I'm Not Ready.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
"Why? Just tell me why?" Sebastian sobbed.
"I don't know, Seb, but I'm so terribly sorry. You have to believe me." Blaine replied as tears slowly fell down his cheeks, "It didn't mean anything. I never meant to hurt you."
"I don't have to believe anything you say anymore. You said it was over when he left you for New York. When he left you crying in the middle of the airport as he boarded a plane. You said you wouldn't go back there. Why?" Sebastian looked into Blaine's eyes, the hurt flowing through his own.
I am broken
There's a stranger on the phone
Something's missing from seven years ago
You tell me baby, don't you cry anymore
That's the past and not what we've become but I know
(Two Weeks Earlier)
"Kurt's back." Blaine whispered looking up at Sebastian who went pale as soon as Kurt was mentioned.
"Oh." Sebastian said, his voice catching in his throat.
"I'm not going back there, Sebastian." Blaine mumbled, "I can't."
"I'm glad to hear that Killer." Sebastian said trying not to think about the way Kurt Hummel had left Blaine before leaving for New York but his thoughts being over powered.
I am shaking
Not a breath left to breathe
All this sadness so cold that I can't speak
(One Year Earlier)
Kurt Hummel walked to the boarding gate. Blaine walked behind him slowly, trying to make conversation, "What are you looking forward to the most about New York?"
"Everything." Kurt replied.
"Are you going to reapply for NYADA?" Blaine tried again after getting a minimal reply from Kurt.
"Maybe." Kurt replied again not even bothering to make conversation with Blaine.
"Rachel will be happy she has her best friend back again, won't she?" Blaine tried one last time before deciding to give up.
"Hmm, yeah." Kurt replied yet again.
"Would you like me to dress up in a flamingo suit and do the can-can?" Blaine asked sarcastically.
"Why would you think I want you to do that for?" Kurt finally muttered more than one worded answer.
"I don't know Kurt, besides the fact that you have turned down every question I've asked since we got out of the car." Blaine stopped at the boarding lounge before taking a look at Kurt, who looked like he was about to cry, "If this is about leaving me here, you have to know I'll be fine?"
"It's nothing like that, Blaine." Kurt mumbled.
"Oh, what's it about than?" Blaine asked trying not to look dejected.
"I don't think we should be together anymore Blaine." Kurt whispered barely loud enough for Blaine to hear.
"Kurt, wh-why? I thought you wanted to try this?"
"I don't want to anymore Blaine. What if I fall for someone else? I don't want to always be thinking about you. I can't always be thinking about you Blaine. I'm sorry. I really –''
"You, you wanted to try long distance. I transferred schools for you Kurt, so we could be closer until I come to New York next year and you, you do this." Blaine cried.
"I'm sorry Blaine, but I can't." Kurt said as he walked through the boarding gate, without looking back to Blaine who had fallen to his knees.
"Kurt, please." Blaine sobbed.
Blaine pulled his phone out, dialing the only person who could help him now.
"Bas." Blaine cried into the phone.
"I'll be there in 20 minutes B." Sebastian said before comforting Blaine some more.
Blaine continued sobbing into the phone and that was how Sebastian found him 20 minutes later.
Look me in the eyes
You know it's ok that we didn't make it forever
Come hold my hand
Hold on to this last minute we have together
I'm not ready to say goodbye
You and god both know all the years I've tried
And if it's over give me the strength to go
Cause I know I'm never gonna be
I'll never be ready to say goodbye to you
"Seb, you have to understand I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't fall for it again." Blaine tried.
"Don't bother Blaine. What he did to you obviously doesn't matter? Doesn't matter that I was the one who picked up the pieces, doesn't matter that I brought the smile back to your eyes, doesn't matter that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. No all that matters is that Hummel gets you back when you're back to normal. God forbid if you were broken, like he left you."
"I want you Sebastian. Please you have to believe me."
"I don't have to believe anything you say Blaine. You lost that right when you stuck your tongue down his throat, last week!" Sebastian yelled before turning to walk away.
Blaine grabbed his arm, "Please don't walk away. Please Sebastian talk to me."
"I can't do this Blaine. I'm sorry."
Your bags are all packed
They're waiting at the door
But it's hard to imagine you won't live here anymore
I'm scared of tomorrow and the emptiness to come
But I've changed for the better since I've known your love
(Previous Week)
Blaine had done a great job so far of avoiding Kurt. Never staying in the same place for extended periods of time, avoiding Lima and situating himself in Westerville.
"Blaine." Kurt whispered as he saw Blaine sitting at their table in the Lima Bean.
"Kurt." Blaine whispered as he realized he'd been here too long. This was a confrontation he wasn't looking forward to.
Kurt and Blaine were talking like old times, discussing life in New York, life in Lima, Ohio, life with all the friends, new and old. Both had their hands attached, not believing that the other was still there. Blaine tried to reel in his emotions when he saw Kurt leaning in further until they were inches apart.
Kurt saw Sebastian out of the corner of his eye and pulled Blaine closer to him pressing his lips to Blaine's. Once the two connected Blaine couldn't control himself, feelings that he wanted to push out of his body came flooding out.
Blaine grabbed a hold of the front of Kurt's shirt, pulling his closer biting his bottom lip to make Kurt give him access to his tongue. Kurt pushed his tongue insides Blaine's mouth running it across every inch. Blaine's mind raced. I can't do this. I need to stop. Now. I feel nothing, not a single thing. No feelings, no love, no anything.
Blaine smiled into the kiss, knowing that all along everything that he felt for Sebastian was real. Kurt didn't mean anything to him anymore.
