[revised - thank you Eddorah]

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Naruto' but I do own Kazuya

Geeze, new story even though I have Vacation: Terminated needing my attention. But I have always been a master at multitasking, and hopefully I will finish this story.

I promise this story won't be as angsty as it may seem in this first chapter – believe it or not, this is a family/friendship/fluff story. As Timothy Pina says: "Everything will usually get worse before it gets better, but when it does get better...remember all who put you down and all who helped you up. Forgive but never forget. Let Karma take care of all the rest."

Apologies if Kakashi isn't in character…but then again this is set BEFORE canon so you can't blame me that much! *takes shelter from haters*

Timeline: 10 years before canon

This chapter is set right after Orochimaru defects.

Kakashi is fifteen and in anbu.

Kazuya (my OC/SI) is six years old.

Naruto is two.

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Silver Lining

Part I

Drop of Sorrow

: : :

"This burden weighs so heavily

when our demons we must carry

clinging to this fleeting breath

dying for a fighting chance"

We Carry On, The Phantoms

: : :

Kakashi was really starting to regret not going to the hospital as he stumbled into his apartment, dead on his feet and probably an inch away from chakra exhaustion. His clothes were spotted with red, eyes bloodshot and muscles trembling. There was a dull ache in the back of his head and it was slowly spreading towards the front but Kakashi could barely register it as he staggered across the little room. Sluggishly peeling off the outer layer of his anbu uniform and fumbling with his mask, Kakashi veered towards the bathroom, skin aching for water.

Seconds later sprays from the showerhead crashed over his shoulders, washing away the tense ache under his skin. He leaned back against the tiled wall, letting himself drift under the currents of steaming sprays.

Orochimaru had defected…and it was his entire fault.

Guilt, fear and loathing swept through him again and Kakashi could do nothing but sigh. He's made so many mistakes over the years, his father, Obito, Rin, sensei, Kushina, Naruto… and now Orochimaru.

He doesn't know how long he stood under the shower, but the warm water had long since turned cold and his skin was beginning to tinge blue. Mechanically, Kakashi squirted some shampoo in his hands and massaged his hair, trying to get some dirt and grime out of his hair from post battle.

Shutting off the water, he wrapped himself in a clean towel and shuffled over to his bed, not caring for clothes-he was just so damned tired of everything.

He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

. . .

A five-year-old Kakashi dropped to his knees, staring vacantly at his father's dead body sprawled out on the living room floor. Too much blood. He felt a swelling in his chest. There's too much blood. A sharp intake of breath. How can a person loose that much blood? A gut-wrenching wail of agony.

BANG BANG BANG

A thirteen-year-old Kakashi ran across the cave, supporting a dazed and terrified Rin, coming up close behind was Obito.

Suddenly the cave collapsed.

A series of huge rocks came crashing down around them, clouds of dust stinging his eyes, blurring his vision. He has to save Rin. He has to save Rin. He can't loose another person. Running unsteadily, Kakashi sped with each stride, his chest heaving. A cry. "Kakashi!" and body pushing him aside. Blood. All he could see was blood.

BANG BANG BANG

"Kakashi…take care of…Rin…"

BANG BANG BANG

A thirteen-year-old Kakashi stared, breath knocked out of him. His wide eyes disbelieving, mouth agape in horror. Was he in some kind of nightmare? Rin's blood dripped down his arm, sprayed across his face, coting his trembling hand. Her blood is so warm. Kakashi stared. Rin stared back…and smiled?... No. Nonononono. I promised! I promised Obito I would take care of you!

KAKASHI-SAN!

A fourteen-year-old Kakashi dropped to his knees, staring at his fallen sensei - his last precious person who he had sworn to protect - and giggled. The Third knelt besides him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. "Kakashi…." His giggles only grew. Wild eyes swept over to Kushina. Her beautiful face spotted with blood, eyes glazed over and unfocused on the crying newborn in her arms. Tears trickled down his cheeks as his giggles shifted into heart-wrenching sobs.

BANG BANG BANG

"Kakashi you promised."

"I'm sorry, Obito. I tried I really tri - "

"You promised, Kakashi."

"Obito – "

"KAKASHI-SAN!"

He woke up with a start, shooting up on his elbows. Hand snaking under his pillow and fingering a kunai, Jutsu on the tip of his tongue. For a second Kakashi doesn't recognize where he is, but one look at the depressingly bare room and stray anbu armor across the floor had him settled. Sighing, he blinked and breathed heavily, wiping the tears from his eyes.

BANG BANG BANG

"Kakashi-san! Open up you creepy-ass bastard before I break all of your traps and shove my senbon so far up your – " The younger man quickly shut up as the door opened and Kakashi stared him down. Mask already on and one eye lazily closed. He mockingly yawned and scratched the back of his neck. Half-lidded eye sending him a bland look.

"Maa, Daichi-san. A little early to be shouting so loudly, don't you think? You'll wake up half the neighborhood with your yodeling."

Daichi laughs at that, and takes a second to fume silently.

"Early my cute little ass, Kakashi-san. It's ten in the damned morning." Kakashi froze. Really now? His chakra depletion must have really done a number on him if he slept that long. "I have been banging on this door for five. Whole. Minutes because I'm genuinely concerned and terrified of what types of traps you have set up around your apartment. Last time someone tried to bash your door in they were blasted to the other side of the fucking village. Poor girl was hospitalized for an entire week! She now has a phobia of knocking and is actually seeking counseling! Phobia. Of doors." Daichi sighed deeply, massaging the bridge of his nose and waved a flippant hand at him. "Go. Get changed. The Third Hokage wants to see you. He says it's to do with…Orochimaru…"

The air grew heavy.

