Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of its characters.

Spoiler: Baltimore, Pyramid, lots of other stuff

Pairing: EJ/Tony, Gibbs & Tony father-son

Too Small

By Headbanger_Rockstar

It all seemed a bit anti-climatic really. Tony DiNozzo glanced around the bullpen and let out a quiet sigh. He had been in the meeting with the new Secretary of the Navy and Director Vance until late. The bullpen was empty, the lights were dim, and the entire floor was quiet. The Port-To-Port killer had been apprehended, escaped, and finally killed, leaving the team with a boatload of paperwork and a funeral to attend.

Glancing around as he picked up his backpack, Tony pulled out his cell phone when it rang. He smiled at the familiar number and answered.

"Come over."

He smiled at the order and nodded, though it was unseen by the person on the other end of the line. "I'll bring the beer," he said. He stepped into the elevator and watched the doors close on all of the stress of the past few weeks. It was time for some relaxation.

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Tony smiled when EJ opened the door. "Hi," she said shortly, turning around and walking away from the entryway.

Tony stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "Hey," he said as he glanced around at the moving boxes. "I thought you said you were going to stick around DC until you figured out what your next move was going to be?"

She flipped on him then, her smile warm, but her eyes were cold. She was definitely looking haunted by the events of the past few weeks. "I figured out my next move," she said, her tone almost snappish.

Tony frowned. Had he done something wrong? All he'd done was care about EJ. "Well okay then," he said uncomfortably, dropping to sit on the couch stiffly. EJ walked to the kitchen and came back with a pizza box which she plopped unceremoniously on the table. She picked out a piece and put it on a paper plate and then leaned back against the back of the couch, tucking her legs up under her.

Tony sat with his elbows on his knees, staring at the pizza. "So where are you heading," he asked her quietly as she ate her pizza. He didn't feel hungry anymore. Instead he felt almost sick.

"I'm moving to the FBI," she said. "They have a position in Salt Lake City."

"You're moving to Utah?"

EJ tossed her plate down onto the table. "I don't have anything keeping me here," she said. "Do I?"

Tony felt mildly like he'd been kicked. "You could," he said softly.

EJ leaned forward then, her fingers tracing along the hair at the back of his neck. "Let's go to bed," she whispered softly in his ear.

Tony took a deep breath and nodded. He followed her to the bedroom and closed the door. He watched as she gave him a sexy little striptease, but his wounded pride blocked his arousal. EJ was an aggressive lover. She liked to be on top and was all nails and teeth. Once her clothes were gone she tugged at Tony's tie and pulled it off, before she grabbed his shirt and ripped the front open, popping off three buttons in the process.

"I can unbutton it for you if you like," Tony grumbled, hating that he had yet another shirt with so many missing buttons now.

"I like it like this better," she purred in his ear before biting it painfully. She pushed him back on the bed and pounced on him like a tigress. She pulled his belt open, taking no notice as she tossed it to the side that his knife fell out. She unbuttoned his pants and eased down the zipper before reaching inside and grabbing his penis in a tight fisted grip and squeezing it tightly as she pulled him out of his pants.

"C'mon," she moaned when she saw that Tony was not even slightly hard. "You wanna fuck me or not?"

"Course I do," Tony said, "just gotta get my head in the game, that's all."

EJ pushed him back and straddled his hips. "But you love this," she said silkily, sliding his only half hard dick into her hot body. "Fuck me," she growled. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Give me something to remember DC by," she said.

Tony moved as if to flip them over so he could be on top but she tightened on him painfully and pushed his shoulders back down.

"NO," she said forcefully, and began bouncing her hips on him. There was no pleasure in this—for either of them.

Tony reached up and tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear and realized what was happening. EJ was trying to work out all of her frustrations and fears on him. He grabbed her hips stopping her reckless, almost desperate motions. "Hey," he said softly. "Not like this…Take it easy honey. It's just you and me here."

She backhanded him hard across the face, her ring catching his cheekbone, and glared down at him. "If you don't want me like I am then get the fuck out of my bed," she snapped. "I want it rough tonight and I want to be in charge. If you aren't man enough to handle it you can leave now."

