Summary: It was easy to jump on conclusions, running away was also easy. It may be scary to take a chance to solve a problem but if you don't take a risk, you might end up regretting not grabbing the chance.
Once part of a compilation but I think it's better to be separated... Let's just say it's for my sanity. lol
drawings on paper
I wonder why? Many stories features a girl who was apparently silent, but then a guy takes interest in her, working his hardest to bring her out of her shell. How I wish that could really apply to reality. To me.
I don't really see myself as a shy person, it was just a thought that everyone around me seemed to have. I'm just lacking confidence, if that makes any sense because it sure is similar to one another. Perhaps, I just don't want to admit that they're right. I'm stubborn like that.
But yeah, no one did try to take me out of my shell. At one point I was close to making it out but in the end it was just my imagination. It appears that I was misled by my own mind. After thinking back on our past conversations I saw the truth, I was the one who twisted his innocent words. I conveniently chose to forget that all along he was mentioning the one true girl of his heart. I should've known. He was just being nice to me as a good friend should.
I'm glad I managed to keep my boiling emotions at that time, if I didn't I would've ruined my chances of meeting my current friends... and him too.
He who had a dirty blond hair, naturally reaching out to the sky as the winds blew on it. Of course I got drawn to him, at first I thought for sure that it was because he reminded me of Sora, that knowledge alone burned my heart with guilt. I shouldn't do that. It was not right and I knew it.
So I didn't spend any unnecessary time with him as much as possible, though I still greet him whenever he called for me. I guess he caught on why I was trying to avoid him because one day he also didn't bother to call out to me, unless one of our friends did. He would give me a fake smile, not even trying to lock his eyes with mine like he used to do before excusing himself immediately, it actually hurt.
It started since that day…
The day when he helped me gather my things as a gentleman he was, I didn't know that he got a hold of my sketchbook. I was too busy mumbling apologies from my clumsiness when I noticed that he didn't respond. Normally, he would hear or guess what I said even before I spoke in a tiny voice around him. I don't even know why it gets like that around him.
It was then that I saw him holding my treasured sketchbook. I snatched it away as fast as I could. Gosh, what if he saw it? What would his reaction be like?
"I-I'm sorry," he said in a tone that made me look up. Hurt was written all over his face, I was baffled. Why would he have that kind of expression on his face? He didn't meet my eyes like usual when he excused himself.
"Um, I'm gonna go ahead. See you around, Naminé." Something about the way he said that made me shudder, as if he was saying goodbye to me.
I watched his back while he strode to the gates, away from the school.
After staying frozen for a few more minutes, I also began to walk home. And in the light casted down by the setting sun, I saw the opened page of the sketchbook. It was the image of Sora smiling brightly.
Who was I fooling, he chose to not talk to me because he thought that I like Sora. Well, I did but if only he could see, if only he flipped the book to the end.
He would learn that his face was drawn the most.
I honestly didn't notice when I started sketching him. I just kept doing what I normally do, let the pencil dance around with the usual stroke of my hands on the white paper, creating the image I saw in my head. It was blurred at first, like scattered pieces of puzzles waiting to be put in its rightful place in my drawing book. Bits and pieces were shown in my head and I obediently tried to capture it before the fragments of memories leave my head. I know that the image will appear clearly after I finished and it did. What appeared was the image of a person I wanted to see the most at that morning.
It truly was a shock on how contradicting my actions are towards him, I wanted to see him and talk to him but I still found myself avoiding him.
I tried to capture and re-draw the pictures I used to draw. I moved my hand, picturing a certain image of a brown-haired boy in my head. Yes, his hair was difficult to draw but I still persisted. I moved the book in certain different angles to try and get that part as accurately as I can. But in the end, it still it looked weird when it ended. That was not how a normal Sora looked.
I compared it to my previous works, it was generally the same but in closer inspection something was still amiss. Something felt different.
Was it the eyes? Or maybe the smile?
I tried again, and again, and again. And while I was correcting it, the image in my book changed. It was now a different kind of spiky hair.