Great, Kakashi thinks grimly, just great.

Memories of his fight with Orochimaru were still painfully fresh in his mind. He unconsciously rubbed the bruises that were caused by the Sannin's Kami awful snake. His chest wrenched uncomfortably.

It's his entire fault that Orochimaru got away. A dangerous shinobi with abilities that could wipe out dozens without breaking on the loose?…More people will die and it'll all be his fault. The guilt was heavy, and Kakashi can feel his heart break a little at the thought of more children being on the end of Orochimaru's scalpel.

It's always his fault. He's a curse, bad luck…

Memories of his father flash behind his eyes. He remembers the horror, the blood, the overwhelming guilt that if he had just stayed with him or hugged him or done something nice instead of ignoring – nonono don't think about that don't think about that –

"Kakashi-san."

Blinking back into reality, he ignored the way Daichi looked at him in slight worry and let out an obnoxiously loud groan.

"Right, right. Don't get your knickers in a twist Daichi-chan~ I'll go get ready like a good little shinobi." He said with a wink.

Daichi's eyebrow twitched. "Don't say my name in such a suggestive way you utter bastard!"

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Kakashi found himself standing in the Hokage's Office and opposite the man himself five minutes later. Daichi had left him upon entering. That had been ten minutes ago.

Ten minutes of nerve-wracking silence.

The Hokage was sitting in his chair, a file open in front of him with one hand and holding his pipe with the other. Occasionally taking puffs of tobacco and filling the room with its scent. It made Kakashi's overly sensitive nose twitch.

By now he could count all the anbu hidden in the room, the number of seals on the walls, roof, floor, windows, desk, and estimate how many hidden Icha Icha are in said desk.

He did this nine minutes and thirty seconds ago, and in those nine minutes and thirty seconds Kakashi could not decide if he was going to leave this room alive or dead.

When the Hokage placed his pipe down and looked at him, Kakashi almost breathed a sigh of relief if it weren't for the fear he could taste at the back of his throat.

Was he about to be told that he was off anbu, that T&I want's a little chat, that -

"How are you Kakashi?"

…What? How was he?

"I'm fine, Hokage-sama." Apart from the fact that last night was the first time in years that I had slept for well over three hours. It only took dangerous low-level chakra exhaustion to do the trick; it's remarkable that I'm still alive. Seems as though Kami isn't done torturing me with my own existence just yet, huzzah.

"Hmm." The Third looked doubtful, but did not question. He's learned not to.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here - "

"No, Hokage-sama. I know." Kakashi took a breath, not caring that he had interrupted the Hokage because to him he was already dead. "This is about me letting Orochimaru escape isn't it?"

The Third looked taken aback for a second before his expression softened.

"It wasn't your fault Kakashi. Orochimaru is a Sannin, one of the most powerful and dangerous Shinobi alive to date. Only Tsunade, Jiraiya or myself could have defeated him. You didn't let him go, if you had let him go you wouldn't have suffered such grave chakra-loss and slept for two days. It's a miracle you're still alive, a miracle indeed."

Two days? A miracle he's still alive? Kakashi felt his stomach lurch inside him. A big part of him had wished he wasn't alive and Orochimaru had let his snakes finish him off.

"Ah," said the Hokage, reading his blank expression in a way he wanted to. "Daichi didn't tell you how long you slept, did he?"

"No, he didn't. If it isn't about me letting…Orochimaru getting past me and defecting, why am I here? I handed in my report before I got home last – two days ago." His brain was still trying to process that he slept two whole days.

"I'm assuming you know about Orochimaru's illegal laboratories. " Kakashi nodded mutely, wondering what it had to do with him. "Two days ago, we found something - someone who bears a striking resemblance to…you."

"I don't understand." Kakashi snapped, a hollow pain knotting in his stomach.

The Third sighed wearily, lines on his face darkening and eyes showing how much he didn't want to believe it as well. It made him look old. It made him look fragile.

"Kakashi," he said, tone filled with thin patience. "We found a child, six years or so old who holds the same...features as you."

"No." The hollowness grew in depth. "Impossible." He finds himself shaking his head. Heart pounding like it was going to burst out of his chest.

"I thought that too." Agreed the Third, face blank and showing no reaction towards Kakashi's ashen face. "But then we tested his blood against yours...and Sakumo-san's..."

His breath hitched. "No."

"It was a match, Kakashi. He's your brother."

"No." Kakashi didn't shout, he couldn't. The breath was knocked out of him. "Oh Kami, no. That's impossible. It cannot –" The young man stared at the impassive Hokage, eyes widening in disbelief, verging on the edge of hysteria. His legs buckled, . "Please…Please, no. Stop joking. This isn't funny."

"You're right, it isn't. I'm being completely serious Kakashi. I wouldn't joke about something so important with knowing what you've been through. Who you've lost." The Third stood, maneuvering around his desk and kneeling next to the broken man. He laid a warm hand on his shoulder.

Ghost images filled Kakashi's head, position reminding him of the night sensei died.

"He can't be my brother." Kakashi said, his voice distant as numbness settled in. "My Tou-san wasn't even alive eight years ago... it can't be possible - not possible."

"I understand." Consoled the Third, patting Kakashi on the shoulder. "But given who we're dealing with, a lot of things that we thought impossible became possible." Kakashi felt cold anger explode within him at the thought of Orochimaru messing with his father's DNA. Hadn't his father been through enough already?

There was a moment of silence, and then the question was asked.

"Would you like to see him?"

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So...new story. It happens in the holidays. Please review and tell me what you think! Constructive criticism is welcomed.