My eyes were looking out at the dark sky and all the stars, and my arms got goosebumps. I could feel the cold air through the window and I shuddered, leaning over to grab the blanket I had on the couch. As pretty as I found the portrait, I was quite unnerved because I didn't have the comfort of my brothers around me. We were greasers and that said it all; low class. People less fortunate in this town had to work harder than others and being a greaser was a disadvantage. I could continue to cogitate on the subject but it wasn't so important to the me right now. My brothers had jobs so we could continue to have luxuries other greasers didn't have— and that included a house.
I'm only 14 so I can't do much to help which sucks but despite my want to help I can find ways to be a complete pain in the bottom. I never do what's "right" to Darry and he favored Soda over me...but that didn't add up as much as it did to my parents' death. I could believe Soda and Darry are my only family but I don't, we have the gang. Steve, Two-Bit, Johnny and Dally. My head throbbed so I decided not to linger or anything much longer and my eyes were glued right back to my book, but that proved to be a challenge. Maybe it was because I was young but I thought about many things and get emotional at times depending on what is happening or what I'm thinking about. I wished one of the gang was with me for a distraction or even comfort, I was real scared of being alone but I never told anyone because that wouldn't be a tuff thing to do. My legs shook and I clung to my blanket more...5 more hours.
It was only 9 so I tried to talk myself out of my angst and my mind tried to pick up on the printed words again. I'd started To Kill A Mockingbird and in all honesty, I found the characters annoying, but every book was plain awful compared to Gone With the Wind. Soda always said I swore by that book and it was true, I was on my third time reading it. I was stuck with the sound of ticking from the clock next to Darry's chair and I became vexed from the sound, so much my concentration broke. I sighed and turned back over at the overly lustrous moon, almost wishing I could talk to it to have some company. My mind screamed that also wasn't tuff so I turned away to continue my ramblings on what was tuff and what wasn't.
Only a matter of seconds went by and suddenly I heard someone grab the doorknob and push open the creaky door. My heart jumped and so did my book, right from my sweaty hands and onto the floor. I shook and looked over to see it was only Dally— now that was someone you needed to be tough and tuff around.
"Glory kid, you'd think I was the boogie man." He shook his head in what looked like disapproval and my heart fluttered more than when I heard the door open.
My eyes looked him up and down and it let out a shaky breath, leaning down to grab my book. I promptly shut it and looked at Dally. "Yeah, well maybe you are." Fear was bubbling inside of me in all honesty. Dallas was the one gang member I was scared of...I didn't exactly have a connect to him but continued to feel something that kept me infatuated with him. If I were myself in front of him, I'd be too much of a pussy and for some reason being special to him meant something to me even though it shouldn't have. That was more of Johnny's job, or at least it was supposed to be. I try to convince myself from time to time I'm not obsessed with him, but I guess if you looked through my sketchbook you would clearly see I was and am. "You made me drop my book and now I gotta find my place again."
Dally's eyes were brown but still told me cold, blue, and icy. "Boo-hoo, kid. Don't think too hard about what your books tell you."
I opened my now dry mouth and I could feel my heart trying to escape into my parched throat. "Can't help you don't realize how good books are compared to rollin' rings from men and partying." I coulda smacked myself for being cocky, but if I wasn't I wouldn't be tuff. This was always my little mind game when I was around Dally, and especially alone which barely happened.
He looked down at his rings and ran a finger over the skull one, it shined almost jeeringly. "I could use them to shut your mouth if you don't stop talking." Dallas flashed a smirk that told me he wasn't joking. "But I'll give you another chance, Curtis." His cold eyes looked around then pierced back into mine. "Where are your brothers?"
"Working. They have late shifts tonight." I looked down and studied the cover of my book to avoid the eye contact. I was sick of this intense feeling. "Why'd you come over?"
The leather boots slid along the floor dangerously. "Wanted to see if you and Johnny were free to see a movie, but he ain't here." Dally gave a teasing scoff, "and I'm not staying to watch you read tonight."
I frowned, feeling a bit offended, but Dallas wouldn't know I thought that because I wouldn't show him it. It took a few silent seconds before I looked back up at him, expecting him to almost just dash out the door without another word, but there he stood.
"I should get going and do something better... I'll find Johnny and see if he wants to tag along. So long, kid." He turned over and began to walk to the door as if he were on a hot date.
I arched a brow and I felt a pang in my heart and my head. "Wait." My voice came out loud and I began to panic. Even I couldn't figure out why I just said that, but at the same time I knew why I wouldn't let him go.
Dallas looked over at me and arched a brow. "What do you want?" His voice came out as if I was a nuisance. It wasn't like he had anywhere to be.
My blood ran cold and I cleared my throat nervously while keeping eye contact. "I just thought you'd stay longer tonight..." I sounded like an attention needy girl and suddenly things were getting too deep to even be comfortable.
The hoods expression became something unrecognizable, if I were to pick it out, perhaps it would be disgust. "The hell are you trying to say?"
I frowned and looked away, it took every fiber of my being to not have a breakdown. What made Johnny's company better than mine, and why did Dal and I have such a chasm between each other when we were supposed to be friends? The rush of feelings made my cheeks red and my fingers found their way to my hair. I could let him go or dig even deeper. But of course, when would this ever happen again...digging deeper was the better option, even if I ended up with a loose tooth and a bloody nose. "I-I don't know," I bit my lip, "you just never stay around for long." It was silent but then I heard a dark chuckle.
