Author Notes:

Guys, this is the fourth and final part of my four part series - In Pursuit of a Normal Life. Consider this like Book 4. All stories that came before this - A Small Glimpse - A Place To Belong - The Clock Tower - are all precursors to this story and weave into the narrative. You can find links to all of these on my profile.

You won't need to have read the previous stories to follow on with this one, but if you want some more background - if you wish to read about how Cloud and Roxas met and fell in love with Zack and Axel, respectively, then go read those stories.

Just copy the following into the address bar after fanfictiondot net/s/11952314/1/In-Pursuit-of-a-Normal-Life-1-A-Small-Glimpse -That will take you to the very start of this series.

The entire series is a slow burn. So if you're into that then I hope you enjoy :)

Follow or fave the fic if you want to be notified of updates.

And please leave reviews, because it's super disheartening to update if no one lets me know what they think of my work.

~cream pudding

Chapter 1

A Distant Whisper

Summary:

Cloud begins his journey.

It had been a devastating shock to his system. Cloud couldn't believe how his body was failing him. An overwhelming sense of betrayal and irritation had flooded his every being when the bubbling and broiling sensations had started in his stomach. With every pitch and roll of the ferry as it chugged across the strait, back to the mainland, his seasickness had grown exponentially worse.

Cloud wasn't left to fondly gaze back at the land he had spent three years living his life at. He wasn't able to say a farewell and reminisce, because his whole attention was focused on unsuccessfully keeping the liquids in his stomach from burning his throat and spilling forth over the railing of the ferry.

He was relieved that Roxas wasn't around to witness this. He'd never live it down. The fondness he held for his brother caused him to smile, and was followed by retching moments later. Being sick once - that could be a fluke. But twice? That was actual motion sickness. After all the travelling he had done in his life he had finally succumbed to it. He never would have guessed that the sea would have been his achilles heel.

Landfall hadn't come soon enough.

Being back on his bike felt a million times better. Flat hard surfaces and a landscape that only swayed with the breeze was his preferred state for the world to be in. It was something his body could understand. Being back on his bike was comforting and soothed his churning belly to some extent.

He still felt woozy and worn out from the ordeal of the ferry, but he wouldn't allow himself the luxury of stopping in the small port to recover. He pushed past the residual nausea, making his way north with haste, flying past the sparse military personnel which still patrolled the seaside.

Only once he felt there had been put enough distance between himself and the sea had he slowed down, stopped, and lain down on the grass to recuperate.

He was finally out of Wutai. A part of Cloud felt elated, and another part of himself deeply hollow. He would even go so far as to say there lay dread, and an unsettling uncertainty. Everything familiar was left behind once again. An unpredictable future lay ahead of him.

But he had left. He couldn't go back. Wutai was his past, and he needed to close his past off so it would stop bleeding into, and tainting the bright future he could have. It's what everyone had been telling him, and Cloud had started to listen and think that there must be some truth in it.

Cloud took a bite to eat to gauge if he was fit for further travel. His stomach had settled somewhat, and the shaky weariness which came from the nausea had dissipated. He breathed the fresh, crisp air deeply into his lungs and continued forward.

Being out in the wilderness, watching the country race past, was exhilarating. It made an excitement well in him which he hadn't felt since he had set foot in Wutai. The weariness of his inner turmoil seemed to melt away as he focused on nothing but the open road ahead. Maybe he had been stagnant for too long. Maybe he had lingered in one place far beyond his expiration date.

Cloud had never really known much in his life other than moving around a lot. Their dad had moved them to warmer climates, and then after that they had shifted around a bit more, only to have Cloud pick up the wayward wanderer mantle yet again, when he decided to run away with Roxas. It occurred to him that maybe being on a constant journey was his natural state of being. Maybe he was more adapted to a nomadic lifestyle. Maybe he had caged himself up staying in one place for too long. Maybe that had been what had ultimately made him so miserable.

That thought let Cloud enjoy himself for several days. He was currently doing what only came natural to him. He had been fighting his natural predisposition for three years. That's what had actually made him miserable.

Cloud allowed himself to slow down.

He camped out under the stars, gazing up into the pitch of night. The sounds of night engulfing and surrounding him, drowning out all the inadequacies he had ever felt within himself.

He drifted and meandered up the winding paths, which lead away from Wutai.

All haste he felt as he had fled that country, forgotten and thrown aside.

The usual four day journey took him eight to complete. He relished the fresh air. He relished not having to hide himself. He relished not having to be vigilant and protect Roxas from all the bad in the world.

He could finally breathe.

So when the constriction around his lungs set in once more, he pulled over at the side of the road. There was that too painfully familiar tightness of anxiety and worry clutching his mind. His body was tense with the same unease and discomfort he had felt while in Wutai, and also, more pointedly, while he had been on the run with his brother. It returned and settled into his very being like an unwelcomed old acquaintance coming around for dinner unexpectedly.

Reality had come crashing down on his head.

