Elimidate: Konoha Edition
Today, on Elimidate, its everyone's favorite busty Hokage, Tsunade! Vying for a date with this attractive medical-nin are:
Kakashi Hatake! A 25 year old jounin!
Jiraiya! A legendary Senin and author of Come Come Paradise!
Ebisu! Uh, a closet pervert!
And …
Gai Maito! A taijutsu user in the summer of his youth!
Tsunade is sitting at a bar in Konoha, waiting for the four dates to arrive. She doesn't have her pet pig or Shizune with her like she usually does. The first to arrive is Ebisu, who has a bouquet of roses
Ebisu: handing Tsunade flowers Flowers … for a flower.
Tsunade: Hmm, you do know I'm allergic to roses?
Ebisu quickly throws roses away, but they are picked up by the next arriving date
Jiraiya: HA! Tsunade! A flower for a -
Ebisu: Jiraiya-san, Tsunade is alergic to roses.
Jiraiya: Duh. throws flowers away Tsunade why must you hold such a silly competition when you know I'm going to win?
Gai: Those in the winter of their youth become delusional. TSUNADE! YOU NEED A YOUNG, STRONG MAN IN THE SUMMERTIME OF HIS LIFE!
Gai strikes his good guy pose with his thumbs up, as seven different camera angles capture his stance. Then, on cue, his teeth gleam
Tsunade: I guess everyone is here. poofs
Ebisu: Huh? Kakashi. Why did you do that?
Kakashi: To see your strategies. Ebisu, you may have a chance, Jiraiya, you are a great writer, but Tsunade has rejected you already. And Gai
who is still in good guy pose, teeth gleam again
Kakashi: Well, you're just Gai.
Gai comes out of his pose, turning his back to Kakashi, clenching his fist
Gai: thinking Kakahsi … you're too cool and hip! I must give 100 compliments tonight! If I can't, then I'll buy 200 jewels!
Tsunade – the real one, walks in the bar, wearing a different out fit than her usual. She is wearing a long red dress, and has let her blonde hair down
Ebisu: frozen Amazing …
Jiraiya: does Frog Dance Tsunade, I take back the whole flat-chested Tsunade remark! Every bad remark! Just let me enjoy this moment! drools
Kakashi looks on indifferently, and Gai gawks, but changes his expression as he sees Kakashi's reaction
Gai: thinking Kakashi … nerves of steel … long white hair … I must admit that if you win, I'll be jealous.
Kakashi: Good to see you Tsunade. You look nice.
Ebisu: Err … Kakashi, that's a major understatement. You look fabulous, marvelous, splendid, totally –
Jiraiya knocks Ebisu out of the way, running to the dressed up Hokage, holding her hand
Jiraiya: Tsunade, looking at her up and down They are so big, so beautiful ….
Tsunade, being the quick tempered person she is, easily throws Jiraiya across the room
Tsunade: I'll warn you once.
Jiraiya: Yes. thinking But what a way to go
Ebisu: righting himself off the floor Yes.
Both Gai and Kakashi say yes, and the four follow Tsunade to the bar counter, where the bartender begins to serve the five people drinks
Tsunade: Since I know about all of you … I'll ask you a few questions shinobi aren't used to answering. First, you Ebisu. Let's say I've had a hard day at work. What will you do to cheer me up?
Ebisu: Hmm … anything you ask. I'll do anything to make you comfortable.
Tsunade: OK. Kakashi?
Kakashi: It depends. If someone were messing with you, I'd kill them. If you were just tired, I let you sleep until you regained your strength. If you were mad, I'd let you vent out your frustrations by listening to you.
Gai: thinking AAAAAHHH! Kakashi, always playing it cool! Is there no weakness?
Tsunade: Maito Gai? How about you?
Gai: A beautiful woman like you would never have a hard day. I'd do my best to make sure no one messed with you. But if they did … I'D DESTROY THEM WITH MY LOTUS!
