A/N: MY FIRST CRACK FIC!!! This story is a response to theretard's Mary Sue challenge. (I apologize, Retard, I think this story sounds too much like a lot of yours. Probably because yours are the only ones I've ever read.)This one is creative!!! WAHAHAHA!!! Enjoy!

"What do you want, Mustang?" Ed said, exasperated. He was sitting on the couch in Roy's office, called there for some stupid reason that the author doesn't bother to come up with.

"Well-"Roy started to reply when he was conveniently interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Because most people do that.

"Oh, um, I apologize for interrupting!" The girl in the doorway said in an obnoxiously high and timid voice. That supposedly Ed found adorable. All he could do was stare at the beautiful new girl.

She must be an angel! He thought as he looked upon her exotic, soft features. Her long blond hair with mysteriously natural looking colored streaks seemed to sparkle under the cheap fluorescent lighting.

She felt his gaze on her, and lifted her face to look straight into his eyes. They magically fell in love.

This only took 5 seconds, because most people don't wait as long as it REALLY took to introduce themselves. Because that would create an awkward silence.

"I-I was sent here by the furher, he said that I could find my new mission partner here…" The girl said, smiling shyly and batting her eyelashes. Roy nodded in response, because everyone has a mission partner. They just never mention them. Yeah.

"Oh yes, you're Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove…Rennesme, correct?" Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme uttered a cute little,

"Uh-huh!"

"Then your partner would be…" Roy said, looking down at a paper that appeared on his desk. "Edward Cull-I mean Elric!" Ed couldn't believe his luck! Now he was partners with his new beautiful, mysterious soul mate, and it didn't matter that he had a girl back home that he had history with and that, yeah, ACTUALLY had a personality!

So they traveled around Amestria together, saving ailing orphans, making babies, and ignoring the fact that Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme had taken over Al's place in Ed's heart, causing his little brother to commit suicide by bacon doll.(1)

Ed soon realized that Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme was even more famous than him, an alchemic prodigy, but he didn't care. Because it made her even more perfect, so they fell in even more love.

But, little did the happy couple know, millions of EdWin fan girls were forming a Ninja army, and were heading out to kill Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme. And leading the crazed Army, were Mangarific and Winry.

The attack didn't take long. There was much pathetic squealing from Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme, some anguished cries from Ed, (Like in all cheesy romance movies) and a lot of blood and slow-motion ninja moves, because slow-motion ninjas are sexy. (2)

But in the end, the Ninja fan girls had restrained Ed, stolen his pants, and Winry had the honors of Matrix kicking Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme off a high, rocky cliff. There was a loud explosion when her body hit the jagged rocks at the bottom. All the ninja fan girls celebrated and Ed cried. But when Winry started viciously making out with him, he snapped out of it and returned the gesture.

They lived happily ever after, and Isabella Clairice Sunnyweather Moondove Rennesme dwelled for eternity in the fiery pits of hell, because that's where all Mary sues belong.

REVIEW!!! Please. It's my first 'Funny' fanfiction. I HOPE IT WASN'T TOO BAD!!!

(1): check out Crazy2696's At the Office story! (The chapter called Bacon dolls)

(2): Thank you, Theretard5892 for this wonderful sexy slow-mo idea!