When he didn't move and didn't say anything, she twisted out of his gentle hold and pinned him to the bed. She was biting and clawing and sucking and kissing and when he felt himself sliding into her body again he didn't try to fight her off. He figured she needed this, so he'd let her draw whatever she needed from him.

She finally screamed to a finish. She collapsed on his chest, breathing hard, totally spent and didn't notice that Tony hadn't come. Tony laid on his back and stared at the ceiling and trying not to think about what had just happened. She was a fireball for sure, but Tony had thought he could really care for her in the long-haul, in it to win it, happily ever after, kind of way. It was obvious tonight she was upset and needed to feel like she was in control and feel like she was powerful because the Port To Port killer had taken her control and her freedom away from her not once, but twice, and she was feeling vulnerable.

He ran a hand through her tangled, sweaty hair and kissed the top of her head. "It's gonna be ok," he murmured.

His heart dropped when she laughed. "Awww really DiNozzo? That's cute," EJ said as she sat up. She grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it on, and looked around for her missing panties.

"It's not cute," Tony snapped as he sat up. "I don't know what you want from me, but I love you EJ. I'm in love with you," he said seriously.

EJ stopped then and came over to where he was now sitting on the edge of the bed. "Oh my God," she breathed. "You're really serious!"

"Yeah," Tony nodded. "I am."

EJ laughed harshly. "Oh you are so adorable! You didn't honestly…I mean you didn't really think that…you knew this was only a fling right? We're only fuck buddies. You know that, right?"

"We spend an awful lot of time together for this to just be fuck buddies," Tony said.

EJ laughed again. "I'm a team leader DiNozzo. Of a Major Criminal Response Team. You are a field agent. You are a peon DiNozzo. Nothing more. You're not special. I just needed someone to have my fun with while I was in town. You didn't really think this would be a long-term thing did you?"

His silence gave her the answer she needed. "Oh this is too much," she crowed, fighting down a laugh. "It's not like I'd ever pick out someone like you to marry," she snarked. "Seriously? You're so far up Leroy Jethro Gibbs' ass there's no way any woman could ever compete with that. You're just a small little peon DiNozzo. You'll always be Gibbs' number two man, because you just aren't man enough to be the number one."

Tony picked up his ruined shirt and pulled up his pants. "I should go," he said softly. He hated himself for telling her how he felt. It'd have been much easier to just slide into the night and lick his wounds in private. But now…now he had to face his feelings, and her lack of feelings…Publicly…With his…With EJ watching.

"Yeah you should go," she snarked. "Go run to Gibbs and tell him to kiss it and make it better," she laughed. "Oh man I can't believe you really thought—I mean you really are serious? You're not joking?" EJ followed Tony into the living room where he picked up the six pack he'd brought with him and pulled his keys out of his pocket.

"Take care," he said shortly.

"Wait—you can't just leave like this," EJ sputtered, realizing that Tony was serious. "I mean we're gonna—it's my last night to—oh my God you're leaving now? Just like this? I thought we were going to—Tony I was just playing around—kidding you know? It's a game Tony."

"EJ look. I'm almost 40 years old. I'm not into games anymore. Good luck in Salt Lake."

Tony shut the apartment door behind him without a backwards glance and walked right out of EJ Barrett's life. It wasn't until he got to the car and started it up that he realized he'd been played again as memories of Wendy drifted through his mind.

Tony pulled out in traffic and drove away into the dark night.

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Gibbs was at his worktop in the basement, safety glasses carefully placed over his eyes and working diligently on the carving he was making. He glanced at the clock propped up on the workbench against the wall and saw that it was nearly midnight.

The case hadn't ended as they'd planned, but perhaps had ended the only way it could. Gibbs had been more shocked than relieved to have Vance accompanying him to back up Davenport and until the autopsy was finished, it would be impossible to say who fired the shot that killed their murderer, or if, in fact, a shot was what killed him. The man had fallen several floors after being shot, landing heavily on his back on the roof of a car.