The two of them were related and one could easily see the resemblance and the obvious differences. Sora showed a silly side of him but worried deep inside his heart while Roxas was the one to worry about his problems in his mind alone until he bursts up in frustration.
I had seen him blow up once and I wouldn't like to be at the end of it someday.
It was not just the personality that was far from each other, it was also the smile, the eyes, the nose and the ears. I flipped it to the next pages and I laughed as I didn't notice that his face filled the rest of it. I guess I don't understand how I really feel.
For the next days after that, as I've said, he just talked to me when prompted to. That fake smile of his plastered on his face before he excuses himself out of the place where I am found. He didn't bother greeting me at the hallway anymore. He may look like he was hurrying but I know that he was avoiding me.
Did he also felt like this when I did that to him? I fought the urge to tear up right then and there. Imagine how he still tried to talk to me after the countless times I was trying to avoid him.
That thing went up for a couple of days. I'm not sure how many and I didn't actually care because I was not looking forward to marking the days on the number of times he ignored me. Not really ignored, just avoided because I still haven't spoken properly with him. He scurried away before I could even utter a word if we're not with our friends. I couldn't possibly talk to him about that when our friends are around.
Walking absentmindedly on the hallway, I was startled when I felt a grip that pulled my arm. I was dumbfounded to see that it was Axel.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Axel said, the usual grin absent on his face.
Why? That was the first thing on my mind but I agreed, nodding my head. I know that this would be one of the rare times that I would speak to him without Roxas. I do talk to him but if I did, it will be about Roxas, he was our common ground. Axel seemed nice enough to be trusted and it was notable that he was also one of Roxas' best friends.
"Did something happen between you two?" He finally asked.
I hesitated for a moment, I could pretend that I don't have an idea what he was saying but he wouldn't be fooled.
"Not really," I sighed and was about to dismiss this talk but he narrowed his eyes in obvious disbelief. I bowed my head in shame.
"I thought so, it was weird of him to just suddenly stop talking about you." Axel shook his head slowly.
Wait! My mind whirled and I looked up at him with wide eyes. "He talked about me?"
"Yeah yeah, so what happened? No matter how many times we asked him he wouldn't say a word and he even got super pissed that he–" Axel punched his hand to the other while making sound effects.
I would've laughed in a different circumstance but as I'm still feeling down, I just smiled lightly. "Was it that bad?"
"Yep, it was super bad." He made a show of shaking his head. "So care to tell it to me?"
And so I did. I told him about how he saw what was in my sketchbook. But I added the part that he was drawn on the next pages and he didn't see it.
Axel chuckled to my confusion and mumbled, "Heck the kid's jealous." Before I could ask what he meant by that he started lecturing me. "Look, just tell him all what you've told me. And don't ya protest little girl," he stopped me as I opened my mouth. "He will be happy to learn the truth from you."
"Really?" I asked.
"Really, it's kinda funny though. What if the image he saw was one of Kairi or the other girls, do you think he'll still think that you got hots for another girl?" Axel snickered at his own joke.
I didn't think of it that way. And I surely have sketches of other girls in there. I smiled. I'm really glad I had this talk with Axel. Roxas really chose his friends well. "Thanks Axel."
"Nah it's not a big deal. It'll help us out anyway, a grumpy Roxas is not what we want. Hell, even Larxene got a hard time dealing with him." I giggled at that. "Just tell it all to him and it'll be okay, got it memorized?"
I smiled again, "I got it, thanks Axel!" I shouted as I ran out of the canteen. A burst of confidence was pumping in my blood as I think of a place where he could be. I forgot to ask Axel and it would be lame if I went back again to ask him that.
I'm 85% sure that he was there. I saw him by chance after he and Riku got in a fight.
"Roxas!" I shouted loudly. Now that was something I wouldn't normally do.
He looked to me as if I'm just a ghost. "Naminé?" he asked with tone full of doubt.
That stopped me from advancing, it has been a while since he called my name. He didn't move from his place in the trunk of the tree so I walked slowly, carefully as to not frighten him away.
