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Boo

Laseema

I'm in the den with Kad'ika on my lap. I've come up with a sort of game to pass the time. I point at different people in the room and ask him who they are. He's supposed to say ba'buir or ba'vodu, to the best of his ability of course. We had already gone through Kal'buir and the others when Atin walked in.

"Who's that, Kad'ika?" I ask, pointing at my husband. Kad tilts his head to the right, thinking.

"Boo." Everyone freezes. Kad must feel their suprise because he looks at all their faces.

"No, Kad'ika. I'm Ba'vodu. I'm Uncle." Atin says, shaking his head.

"Boo," Kad insists.

"No, Kad. Your buir isn't here."

Kad stares at him, searching his face for something, then tucks his own into my neck. Atin and I try to get him to talk, but he refuses to look at anybody. Kal'buir comes over to pick him up, and carries him away after a shared look with Atin. After he leaves, everyone carries on with their previous task, although I knew what we were all thinking.

Darman, in Kad's mind, has been replaced.

In our quarters later that night, Atin is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off into space, which isn't really all that unusual. Most of the time, he's thinking about the six brothers he had, his first and second squads. Tek, Arn, and Forr, his original pod brothers. Then Cy, another Niner, and Wes.

Now, though, I know he's remembering the little scene from earlier. I hug him from behind and rest my head on his shoulder. One of his hands absently cover mine.

"It's not your fault, At'ika. And it's not Dar's, either," I say, quietly.

"Then why do I feel like it is?"

"Darman chose to stay to protect Niner, right? So what almost happened to Fi wouldn't happen to him?"

"I could've stayed instead. Kad could've had Darman around."

"But it didn't happen that way." But he doesn't hear me.

"He could have come home when Ordo went to get him. But he stayed. For some shabla reason he stayed! And Niner did, too." I don't have anything to say to that. I pull him around to face me and kiss him, laying back on the bed. We don't talk for the rest of the night.

Atin

Kad's kicking around a ball outside, with A'den keeping an eye on him. I lean against the railing watching him for a bit, waiting. When he kicks it my way, I lean down and pick it up, holding it out for him to take. He won't come.

"Here, Kad. Don't you want the ball?" He shakes his head, looking from A'den to me and back again. "Why?"

"Go on, Kad'ika. Get it," A'den coaxes. I think he knows what I'm trying to do. Kad hasn't spoken or looked at me for a week.

"Don't want it."

"Why?" I ask again. He turns and runs in the direction of Uthan's lab. I go after him, waving A'den off when he tries to follow.

He's halfway there when I pick him up. At first, he tries to fight, but gives up when I won't let go. He crosses his arms, just like a little Kal'buir, and refuses to look at me. I sit down on the grass, keeping him on my lap.

"What's wrong, Kad'ika? Why are you mad at me?"

"Not Boo."

"I've already told you that."

"Where's Boo?" I sigh through my nose.

"A long way away. But he'll come home soon." Maybe.

"When?" His lips are trembling, but he doesn't cry. He doesn't very much at all, really. Even before...

"Soon. I don't know when. But you have to wait, okay?"

"Okay." But he doesn't look convinced. The next time I see Darman, I'm going to smack the hell out of him for abandoning Kad. Then hug him. He is my brother, after all. Love-hate and all that.

Get home soon, Dar. Your son's waiting.