Disclaimer: RAAWRRRRRRR!! Eats lawyer. MUhahahaa!
You better review at the end of the story...
Oh and at the end theres this thing that I found on the internet about sleeping positions at the bottom of this page. Check it out! Sorry but I can't put pictures on here.
:(
//…My tangled-up feeling
Have forever coiled into a hopelessly rusted chain
Holding onto feelings that are beyond my reach will only make me lost
Once dead and withered, they sink into the past
It wouldn't matter if I forgot the memories that I'd grieved over
Sleep, as though drowning at the bottom of a deep sea…//
-Dormant Emotions
Blood. The smell of it. The look of it. He was so used to it that it that it seemed like something was missing if he didn't see it at least once a week. The memories of torn bodies split open, blood in puddles crowded his mind and he was fine with that. He was familiar with it.
The way that normal beings touched seemed strange to him. Alien. And he often wondered what it was like.
Was that love? The way they touched and smiled at each other.
He'd never had know. He had too much pride to ask. Didn't want the sneers and mocking laughter that might go with it.
And the smiles and laughter. They irritated him, jeering at him until he wanted to crush their skulls.
Behind those smiles were deceiving, greedy beings who only thought of themselves. They may have called him selfish and unloving to anybody around him, but they were just like him. Just like him.
Yet he was chased out of society merely because he held more power than they did.
He was filled with hatred for those people. Wanted to kill them. But oddly enough he didn't.
There was a fear. A fear of being alone. If he killed all the people of the world what would happen to him?
That starving for warm blood would assault him until he went blind with need.
He was a monster. They told him that and he had known it himself.
But despite his monstrosity there was something. Something weak. Something pathetic. Something that wished for those smiles to shine at him. Wishing to be held and touched. A gentle touch like a lover's. He had watched them when they weren't aware. Brushing fingertips across the cheek of the other. Did they crave this touch?
Later on he was able to define this weakness as humanity. Still somewhere in that monster was a human, craving affection as much as the monster craved flesh and blood.
To take out his frustration he began killing more than he had ever had before. The blood only satisfying him for one day not a week. Gradually he became more and more dissatisfied and his chest hurt more. That clenching pain of what they call a heart.
But they say monsters don't have hearts so he ignored it.
As the year went on he became gradually more and more interested with the way that humans touch. He was curious to the way it felt to be held by a mother. A kind caring mother.
He wondered what it was like to have those words of encouragement.
The people he disliked the most were the ones closest to him. His "family".
He was disgusted by their fear of him. Disgusted by their begging for life. If this was human maybe he didn't want to be human.
And with those thoughts his bloodlust grew. His rage became a shuddering, quaking mountain that threatened to swallow them all. The monster inside spoke to him more. At times soothing and other times snarling with rage.
This monster was always with him. Protecting him. The monster never left. The monster that understood him. Mother. This was his mother. And he would do anything to please her.
After he had met Naruto his life changed. There was another like him. Another monster. But…he was different from him. He was lonely just like him. But he didn't smell of blood. This monster cried freely. He said that he cared for humans and that they loved him back.
At the other monster's encouragement he began caring about humans. And this caring was returned to him. And in a long while he was happy. This was his dream.
He couldn't make them all love him. After all he was a monster.
But there where some people that loved him and that was enough. Though he would still watch the lovers, Man and wife as they called them, and he would wonder. What was it like to have someone like that? To be touched and gazed at like that?
Could a monster ever have a lover? Someone that would be by his side no matter the cost? He kept these questions all to himself, still afraid that anything that he might do would cause the people that loved him to look at him in hatred, in disgust.
He became stronger than he was before. For them.
He didn't think he would be able to stand it if they were hurt. He just wouldn't be able to stand the pain or guilt.
And at this point his name no longer fit with him. Gaara. "Self loving."
She healed everyone. She was more caring than anyone he had ever meet.
She was a bit odd herself. Not exactly normal by human standards.
But she was bright and well loved. But she also had understanding of those had been caste out of from the normal.
That was the intelligence of one who was friends with demons.
And she felt it, the sorrow that goes with wanting to be accepted but not knowing what to do to gain it.
She had felt that loneliness.
She understood him. She smiled politely at him, radiating warmth. And he was glad that he hadn't killed her. Glad that Naruto had stopped him.
It was around when they were fourteen. He was still temper mental and unsure of how to be kind. He didn't know how to reach out to people.
She had been there. And she reached out and taught him things. And some part of him grew attached to her.
