Kissed him so softly, and they shagged!
Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who voted for this filk in my Livejournal poll. Feedback is, as always, appreciated.
(To the tune of "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack)
"Simmering Softly"
Walking one night inside Hogwarts
Strolling down to the dungeons
Passing the Potions class workroom
Passing the Potions class workroom
I saw a light in Snape's office
I stopped and went to turn it off
I saw Snape brew a potion, it took him quite awhile
He added shredded bat wings and armadillo bile
And then he grabbed a puffskein, and he removed its eyes
Squished up its brain with his fingers
Puréed both eyes and the fur
Then stirred it clockwise with his wand
Then stirred it clockwise with his wand
Tossed in a pre-sliced centaur turd
Then stirred it clockwise, with his wand…
Snape was all flushed with purpose, wearing an angry scowl
He muttered oaths and curses; sent Dumbledore an owl
And then he checked the potion, in the black cauldron
Added some monkshood and boomslang
Muttered a few Latin words
He let it simmer for so long
Bubbling softly, for so long
Waiting five minutes between stirs
Boiling liquid, smelled so strong
Snape sat and watched the potion, glaring through greasy hair
A knock! In one smooth motion, Snape rose to see who dared
He yelled and gave detention promptly when he saw
Weasley and Potter and Granger
Standing right there, so courageous
Telling some story about Black
How much they needed him back
Detailing their plan-outrageous!
Threatening to see Snape get sacked…
He made them get bubotubors
To harvest vials of pus
Picking and poking and squeezing
Pushing and pressing, releasing
Gushes and buckets of pus!
And Snape, he ignored their pleading
Eight o'clock came; Snape dismissed them
Gave them some stern parting words
He sat back down by his potion
Rubbed on some creamy hand lotion
Another knock sounded, and he glared
Snape always hated commotion
Standing right there, it was Lupin
Coming to get his Wolfsbane
Smiling softly at Snape-y
Smiling sweetly at Snape-y
Ignoring Snape's glare, he kissed him
Kissed him so softly, and they shagged!