Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, but believe me I wish they did…

Down the Road

Chapter One

Kate Beckett was not one to complain. She had endured the macho teasing and sexist overtures at the Police Academy, the intrusion of a new Captain into her life, and hell, even months of pain from a bullet that had nearly killed her. But as she watched her partner clamber out of his red sports car, casually handing his keys to the blonde with smudged lipstick, all she could think of doing was complaining.

She quickly glanced at Lanie, who was standing behind her putting on latex gloves. Lanie gave her a little shrug and a quirk of a smile. Kate ground her teeth slightly as she looked away, knowing immediately that Lanie was thinking, "I told you so".

Lanie was right of course...she had told her. Numerous times in fact. She'd insinuated that Kate had feelings for the writer early on, and recently she'd left insinuation behind. Trying to keep her mind off of the image of Richard Castle that was currently in front of her, the image that was giving the blonde a kiss that seemed to involve way too much tongue, Kate shuddered slightly and squinted her eyes, remembering the conversation that she'd had with Lanie hours early.

Lanie leaned over the corpse momentarily distracted from the task that lay in front of her. It could get a little lonely in the morgue and she loved it when Beckett came and visited. Grinning suddenly she had to admit that sometimes she even called the detective downstairs to report evidence when a simple faxed lab report would have sufficed. She valued her friendship with Kate because it was something that was given so carefully. She knew that it had taken years for Kate to trust her fully and that their friendship was no longer just based on a shared need for justice but also on something deeper. Because of the years she had spent developing a friendship with Kate she could easily tell that this was not a work-related visit. For one thing, Kate was looking everywhere except into Lanie's eyes. She had glanced at the door, the ceiling, the floor, and was now intently staring at the corpse on the table in front of her. The fact that the body was incredibly decomposed (to the point that Lanie herself had contemplated putting Vicks under her nose-something that rookie MEs occasionally did) and that Kate had been staring at it without a change in expression, not even a blink of disgust, let Lanie know that her thoughts were not on this victim.

"Katteee..." Lanie dragged out the name, hoping to get a reaction.

Beckett looked up absentmindedly, "Yes?"

"Did you have a reason for coming down here and disturbing my work? Cause as much as I love you girl, I'm kinda in the middle of something here," Lanie gestured toward the corpse that Kate apparently found so fascinating.

"What? Oh yeah, sorry," Kate shrugged and actually turned to walk out of the morgue.

"Katherine Beckett!" Lanie screeched, "you get your butt back over here this instant. Jesus girl, what is up with you?"

Kate again stared into space, this time finding a particularly fascinating mark on the wall. "Well," she said hesitantly "you know Castle?"

Lanie quickly raised a gloved hand to hide a smirk, "Uh huh" she nodded.

"Well, I, it's just..." Kate didn't seem to know where to go from there, "I'm well, I'm-"

"Desperately in love with him?" Lanie interrupted.

"No!" Kate met Lanie's eyes for the first time, "Well, that is, I think I might...like him".

Lanie gave a snort of laughter. "Understatement of the century!" she shrieked.

Suddenly Kate grinned, "Yeah, okay, maybe I like him a lot then".

Lanie just looked at her friend and shook her head smiling.

Kate suddenly looked despondent as the smile left her face, "It's just...I thought he felt the same way about me. I thought he...but he's not interested in me anymore. Maybe he never was".

Lanie gave a snort of laughter, "Honey, you know that he's had a thing for you for years. Come on girl, get it together, of course he's interested!"

Kate shrugged and stared again at the wall, "Maybe he was, but I think I'm too late or something. I don't think he feels that way anymore. I just don't know why."

Lanie suddenly looked serious, "The boys did say he seemed a little off lately. Maybe you should just talk to him, ask him what's up".

Kate once again shrugged, "I tried. He said everything's fine".

Lanie stared at her friend and said, "And where have I heard that line before?"

Another shrug.

"Kate," Lanie continued, "there's only so much that can be learned when you ask him indirect questions. You have to ask him outright. Tell him how you feel, take the plunge, maybe they'll be an awesome payout at the end".

Kate shuddered, "Or maybe I'll open myself up to him and then lose him completely".

"Maybe, but if you don't tell him soon I think you might lose him anyway".