The other 4 look at Gai, as well as the rest of the bar, which is quiet. Gai swetdrops
Tsunade: Jiraiya, I know I'll regret asking, but what about you?
Jiraiya: busy writing in his book OH! Uh, hmm. I've seen you on your bad days. It can be scary. I'd back off and give you as much room as possible.
Tsunade: All right. One more question before I have to eliminate one of you.
Jiraiya: Don't you mean elimidate?
Tsunade: No.
Ebisu wets pants
Tsunade: If you were a weapon, what would you be? Jiraiya?
Jiraiya: Ho ho ho! stomps foot I would be a katana! It's long, sharp and gets to the point! IF you know what I mean?
Tsunade sweatdrops, as well as the other three. She looks at Gai
Gai: Definitely tai gloves. They are like me. stands up
STRONG
Gai raises fist
COMFORTABLE
He stretches the fabric on his outfit
AND MOST OF ALL … THERE TWO OF THEM!
the other 4 fall to the ground. Gai is holding his fist up in his good guy pose, and his teeth gleam again, and the camera hits him from seven different angles again. Tsunade sweatdrops again
Tsunade: Kakashi? What weapon are you?
Kakashi: A kunai. Pratical, useful and very effective if used right.
Tsunade: Mmm, very good answer. Ebisu.
Ebisu: A shiruken. Very small, so it can fit just about anywhere. wipes drool off
Tsunade glares at Ebisu, who is frozen in terror
Ebisu: I didn't mean your heavenly mammories! NOOOOOO!
Tsunade raises her fist, then grins
Tsunade: Ebisu, I forgive you. I didn't mean to intimidate you at all.
Ebisu: Oh. exhales
Tsunade: But I do mean to snap you like a twig.
Ebisu pees pants, then runs out of bar
Tsunade: I guess that makes one down. Now, we'll go to the hot springs. I need to relax.
Jiraiya: OOOOOOOOOHHHHH! Heaven must be smiling upon me! clicks heels
Kakashi: Wow.
Gai: In my summer time of youth! I'm not sure if I can handle the sight…
Scene switches to the hot spring, where Kakashi, Jiraiya and Gai are waiting in the spring. Suddenly, Tsunade walks out wearing a black bikini. Needless to say, everyone is speechless
Tsunade: Nice to see you all. smiles How are you all feeling?
Jiraiya: Hmm thinking about when she threw him do you want the G or X rated answer?
Tsunade glares at Jiraiya, who gulps
Jiraiya: Uh painicking great! Great! The warm mist from the springs are refreshing!
Kakashi: … coughs
Gai: thinking Kakashi-san, you are too cool! I must say the perfect thing.
Gai: I FEEL AS GOOD AS I DID IN THE SPRINGTIME OF MY YOUTH! GET IT? SPRING TIME?
crickets chirp and Kakshi coughs again. Tsunade sweatdrops
Tsunade: So, besides the springs, how do you unwind?
Jiraiya opens his mouth, but after a stern look from Tsunade, he closes it
Kakashi: Listening to the birds, reflecting on nature. And – well, reading Jiraiya-san's legendary series.
Tsunade: giggling You read it then? I never thought a quiet, stoic guy like you would be into such a book.
Kakashi: Well, smiling, rubbing back of neck
Gai: thinking Kakashi-san, you are hitting a home run! I must come back with a spectacular response! Without it, I will surely fail!
Gai: I UNWIND BY DOING 2000 PUSHUPS! IF I CAN'T DO THAT, I DO 3000 SITUPS! IF I CAN'T DO THAT ….
Tsunade: You unwind by … exercising?
Gai: YES! stands up in hot spring, giving good guy pose
Tsunade:... Whoa.
Both Kakashi and Jiraya look as well
Jiraiya: Are these the cold springs? laughs, along with Kakashi and Tsunade
Gai: embarassed IT'S ONLY SHRINKAGE! gives thumbs up
Tsunade: I've made my next decision. Gai, you'll have to leave.
PART 2! I mean, part 2 coming up!