"Are you mentally fucked tonight?" He sighed and I didn't need to look at him to know he rolled his eyes. "Just get some damn sleep..."
My eye twitched and so did my lips. I shot my head over and growled, seeing him opening the door. "Just stay! What's so hard about that!?" The flipping of my stomach made me sick, I just earned myself a nice ass-whooping.
Dally suddenly shut the door and began to walk towards me, I was frantic about what he had to say or do next. "Why do you of all people want me to stay so much?" He continued to sit next to me and look at my hidden face.
"Why are you staying with me now?" I shakily looked over at him, there was no doubt I was a red hot mess. My responses were just getting deeper— and that meant worse. "You wanted to stay with Johnny." Suddenly the urge to tell him he cared more about Johnny came out. It had been building since the day Dally met Johnny, that was all he cared about. "If you're my damn friend why does my company not matter?" I licked my bottom lip and my chest rose and fell at a rapid rate.
Dallas looked at me with wide burning eyes that held such an intensity I wish I knew what they were saying. "You're being a real pain the ass."
I looked at him and snarled, clenching the beige fabric of the couch tight. I wished he'd just hit me instead of letting this go on. "Answer me, Dallas! Why does it matter!? Why does anyone mater!?" The volume of my voice was very high, and suddenly I lowered it. "Do I even matter to you?" Dally was looking almost as insane as me now and I wanted him to break like I just did.
"Where is this even coming from!?" He clenched his own brunette locks and gave me a pissed look.
Warm tears clouded my eyes and I craved even just a yes or no answer from him. I bit my lip hard and the tears traveled down my face. "Why are you such an asshole!? I don't get you, Dallas...you're so far gone and all you show respect for is Johnny! Johnny this Johnny that!" I began to wipe my tears. "Why are you even my friend?"
Dally suddenly grabbed the neck of my shirt so tight I was practically choking...now it got to him. "Do you want me to kick your ass!? If you just want attention from me you're looking for a hell of a lot more than just friendship, and I know that from experience."
I suddenly shook and felt like something hit me inside— realization that I didn't even know. What I was realizing I didn't know. My watery eyes looked at Dally and I moved my hand to the one that was clenching my shirt. I looked at him and my hand gently held onto his, I wanted to know he was human. That was what the whole argument was beginning to look like. The fluttering in my stomach made me want to cry even more. "How do you know what I'm asking for?"
Dally continued to look at me with a cold gaze, his hand never moved, despite me holding it desperately and not because I wanted him to yank away. "You expected to get me to feel something because you thought I felt nothing. You want me to look at you for once and tell you I give a shit about you more than anyone else." He scoffed and I was taken aback to see some tears forming in his eyes. "You want to be something special to me and you want me to comfort you and tell you you're special to me."
My heart raced and I gulped, why was he making so much sense of my intentions? I closed my eyes and began to sob, I wanted Dally, and I wanted him to realize he was an asshole. But why did I get nervous around him and why did I want to even touch him like I was now? Because he never let me and never will. "Well am I something s-special to you!?"
"You'd feel so damn better if I said it." He hissed, making me cry harder.
"Then say it even if you don't mean it!" I sobbed and my fingers ran over his knuckles, wanting to know there was a gentle side to him that could love. Love. That word made my watery eyes open and suddenly my heart beat fast. I loved him! I had fallen in love with the hood, I had a pathetic crush on him and I wanted him to love me back. I almost sobbed more at how pathetic I was, and how in love I was.
Dallas's eye twitched and his grip on my shirt tightened. "You want to end tonight in a fairytale or do you want to end it in truth?"
I looked at him and my hand held onto Dally's. My eyes looked down and my heart raced at the sight of my fingers lovingly running along his hand. I tried to remember this because it wouldn't happen again. I know Dally was looking and knew exactly what I was doing and thinking of, but he let me dream...he didn't move back. "Just do something." The look in his eyes made me frown, "I love you, I love you and I wanna be something to you!" I began to weep again and my grip on his hand became tighter, but suddenly he let go of my shirt, keeping his hand in place to let mine hold his. My tear filled eyes looked at him and suddenly he seemed close, so close I could feel the heat radiating off him. I looked up at him, his nose almost touching mine, I wish I could register what he was feeling but I couldn't. My lips trembled as I began to feel his warm breath. "I love you..." His lips pressed to mine and I closed my eyes, desperately kissing back. I shook and moved my hand to rest on the back of his head and my forearm rested on his shoulder, the skin gently rubbing against the fabric of his jean jacket. The kiss deepened and I moaned, my other hand moved to his head and my fingers raced to feel through his soft brown locks. It never came to me why Dallas was doing this and just letting it happen when he never even said he loved me back. Time went by fast and Dally's lips parted from mine, he'd given my hormones a full ride that left my heart racing. I didn't dare say a word, I just looked at him and gently removed my fingers from his hair. My hands went to rest on his arms and I looked down at them, my finger slowly traveled along his arms then to his hands and I held them in a loose grip.
Dally watched on for only a little bit before standing up and looking down at me.
My eyes suddenly felt heavy and I groaned, looking up at him. I shivered as I felt my blanket placed over me with care. I looked up at him through my almost shut eyes, still confused at all that happened. Was this the fairytale he mentioned of, or the truth? "Do you love me?" My voice came out soft, so soft that I was scared he didn't hear. Suddenly his footsteps went to the door and I heard him chuckle before shutting the door.