Lessons in Private Investigating
Over the summer Annie dated a guy named Evan. But at the start of the new semester he surprisingly broke up with her. Naturally Annie is devastated, embarrassed and for the first time in her life she stays at home during a school day. Troy and Abed are over challenged with the situation and turn to Britta who in their mind is well experienced in break-ups and relationship. Being a psyche Major Britta is very excited to help Annie get over this douche. After all women should not be whining about some dude who didn't even deserve them.
The study group is discussing the issue in the library while Annie is crying her eyes out at home.
"That poor thing." Shirley says sympathetically. Jeff reacts rather strong to the news of the break-up. He's enraged about the fact that someone broke up with Annie.
"She deserves better and this guy is an idiot for not seeing how awesome she is!" Everyone is staring at him. But soon turning to other topics like the Dean's new idea of themed days. This day is supposed to be bring-your-baby-photos-to-school day. Nobody took that seriously. Having discussed everything, Shirley leaves for the bathroom. Troy and Abed are eager to get the best mini-pizzas for lunch and Pierce is off to the Sandwich Shop. That leaves Jeff and Britta alone at the study table.
„What's going on with you defending Annie so strongly? ", she asks expecting to get a snarky comment. But Jeff just shrugs his shoulders not understanding what the fuss is about. Rolling her eyes Britta starts talking about her plan to talk to Annie and make her feel better. Given that she has a lot of experience in relationships and love, she could give her some good advice. At the word „advice" Jeff chuckles and can't help to inform Britta that she is anything but a love expert. Moreover, apart from her lack of sensitivity, Annie wouldn't want a parental lecture on relationships anyways.
„Maybe you could come with me then and we'll help her together? ", surrenders Britta. Jeff can only imagine the awkwardness of him and Britta playing relationship advisor with Annie. „But we've got to do something! " Britta insists when seeing the skeptical look on Jeff's face.
„We're her friends and Troy and Abed aren't going to do it. They have no idea how to handle these kinds of things, especially Abed. Can you imagine him comforting Annie? "For once Britta is right, Jeff thinks. But what else could they possibly do without going into creepy mum and dad mode? Suddenly his eyes light up with an idea.
„Let me call Annie, I'll handle it. " Britta stares at him blankly.
„What's you plan, Winger? " She asks impatiently. But Jeff has already gone out of the study room and into the library corridor. The phone rings once, twice, three times, four times. At the fifth ring Annie answers her phone with a shaky „Yes? "
„Hi, Annie, it's me, Jeff. ", he says nervously when hearing her weak voice.
„I know, I see your name on the display. What is it? I know I missed class today, "she says tiredly.
„Yeah…I…we heard about it. And we're really sorry, Annie." I'm really not good at this, he thinks. Let's better cut to the chase: „So Britta and I had an idea..."
„I don't need grief counseling from Britta again. We've already been there with Star-Burns. At the end we trashed the school, so…"
„No no, it's not like that Annie. We thought about getting you out of your little room and get…"he sighs audibly into the speaker, „… considerably drunk and have some fun. What do you say? ". Silence at the other end of the line. Did he really think that his way of dealing with negative things would help Annie? Annie the walking day planner, Annie the sweet perfectionist with the crease-free clothes?
„Sounds fine to me…", Annie coyly replies eventually.
„Really?...I mean, great! Let's say 8 p.m my place? Britta and I'll bring the booze. You just…show up, alright? "
„Okay….you're really great friends", Annie says and Jeff swears he could hear a little smile in her voice for the first time in their conversation. Then it strikes him. Getting considerably drunk with Annie and Britta at his place? Some unholy fantasies flashed his mind. „Shirley would so not approve", he mumbles amusedly to himself.
„What would Shirley not? ", Says a sweet voice behind him. It's Shirley returning from her bathroom break.
„You wouldn't approve if we didn't go and eat one of your sandwiches for lunch", he says with a bright mischievous smile. Raising one eye-brow Shirley turns around and vanishes towards the cafeteria. „That better be true! ", she says while walking away. Jeff exhales and returns to Britta who still sits at the study table. „So? ", she asks, „what did she say? "
„She said it's fine, we'll meet at 8 at my place." He grins, knowing that Britta missed to ask the right question first. „I mean, what did YOU say, dummy? Meet for what? "
„I said we'll get her out of her little room and get drunk. Real drunk. You and I get the booze. "
At the sandwich shop's back office Shirley and Pierce are eating lunch. „Pierce, can I ask you something? "
„Shoot! ", Pierce mumbles with his mouth full of tuna sandwich. „Do you think that maybe…Jeff and Britta are…", Shirley struggles with mouthing the words she fears to be true since she overheard Jeff planning something she wouldn't approve of.
„Gay? ", Pierce finishes her sentence, „I've suspected that since the very beginning. If you ask me, no straight man would wear such tight shirts. "
„Ugh Pierce, I don't mean gay. I mean…having premarital sex…again. ", She whispers the last few words. „Why would you think that? ".
„Well, I overheard Jeff making some plans for tonight at his place. And then he said that I wouldn't approve of it. And I kept thinking what it could be. The only conclusion I came to is that he and Britta are secretly sleeping together again."
"So they're not gay. That's disappointing."
"Pierce, do you still have that espionage equipment from when we were investigating Britta's sandwich guy?" says Shirley ignoring Pierce's "pierce-ness".
"Sure, I even expanded the collection. I can give you something called the grappling-mic; half grappling hook, half microphone. It's 950$ but I'm willing to give you a discount."
"I think a car with tinted glasses and a good, normal microphone will do. Are you in?"
"In what? I don't understand, Shirley." Pierces says visibly confused.
"I'm going to wait for Britta to leave her apartment and follow her to Jeff's. So I have evidence if I'm confronting them."
"Shirley, you're lucky. My third wife always called me Bond. Because of our bondage games and because I'm also a great spy."
"Oh good Lord, you better make me not regret this."