"Beckett?" She heard her name shouted in an all too familiar voice. Normally it stirred something in her-excitement and pleasure. Not necessarily anything sexual, just a glimmer of joy that someone could be so eager to get her attention. Tonight though the sound of his voice only drove home how much she had lost. She knew she'd never really been able to lay a claim to Richard Castle, but he had felt like he belonged to her all the same. But in the last few weeks she had begun to miss him as he spent more and more time away from her. He had shadowed another cop for goodness sake! She briefly flashed back to how upset he had been when she had briefly allowed another writer to shadow her. He had openly admitted jealously, and she had promised that she would be a "one writer girl". Hell, when she'd said it she'd already meant it in more ways than one, she knew that now. But apparently he hadn't gotten the memo, because he wasn't returning the favor. He wasn't a one cop guy. Even Ryan and Esposito had noticed that he'd seemed thrilled to work with Slaughter.

"Beckett!"

Hearing him shout her name again she pulled herself away from her memories and back to the present. She turned toward the sound of his voice and walked with a purpose to the crime scene. They had a case, and at least that was something she could solve.

Castle stared at Beckett curiously as she joined him crouching down beside the corpse. He'd made a job of studying her habits, and he could tell something was off. "No," he mentally scolded himself, "you cannot worry about her. You're trying to get some distance, to distract yourself, to get out of this messy one-way love scenario".

He'd talked to his mother about Beckett again the night before, because for some reason he always went to his mother about Kate. He didn't know why really...he'd never asked her for advice with Meredith or Gina. With his other wives (he cringed slightly because he'd just allowed himself to remember his dreams of one day marrying Kate)….he mentally corrected himself, with his two marriages (that was better) he'd never asked his mother's advice. Of course, considering how those unions had ended maybe he should have. It was just that Kate was so infuriating and his feelings for her so strong that he had to talk to someone about it. He knew that if he couldn't tell her, which he obviously couldn't-he'd tried once, and look how well that had turned out-he'd had to vent to someone. The fact that his mother was the only other adult that he lived with had made her his confidant. Feeling a little embarrassed Castle remembered that he'd even vented to Alexis on occasion. But no. He was done with that. Beckett was not going to ever be with him, he knew that now.

He'd recently learned that she'd heard his admission of love a year earlier and had chosen to ignore it. He supposed she'd wanted to protect him in some way, so maybe at least she felt vague friendship toward him. But no! How could she even feel that if she had let him walk around believing that there was a chance that they would get together when they never would! It must have been pity, and some sort of duty that had her keep him around. He had saved her life on a few occasions, they both knew that was the truth, and maybe she felt like she couldn't just tell him to get out when he'd done something like that. Ugh! He didn't know what to think, except that all of this thinking wasn't working for him anymore. Standing suddenly, he walked away briskly. He couldn't be near her! It was all too much; her lying, her lack of feelings toward him, how sorry she must feel for him (if she felt anything at all).

Beckett had been listening as Ryan filled her in on the crime scene, but part of her always knew where Castle was, so she immediately noticed when he abruptly stood. Ryan continued talking, seemingly oblivious as Castle walked away from the crime scene. Beckett's eyes followed him, startled to see that he almost looked as though he was going to break into a jog.

Ryan continued as though nothing was happening, "We found a couple of cigarettes over there," he gestured toward a nearby dumpster "and they were all kind of grouped together. We think it's possible that someone was smoking as he waited for the victim to approach. It's just a wild theory of course, but what else has Castle taught us?" Ryan looked at Beckett and grinned.

She stared back at him for a moment before realizing that he was waiting for her reply. "Right" she plastered a fake smile on her face.

"Huh," said Ryan, looking around, "Where did Castle go anyway?"

Once he had gotten away from the crime scene Castle kept walking. He didn't have his car; the woman who he'd been trying to use as a Beckett-distraction (rather poorly, obviously) had driven off with it after dropping it off. He knew Jacinda could be trusted with it. He'd met her over the weekend flying back from Vegas (another Beckett-distraction that had failed miserably). Jacinda was actually a perfectly nice woman, not terribly intelligent, but by no means dumb either. She was even pretty funny and good in bed. The problem was that whenever she said something or did something he immediately compared her to Beckett. He was trying to use her to help forget, and all she did was drive home that he wasn't with the woman that he wanted.

Beckett finished listening to Ryan's theories and nodded in agreement. "That sounds great, I really think you've got it under control".

Ryan looked surprised, "Thanks," he said hesitantly. He was surprised that Beckett wasn't more eager to jump into the case. Normally, even when his suggestions were good ones, she at the very least made minor suggestions. Hell, most of the time she took over. It was the group dynamic they had; she always took lead. But now she seemed to be willing to let him do the work. He didn't mind at all, he just didn't get it. "Um, Beckett?"

