Ned Flanders The Science Teacher
When Bart's new teacher caught listeria from tainted Blue Bell Ice Cream, Ned Flanders was hired to replace her as a permanent substitute. Despite school policy, he decided to teach science his own way. He always did it by the book, The Good Book.
Ned Flanders said, "Do not open your science textbooks today. Instead, we are going to teach the Theory of Creation". Bart got excited and asked, "Was it aliens?" Ned said "No, it was not aliens. There is no such thing as alien on God's flat earth." Bart found himself bored and disappointed.
Nelson asked, "was it the that god that looks like a giant monkey." Ned said "God doesn't look like a monkey. God looks like a man. Where do you see this?" Nelson said "I saw a movie Apu was playing when he was driving a taxi. I'm not a Hindu, but I think his gods could beat your god up." Ned Flanders sent him to detention and said "don't say a word."
Ned Flanders was going through his lesson when Skinner passed by the classroom, as he was on his way to investigate why the cafeteria was serving frozen mammoth meat. Skinner noticed he was teaching "Baraminology", which is the "science" of how Noah fit all the animals on the ark. Skinner overhead Flanders was saying "mule deer and white-tailed deer are different species but are of a deer "kind"." Skinner knew that was illegal as it violated Church/State policy.
Skinner took Flanders to the office and told him that he was breaking "Church-state" policy by telling him, "Mr. Flanders, teaching creationism is illegal and you are fired for teaching an idea as inaccurate and dated as alchemy". As Ned stormed out of the school, a familiar face came back, but hiding under an umbrella. Mrs. K, albeit now a vampire, had returned to the school as Skinner had invited her. Skinner hired her as he knew she could do the job, even if she drank blood. Bart was going to be thrilled about the new Mrs. K now she is back from the dead.
The End.