Messrs. Fawump, Firefur, and Crashingly
Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers
are proud to present
The Marauder's Unabridged History of
The Fox, Ferret, and Cat
"… May they forever rest in peace. From this earth they have come, and to it they shall return." The old man finished, no twinkle left in his eye. The old man waved his wand, levitating the dark caskets into their graves, their final resting place. With a lone tear streaming down his beard, he plucked a bouquet of lilies out of thin air, and let it fall to rest on top of the graves of the two who meant so much to him.
"Good bye, James… Lily... I can't forget what you've done for me." A man with graying brown hair whispered as he too let a bouquet of lilies fall into the open grave before moving on and letting other mourners pay their last respects. He held back the sobs of loneliness, wrought with sorrow at the losses he had endured, the loss of three great friends, the betrayal of another, trusted friend. He had decided that from that day onward, that he couldn't let anyone else get that close to him. It would only lead to more sorrow.
In a lonely cottage not far from that cemetery, a man jolted awake, and began the tiring daily challenge of getting out of bed. His joints weren't what they used to be, the years of living with the wolf had taken their toll, but he couldn't... leave... just yet. Every morning was a challenge, knowing that his best friends and family were waiting on the other side of life. There had been no more friends since that day... The day they died.
He looked down at his clothes, rumpled and worn, then to the whisky bottle. He could pass out from drinking, but never feel drunk, never make the pain go away, never have a hangover that his friends would always complain about. A werewolf's only outlet is the full moon, and a beast bottled for a month is too viscous to be a pleasant release.
He rolled out of bed, and headed for the door. He had a visit to make. At this hour, the graveyard would be cold and empty. Perfect.
His hand connected with the chiseled stag, a jolt of electricity, magic, ran through him. The tribute that each Marauder got. He ran his fingers over the lily engraved next to the stag. The same jolt he felt every morning for ten years. He used the top of the gravestone to help him to his feet. There was a strange warmth to the stone today.
His creaking knees popped into place, but he let his hand linger, and an unnaturally warm breeze brought a whisper to him. Prong's voice, "Marauders", the same as it was whispered when he had first heard the word. Lily's voice, "Hogwarts", just like every time the castle had started talking to her. Perhaps it was time for him to return.
"George, George! GEORGE!" Fed up with waiting for his twin to wake up, he cracked a stink bomb and held it next to the sleeping form's nose.
"What…?" George rolled over, and mumbled a reply, having just been very rudely awakened from a very nice nap.
"You know that cabinet in Flich's office that says Dangerous and whatnot on it?"
"Yeah…" George was still half asleep and definitely not thinking coherently, for if he was, he would have definitely been much more interested in something Dangerous.
"Well Lee heard from Oliver who heard from his older brother who heard from his friend who heard from his uncle who heard from-"
"Just get to it already Fred. I'm," he was interrupted by a yawn, "tired." Then, very dramatically, he rolled over.
"Well, anyways, Lee told me that there's supposed to be something awesome and dangerous in there."
"You woke me up to tell me that there was something dangerous in the file cabinet marked 'Dangerous'? You're bloody brilliant." George's comment was definitely laced with sarcasm that was for sure.
"Oh, shut it, George. I think we should see what is really in that cabinet."
"And you couldn't have waited to tell me this?"
"Grand idea, Fred! Instead of taking the Fanged Frisbee that Filch took from us last week, you decided to grab a used piece of parchment. You are so bloody smart!"
"Well, I am the smarter twin…"
"You're an idiot."
"So what will you two tell Mum when she hears of this?" Percy attempted to reprimand the twins.
"We're up to no good?" One of then started
"With a wand oath so she'll believe us!" The other one added, not missing a beat.
"Wand oath… That's a good idea." He kept it going back and forth, still not missing a beat, knowing that Percy was becoming more and more frustrated.
"Of course it is, I came up with it."
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good!"
"Good enough for me, brother, what do you think Percy? …Percy?" The brother in question had retreated to his textbooks, and being the smart brothers they were, the twins assumed that they were to report to him with just what they were going to tell their mother as soon as they figured it out. Thus with only a glance at eachother, they grabbed their things and headed over to disturb Percy's peaceful studying.
"So, Percy,"
"We've decided,"
"That we'll give Mum,"
"A wand oath,"
"And we'll tell her," They whipped their wands out in a flourish, well, tried to, before Percy started listening and getting annoyed.
"Would you two just be quiet? Or better yet, leave the room altogether?" Percy said scathingly.
"But the oath…"
"I don't care about the oath. Just leave. Go get in trouble or something." The twins grinned, it was the first time their brother had ever told them to go get in trouble.
"Yes, sir!" They said in unison, both saluting him, before rushing out the common room door. Percy shook his head and turned back to studying.
"I can't believe he didn't want to hear our oath."
"I know, it was so good." George said as he stuffed his wand back in his pocket.
"Yeah, I solemnly swear I am up to no good," He followed suit and put his wand away too, "You can't get better than that." Before they knew it, the two had reached the kitchens, always thinking with their stomachs.
"Hows can Mappy be servinges Young Master?" The elf squeaked as they walked in the portrait.
"Got any chocolate pudding?" George asked eagerly, and glanced over at Fred, who was too deep in thought to make any requests for food. His loss.
"Yeses, Young Master, Rights away."
"So has that stupid piece of parchment done anything remotely dangerous yet?"
"Nope, but I've got it with me in case you'd like to try making it explode."
"Let's, if it's not good for much else…" Fred pulled it out of his back pocket.
"BLOODY HELL!" His twin shouted, though nobody turned. The house elves were adjusted to the trouble makers randomly shouting explicatives. The two stared at the piece of parchment as words wrote themselves across the top.
