Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them stems from my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).

AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretching that to the limit and suspending the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!

(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…we agreed the nipple rings and horns would only be worn weekends…and NOT when my folks were coming for dinner)

This is a different kind of "cell"…or maybe not?

THE CELL

"DA DAA DADA DADA DA DAAAA. MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!"

The only"force" for Alex Eames at that moment was the amount she was applying to the brake of the SUV to avoid hitting the back of a truck.

Next to her Bobby Goren was squirming and wriggling in his seat. Trying and failing to get his hand in his pant's pocket to the phone, which was blaring with a volume would drown out the horns on a foggy night on the Hudson.

"DADA DADA DAAA DA DA DAAAA. DA DAA DADA D.."

Finally it stopped as Goren answered it.

And it turned out to be a wrong number.

"New phone?" muttered Eames, her ears still aching with the sound.

"Uhuh. Neat huh?" beamed her partner.

"Loud" she responded.

"I'll turn it down" he shrugged. "Good thing is I can download all sorts of tunes to it and change the ring tone.

"Great" she hissed as they got going again.

"I thought so too" said Goren.

Over the next few days it seemed Bobby had not lost any fascination with his new "toy". He was changing the ring tone probably more frequently than he changed his underwear and that led to a series of incidents he described as "unfortunate".

"OH SAY CAN YOU SEE BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT" resulted in chaos at an old folks home.

Staff began rushing all over and calling "Code Blues" when they saw elderly residents standing up and seeming to clutch their hearts as if having a mass coronary attack.

At a convent the next day a frail nun they were interviewing really did have one.

When Sister Margaret Mary suddenly heard a voice from somewhere around Bobby's crotch yelling, "WAKE UP MAGGIE! I THINK I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU"

And the woman they went to inform her husband was dead, opened her door to two cops and disembodied voices singing "YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU"

She complained officially and Goren was lucky not to be suspended when in the middle of Ross telling him off about his phone, it suddenly rang.

Goren claimed later what really made Ross foam at the mouth was that he'd had to translate for the Captain. Who didn't know what "VOULEZ-VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI, C'EST SOIR?" meant.

It didn't improve the situation but he was under strict orders to turn off the ring tone completely. And didn't reveal what plans he and Ross might have for later.

Ten minutes later Eames heard a soft moaning sound from the desk opposite. She looked up to see Goren stretched out in his seat, his eyes glazed and his mouth curving into a slight smile. Between his softly panting breaths.

"Oh shit" murmured Alex.

She realised her partner hadn't just discovered the "vibrate" facility of the new phone in his pocket. He was damn well enjoying it. Rather too much.

AN : Goren got rid of that phone soon after he discovered "someone" had programmed it to ring with "I Want To Be Bobby's Girl"…he still hasn't worked out who it was…