Harry and Draco have a baby: A BAMF Fic
Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides the odd imaginings of my bored brain, and this lap top.
Author's Note: so this is something i came up with one night because i was bored out of my mind and hyper on too much sugar. i *find* this hilarious. if you dont, i totally understand. oh and my lovely best friend (bananapanda2010) and i have begun calling fics like these Bamf Fics. we were inspired by another fic of a similar nature. so i hope you enjoy this as much as i do. :P
"WAKE UP!" Ron yelled shaking Harry violently.
"WHO DAT?" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs while falling out of his bed.
"HAHA! You fell on the floor! Loser!" Ron hit Harry over the head with a pillow then ran away.
"Arrrrrrgh!" Harry rubbed his burning scar and crawled back into bed.
"I'm in love with you Harry James Potter! I love you so much! I know it's only been three hours since our first civil conversation, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you! I wanna have yo babies!"
After Draco's declaration of love, they started humping each other. And even though they were still wearing clothes, they came screaming each other's name only twenty seconds later.
"Best. Ever." They said at the same time.
Then Draco puked all over Harry's face. Which made Harry puke all over Draco.
"What the fuck Draco?"
"I think I'm pregnant Harry!" He yelled clutching his stomach.
"PUSH!" Harry kneeled in front of the Slytherin Ice Blonde Adonis Prince.
Draco spelled off his skinny jeans and women's panties and spread his legs wide.
"Uhhhhhhhh!" He grunted and after only one short push a beautiful baby angel popped out and flew into Harry's arms. Harry and Draco immediatly started bawling their eyes out.
The baby, who they named Scorpius Albus Sirius James Severus Lily Luna Potter-Malfoy, had bright green eyes and white blonde hair. He was wearing wire rimmed glasses when he came out and spoke his first words, 'I solemly swear I am up to no good', only five minutes later.
Hermione, dressed like an uber slut, walked in to the room with Ron and they made their way to Ron's bed to have loud, dirty, kinky sex. Draco puked again at the sight and decided his new family should take a walk outside.
Harry transfigured baby food, clothes, and a stroller and strapped the baby in. Draco, having healed himself magically, put his pants back on. The three made their way outside into the bright sunlight and walked around the Black Lake.
Just then the Giant Squid poked it's ugly head out of the water, along with it's one thousand tentacles. Harry and Draco were so busy planning their wedding they didn't notice. The Giant Squid grabbed Harry around the waist with one of it's sticky arms and dragged him underneath the water.
"NO! NO! MY LOVE! WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU?" Draco was screaming and crying, flailing his arms and pulling his hair. All at the same time. He picked up some pebbles and threw them at the water.
"NO! There's nothing I can do! I've tried everything!" Draco pulled out his wand and screamed, "Good bye cruel world!" right before he Avada Kedavra'd himself.
Three seconds later, Harry emerged from the Black Lake bloody and carrying the sword of Gryffindor. He saw Draco lying on the ground motionless. Harry ran to Draco, falling onto his knees next to him.
"You idiot! Why did you do that?" Harry yelled while crying and beating his fists on Draco's chest.
"Oh, Father!" Baby Scorpius called from the stroller, "If you bring me to father I think I can revive him. I am afterall, the most powerful wizard of all time." Harry nodded and undid the straps of the stroller, picked the baby up and walked back to Draco's side.
"How are you the most powerful wizard ever?" Harry asked.
"You and Father are both very powerful and when two powerful wizards combine," The baby clapped his hands infront of Harry's face for emphasis. "You get super powerful wizards."
"Super powers? Like Super heros? Like Superman? And Spiderman? Oooo and Batman?" Harry was getting excited with all the talk of men in spandex.
"Let's get one thing straight here, Pops. Batman does NOT have super powers. He just makes cool shit, same with Iron man." The baby's eyes had turned from green to black with anger. The wind around the father and son was swirling and kicking up dust.
"Ow! You got sand in my eye! Bad baby!" Harry smacked little Scorpius' hand and the baby began to cry.
"Now do the spell and revive your Father before it's too late!" Harry said sternly. Apparently he was the discipliner parent.
The newborn waved his wand and muttered a bunch of Latin words that didn't make any sense and all of a sudden, Draco sat straight up. He coughed a few times and stood up.
"Well that was weird. I just dreamt that I was having tea with your parents Harry. Awwww! Look how cute he is Harry! Waving a stick around pretending it's a wand!" Draco bent down and picked the baby up. He started poking the baby in the belly saying things like 'shmoopie woopie' and 'baby waby'.
Draco, Harry and baby Scorpius Albus Sirius James Severus Lily Luna Potter-Malfoy walked away into the sunset and lived happily ever after. The End.