He knew he couldn't trick himself into believing that all the uncomfortable feelings he had experienced stemmed from having stayed in one place for three years. But it had been nice to imagine that this had been his only problem, for a little while anyway. It had been nice to think that what had been wrong with Cloud's life wasn't actually Cloud himself, but just his circumstances.

This intrusive reality check had come as Cloud was, quite literally, at a crossroads.

During his travels more houses began dotting the otherwise empty countryside, and the traffic had steadily increased, growing denser. Cloud had finally reached the very outer city limits of Radiant Gardens.

The courage and resolve he had managed to pull up out of himself late that night in Wutai, melted away in the glaring light of day.

Far on the horizon a hazy gray smog blanketed and hid the outline of the garden city. But Cloud had travelled this way enough times to be able to gauge quite well that it was less than a few hours journey. Up until this moment he had enjoyed himself. He hadn't worried or thought further ahead than where he was going to refuel his bike, or where he might stop for the night.

He had been free.

But being this close to Roxas, Zack and even Sephiroth terrified him. Those three people comprised all of Cloud's world. Could he face them? Would he return to them as a capable adult, or a needy child?

Cloud had been feeling really good the last couple of days travelling. He had enjoyed being self reliant. He had treasured being alone and only having the odd conversation with store clerks at pitstops, or talking to farmers and innkeepers about being put up for the night.

He had gotten a taste of a different life. A taste of the life he always thought he would have wanted if he didn't have to care for Roxas; the selfish and carefree life.

It had excited him.

The wind blew, causing the oceans of grass to roll in a majestic wave.

Cloud looked South, from where the wind came, and from where he had also come.

Flat road and rolling hills stretched off into a hazy blur. He had once thought his future lay down there. It had felt safe, comfortable, and had given Cloud hope. He had a purpose and distractions.

He thought of Irvine for the first time since he had last spoken to the man. They were even. He had said so himself. Cloud didn't need to feel guilty for how he had used and manipulated him into getting, what Cloud thought, he had wanted and ultimately needed. But he still felt awful about it. He hadn't been respectful. He hadn't seen Irvine's good qualities and merits. He had only looked upon Irvine as a shortcut home.

Irvine had been a means to an end, but Cloud couldn't even see what that end was anymore. Doing the things he did with Irvine only made him miss Zack more. It had always had the opposite effect.

He sighed.

The shortcut had turned out to be a much longer road than he would ever have anticipated. For some reason it had trapped him and kept Cloud in Wutai for a much longer time than was probably good for him - or Irvine. They had hurt each other for far longer than they needed to.

Wutai had stopped offering salvation and became a prison. He had overstayed his welcome there, with dire consequences.

It saddened Cloud.

He turned his attention East, towards the city where he now was lead to believe his future lay. But what if he was wrong about that as well? And even if he wasn't, and that was the place he would find his happiness and normal life - Even if that was where he could settle - Why did it have to be his immediate future? Why couldn't it be his 'in a few more weeks' future? Was he really in such a rush?

In that direction lay uncertainty. In that direction lay deeply uncomfortable things which hugged the outer edged of his conscious mind, and lay even deeper buried within his subconscious.

The news about Sephiroth, which had been rampant for a while, had flooded Cloud, and churned some of the well hidden feelings and desires inside himself in such a way that they still clung to him, even now. He wished they would settle back down to the deep dark recesses of his mind, but Cloud didn't think he would ever get that wish.

He didn't want to go face his demon. He wasn't ready yet. Even the draw of knowing that Roxas and Zack were just a few hours ride away now didn't burn bright enough against the strong brilliance of the open road. He, after all, only had a small taste of freedom. Was it wrong to want more?

Cloud rotated his head, scanning the horizon. Slowly his eyes peeled themselves off the place where he knew the city to be. His eyes languished and drank up the sweeping countryside as if trying to memorize every detail as they travelled and settled in a northern direction. A cold shiver ran through his body as the fading summer wind blew once more, tugging at Cloud, pushing him in the direction he was gazing.

He heard it.

A faint and distant calling, pulling at his heartstrings; To head East he needed to head North.

He returned to his bike, stroking Fenrir affectionately before settling himself on it's back.

"I think we've still got one more journey left to make before we can finally stop, my old friend," he spoke as he brought the engine back to life.

Cloud's journey continued North. At first he wasn't sure what he was after, but he allowed himself to aimlessly wander, as long as it was in the general direction of North.

Cloud had really loved roughing it. He had enjoyed being all alone, because he hadn't needed to exert any energy at making small talk with people, or worry about what others thought of him. He had been able to just be himself and it had been incredibly refreshing.

But the seasons were moving as much as Cloud was, shifting into the cooler months.

He was given less choice, needing to opt for staying at lodgings more often than not, the further he traveled, and the colder it got. Sometimes he would work for his board, as he only had a finite supply of money available to himself, and most of that needed to go towards fuel and warmer clothes, as well as towards fulfilling his eventual dream of starting his business in Radiant Gardens. But Cloud was never left in a position where he felt he had to worry. He was always managing to pull through.

