Dear Mer,
After the forth night in a row that I lay sleepless, waiting for the nightmares to come, I decided to write you this letter. I know that you are back to work by now, and that you face things like that every day. I don't know how you do it. Honestly, I never expected you to be able to handle something that I couldn't.
While I am being honest, I'm mad at you, Mer. I like to think I am a forgiving person, willing to overlook a lot of things, but this, this is very difficult for me. That's not to say I don't love you, Mer, because I do. You CAN love someone and be angry with them at the same time, as you have hopefully figured out by now. But going through what we went through, what my daughter and husband had to suffer through, not knowing… I don't blame you entirely, Mer. I knew what I was getting into, but now, now I am seriously considering never…
You talk about Dad a lot, you know that? "Dad would like to see us working together." Do you remember Mom, Mer? Do you remember that after Dad left us, how she raised you through your difficult teenage period with no help from him? How he remarried and saw you for a couple of hours every few weeks? How Mom tried her best to get you everything you needed, and you needed more every day? How we both worked, Mer, to get you enough money to enter the science fair, to go on the field trips, to… Maybe it's a guy thing, to focus on your father. Maybe you do remember Mom. I just, I get scared Mer. I get scared that I'll forget how much we loved you. It's hard to stay in touch with something like that.
I guess I'm rambling. I'm sure I'll be lucky if you read this far. Three in the morning is not a good time for clear thought. Just, don't be selfish, Mer. Remember that. And remember, whatever happens, that I love you.
Love Always,
Your Sister