It's funny. How easily a mind can be manipulated, I mean. How some times, you'll believe anything, just to avoid the pain of being hurt. But it always ends up worse. Worse than it could have been in the first place. Some times avoiding the truth, avoiding the lies. Sometimes, it causes more pain than its worth.
Everything will change. Spring to Summer. Autumn to Winter. Blossom will bloom, then it will fall. Children will grow, some faster than others. Night will become day. Day after day. People grow. Or rather they should. Humans grow. I don't. I miss it. The thrill of birthdays, no matter how much I have always despised them. Telling how many years have passed, that's what I miss the most. Time just feels so slow now.
Times have changed so much. Against my better judgement, I have changed with them. The fragile human child dissapeared. The beauty of the human me vanished. I miss it. But apparently this was supposed to happen. This was my only future. The life of a vampire. The life I could not turn my back on. The life I deserved.
What I had done to deserve it I don't know. I thought, I thought that I was kind to them. That I caused no trouble. he said I thought wrong. That I hurt them. I made them hurt. I caused more pain than I was worth. He told me they hated me. He fed me with lies. He told me I was given away, they didn't want me any more. He being Aro. They being my family. Or, at least, I thought they were.
People like Aro, and now me as well. They survive on power. Knowing people are afraid of them, We see the pain and sadness we cause but are too ignorant to stop. I can't be that any more. I can't hurt people any longer. People I should protect. People who don't know about us. About what we are. Innocent humans who have made the correct assumptions and cannot be allowed to live. Destroying them was my job. Not any longer. I won't do it. I need to go home. Where ever that may be.
Home is where the heart is. Yeah right. If your heart is frozen, what then? Even if your heart was beating, how do you choose if you are torn in two? And then, what do you do if you can't go anywhere? Because your not wanted anywhere. What do you do if wherever you go, no matter how hard you try not to, all you do is cause pain?
How do you figure out where you belong? How, when you don't seem to fit in anywhere?