Just like Blaine's thoughts everything came to a sudden stop. Someone pushed past Blaine making him lose contact with Kurt's lips.
Blaine smelled Sebastian before he saw him.
Blaine looked up and saw the back of Sebastian walking past him.
"Bas." Blaine whispered, until realization dawned on him as to what had just happened.
So look me in the eyes
You know it's ok that we didn't make it forever
Come hold my hand
Let's hold on to this last minute we have together
Blaine pushed Kurt away calling out for Sebastian. "Bas, wait!" he yelled after the taller teenager, before standing and beginning to follow him.
"Blaine, what are you doing?" Kurt said grabbing a hold of Blaine's wrist.
"Let me go." Blaine said clenching his jaw.
"No. I'm back and I want you, and I know you still want me if that kiss meant anything but you're going to chase after the meerkat?"
"You started that kiss! It meant nothing!"
"Sure didn't seem like it Blaine!"
"You left me, Kurt. You left me. You can't decide to have what you want whenever you feel like it. I've moved on. What just happened between you and I shouldn't have happened. I don't love you anymore Kurt. Bas- Sebastian he saved me. He helped me love again and you can't change that. He helped me feel again and what I feel for you is nothing, not one damn thing. You can't control me anymore Kurt." Blaine finished with a smile before leaving a shocked Kurt.
Cause I'm not ready to say goodbye
You and god both know all the years I've tried
And if it's over give me the strength to go
Cause I know I'm never gonna be
I'll never be ready to say goodbye to you
I'll never be ready
And even if we tried we would end up right back to this place together
This was not a lie, what we had will always be real love forever
Cause I'm not ready to say goodbye
You and god both know
All the years I've tried
Blaine walked the short distance from his house to Sebastian's. He pondered his thoughts for a while before walking the short distance to the front door, determination on his face.
(The Day After The Kiss)
Blaine dialed Sebastian's number waiting, hoping for an answer. All the previous calls made the day before had been rejected or sent straight to voicemail.
Blaine's heart pounded as the ringing continued.
"What do you want, Blaine?" Sebastian answered.
Blaine's pounding heart got heavy hearing the way Sebastian just sounded done. Done with him, done with them, done with everything to do with love.
"I'm sorry. It didn't mean anyth-''
"So you've said, if that's all I have to go."
"Bas, please?" Blaine pleaded, tears building in his eyes.
"No, Blaine, you don't get to say that. You don't get to make me feel like this. I thought, I thought I meant something to you, but I don't and, and I don't want to feel like this anymore. So if that is all, I have to go. Goodbye Blaine." Sebastian said before hanging up.
The message came not even a second later.
'I wasn't ready to say goodbye – B'
'I'll never be ready but here we are – S'
'Don't go – B'
And if it's over give me the strength to go
Cause I know I'm never gonna be
I'm not ready to say goodbye
You and god both know
Blaine shook his head, clearing his thoughts, he had never gotten a reply from Sebastian and he was determined to make him see that it meant nothing; that Kurt would never mean as much as Sebastian did to him.
Blaine pounded on the door, not caring that it was 8am, not caring that he could very well be sent away, or told to never come back again but he didn't care. He wanted to see Sebastian. No he needed to see Sebastian.
"Sebastian, open the door." Blaine pounded on the door again.
Sebastian opened the door glaring at Blaine, "What the fuck do you think you're doing here Blaine?" Sebastian growled at Blaine anger radiating from him.
"I've pictured this moment over and over since you saw Kurt and I and no matter what scenario I came up with, you still wouldn't listen. When I called, you wouldn't listen. When I tried speaking to you in person you wouldn't listen and if this is the only way to get you to listen to me, then this is what I will do!" Blaine started frustrated.
"Blaine, what part of I don't care what you have to say about it, do you not get? You just couldn't wait for him to come back just so you could do that."
"You're wrong. He saw you walking towards us. He did it because he knew it would be the only way I would come back to him. Once he started I just let go, I tried to push all the remaining feelings I had for him into that one last kiss and I know it was wrong, but I'm finally free. That kiss meant nothing to me because there was nothing there. No feelings, no liking, no love, nothing Sebastian. Nothing."
"So what you just get to play with my feelings like that? I love you Blaine and it hurt. No. It fucking killed seeing that. Seeing him having you again hurt, more then I ever thought it would, but it did and that scares me more then you kissing him did. I don't know what I would do if you ever went back to him."
"Bas, I'm not ready to say goodbye to you. I never will be. I'm not going back there, I told you that. I love you so much Sebastian and if coming here at 8am and making you see that is what I have to do then I'll do it everyday you want me too." Blaine said stepping closer to Sebastian.
"What do you mean?" Sebastian whispered, noticing how close Blaine was getting to him.
"This." Blaine whispered back before grabbing Sebastian by the neck and pulling him towards his waiting lips. Sebastian gasped in shock, before registering what was happening and kissing him back relentlessly. Sebastian heard a moan come from deep within Blaine and let go. He grabbed Blaine around the waist pulling him flush against his body. Blaine ran his tongue over Sebastian's bottom lip before meeting his tongue. Sebastian moaned softly at the contact. Blaine pulled back, lightly pressing his lips to Sebastian's again.
"Never be ready to say goodbye Blaine, please?" Sebastian mumbled desperately against his lips.
"I'll never be ready, Bas. I love you." Blaine whispered softly kissing Sebastian again.
All the years I've tried
And if it's over give me the strength to go
Cause I know I'm never gonna be
I'll never be ready to say goodbye to you
I'll never be ready
Just a little something because I got bored! Have a fabulous day guys :))