I'm an average bunny.
Just an average bunny with an oblivious owner.
You see, my owner has this friend. They've been flirting for forever. And he has this major crush on her. But no worries. I got them together. All by myself. No help what so ever.
My owner's name is Troy.
His friend is Gabriella.
I'm Heather.
I'm also a boy.
Troy named me Heather. My mother named me Albert. After the fat guy or the smart one, I don't know. My brain is telling me it's the former. So is my stomach.
I found out about Troy's crush the first day she came over. Troy and Chad were getting 'tutored' by Gabriella.
Chad's a regular here.
He usually comes with his guinea pig, idiotically named 'Yuck Fou' And his other guinea pig. That one sits on his head. It's all brown, and bushy-like. It appears to have died there for it never moves. He calls that one 'Afro'.
Now during this tutoring session, Troy kept yawning. And stretching his arm out. And trying to put his outstretched arm around Gabriella. He failed miserably.
After the tutoring session, Troy came over to my cage and talked to me. Yes, he talks to me, but he never admits it to anyone. When we had our first conversation, I couldn't understand a word he was saying. He kept opening and closing his mouth.
All I saw was his teeth.
Impressed with them, I showed him mine.
But I grew to understand him. He told me about how much he liked this Gabriella girl.
And that's when I knew.
And that's when I made it my mission to get them together. What a better way to thank the person that's been feeding you and cleaning the cage of your poop for the past few months I've been living with him?
Minutes later, I cancelled the mission. How could a caged rabbit play matchmaker?
He can't, I tell you.
So I decide to sit back and watch.
Days later, Gabriella comes over again. I like her. She feeds me carrots. The brunette sticks her fingers through the cage bars to pet me.
Smiling brightly and obviously enraptured by my very presence, she coos, "What a cute rabbit!"
I know I am.
Gabriella casually goes to the kitchen to go cut up my lunch and Troy goes to look for 'movies' which happen to be boxes that are quite thin. He's sitting comfortably on the family's leather couch with the movie picked out, awaiting Gabriella's arrival when …
"Troy!" she calls from the kitchen.
"What?" he calls from the family room.
"I've accidentally cut myself. Do you have a Band-aid?"
"What!"
And like a knight in jeans and a t-shirt he rushes off, springing from the couch like a true rabbit. He's a pretty clumsy person, almost knocked my cage down.
Thump.
I stick my head out as far as I can to see what happened.
It's Troy. He's fainted.
Clutching her hand that's wrapped in a white towel, Gabriella peers over him concernedly.
Oh, brother.
Hours later, the door opens. In comes Troy and Gabriella.
He's got an ice pack attached to his head. His cheeks are red, and his shoulders are somewhat hunched.
She's giggling, trying to reassure him that it's normal to be scared off blood, even if you're a man, and she promises to not tell anyone, so don't worry, okay? Turns out that the cut was deep enough to need stitches.
I got stitches once.
The older male of the family, Troy's dad brought this 'rabbit toy' home. But it was hazardous and cut my skin. I don't like him. He doesn't feed me carrots.
Weeks later, the door opens again. In comes Troy and Gabriella.
They're attached at the hand. Both of them are laughing now. I believe this was my doing. Even though I cancelled the mission, I still managed to accomplish it, without trying. What a talented bunny.
Months later, Troy isn't at home as often. He claims to be busy with basketball. That's what he tells me.
Basketball has another name. It's Gabriella.
Troy apologizes at the sight of my unclean cage and empty food bowl.
He sends me off to Chad's house for a week. My only companions were Yuck Fou and Afro. I'm being a bit better taken care of here. But it's not the same.
It gets a bit better at the end of the week. Chad buys me a lady friend. He's so lucky. He can go out and 'buy' someone a girlfriend when it took days for Troy and Gabriella to get together.
Years later, I'm old. My eyesight's going. My hearing's going. Troy's going.
He's getting married. To basketball (a.k.a. Gabriella.)
I'm invited to their wedding. Chad's holding me during the ceremony, quite uncomfortably, I might add. To thank him, I peed. He yelped and jumped. I'm surprised Afro didn't go flying off of his head. His sudden outburst interrupts the joining of the mouths of Troy and Gabriella.
All the guests moan, "Not again."
His interrupting seems to happen often.
Moments later, Troy and Gabriella are together and happy.
I, Heather, got them together.
And Chad has still not come out of the washroom. I learn from his shouts and curses that, apparently, rabbit pee stains.
Fin.