A/N: I've decided to return, and, upon returning, I wanted to show the style I had been doing while I was gone. It's a stream of consciousness piece, while I've been trying to perfect. Just a quick little one shot to show you. I'll be finishing Leave a Light on later, but Our Ill Will won't be finished, I don't think.
Start at One
And then I was there. I checked the piece of paper in my pocket to make sure the address was right. 514 W. 72nd Street. It was right. I looked again. Apartment 7C. I put the piece of paper back in my pocket and went up to the door. The building was completely dilapidated, but it seemed to have some sort of charm to it. It wasn't anything I wasn't used to; my building wasn't much butter. Actually, this one seemed nicer. I checked the piece of paper again. It was my key. It was my portal; my portal to the wherever I needed to go, and, for now, I needed to go inside. It's so cold, but that doesn't matter. I only have one goal right now.
Saturday night, and All I'm doing is sitting in my apartment. There's not a lot to do when you're single in a new city. I didn't even know where any of the bars were. Well, there was one that was near my building. It's eight thirty. I'm not even close to being tired, or am I? I'm not sure. I think if I'm not sure then I'm not tired. I stand up and look out the window. I wasn't used to the weather changing so drastically. It got so cold so quickly that I hadn't had time to take out all of my winter clothes. I got off the couch and went to my bedroom. It was poorly lit; again, need to start unpacking more things. I should remember that for tomorrow. I couldn't keep stumbling around my house, not able to see anything. It doesn't help that I had been drinking. I was drinking alone. I really must be lonely right now. I laugh at the thought. Most people never say that they'll drink alone; I was one of those people.
I need to get out of the house.
I grabbed my phone, wallet and cigarettes and went downstairs. Walking down the stairs, step by step, People passing me. I should at least say hello. I mean, we're neighbors, aren't we? I'm not sure about the nature of the relationship between people in apartments. Are we neighbors, or do we simply leave near each other? I think that means were neighbors regardless. It's much colder outside than I had expected. I couldn't tell that the wind was blowing so fiercely when I was up in my apartment. The streetlights were glowing a dim orange.
I always hated that color.
I started to walk down the street. Are there only couples on the sidewalk tonight? I don't think this is a family friendly neighborhood, but I guess I wouldn't really know. It wasn't like it was wrong to be together. Everyone I passed were laughing. I wonder if it was at me. I couldn't be. They were laughing before they noticed me. I think. I'm not sure. I looked down at my feet, trying to shield my face from the wind.
The bar was called Patrick's. I guess it was a pub. A few drinks then I would be off to explore. Or sleep. It depends on how tired I'll be by the end of it. I looked at my phone. It wasn't even nine yet. There would be nobody here. I guess that's fine; it suits me more. I wouldn't really know anyone anyway. I walked in and a wave of heat hit my face. The warmth was nice; it was colder outside than I thought. It was loud. There were a lot more people than I thought there would be. They were talking, laughing, flirting, kissing. All the things I wasn't wanting to see then.
I sat at the bar and the bartender came up to me right away. I ordered a beer, coldest and cheapest. I haven't had much money since I got out of school. The market has been really awful, and now I'm in between jobs. I'm pretty low right now. No money, no friends, no future. I sipped on my beer and turned around to face the bar. Everyone seemed to be there with someone else. Is that the theme for the night? I realized how awkward it is to be at a bar without anyone you know. I turned back around and looked down at my drink. It was calling my name.
After have two drinks I looked at my watch. It was nine thirty. I guess it had been a good night; at the very least, I now know that I want to go to sleep instead of doing anything else. It's not as glamorous as everyone thinks here. You're more lonely surrounded by eight million people than you've ever been before. Why did I come here again? The bar, to drink, the city, to live, but only one of those things seems to be happening. A turned around and stood back up. I looked around the room again, looking at all the other people. These people, who seem to have everything put together. I looked down the bar, and there she was. A beautiful woman sitting at the end of the bar, alone, like me. Blonde hair as bright as the sun and deep green eyes. I looked for a while longer, drinking her all in. She looked around the room, like she was looking for someone. She turned to me and caught my eyes for a second. I looked away, and I think she followed suit. I grabbed my seat and sat down again. I guess I wanted to stay a bit longer.
A few minutes and half a beer later, I was still looking at her. She had turned down three guys at this point, and was still looking around the place. I still have no idea who she was looking for. The door keep opening, bring the winter's chill with the. It sang to me every time it flew through. She's stand up and putting on her coat. I turn back around. I wonder if she knew that I was staring at her this entire time. I can't believe I didn't talk to her. She's getting closer. As she walks past me, I see something drop next to me. It's a little piece of paper. I look around, and she's gone. Was it from her? It must have been, but we've never talked. She probably noticed had crazy I am. God, I must have looked like an idiot, looking at her all night. I grabbed the paper and stood up. I'm not going to look at it. It's going to be something embarrassing.
I opened the piece of paper immediately after leaving the bar. There was an address, no name, no number, but an address. I checked Google maps. It's only been a while since I started living here, so I still have no idea where anything is. It's only a couple of blocks from where I was. I guess she was just walking to get a few drinks tonight too. I start walking, the wind at my back. It was the first time I smiled in weeks.
I hit the buzzer in her building.
"Are you the guys form the bar?" She was immediate to answer. I'm not really sure what to say.
"Um, yes."
"Why were you looking at me all night?" Oh god. Really? Did she have to act this way? Did she only bring me here to humiliate me?
"What do you mean?"
"I noticed you looking at me"
"I, well…"
"What's your name?"
"Theodore, Theo for short."
"Well, Theo for short, you should have come talked to me. I mean, you wasted so much time just looking and not speaking."
"Is that why you gave me your address?"
"Exactly. Look in Mailbox 705."
"Won't it, um, be locked?"
"I left it unlocked, go on, I'll buzz you in." What was she doing? A small buzz came from the speakers and the door unlocked. I walked inside and opened the mailbox. There was another piece of paper. It had her phone number, well, a phone number on it. I walked back outside to the speakers, "You should call me sometime."
"How did you know I was back?"
"It was the second time I said it," she laughed and I had no idea what to do.
"Why don't I just ask you out now?"
"I guess you can. I may say no though."
"I've chanced enough tonight, why not go one step further? Want to go out on Saturday?"
"You're so bold now, what changed?" What had changed? Why could I have talked to her in the bar?
"I don't know."
"Well, Theo for short, I guess I'll see you then."
"Yeah sure." I turned around and started walking. I don't know her name, "Shit," I need to go back. I rush back to the speakers and call her again.
"My name's Eleanor, Ellie for short."
"Oh, yeah, um, good. Thanks, yeah. I guess I'll see you later."
"I guess you will."
It was odd. I hadn't seen her face in a while.
But the visual was still vivid in my memory.
For the first time since I moved here, I didn't feel so lonely anymore.