The Sons of Slytherin,
Later known as the Marauders,
Would like to formally congratulate
The newest of Hogwart's Marauders
On figuring out the secret password
To this wonderful map of Hogwarts.
You are hereby ordered to report to
Marauder Sanctus,
In its location,
As indicated in the Map,
Which you now possess.
Good luck,
And don't forget:
Watch your step,
Or we will be.
"Uhhh, Fred… When did we become shorter than the house elves?"
"Bloody Hell, George! You've gotten fatter!"
"And your legs are shorter than a flobberworm's!"
"Eergh! I feel stupider!" Fred shouted, to add to the dramatic situation.
"You've always been stupid, Fred. This cursed map thingy was your idea."
"The wand oath wasn't my idea!"
"Yes it was!"
"No it wasn't!"
"Yes! It was!"
"No! Wasn't!"
"Yes! Was too!"
"Whatever, where does the map say to go?"
"Good question, it says to go to several places, " Indeed, the map did tell them to go to several places. There were 33 locations, four per floor, one in the great hall, one in the quittidch pitch, another in the great lake, one on the green house roof, and one on the very edge of the map with an arrow pointing towards the Dark Forest. Each location was denoted with a bright red number, going from number one, in the dungeons, to number 33, the one with the arrow pointing towards the Dark Forest.
"Do you have your dice?" He continued looking thoughtfully at the map.
"Always do, why?" George responded.
"Because it's blatantly obvious that it's not worth the effort to run around to all thirty-some places and then discover that it's not one of them. Duh. The dice can tell us something." Fred pulled a set of gambling dice out of his pocket and rolled them on the map and George did the same. All the red numbers still showed.
"Whatdya think that means?" George asked.
"That we aren't going to any of the red spots."
"Then where do we go?"
"What do the dice have in common?"
"Folds in the parchment... They all meet here." He pointed to a spot on the map.
"Seems about right, let's go."
A short man sat watching a wall, which of course was filled with a portrait that showed the happenings in another part of the castle.
"So, Shortstop, what'd I miss?" A woman with overly large spectacles casually asked as she walked into the room carrying a bowl of popcorn and two butter beers.
"They already figured out where to go." He replied, getting up and taking one of the butter beers.
"Really? It took my group a whole three months searching all the places marked on the map, and one of those months was spent trying to find the one in the forbidden forest."
"FRED! GEORGE! Why the blazes am I a bloody gnome?" A loud and angry shout came echoing through the magical walkie talkies the group carried at all times. The twins shared a look, wondering why Lee was also a gnome, when he hadn't been there when the map opened. The now-gnome twins rushed, or rather waddled up to the dorms. By the time they had reached the stairs, they had shrunk to the height of two stair treads. It now looked like they wouldn't be able to get up the stairs. Regardless, they had to try, and of course fail.
"I absolutely love Hogwarts' sense of humor." The woman commented as she grabbed another handful of popcorn.
"I agree, it is just so entertaining. Who knew that gnomes can't climb stairs?" He chuckled.
Fred looked at his toppled over brother, and asked, "Plan B6?"
"Yeah." His brother replied.
"LEE! FALOOSA!" The two shouted into their walkie talkies.
"I wonder how they came up with that word."
"I wonder what exactly their plan B6 is.."
"And I wonder how exactly they came up with this plan." A man said as he walked into the room, with a chuckle. Hearing his entrance, the short man stood.
"Messr. Moony, a pleasure to be in the presence of a current Marauder."
"The pleasure is mine, Shortstop. I've been alone for far too long." He replied with a wise smile.
"I didn't think you would come back."
"It's been nine long years.. But Prongs, Wormtail.. and Lily... They would... I don't know what they would do, they're dead." A tear rolled down his face, he took a deep breath and continued, "They wouldn't be happy with me for the way I've been living."
"I know. For all my inner eye is worth, they wouldn't want you lonely. Hogwarts would never turn away a Marauder, stay with us here, Messr. Moony." A door shimmered into place on a nearby wall, it slowly swung open to reveal a bedroom.
"Maybe your inner eye is right for once.." Moony said with a sad chuckle.
A backpack came rolling down the stairs, quickly followed by a gnome. Once at the bottom, he confronted the other two gnomes.
"So why the blazes am I a gnome?"
"We're not exactly sure."
"See, there was this odd wand oath, and then there was this map, and then there was a place on this map we're supposed to go to, and then we got turned into gnomes."
"So then what does faloosa mean?"
"That you need to get the botched transfigurations kit."
"Uhmmm... I grabbed the magical creature hunting kit."
"Why'd you do that?"
"I thought that was what faloosa meant!" Lee said indignantly
"You must have confused it with fallopa," Fred started,
"That's the code word for giant gorilla hunting kit," George finished.
"Where did they find the insight to create a botched transfigurations kit?"
"Beats me, maybe your inner eye can tell you."
"My inner eye has been non-responsive lately. I think it's getting a bit angry with me..." Moony burst out laughing, remembering a certain conversation about her inner eye they had in school. He was certain that event was written down somewhere.
"So we're going to this spot on the map...?" lee asked tentatively as the twin gnomes showed him the map.
"Yep, and when we get there, we'll find out if we'll be gnomes forever, we reckon."
"Let's go." George told the other two, attempting to get them moving.
"But George, we have to go up two floors." Lee pointed out.
"And that matters why?..."
"We have to climb two flights of stairs."
"Bugger!"
Author's Note: There will be some references to my other Marauder stories, I suggest reading them. I'm not sure how our gnomes will be getting up the stairs... Suggestions? Do leave a review and give me your opinion. Also, do give me any grand ideas you have for adventures that this story could experience. I haven't planned it very far, and don't know where it's going. So... Suggestions? Other than that, I like reviews, so please do leave me a review, you reviewers give me the inspiration to continue my stories.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything more than my precious ideas.