This is my first time dipping into fanfiction...so reviews/suggestions would be appreciated to the fullest!
Many thanks to my wonderful beta, the lovely Soo.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, I would totally have lots more Jesse in it.
-1 Are You Somewhere Feeling Lonely?
He looked up to see that the mirror was foggy from the hot shower he had just taken. After drying his face with the hand towel, he wiped the mirror in order to make it clear, all the time avoiding looking into it. Afraid of what he'd see there.
Walking into his room, Jesse felt a sudden sense of relief. He was finally alone after being bombarded with the many congratulatory hugs and smiles. Now he felt completely exhausted.
Lying in his bed, he remembered the day's events. Singing during Regionals had been exhilarating. Having a year's hard work pay off never felt better…or worse.
Closing his eyes, he could see her face, crumpled and fallen. He remembered her trying to avert her eyes from his. Jesse felt a dull ache in his stomach that was becoming all too familiar nowadays. He tried to erase how her whole being seemed to deflate when the winning team was announced.
Instead, he switched to the memory of his parents' proud expressions today. He wondered if they would still feel as proud if they knew what he had done in order to attain that trophy.
His throat suddenly became dry.
Walking down the stairs, he could see the "Congrats" banner that had been put up on the wall on his return from the competition. Upon entering the kitchen, he headed straight to the fridge. He brought out the pitcher of iced tea, and after pouring himself a glass, he turned to place the pitcher back inside. He was about to close the door, when he caught a glimpse of something that made his stomach turn.
Reaching inside the fridge, he brought out an egg and stared at it. Testing its weight in his hand, Jesse saw Rachel's crushed face once again in his mind. Only this time, she was standing in a parking lot.
"Do it. Break it like you broke my heart."
The words rang in his head. Closing his eyes, he let himself repeat the words that were spoken only once before.
"I loved you," he confessed out loud, to no one but himself.
After smashing the egg inside the sink, he dipped his head to release the contents of his stomach. The same way he did that day.
I love you
The same words, only these were in a different tense.
I love you, she read the text again.
Goodnight, she texted back.
It wasn't the first time she'd heard those three words, or in this case, read them. But each time she couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed they were coming from someone else.
Rachel knew that she shouldn't think about Jesse anymore. She was with Finn now, and was determined to make it right with him. After all, he had been right about Jesse all along. At least, that's what she kept telling herself as she kissed him on the stairs, hoping he could help her forget what could have been with Jesse.
But every time she heard those three words from Finn, she couldn't help the sting that brought on the same three words, in a different tense. It hurt to know that I loved you had an entirely different meaning altogether.
Rachel turned off her lamp, as she made her way to bed. Once in bed, she closed her eyes and welcomed the image of Jesse singing during the competition. She had hoped New Directions was strong enough to beat Vocal Adrenaline. Had dreamt of seeing Jesse's face as she walked away with his trophy as he had walked away with her heart. She had hoped she could coax Shelby into coming to coach New Directions. But all her hopes seemed to be crashing down on her lately. The same way dozens of eggs had crashed down on her that day.
Replaying Jesse's image in her head, she realized she was wrong to tell Shelby he didn't have heart. He did, and it showed during his number. There was no denying that laying his heart out on the line during his performances was what made him the star of Vocal Adrenaline.
Yes, Jesse did have a heart.
It just didn't belong to Rachel Barbara Berry, she realized.