Gibbs heard a noise and his hand immediately went to his gun. It sounded like his front door opened. He waited just a moment, listening intently, before setting the gun on the worktop beside him. A moment later he heard a floorboard creak and the gun was back in his hand and he was halfway up the stairs in a matter of seconds. After the past few weeks, he was taking no chances. Moving quietly, Gibbs carefully made his way to the top of the stairs, not wanting to give the intruder any sort of edge by letting them know he was home.

Opening the basement door silently, Gibbs moved through his house with a stealth that would make any soldier jealous. There…in the living room…

"Don't shoot me Boss," Tony's voice slurred softly.

Gibbs hit the lights and lowered his gun. "Jesus Christ DiNozzo! What the hell are ya doing?"

Tony's back was to Gibbs, and it was easy for the older man to see the slump in Tony's shoulders as he shrugged them, and the slow, slightly stiff way he was moving.

Gibbs glanced out the window and didn't see Tony's car which surprised him. "How'd you get here?"

"Didn't…didn't figure I should drive," Tony slurred again, turning to face the older man.

Gibbs gasped when he saw the state Tony's face was in and he wondered if the slurring was from alcohol or the beating he'd obviously taken. "What the hell happened to you?"

Gibbs didn't hide the bark in his voice and Tony visibly recoiled from it. "Shouldn'ta come here," he said softly, shaking his head sadly. "I'll just go. Sorry I bothered you," he murmured and turned toward the door, staggering and nearly falling over.

A hand shot out and caught his arm as he swayed horribly, and the smell of alcohol filled Gibbs' nose. "Oh Tony," he said softly. "Come sit down."

He steered the young man he thought of as a son over to the couch and gently pushed him into a sitting position. Tony blinked and looked around as if wondering how he'd come to be here, one hand rubbing over his mouth.

"I'll go make us some coffee alright? You just sit tight," Gibbs told him, heading for the kitchen.

Tony stared at the empty fireplace as he waited for Gibbs to come back. He smiled sadly when he thought of Wendy and the night he'd proposed to her. It was so perfect. Everything had been perfect, and then everything had gotten so messed up. Tony sniffed and was so drunk he didn't even notice the two huge tears that rolled down his cheeks.

"Here we go," Gibbs said, returning to the room and joining him on the couch. He passed the younger man a cup of black coffee and took a sip of his own. "Now tell me what's wrong," he pressed gently. "We got the bad guys and your girlfriend is alive and well. What's wrong?"

Tony took a sip of the black brew and shuddered at the bitterness of it. "Everything's wrong Boss," he said softly. "Everything is all wrong. It's all fucked up."

"Hey," Gibbs wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed gently. "It can't be that bad. Talk to me."

"It's my fault this time. I left her. I'm usually the one who gets left behind, but this time it was me leaving," Tony mumbled.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "Are you and Agent Barrett having some troubles?"

"We broke up," Tony whispered brokenly, bowing his head. "I left her."

Gibbs sighed and ran a hand over the back of Tony's head affectionately. "Ah Tony," he said. "You know…I was worried something like this might happen," he said gently. "It's why rule number twelve is there to start with."

"I know," Tony whispered. His voice was shaking with emotion. "I just couldn't…I mean…I didn't want…she's always rough y'know? But tonight she was cold, and rough, and I know it's because she was feeling scared and vulnerable after everything that happened, but it just made me…and I had to get out of there. So I broke up with her, and I left. She was taunting me, telling me to come here so you could kiss it and make it better…no offense, but I don't want you to kiss me Gibbs." Tony glanced up at Gibbs with a watery smile.

"Don't wanna kiss ya DiNozzo," Gibbs said drily. "So you left EJ's and you went drinking."

"No went home. Had to change clothes."

"What was wrong with what you were wearing?"

"She um…well she kinda ripped the buttons off of my shirt."

"Did she hit you Tony? Did she do this to your face?"

"She didn't mean to Boss. She had her ring on and it caught my cheek when she…"

"When she hit you," Gibbs finished softly and Tony looked away and nodded.

"Gibbs? Do you think…do you think I would make a good team leader?"

