Alright, here's my author's note because I can't put it at the end, it'd spoil the mood. Be prepared for ANGST! and SHOUNEN AI! and NON-SHOUNEN AI! and mention of RELENA! But it's not Relena-bashing, just how Duo see her in the story. so =P Flame me. I dare you. And yeah, it's a Heero death fic, and yah, he's with Sylvia Noventa at the time. I sorta got the idea from Shinigami Baby's fic 'Boys Don't Cry,' but also the episodes with her in it were on Toonami the other day(because though the dub voices suck, it's Gundam Wing, and how could that be a bad thing. =P Yeah, I've seen the subbed, too. so nyah. Flame me about that, too. Dare you!). So thankies to her.
I was reading this over the phone to my friend (for construtive critisism, and yeah, she's obsessed, too) and she started crying. And it wasn't even finished!! So TISSUE WARNING!!!
Erm, I'm sure ya'll are dying to read it, soo...
Oooh yah. REVIEW, YOU PEOPLE!!
Requiem means Memorial in Latin, I'm pretty sure, anyway.
Requiem
By Chibi Lurrel
I can remember how I heard the news. The phone rang, and I ran over and clicked it on. Sylvia Yuy's, formally Sylvia Noventa. face appeared on the screen. Simply her appearance troubled me, she looked weary and older than her years, and as if she hadn't slept or eaten properly in a few days. My smile faded from my face. "What's wrong!?" I asked, quickly skipping the formalities, for there was obviously no need. "It's H-H-Heero." she said, her voice hitching as she surprised a sob. I nodded, worried. Heero was my best friend... I know it sounds heartless, but a little voice in the back of my head cried out 'More than that!' "What is it, Sylvia?" "Oh God, Duo! Yesterday..." I nodded, murmuring something I guess that was intended to be soothing. "I...I got up and he was... oh God... Duo, he's dead..." Her voice was miserable and anguished, but strangely flat. The room seemed to be spinning. "Aaa..." escaped my lips. She nodded. "Sylvia, I'm so sorry!" She nodded again, a few glistening tears falling down her cheeks and disappearing past the camera view. "I know." "When... When's the funeral?" I asked softly, my rational mind running screaming away, leaving only empty words. "In two days, but I'd appreciate it if you and Wufei could arrive earlier. Quatre & Trowa..." I nodded quickly. "I'll tell them, don't worry. I'll see you then, I guess." She nodded and the screen flickered into the darkness.
I stumbled into the bedroom Wufei and I shared. We were now a couple, I suppose. I had went through several failed relationships before this, but being with Wufei made me happy and fulfilled. He was lying tangled in sheets, his breathing heavy and soft. I nudged his shoulder and his ebony eyes were instantly open. Old habits die hard. "Sylvia just called." I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He sat up and yawned deeply. "Mm. How are her and Heero holding up?" My lip trembled as I threw myself into his arms. His strong ones wrapped around me automatically, and even though he was bewildered he was non-resistant. "Oh gods, Wufei! Heero died last night!" I buried my head in his shoulder, waiting for the tears to come and follow the sobs that were caught in my throat. But they didn't. It had been so long since I cried, I forgot how. The last time I truly cried was the day Heero... told me he didn't love me anymore, that he never had. And now he was gone. Wufei pulled me closer to his bare chest, to stunned to speak. We sat there for a while, and finally he whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry, Duo." Two tears slip down my cheeks and onto his shoulder.
***
Time had ceased to exist in the past few days at the Noventa-Yuy estate. Quatre and Trowa were already there when Wufei and I arrived. The whole atmosphere was awkward and formal. We all tip-toed about, trying not to disturb the others. Quatre, being a highly skilled empath was all the more attuned to the tension and anguish that seemed to hang over the household like a moist cloth. Quatre had spent a few hours before the funeral simply talking with Sylvia, and when they emerged, she looked far more at peace than she had in days. Quatre, however, looked even more troubled than he had before. My heart went out to his, but even I was in no mood to try and be cheerful and brash.
His funeral was awkward. None of us former pilots, other than Quatre and Wufei, knew how to act at such formal occasions. Though Heero had said that he didn't believe in God, Sylvia apparently did, since it was a Christian funeral. It was held in a large, almost gaudy cathedral. I felt a sort of peace there, almost as if I was returning home for the first time in a long, long time. I hadn't been to a church for about that time, not when it wasn't deserted and serving as a hide out or safe house. I slid into a pew, a bit uncomfortable in the scratchy black suit. I always wore black, but this sort of black felt different. Sylvia sat in the front, wearing a long black dress with scooping sleeve, and a black hat with a small brim that held a veil over her face. She was holding a white handkerchief, as though she was afraid that the tears might start again. Wufei sat next to me, and he clasped my hand in his own, squeezing gently in a reassuring manner.
The service seemed like nothing but white noise rushing past my ears. I had been asked to say something, and somehow I managed to wander up there and say something about losing my best friend and partner and dealing with the pain and moving on and some other things that I could not remember. I went back, and tried to listen to what other people said, but it was still white noise. And an endless stream of people. Quatre walked up there, for he had been asked to speak, too. But he stood up at the poduim, looked out at the crowd, and gasped and fell onto his knees. Trowa had walked over and assisted him back.
It's times like these that perhaps he would be better off with no uchuru no kokuru.
***
We walked outside. The sky was gray. I hate rainy days. It seemed as though gray skies always appear during sad days, like these.