I sat beside him, catching my breath. It was a good thing that he didn't leave but he started to ignore my presence. By the angle of his head, he was watching the clouds pass by. I heard that it was a thing he does when he got a lot on his mind.
"Roxas?" I whispered, trying to catch his attention. Of course he didn't respond. I sighed, I probably deserve this kind of treatment in his perspective but it changed... my feelings changed. I accepted defeat already and with that, I know that I don't want this.
I opened my bag to get the item that will save our 'would be' friendship. "Hey, you know that I'm not really that close to you but I'm sorry. For avoiding you and all. I didn't mean to but I was... having some kind of internal conflict. I have an idea at what you thought after seeing my sketch but listen that was what it used to be. I mean, I'm already passed that." I was letting the words flow out on their own. I didn't have the chance to weave it nicely and if I did, the adrenaline filled with confidence would've been gone, crushed by the time I finished planning.
I checked if he was listening and to my relief, he was. He was eyeing the sketchbook in my hands, although his expression remained impassive.
I tried to open it, and that was when I noticed that my hands were shaking. Out of fear, nervousness, or embarrassment? Am I really ready to show it to him? Am I ready to see his reaction if he sees it?
I stood up. The sound of my sharp movement must've startled him, I saw him flinch. Finally letting his eyes hold mine, confused in my sudden action. I placed my sketchbook in his lap as gently as I can. My earlier confidence vanished into thin air.
"What is this for?" Roxas asked. The tone of his voice was low, probably from sadness or maybe pain.
"See it until the end, please? You can keep it, do whatever you want with it after. Just promise me that you will at least skim it." With that, I dashed away from him before wisely stopping at the hallway. I placed a hand on my heart and with no surprise, it was beating fast.
I know that I was running away, again but I can't... I don't think I would be able to bear it if he found my work disgusting.
I just hope that it'll be all right. I head to the class as the bell ringed. I briefly looked at where he was as I passed a window, he was gone. It was safe to assume that he did the same.
It was pathetic but I also hurried home after class, I didn't even wait for my other friends. But I was anxious, still scared to face Roxas' reaction to my sketchbook.
Unfortunately (not really), I knew that that wouldn't be the case next day. And to my delight, I was right. As I was walking to school, I noticed Roxas standing on the corner of the street that crosses our paths. He didn't immediately greet, and it made me anxious but he followed after me until we were eventually walking side by side.
"Hey," Roxas started. "I tried to catch you yesterday but you were already gone."
"Oh yeah, I-uh had something I had to do," I lied. I just couldn't say the real reason.
He hummed in response, seemingly content in the atmosphere we have. Roxas was staring straight ahead while we are walking on a mini hill. The sun was brightly shining down upon us. I was caught off guard when he suddenly looked back, holding my eyes on his sapphire ones.
I searched for something to say. "Did you see it?" I wasn't ready but I want to know. I have to know.
He nodded after a moment. "You're really awesome in drawing."
"Thank you," I gratefully said as I smiled in his sincere words.
=•=•=•=•=•=
I was sitting in my room, turning the pages of my little book as I scanned the images inside. He returned it to me and it was still the same as ever. I wondered how he reacted when he saw this, when he saw...
I smiled as I touched the bottom part of the image of Roxas in this sketchbook of mine. A tiny message was written on it.
"Thank you, Naminé."
I'll take that as an invitation for a new friendship.
And sure enough after I flipped the page I saw a small drawing of a girl that I would assume to be me.
It's amazing how many times I went back to that very page, warmth never fails to pass through my heart. Much to Roxas' embarrassment, he says that he's awful at drawing. I can't argue with that—he's actually right but it doesn't matter, I still love it.
notes: For the record, it was okay for Roxas to give it back because he knew how precious it is to Naminé and besides he already took pictures of it in his phone. Lol.
The title is from Lizz robinett's song for Naminé's theme. Thanks to anyone who had read this until the end.. Feel free to correct my mistakes or say anything you like. :3
06/06/17