A/N:

Welcome to "100 ways to kill Seymour"!

This fic was inspired by "How many ways can you kill a madman?" by xXxValentinexXx.

I really hope that people will understand that this is just humor, humor and more humor. But none the less, all flames and constructive criticism will be accepted.

The chapters will be around 1000 words or less and will feature OOC, OC, crossovers and plain dementedness.

I hope you will enjoy this little fic.

So without further ado – LET THE KILLING BEGIN!

A/N2: this was Beta'd by BalthierFlare. Enjoy the first death

1.Drowning? Why not?

"Oh brudda.. I'm so nervous this year, ya..."

The captain of the infamous Besaid Aurochs was sitting on the railing of the third dock in Luca. He was eating a big basket of bananas... Wait a minute... This little discovery was not only surprising for me, the author, but also for Lulu, who was on her way to see the above mentioned captain.

"Um... Wakka?" Lulu's voice was a mix of surprise, disbelief and amusement.

"Oh, hi Lu. Want one?"

"I'll pass, thank you very much," the black mage got over the shock. "The game's about to start!"

"Holy Fayth! Thanks Lu," Wakka dashed off towards the stadium. The only thing left behind was a single banana peal on the ground...

Nobody could imagine that this single piece of organic fiber would play a huge role in the upcoming chain of events.

100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100

The one and only – Seymour Guado was walking along the pier of the third dock. With every step, he was coming closer and closer to his inevitable doom. If Seymour were more attentive, his demise could have been avoided... but, alas, his mind was occupied by VERY distracting thoughts. Using my author powers I will show them to you.

Seymour's thoughts: "Yuna... such beauty... such grace... I will make her notice me..."

Okay that was creepy... Ahem... These thoughts completely overloaded Seymour's mind, preventing him from seeing the peal just a few steps ahead. Maybe, if he would have taken a single step to either of his sides he would live to see another day, buuut... NOT THIS TIME!

Seymour stepped on the peal, did a complete three-sixty turn, tripped on his robes (I have a small suspicion that he tripped on his hair...) and flew over the railing on the dock right into the muddy waters of Luca's port. SPLASH! Seymour tried to swim for the surface, but his long robes kept pulling him down. This happened so quickly, nobody even noticed. The fact that the Aurochs scored their first ever goal, everyone's eyes were glued to the sphere screens, completely unaware of anything around them except blitzball.

The swollen and decaying body of the half-Guado was found three days later among the floating debris of Kilika...