The Rationality in the Relationship
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Disclaimer: Bones belongs to Fox. The song lyrics belong to The Fray's amazing song "Say When."
Author's Note: I love writing, and I have this awful habit where I write, write, write until I worry that my fingers will fall off, but I never post anything. This was the first piece that I ever wrote for Bones and it started off as a drabble and a character study. I set out to edit it and of course it ran away from me and became longer than I intended. Maybe if you squint, you'll be able to find a tiny amount of plot in this oneshot.
Summary: Temperance Brennan isn't a believer, so it's a good thing that Seeley Booth is.
We're coming close and then even closer
We bring it in but we go no further
We're separate, two ghosts
In one mirror, no nearer
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Temperance Brennan isn't a believer.
She doesn't believe in any higher deity and she doesn't follow a religion. She doesn't believe in jumping to conclusions before discovering and taking careful note of all the available evidence. She doesn't believe in the ridiculous notion of "happily ever after" or fairy tales or love at first sight, all of which are so highly improbable that it actually eludes her how any person with a working brain can believe in such concepts. Sometimes, she wonders if there is anything in which she believes at all.
It isn't like she enjoys the solemnity of being a skeptic. There are moments when she closes her eyes and pretends that she is just like anybody else, when she pretends that everything in which she doesn't believe is actually plausible and she even acknowledges that such a world would be extremely ideal. Occasionally, she wishes that she is a believer—like her partner and friend, Seeley Booth.
Booth is strong in all the fields that she is not. He feels openly and he reads people, while she focuses on getting rid of her demons with a defense comprised of science and reason. She and Booth are different, so diverse from each other that it sometimes amazes her that they get along so well as partners and that, somehow, through something akin to a miracle, they were able to develop into best friends.
Frustrated by her circuitous thought process, Brennan sits in her office, a precise illustration of rationality as she carefully weighs the evidence provided by recent events. Nobody, not even Booth, knows that she likes to make pros and cons lists when she doesn't have a conclusion.
"Bones?" Booth is tentatively standing in the doorway, everything about his demeanor screaming caution. He hesitates noticeably, unsure of whether he is welcome to enter, and when she doesn't show him any indication of what she wants him to do, he takes one step inside and closes the door. "Are you… Will you talk to me?"
She doesn't understand the logic behind it, but suddenly she is angry to see Booth—the seemingly only stationary aspect of her life—seem so uncertain. All she wants is a trustworthy routine and it scares her to think that she doesn't even have that anymore. "I just want to be alone, Booth," she says sharply, picking up some papers from her desk and shuffling them into order just so that it appears that she actually has something to do.
He shakes his head in exasperation, and she isn't sure if she is more comforted or irritated by the fact that he knows her too well, better than anybody else knows her. "Don't do this, Bones. Don't try to shut me out. Can we just talk about it?" She can't bring herself to even look at him, afraid that if she does, he will be able to read her easily. When she doesn't give him an answer, he sighs, weary but unrelenting. "I didn't mean to upset you earlier."
Brennan stiffens visibly. "You didn't upset me," she states composedly, in contrast to her rigid posture. "I was not bothered by your conclusion in the slightest. Every person is entitled to his or her own opinion, formed by evidence—"
"Bones," he interrupts softly. "Don't forget that I know you." He takes a deep breath. "I meant what I said earlier. People say I only think I feel this way because of the brain surgery, because of brain scans—whatever, Bones, I don't care what they say because I know who I am and I know who you are. I meant everything I said to you earlier. I wasn't trying to freak you out. I didn't want you to run away. I'll take us how we are, if that's what you're happy with. But sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm crazy or if I really see that you want the same thing that I do—if you want more than just what we already have, and if you want it with me."
Brennan likes to make pros and cons lists when she is trying to form a conclusion. She prefers to keep her information organized and to make her decisions based on pure, untainted reason. Her thoughts are sorted into neat boxes in her mind's eye. Booth does not fix into any of her structured boxes. She can't decide if it's because he has his very own box or if it's because there is a small part of him in every single box that she has. And for the first time, she realizes with a suspiciously happy jolt that it really doesn't matter that she can't figure out an answer.
"Booth? Yes."
"Yes what, Bones?"
"Yes, you make my dopamine levels go wild."
Maybe it is true that nothing lasts forever. Maybe they'll find out one day that they are better off as best friends. Maybe they'll regret ever trying to be involved romantically. But maybe there doesn't need to be an end to every beginning. Maybe they'll be happier than they could have ever imagined. Maybe there doesn't need to be a specific answer for everything.
Brennan is a genius, but she doesn't know. However, she knows reasonably, logically, and wisely that they have a good shot at being a very rational couple.
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Say when and my own two hands
Will comfort you tonight, tonight
Say when and my own two arms
Will carry you tonight, tonight
Author's Note: Reviews would be greatly and thoroughly appreciated. Thank you for your time! :)