Gibbs blinked at the change in topic and watched Tony carefully. "I wouldn't have let you run my team if I didn't think you'd be a good team leader DiNozzo," he said softly. "I think you're going to make a great lead one day."

"Do you think I'm ready now?"

"Have you been offered a position Tony? What's going on?" Gibbs was confused by the line of questions and his gut churned with ideas of what the questions might be leading up to.

"No it's nothing like that Boss…it's just…EJ said something tonight…got me thinking."

"What'd she say to you?" Gibbs didn't have a lot of use for the pretty blond haired agent to start with and his opinion of her was growing less and less favorable with each passing day.

"She told me all I'll ever be is a peon Gibbs, that all I'll ever be is your number two, because I'm not good enough to be number one."

"EJ is wrong, you're going to be great when your time comes," Gibbs said firmly.

Tony nodded and a memory washed over him as he thought about EJ's words and he shuddered. "Too small," he whispered.

"What Tony? What's too small?"

"Oh it's uh, it's nothing Boss."

The smack on the back of his head nearly made him dump his cup of coffee into his lap. Tony sighed. "All of this makes me think of what happened with Wendy in Baltimore for some reason."

Gibbs' eyes narrowed slightly. He'd never heard of Wendy before. "Tony…"

"You'd have loved her Boss. She was beautiful—huge blue eyes, dark hair…everything about her just reeked of perfection," Tony said wistfully, and Gibbs' gut churned a bit.

"What happened?"

"I proposed to her," Tony said morosely.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"You've been married four times Boss, what do you think?"

Gibbs chuckled. Tony had him there, he had to admit it. "Point," he said.

"I bought her a ring…beautiful diamond, quarter caret, princess cut, white gold band…it was the perfect engagement ring. Spent four months saving money to buy it for her. Police officers don't make much money you know."

"So what happened?"

"I took her to a fancy restaurant. Bought the most expensive bottle of wine—only the best you know. We had dinner, there was dancing, there was a live band…it was the perfect night."

Tony took a sip of his coffee and stared at the wall. "I knew it was time to ask her. I knew it would be perfect," he said softly. "So I got down on one knee, right there in the restaurant where we'd had such a wonderful evening, and I asked Wendy to marry me."

Gibbs took a sip of his own coffee and tried to ignore the sick feeling rising in his gut. This wasn't going to end well—obviously—Tony and Wendy were not together now. "What'd she say?"

"I opened the box with the ring inside, the ring I was so proud of, the one I had worked so hard to get for her, and she took one look at it and I knew right then things weren't going to go like I planned…"

"Really Tony? That's it?"

"What do you mean?" Tony smiled easily from the floor where he was still sitting on his bad knee. "I want you to be my wife," he said softly.

"If you really wanted me to be your wife you'd have bought me a ring that proves that."

Tony was confused. He'd picked out an engagement ring—the shopkeeper had insisted that this was the latest fashion, the most modern designs, that most beautiful engagement rings they sold in that store.

"I don't understand…"

"I'm not stupid Tony. I know you come from the DiNozzo family from Long Island. You're filthy rich—you practically drip money! But you live in a dumpy apartment, wear tube socks for God's sakes, and now you want to get engaged and you buy me this pathetic little diamond? It's too small Tony—you have the money to buy me something big and flashy. Don't you think that's what I deserve?"

"Of course you deserve that," Tony said, moving back to his chair. "But you don't know anything about my family—you don't understand—"

"How could I understand," she retorted, her voice getting louder as her patience wore thin. "You never talk about them! You never let me meet them! Now you buy me this little tiny ring—that's what guys who have nothing do Tony! You aren't like that!"

"I don't talk about my family because I don't talk TO my family. I was disowned when I was twelve!"

Wendy sat back and crossed her arms. "Oh that's cute. Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you…I just thought that…" Tony sighed. "Tell you what. I'll take it back and get something bigger. I love you. I want you to be my wife," he said again. He'd keep saying it too, until she believed him—no matter how long it took.

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They were watching for their suspect to make the drop, and Tony felt the ring box still in his pocket. Damn he'd forgotten to take it out. With a last glance through the camera scope, Tony pulled it out and opened the box.

