I was reading that book Ginny had borrowed me when they came back from Quidditch

I was reading that book Ginny had borrowed me when they came back from Quidditch. 10 Failsafe Ways to Charm Wizards. She thinks it'll help me with the whole Ron situation. I don't know how she knows I even like him. I don't. Much.

"What are you reading?" asked Ron indignantly, trying to see the cover.

"Oh!" I said, startled, "I didn't notice you come in! Er- nothing- just- nothing." Oh Merlin. I can feel my face reddening as I hastily shove it back in my bag. Hope they don't notice.

"No, tell us," laughed Harry, reached for my bag. I swing it out of his way and onto the floor. I would be mortified if he- or Ron- were to see it.

"No! Harry, don't. How was Quidditch practise?" I asked, in want of a different subject.

"Ron was brilliant." Good. It worked. Now we'll start the "Let me resign," and "No way!" argument.

"I was bloody crap. I resign, mate. Please, let me resign." Phew. Close one.

"Ron- shut up. I'm captain, I decide who resigns." Going well, if a bit boring.

"But…" Very boring.

"Ronald Weasley, don't be ridiculous. I was watching you through the window and…" Well if I was blushing then, it's nothing to what I'm doing now. I look down, away from Ron. Anywhere but Ron.

"You were watching- me?" My eyes flick up to his face. I can't help it. He's incredulous; he can't believe I've actually been watching him, instead of Harry. Well, if only you knew, Ron. If you knew how much I watched you… well, you don't, so there's no point even saying it.

"No, not you, I mean I was watching the whole team, not you, beside the point completely, I wasn't watching you, I just observed… I'm going to bed. Goodnight boys." I gather my bag, and flick up a hand without looking at them as my goodbye. I march straight up the staircase, without looking back. I wish I had Harry's invisibility cloak, so I could sneak back down the stairs and watch the conversation that is no doubt now ensuing.

I get into my pyjamas and lay down in bed, pondering the situation. Why couldn't I have just said what I usually say, "Oh Ron, you're never as bad as you think you are," and still be sat down there now?

I don't know what to do. How can I- how can I tell him? Because in the book, it says I must. Ginny says I must, and she knows him. She says she knows he loves me, but waiting for him to say it will be like waiting for Voldemort to surrender, you hope for it- but there's not a chance it'll ever happen.

What if he doesn't like me though? What would I do if I told him and it all came out in a garbled mess and he rejected me!? I couldn't take it.

I'd be at a loss how to tell him, anyway. "Oh, hi Ron, just thought you ought to know that I have deep feelings for you!" Er- yeah. Great, Hermione, real great. Nothing I've ever thought of would work. We're both too proud to admit it. Someone has to make the first step.

Don't get me wrong- I want to, but I just, I just can't. It's not fair, with everyone else, it's so easy. Harry and Ginny- started off with the famous common room kiss, now they're falling more in love by the day. Ron and- dare I say it- Lavender, started off with a kiss too. Maybe that's it. Maybe I should just kiss him. But what if he pulled away? It's too embarrassing if nothing came of it. If it was just a neglected kiss, weird and mortifying to reflect upon, that'd be awful. We'd never be the same again.

I probably couldn't kiss him properly, anyway. I'm too short to reach, and I don't think he'd lower himself very easily. His long nose would get in the way of my short one, and my goofy teeth would clunk against his. My salivary glands would go into overdrive; he'd probably have to empty his mouth into a spit bucket afterwards. Ugh. Any way I think about it is nauseating. We could never work. Neither of us have had much kissing experience anyway. Viktor was terrible, so harsh and rough, and judging by the kissing sessions I saw between Ron and Lavender, she wasn't so good either.

I've got to do it. Like Ginny says, he's too embarrassed. I've got to make the move we've both been dreading. If it doesn't work, I'll just have to hope and pray that we go back to normal. I'd hate losing him as a friend, if it didn't work out. I'd have to leave the group.

I can't take this anymore. I have to tell him, now. I swing my feet out of bed, and walk forcefully to the door, not bothering to glance at my reflection in the wall-length mirror Lavender and Parvati find so wonderful. I push on the door and run lightly down the steps.

He's sat with his head in his hands, hair tousled and sticking up, just the way I like it. Stop it, Hermione, you need to think clearly.

"Ron?" I say hesitantly, hovering nervously at the foot of the stairs.

"'Mione. What are you doing up?" he looks stressed by something, but so young and innocent. His eyes are weary, but still have the same hypnotizing power over me. Look away, Hermione! I turn my head.

"Can't sleep. I- er- hoped you'd be up." Oh Merlin, what a stupid thing to say! Now you have to say something shocking!

"Really, why?" His voice goes an octave higher, and I resist the mad urge to laugh. His eyes are still dead, though.

"I wanted to ask… or to tell you something." You've got to say it now, you fool. He's expecting something now. Why didn't you just come out with it!? I have all this knowledge but I don't know the first thing about boys. I should have done research.

"Oh… umm, me- me too." As soon as he says this my tongue acts of its own accord, whipping out words before I can realise what I'm saying.

"You go first." Ugh! My tongue is so cowardly.

He looks like he's struggling to speak, like he's the victim of a bad tongue-tying curse. "No, you."

Come on Hermione, he's invited you to say it! Yes, yes, I can do this, just three words, nice and simple…"Er… ok then. I just wondered if… you and I, umm, no, really, you should go first." Dammit.

"Er, yeah, ok then. I was just wondering if…" he pauses, anxiety plain on his face, "I was just wondering, if, you'd like to, I mean we could," what is he saying? Surely he's not going to say it first- I take a step forward

"If we could…"

"Yes, Ron?" Oh Merlin, he's so much taller than me! I'm having to look up at him through my eyelashes! Tall and short don't work, do they? Surely that's the first rule in the book, try to remember, Chapter 1, Bad pairings, Number 1, come on, remember….

"Yes. Umm. Do you want to… I mean… you don't have to, but could we, er, have-a-chat-about-our-prefects-duties?" He says the last part in a terrible rush and I almost don't catch it. Prefect's Duties? I'm really giving off the wrong signals here, maybe I'd better read the whole book before I try again. Try again? What makes you think you can try again? You've had your chance, Hermione. Your chance is dead and buried. Now answer him so you don't look like the fool you are.

"Umm, sure. Tomorrow, then. I'd… better go back to bed now," I fake a yawn, and look to the floor, "I'm so tired, and I have a lot of homework to do tomorrow." Liar, you did it all at dinner.

"Yeah, night, Hermione." I can hear the sadness in his voice.

"Goodnight Ron." And in mine.

I walk slowly back up the stairs, feeling like there's a heavy weight bearing down on my chest. Well, it's your own fault. Well done Hermione, you'll never get him now. This is it, over. I collapse into my bed, to let the pain swallow me before morning comes.