Us former Gundam pilots were coffin bearers. We were, after all, the ones who had been closest to him during his short life. He was only 28. I was only 27, but then I hadn't had my birthday yet. A phrase from someone's speech drifted through my head. I think it was from Relena's. 'It's thing like these that make us realize our own mortality.' She couldn't have been more wrong. As a soldier, one is constantly reminded of their own mortality. Every battle you come out of alive makes you more aware of the possibility of your death. You can't get cocky, or you let your guard down, thinking you're undefeatable. That's when Death comes and slaps you in the face.
Then again, perhaps Relena has always been a little cocky like that. When we were younger, she stared Death in the face in the form of Heero's gun. I always thought actions like that were shallow on her part, not caring about her life when she had a task and a place in society and life. Heero was perfectly willing to self-desrtuct, but that was to accomplish a goal, a mission that would benifit others. While Relena was simply willing to throw her life away on a personal whim, and her death would benifit no one. But maybe I'm just biased. I do like her, though, even if the feeling isn't mutual.
***
Standing near the headstone, with Wufei at my side and still clutching my hand, I glanced over at them, Trowa and Quatre. Trowa was holding Quatre in his arms, and Quatre's eyes were closed. I feel so sorry for him. Everyone's emotions are thrown at him and magnified. He was clutching his chest and trying to make himself un-noticeable. Relena was looking almost as bad as Quatre did. It was sad, really. She had never truly moved on after a breif fling with Heero. She had told everyone that it had been a mutual break-up. It probably was, that they had both tired of each other and parted ways. I had hated her than, hated her because Heero had left me for her and I couldn't possibly imagine how she could fulfill his needs and I could not. But then he came back. Came back, and I was still young and naive, as naive as I possibly could be with my life, and I accepted him. And he left again, this time ripping out my heart by telling me that there was no love from him to be had for me. And around that time he met up with Sylvia. And they were happy. Happier than he had ever been with me or Relena.
And I forgave him, too. And we had become friends again. And I had gone with Hilde for awhile even though we both knew all to well that it wouldn't last for long. But it was fun for the time we had together. She was at the funeral, too. She looked depressed, but her and Heero were never that close. Hilde was alone, but I saw the glint of a gold band on her ring finger, an engagement ring.
Sally Po was there, too. She had married one of the younger Maguanacs. Auda or something spelt like it. I didn't know. We hadn't really kept in touch.
Relena was still crying quietly, accompanied by no one. I doubt her schedule could allow relationships. Cathrine was there, along with her husband. She had married a soldier, a young man around her age. They were happy most of the time, though of course not now. Milliardo stood near his sister, Noin at his side. Noin looked as though she had been crying, but Milliardo seemed impassive. But then again, so did Trowa, but I knew he was really feeling the impact of Heero's death inside.
The pastor finished with closing words, and it was time for us to pay our last respects to yo- to Heero. I was second in line, after Sylvia. She spent almost five minutes, weeping and talking to the small window in the coffin that settled right above his window. The pastor led her away gently by the arm, and he nodded at me.
I quietly stepped forward, and looked down at the window, at his closed eyes. A faint smile was visible on his face. He looked at peace, at last, the slightly haunted look gone from his face. I brushed two finger across my lips, then across the lid of the coffin. My hand looked so pale and ghost white against the mahogany. What might have been... The days of our relationship passed in front of my eyes, even as I closed them. I had lost a partner, companion, lover, and friend. The pain that had lodged deep inside my chest presented itself in the form of a single tear. My eyes opened and it rolled down my cheek to land atop the dark mahogany lid.
My voice was low and it shook as I whispered.
"Requiem."
***
Wufei placed a firm hand on my shoulder, and I backed away.
Relena slowly approached, next in line, but I stepped farther away, Wufei with me. He paid his respects already, in the way that suited him. His hand lingered on my shoulder. He was strong, but I worried that he was holding back too much. I would talk to him later. Later. The gray sky rumbled. People began milling back toward their cars and the buildings. It was over. I didn't even hear the pastor say "Ashes to ashes." Wufei looked at me, and I shook my head. Quatre and Trowa lingered back, watching us. "We'll be back at the house a little later, okay?" My voice sounded shaky and gravely. Quatre nodded and they turned and left.
Wufei cocked his head at me. "What's this about?" I sighed. "I dunno. I need to talk to you, alone, and this seemed the place to do it." I kicked at the ground, and walked down the hill, away from the receding cars. I sat down on the base of a lush green hill. The sky crackled again. Wufei sat down next to me, clutching his knees to his chest.
He loooked at me, seeming to pin me down with his dark gaze. "There's something about rainy days that make me think of the past." I nodded. "Yeh. Somethin' nostalgic about them, huh?"
We talked. Oh, we talked. It was probably the first time I got him to really open up to me. He talked about his life, before the war, and Merian, and his feelings. And I talked about my life, and the Maxwell Church. And Solo. And you, Heero. Heero.
***
So I visited your grave, on special days, your birthday, our anniversary. Things like that. Wufei... Wufei and I are engaged. We'll be married soon. I wish you could be there, Heero. I'm sure you'd be happy. Wufei and I have been talking. About closure. He still visits the remnants of the L-5 colony on the anniversary of his wife's death. I understand. He may never move on. But, Heero, oh gods it's so hard for me to say this, but it's time for me to move on. It's you're birthday, Heero. You'd be 30 today. Sylvia already came, left flowers. White roses. White. I left red roses. I knew you liked them better. I love you Heero. Always will. But this will be the last time I'll visit you Heero. You're 30th birthday. You'll always be in my heart. But maybe now, that's enough. Closure...
Crying.
I never cry. Boys don't cry
...But I'm not a boy now, am I?
Oh gods...
On my knees, overwhelming...
your headstone blurry, because of the rain....
tears mingle with the rain....
I love you... Love....
I'm sorry... so sorry...
What might have been....
'Requiem.'
~Owari~