"No kidding man! Is that—are you going to finally ask Wendy to marry you?" Danny, his partner, was all smiles and excitement.

Tony forced a smile to his face and pulled the ring from the box. "I've already asked her," he said with a grin. "I gotta take it back though…and get it resized." Tony lifted the ring to his eye and looked through it at his partner. "It's too small," he said with an easy smile…

"…and then I met you Boss, and moved to DC. I called Wendy to let her know I'd been offered a job and she told me she hoped I liked DC and asked me not to call again. That was…gosh that was ten years ago now Boss," Tony said wistfully, blinking away the memory. "I miss her."

Gibbs whacked him gently over the back of the head. "Listen to me," he said firmly. "What she did to you was wrong. I know you miss her, and I know you'll always wonder what would have happened if you'd done things differently, but believe me DiNozzo—I've got three ex-wives—if you didn't screw up on that part, you'd have screwed up on something else."

Tony nodded and stared at his lap. "I always screw up," he said. "I don't know why…I try not to but it always happens. Screwed up with my dad enough to make him disown me. Screwed up my football career by letting Pitt break my leg. Screwed up Baltimore by confronting Danny about his part in the money laundering ring. Screwed up with Wendy…" Tony's breath was hitching and he was getting more and more upset. "Got the damn plague Boss—doesn't get much more screwed up than that. Let Kate die, let Paula die, fell in love with Jeanne…man I don't even wanna think about that…then Jenny," Tony shuddered and Gibbs knew it was time to stop him.

"How many times have we all told you that those things weren't your fault? And you were right to confront Danny—you could have gotten yourself killed otherwise. But Kate, Paula, Jeanne, and Jenny were not your fault. We've been through that. You don't have to punish yourself anymore for those things Tony."

"Well then how about I punish myself for this last case," Tony said. His voice held a desperation to it that Gibbs found disturbing.

"Why would you punish yourself for the last case?"

"Because…because EJ's partner got killed…her other agent was shot…she was taken…oh God he almost killed her…and then Ziva…Boss I really thought Ziva was dead; I didn't think we'd get her back…and then…and then Cobb took Palmer and EJ…Boss Palmer's one of my best friends, and EJ…oh God Boss I shoulda protected them—why didn't I have their sixes?"

"Because you had mine when we were getting Ziva," Gibbs reminded him gently. "This wasn't your fault Tony. You did everything you were told, you did a damn fine job." The only complaint Gibbs had was regarding Tony's relationship with EJ. But he wasn't going to bring that up now.

Tony leaned forward and put his head in his hands. "Don't wanna screw up anymore," he whispered. Gibbs rested a hand on Tony's back between his shoulder blades. "You can sleep in the guest room Tony," he said softly. "C'mon you've had enough for one day. It's time for some sleep."

"Boss there's more…I can't keep it a secret, not from you. Not after everything that happened last time," Tony said softly as they made their way up the stairs.

Agent Gibbs and the team need not know about this.

"Tony I trust you. If there's something you haven't told me I'm sure you have a good reason why, and I'm sure you'll tell me when the time comes. Just trust me to have your six alright?"

Tony stared at Gibbs and nodded silently. Gibbs nodded once. "Good boy. Now, let's get you settled."

Once Gibbs had left him to his nightly routine, Tony thought back over Gibbs' words after the undercover op for Jenny. "You should have trusted me to have your six. You should have told me."

Gibbs words then seemed sort of conflicting with his words now. "Tony I trust you. If there's something you haven't told me I'm sure you have a good reason why, and I'm sure you'll tell me when the time comes. Just trust me to have your six alright?"

Tony wanted Gibbs to demand that Tony tell him. Tony knew he couldn't stand up to Gibbs and lie to his face like he did before. Too much had happened now for that. But Tony had also given his word that he wouldn't say anything to Gibbs and the others about what the SecNav wanted him to do.

Tony climbed into bed and for a long time he lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and trying not to think about the face staring back at him out of that file. Gibbs told Tony he trusted him.

Tony sure hope he meant that.

The End.