This came off of a strange conversation I had with Bailey (Moon-BlackHuntress).
Rated M for adult themes, hints at yaoi, and because when I was talking with Hidan he told me to watch my mouth O.o' That's sad.
Disclaimer: At this point in time I have, *Digs through wallet* Twenty three dollars, and a ticket stub from Vampires Suck. I haven't millions to buy Naruto. You'd know it it was mine bu the heavy yaoi, Sakura bursting into flames, SasuNaru, and KibaGaa. So ya.
Magnus and Alec are from The Mortal Instruments Series by the way. If you want to learn more about them go to BooksMortal Instruments then Magnus and Alec!
*Note Kibarashi is being used as distraction or diversion.
Leapfrog: Tobi Style
"Art is eternal!" "Art is a bang, un!" A red head and a blonde scream at each other. With
only three feet between the boys, there was really no need to scream as they did. That
pissed the brown eyed girl off. The fact that it was six-thirty in the morning didn't help either. "OKAY. First of all, stop screaming at each other or I will taze you both in the nuts. Secondly art can be either eternal or an explosion, and you boys know that.
You just fight because you want in each other's pants. I recommend that you both go upstairs and have a nice romp." A hazel eyed girl across the room raises a finger, to ask a question. "And No Bailey, you can't watch." The same girl drops her finger and mutters "Damnit." The brown eyed girl looks at the now blushing blonde and the mischievous looking redhead. "Oh and Deidara?" The blonde looks up at the girl. "Un?" "Tell us if the carpets match the drapes, because we're dying to know." Tobi looks around the room. "Chy? It's hardwood." "Hmm." The girl looks the redhead up and down. "That it is Tobi, that it is." At this Deidara looks over at the redhead and his eyes go wide, and his blush deepens. The redhead grabs the blonde's hand and heads toward the stairs. "Sasori? Un?" Deidara whimpered as he was tugged up the stairs. "Don't forget the lube!" Bailey calls up the stairs after them.
Tobi blinks. "Chy, what's lube? Chy?" The brown eyed girl sweatdrops. "You should ask your boyfriend, he's the one you should hear it from." Tobi blinks, then smiles and bounces into the kitchen to the still sleepy Zetsu. "Mornin'!" "Hm? Ah. Good Morning Tobi." The white side says, the black side merely blinking at his hyper boyfriend. Just as Zetsu goes to take a drink of his coffee, the smaller boy blurts "What's lube?" Zetsu spews most of his coffee, choking on the half swallow that had gone down his windpipe. "Where *cough* did you? *cough, hack*" Tobi stares at his boyfriend, concerned. "Are you okay?" "I'm *cough* just *cough* fine. Where did you *cough* hear that?" "? Lube?" "Yes." "Well Chy was yelling at Dei and Sasori that they needed to stop yelling and have an Uhm? Romp? What's that mean? It that like wrestling? Anyway Bai told Sasori to not forget the lube. Wazzat?" "Uhm." The white side said, trying to think of a way to say it without scarring his little boyfriend for life. The black side started to speak but was immediately quieted by the light side. "You know how they use lubrication in some machines? That's what she's talking about. And, yes that's wrestling." Tobi blinks "Then why would they need lubrication if they were wrestling?" "Uh… Bailey is strange, it's better not to ask." "Oh." Tobi says, and then beams at his boyfriend. "OKAY!" Tobi bounces out of the room, his attention drawn to Bailey's shiny necklace.
Zetsu sighs and slumps in his chair. The brown eyed girl's head pops around the corner, into Zetsu's line of vision. "I think you handled that really well." When Zetsu looks at her the white side sighs and says "You really think so?" "Definitely." "Thanks." The black side chimes in with "Cheyenne, were you around the corner that whole time?" "Ya." "Why didn't you just pull something out of your ass instead of sending him to us?" "Ha. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit, ain't that right Zet?" The black side laughs at this, the white side only sighing. "Anyway I made some coffee." "You're a lifesaver Zet." Loud yelling can be heard from the living room. Both Cheyenne and Zetsu sigh. "Wonder what it is now?" Cheyenne murmurs, just loud enough for the two tone boy to hear. "Another catastrophe no doubt."
Itachi pads into the kitchen barefoot. "Tobi is trying to eat the couch." Zetsu's eyes open wide before he goes sprinting from the room yelling, "No Tobi! Couches aren't food!" his lukewarm coffee all but forgotten. "That poor couch." Cheyenne says, shivering slightly. "Nah, don't feel too bad for it, that's the most action it's got in years." Kisame says, flashing his sharp teeth in a smirk as he walks into the room. "Really?" Cheyenne says remembering the El Vira incident as she gets a mental image of Tobi trying to eat the poor thing and she pours herself some coffee, spooning almost half as much sugar as Tobi would into her cup.