"Yeah?" Kate looked up, a slightly glazed look on her face.

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes! I mean, I'm just tired. Tough night."

"Oh," Ryan smiled at her, "why don't you take off then? I'll get them to run ballistics and check DNA on the cigarettes. Not much else can be done today anyway".

"Thanks Ryan," Kate gave her first genuine smile of the day, "I'll see you tomorrow".

"Sounds good!" Ryan called after her as she briskly walked towards her car. Fishing his phone out of his pocket he shot a quick text to Esposito: Dude, I don't know what's up with Beckett, but Castle sure left in a hurry. Moments later Espo responded: Mom and Dad STILL fighting, huh?

Back in her apartment Kate shrugged her way out of her leather jacket and threw it on the floor. Removing the rest of her clothes and climbing into the bath she looked down at it. It was a black one that hugged her in all the right places, and she had worn it on purpose in the hopes of getting a reaction out of Castle. A glance or some sly innuendo, or some hint that their relationship was still intact. She had worn it months earlier and she knew he had liked it on her. He'd stared at her in that way that she had once found creepy, but now would have found reassuring. She had felt his eyes appreciating the way the jacket accentuated her curves and she had felt a little rush of pleasure. Tonight there had been no reaction. She might as well have been wearing a sheet. God, he probably wouldn't have noticed if she was completely naked!

The thought of being naked in front of Castle, being naked with Castle, distracted her. She didn't know when she'd stopped finding him insufferably annoying and started wanting him instead. It had almost happened over night, the switch from liking him as a friend to wanting him in her bed. Actually, Kate let her mind drift before she could stop herself, it had literally happened over night. She'd woken up in the middle of the night from a rather arousing dream and found herself wet with wanting him. God, she just wanted him! Even now, even when he'd hurt her by investigating a case with Slaughter, and kissed another woman in front of her, and stormed away from their crime scene without a backward glance she wanted him. Groaning slightly Kate tried to distract herself from her own desire, the fact that she was naked wasn't helping matters.

She stood up from the bath and rubbed a towel quickly over her body, purposefully ignoring the fact that she wasn't just wet from the water. But she couldn't stop thinking about him. Because the way he'd left the crime scene was just too bizarre. Maybe he'd gotten a phone call? Thinking back, she couldn't remember his phone buzzing, but maybe it had? Yes. That must be it. She breathed a sigh of relief. He must have gotten a text or something, maybe the bimbo had told him that she was around the corner waiting to pick him up. Her heart sank at the thought of that, but she knew it must be what had happened. Why else would he have left so abruptly without bothering to tell her? She rubbed her hair through the towel harder then necessary to try and get crude images out of her head. This was getting ridiculous.

Castle scuffed his feet as he walked along. He was still fuming, the walk doing little to calm him down. He just needed to get away from it, to get away from her! He knew it wasn't working. None of it was working. The trip to Vegas, the binge drinking, the mindless sex, none of it made him forget her at all. She was always with him, always present in his mind. He desperately wanted to forget her. This pain, the feeling of unfulfilled desire that was constant in his heart, was unbearable. He knew it was ridiculous, but it had almost been better while she was still with Josh. Because when she was dating someone who she seemed serious about (and Kate always seemed serious about the men she dated) it had been easier to feel that he had come late to the game. That he didn't get the girl because he hadn't put himself in the running. But now he knew that was all a lie, that he'd been lying to himself for years.

No! That she'd been lying to him for years! Because he knew Kate Beckett was an intelligent woman, it was one of the things he loved about her, the way that her mind was always able to catch up to his. The way they were able to build theory together because she could follow the seemingly unconnected leaps that he made. Someone that intelligent could not misinterpret all of the innuendo. Could not miss his true feelings. Hell, even if she had somehow managed to miss it all (which he thought was frankly impossible) he knew now that she had heard him say "I love you". He knew now that she had lied about hearing it. He moaned out loud and then screamed "Fuck!" as loudly as possible. He was alone on the road now, walking along the edge of a highway that led to God knows where. It was dark too, not even stars lit his path. He was so frustrated, so annoyed, that tears began to well up in his eyes. He was so angry, so...he didn't even have the words. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a car throttled around the bend. The driver was easily going 90 miles an hour, and he lost control as he took the steep curve. Castle, so caught up in his thoughts, had no time to react as the car veered off the shoulder of the road and slammed into him. He lost consciousness instantly.

AN: This is the first thing I've ever written, so please review! I'd love any and all advice. Also, don't worry this is not going to be a snuff story, I promise!