Her inner beauty, that brightness that glowed through everything.
He thought it was naturally to cling to her. After all he was something dark that craved the light and she was reaching out to him and healing him.
It wasn't possible for him to become a creature of light. He could never go back. Couldn't take back the killings and he knew somehow that no matter how hard he tried and no matter how much those people cared for him he could never be like them. He could never be human.
She accepted this. She said it was alright and that maybe he wasn't the monster that everyone thought he was.
Naruto was away to train. He had been gone a long time. She missed him as much as she missed Sasuke.
She cried on his shoulder once, after they had talked for a long time, after they had become good friends, saying that maybe if she had been a little stronger, maybe Sasuke wouldn't have left.
He had no words of comfort. Though he had felt sorrow before, he could not comfort anyone. So she cried. She cried a long time, blaming herself and only herself for all the terror that they had gone through.
He wished she would stop. She made him feel frustrated and helpless. He couldn't do anything to help her tears.
After she was done she seemed embarrassed about crying. After all shinobi were not supposed to show feeling. He said nothing. This touching and caring was still strange to him.
He came to visit again during the summer. The air hot, making it hard to breathe. Living in a desert he was used to the heat but he had to admit that it was a very hot summer. This was the summer that both Sakura and he worked harder than ever before. Sakura was working to become stronger and Gaara working to become Kazekage. They talked a lot of the future. Of course he knew more about Sakura than Sakura knew about him.
He liked hearing her talk. Her voice soothing somehow. Sometimes she would stay up during the night for him. Sometimes there wasn't much to talk about and they just gazed at the stars and breathed the night's air.
At times like this he was truly at peace. The monster inside him didn't bother him. He still couldn't sleep but being in her presents made it easier to handle.
"I wish this never would end."
He doesn't realize that it's out until it's too late. She looks at him with a shocked look on her face, and his heart pounds franticly in fear, she would now hate him, he knew it, but after a long second her lips turn up in a warm gentle smile, then looks back up at the sky. He kept gazing at her.
Slowly she turned her gaze back at him, still smiling.
"Thank you Gaara. Thank you so much."
He was stunned. There was a minute pause before he could regain his normal cool posture. He turned his head away from her, looking anywhere else but her.
It would have taken a very fine eye to see that Gaara was blushing.
"I didn't do anything."
Her arms wrapped around him, her head curving into his neck.
"You never let me be alone. And even if you don't know it you gave me courage."
Her arms squeezed tighter, not wanting to let go, but then began to withdraw, only to be gripped by his hands, his way of telling her not to leave.
"I'm not human..." Sakura opened her mouth to interrupt but was silenced by his hand. "But I long for human touch. Human love. I don't know how to comfort you. Or please you. But I do know I hunger for you…Is this good?"
He was placing something delicate in her hand. Something that can't be stolen. Something that wasn't easily given. He had only trust one person with this and they had broken it. One wrong word and she could too. But she didn't want to hurt him.
She smiled reassuringly. "Maybe."
//…I lift my lips from kissing you
To kiss the sky
Cloud soft and blue
And slow the sun melts down
Into your golden words for me…//
-"This twilight garden" The Cure
Note: Now that I got that of my chest I feel better. I have to go to the bathroom very badly though...Been sitting here for three hours straight.
REVIEW!!! DAMN YOU!!!!
I WILL SEND MY EVIL RABID MONKEYS AT YOU IF YOU DON'T!!!!
Also I found this cool thing on the internet were your sleeping position tells you about your personality. It's mostly right.
The Fetus: Those who curl up in the foetus position are described as tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. They may be shy when they first meet somebody, but soon relax.This is the most common sleeping position, adopted by 41 of the 1,000 people who took part in the survey. More than twice as many women as men tend to adopt this position.
Log (15): Lying on your side with both arms down by your side. These sleepers are easy going, social people who like being part of the in-crowd, and who are trusting of strangers. However, they may be gullible. The yearner (13): People who sleep on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature, but can be suspicious, cynical. They are slow to make up their minds, but once they have taken a decision, they are unlikely ever to change it. Soldier (8): Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. People who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don't like a fuss, but set themselves and others high standards. Freefall (7): Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and your head turned to one side. Often gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don't like criticism, or extreme situations. Starfish (5): Lying on your back with both arms up around the pillow. These sleepers make good friends because they are always ready to listen to others, and offer help when needed. They generally don't like to be the centre of attention.I sleep in the soldier position and the freefall position(mostly freefall)