"How do you drink anything that sweet?" Kisame murmured, pouring himself a cup. "Oh, don't be like that. It's not as bad as Ita's coffee! His is almost as sweet as Tobi's is!" Both sets of eyes travel over to the small black haired boy dumping sugar into his cup. "At least I use a spoon. He just dumps it in there." "Ah. True." The black haired boy's eyes travel from his cup, over to his friend, up to his boyfriend. "It's early." Both the blue and brown haired teens sweatdrop. "Ita has low blood sugar, right? Because even I'M not that bad in THAT bad in the morning. Am I?" "Nah. You can be kinda bitchy, but you're not usually like THAT." "Thank God."
Itachi blinks and rubs his eye with his fist "Chy?" Cheyenne feels the fangirl sense tingling and mentally squeals 'That's too damned cute!' "Yes honey?" "What's that noise?" Both she and Kisame strain to hear what the dark headed boy was talking about. Cheyenne murmurs "What do you…?" Then stops short, finally hearing what the smaller teen was speaking of. The kitchen goes quiet as the trio listen to a soft squeaking accompanied by a louder thumping and hushed moans and grunts coming from the room above the kitchen. Cheyenne blinks, while Itachi turns a light red color. "Well they got right to it, now didn't they?" Kisame blinks at the female, a bewildered look across his shark-like features. "What did you….?" "Me? Close to nothing. That would be hormones hard at work. I just gave them a little nudge." Cheyenne finished, smiling brilliantly. Kisame gapes at the small girl, over to his boyfriend who was apparently trying to ignore the pair going at it just above them. "Remind me to soundproof it later, ok 'Tachi?" The red eyed boy nodded, smiling at her over his cup.
Bailey comes walking in smirking. "Zetsu stopped Tobi from eating the couch. Evidently it looked like a marshmallow to Tobi's sugar-fried brain. But hell, it hadn't gotten that much action since that El Vira marathon on Chiller." Bailey says, giving the two boys a perverted look. Kisame blinks then smirks at Itachi. "Okay, so maybe not years, but at least a good couple months." Cheyenne and Bailey look at each other and laugh, while Itachi looks around as if he's trying to figure out what's going on. Bailey looks over at Itachi's confused expression and blinks. "Low blood sugar?" "That's what we think." Kisame murmurs as Itachi tried to sit in a chair, and would have failed if Bailey had not scooted it under him at the last second.
Konan, Pein, and Hidan walk into the kitchen and pour themselves a cup of coffee. "Mornin'" Cheyenne says, nodding at the three who had just walked in. Pein simply nods at the brown eyed girl. "What's so fucking good about the fucking morning? Not one fucking person likes the mother-fucking morning!" (A/N Three guesses as to who that was. O.O') "That's why I didn't fucking say 'Good morning' dipshit! Why the fuck would it be good?"
Konan blinks "What's that noise?" "Hn? Oh, I suppose those two are having a good morning. A REALLY good one." Cheyenne says, and Konan blinks at her once more. "Dei and Sasori are up there having torrid monkey sex because Chy yelled at them and threatened to taze them in the nuts." The hazel eyed girl says, smirking at the blue haired girl over her coffee. Pein, Konan, and Hidan all stare at Cheyenne, eyes wide. "Oh come on, you guys all know you were thinking it! Besides the taze in the nuts thin probably, but still!" The three gape at the girl. "Everyone is in everyone else's pants around here anyway! Kisame and Itachi; Pein and Konan; Hidan and Kakuzu; and I'm sure Tobi and Zetsu will get around to it in a year or two, so those two were the only ones without something A) to do or B) up their ass. It was only a matter of time!" All three blink, then shrug, as Konan says "So, I heard Tobi tried to eat…" trying to change the subject, but cut off when a loud "DANNA, UNNN!" and a grunt are heard upstairs. "Well they lasted pretty long for never having done that before." Kisame says, blinking at Cheyenne. "That we know of." Itachi murmurs, his eyes becoming more alert, and less cloudy. Everyone blinks.
There is a loud voice heard from the living room. "I wonder what he's trying to eat now." Kisame mutters and all in the room sweatdrop. "No Tobi! Bunnies are friends, not food!" Bailey runs screaming out of the room "NOOO! SAVE THE BUNNIES!" Everyone else just stares at the door as it swings. They catch glimpses of Bailey and Zetsu chasing Tobi, who is chasing a very startled rabbit around the living room. "Ya think we should feed him? He might not try to eat things." The brown eyed said, blinking at the poor traumatized bunny and turning to Konan who was already started on making him one of his favorite (non-sugar) breakfast food. Five more minutes of Zetsu chasing Tobi (Bailey had gotten tired after about a minute of Tobi chasing) and the omelet was done.