The phone conversations with Roxas had ceased as soon as Cloud had left Wutai. He preferred sending text messages instead as he didn't trust himself to speak to Roxas. Cloud wanted to keep this a secret for some reason. He was worried about what his brother would say if he knew that Cloud was out on his own. Roxas was really good at persuading Cloud, especially over the last three years. Cloud only wanted to go back to Radiant Gardens when he was ready to do so of his own volition. So he dreaded to hear how Roxas might try to force his hand, or somehow guilt him into coming back.

A part of Cloud wanted to prove something to himself as well. He wanted to test that he was a survivor. He wanted to prove to himself and others that he could cope being alone; he didn't need anyone in his life; he could function and look after himself.

And he was doing it. He was fine.

Cloud revisited some of the smaller towns he and Roxas had stopped over years ago. He took note of how nothing had changed, which disheartened him a little. He had seen so much emphasis on change and transformation in Wutai - he had built such a strong inner dialogue around change being inevitable - that when he came to places where everything was still the same as it had been five years ago, it grated on Cloud's nerves.

If some things didn't change would that mean that Cloud might be one of the things in this world that also didn't change?

It wasn't worth thinking about. Cloud just had to keep trying. So he kept moving. He kept pushing further and further North, until he came to places he had never been to. Until he reached areas he only had the faintest and most faded licks of a memory of in the back of his mind.

It was one of these places, an old mining town, nestled within the folds of the ever increasing mountain range, which sparked something within Cloud.

He finally knew where he was heading.

He was retracing his steps. He was going to his first home - Nibelheim.

But he wasn't sure why.

The realization came one day when he was staring at his phone, debating what he should do.

Cloud had been trying to reach Roxas for several weeks. He had been worried. Usually when he messaged Roxas, his brother would reply within a few hours. But it had been weeks since they last exchanged messages.

The poor reception was partly to blame for that. Often Cloud would send a message only to be alerted with an error explaining that there was no signal. When he did get a signal however he would always check in with Roxas.

The mountains blocked off most of the signal range but Cloud had, for the last few days, found himself in a small town where there was reception. Mountains surrounded the village but he found patches of good reception. Cloud certainly wasn't going to complain. Patchy was better than none at all.

He found himself in one of those patches, looking at his phone, wondering what he should do. When he didn't hear any news from his brother he had obviously become highly agitated and worried. All the old anxieties and worst case scenarios played in his head. What if Sephiroth had gotten out? What if Roxas had been in an accident? What if -.

But Cloud stopped himself from going crazy. Being this far away from his brother - almost a month's journey if he really pushed himself and hurried - instead of meandering like he had been doing over the last two months - he still wouldn't be able to reach Roxas and protect or save him, no matter what had happened to his brother.

He had tried calling, to no avail. He had sent messages, with no reply. He was at the end of his tether. Cloud felt sick. He could feel the cold sweat building and his entire body seemed to vibrate with awful tension.

He was going to call Zack, because surely that man would know what was going on with Roxas. Surely Cloud would be able to get answers.

But just as he was selecting Zack's adorable caller ID image Roxas' name flashed on his screen.

Cloud accepted the call instantaneously.

"Roxas?"

The phone line crackled and whistled loudly but he could still hear the far away voice of his brother breaking through all the noise.

"Cloud! You finally picked up!"

"What are you talking about? You finally responded to me. Are you ok?"

He felt relieved at hearing Roxas' voice. Cloud considered himself lucky that Roxas had saved him from having to speak with Zack. The horrendous nervous buzzing subsided within his body.

"Yeah. I've - just had a bit of phone trouble, that's all. Everything is fine. But where are you? I know you left Wutai. I spoke to Squall. He said he told you to come see me. Where are you? The line is terrible."

"Oh."

" 'Oh'? Is that all you can say to me?"

Cloud's mind drew a blank. In a way it was somewhat calming to know that he didn't have to break the news to his brother himself. "I'm sorry, Roxas. I didn't want to worry you."

"If that was true you would have contacted me earlier. I was worried sick about you! I've been trying to reach you for weeks now."

"I'm ok, Rox. The mountains are giving me really patchy reception. I was heading up to see you, but then I changed my mind. I -," Cloud suddenly fell into a deep silence. Something just clicked in Cloud's mind regarding his purpose for being in the middle of nowhere.

"Cloud? You still there?"

The faint voice brought him back to his immediate surroundings.

As the words tumbled out they startled him, "Yeah - I have to go see mom."

"Oh."

"But after that I'm coming right back. I swear to you."

"Where are you now?"

"About half way. I should be there for winter."

"She will definitely like that."

"Yeah, I know," replied Cloud, a smile playing on his lips.

It was nice to finally understand what he was doing. He loved the clarity he sometimes received by just speaking with Roxas.