Cheyenne went cautiously into the living room with Tobi's omelet on a plate. She called "Tobi? Be a good boy and come here." Her reply was Tobi flying at her from nowhere yelling "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Cheyenne puts the omelet down on the table and Tobi immediately started eating. Cheyenne turns and walks over to Zetsu and Bailey, who are petting the poor shaking rabbit. The brown eyed girl pets the rabbit, and then pauses. "Fuck." Cheyenne says, grabbing the rabbit and throwing it at a wall. "NOO!" Bailey yells, and the bunny explodes in a shower of sparks and bolts. "That was a fangirl spy. They'll be swarming the hideout anytime now." "Should have let Tobi eat it." Bailey mutters.
Itachi, Kisame, Konan, Pein, and Hidan all come in from the kitchen. "What are we going to do?" Kisame whimpered. "Fangirls are vicious!" "Now don't be like that." Bailey said from her spot on the floor. There is a banging on the door. "Now let me handle this. Me and Bai are fangirls as well and know how to properly dispose of them." Cheyenne says, and all present salute her. She opens the door. "Hello." There is a loud squeal from every girl pre… (HOLYSHIT IS THAT MAGNUS?)...sent. Bailey walks up behind Cheyenne. "Hey Mag! Al! " Bailey calls over the squealing girls, gesturing for them to come up front. They push their way through the crowd. "Hey girlies!" Magnus says, adjusting his rainbow leather pants. "Hi Chy, Bai" Alec says timidly, jumping when the crowd squeals again. "This is gorgeous' first yaoi fangirl/boy mob!" Magnus calls is a singsong voice. "Oh? And how's it working for you honey?" Cheyenne asks, a glitter of mischief in her eyes. Alec whimpers putting his head on her shoulder. "That good, love?" Cheyenne says, laughing softly.
Kisame calls from inside "Get them away from here!" "Oh." Cheyenne shakes her head. "Forgot what I was doing. Excuse me Alec, dear." Cheyenne said, moving his head to Bailey's shoulder. Cheyenne does hand signs while Bailey says "Fangirl disposing technique number nine! Kibarashi no Jutsu!" "Look! Sasuke's doing Naruto over there! Holy shit!" The whole fangirl mob turns, blinks, then runs in the indicated way squealing. Magnus goes to run after them but Cheyenne grabs him by the arm. "You can be really blonde sometimes, you know that Mag?" Cheyenne says as she and Bailey bring the sparkly warlock and the blue eyed shadow hunter into the hideout. Kisame yells "How'd you do that so easy? And who are they?" "I did that so easily because fangirls have short attention spans. I mean like baby squirrel short. They'll go in that direction looking for Sasuke and Naruto, then get bored and look for some other yaoi. They won't even remember we're here. Fangirls really aren't a threat if you know how to properly deal with them. If you try to kill them, there just keeps being more and more. They multiply like rabbits; hence the spy." Kisame blinks and shakes his head. "Uhh. Okay then. Who're they then?" "These guy?" Bailey asks, gesturing to Magnus and Alec. "They're our buddies, you don't gotta worry about them. Magnus here is the High Warlock of Brooklyn." "Hello big, sharky dude!" Kisame blinks at the enthusiastically waving warlock. "Uhh. Hi. I'm Kisame."
The blue haired girl mutters "Konan." Itachi waves and says "Itachi" "Pein." Hidan, bitches." "Kakuzu" "Hello, I'm Zetsu" "Zetsu" Tobi bounced up and down and squealed "I LIKE YOU! YOU'RE SPARKLY!" Cheyenne laughs "That's Tobi. Sasori and Deidara are upstairs having a nice romp. Or at least they were. They might be sleeping now. But Sasori is the redhead and Deidara is blonde." "Ooh. A nice early morning romp! That makes for a happy day." Says the warlock, blinking as Tobi rubs his face against Magnus' hair. "He's lucky you have your hair down today, otherwise he just might be blind right now." Cheyenne says, sweatdropping when Tobi comes up from Magnus' hair with his face and chest covered in sparkles. "Your hair is like a sparkle sponge! It holds so much!" Tobi squeals, bouncing around the room, sparkles flying behind him.
Zetsu shakes his head and sits down on the couch. "Crisis averted. What time is it?" "Eleven thirty-five." "Lunch time. Who wants to go get Dei and Sasori from upstairs?" Tobi raises his hand. "No. Anyone else?"