AN- I was bored and just watched a video about Renly and Loras and couldn't help but feel sad seeing how far Loras fell, how broken he became. So I got this idea just a quick little story about what was going on inside his head. Not sure if its any good, but just had to get it out. Trying to get my muse flowing for my others stories.
Not long ago he had thought the world was at his fingertips, that nothing could take the smile from his face. He had the one he loved by his side, he had the sun shinning down upon him, but now all of that was gone. He was alone in the darkness he was alone in his cell. All he knew now was darkness, cold, and pain. Perhaps this had all started before his imprisonment, it had started when the one he loved was murdered.
Leaning back on the wall of his cell he let out a deep shaking breath. He stared off into the darkness that surrounded him and let his mind drift back. He saw the smile that could always bring one to his own face, he saw the eyes that seemed to look strait into his soul. He thought of their story, one he had believed would end in happiness after all how could it not? They had been in love, they had been together.
Guilt filled his heart, this was all his fault, his love never would have died unless he had whispered the ideas. They would still be together, they would still be happy. Everything would be right if only he had been strong enough, if only he had been able to stop death.
He failed. He had never believed he could be a man that failed; he was supposed to protect everyone especially the ones he loved. This wasn't how everything was supposed to turn out this wasn't the plan. He hung his head, he had never been a man to give up, but now he saw there was no use fighting, there was no use looking for hope for a future, how could he looked to a future that looked like nothing but darkness and loneliness. Now he was just a broken, a broken man that had once been so full of hope and strength. Alone in the darkness was where someone like him was supposed to be.
It was so hard holding onto his humanity in this place. He fought everyday to hold on to himself, but with every new day it got harder to remember any part of him that had once been happy. Most days now he felt any part of hope slipping away.
At the beginning he had thought any day his name would be cleared, that perhaps this was all some silly mistake and his grandmother could find a way out of this, or perhaps his sister. They were good at getting their way, they were smart in politics something he was not. He was a warrior, or perhaps he had once been.
Yet as the days passed and he realized they weren't coming for him he had realized that perhaps the queen had won in the end.
When he realized there was really no reason to fight, no reason to go on he wanted to give up, to allow those who imprisoned him to kill him each day he lost all sense of who he was lost in a darkness until the end of his days. He would just lay still allowing his mind to slip away into what would be the start of madness. To close his eyes and accept the darkness around him.
The voices in his mind began to eat away at him he could feel the madness taking hold. He wanted to give up he wanted all the pain to end. Everything was dark he began to lose himself. He would talk to himself never making sense. He knew he mumbled about love, he mumbled about losing everything.
He lost himself, the last part of him that made him who he was . It was over everything started to go dark he was slipping into the abyss and then he saw him. A man brunette beautiful beyond compare. He knew him, they were together they had always been and always would be, in the darkness of his cell he remembered the love they had once shared. A love that filled his whole being.
Then he opened his eyes and remembered where he was, in the dark damp cell, alone and he was gone.
When his sister came into see him he knew he was nothing like she remembered and he didn't care. He wanted all this to end, he just wanted to pain to end the physical and the emotional. He was no longer the shinning flower knight, no not anymore. He was a shadow of that man a shell of who he used to be. That man had died a long time ago, along with Renly. He heard her please, but they meant nothing to him not anymore. He just wanted everything to end, he just wanted to hold his love in his arms once more.
"I can't stay strong." His whispered to his sister, "I never was strong." He looked down.
"You are strong." She told him trying to pull him up, "You are the future of our house, the future of our family!"
"I don't care about that." He growled at her
"Shh." She scolded and her voice dropped to a whisper, "Have you told them that? That you don't care?"
"I just want it to stop." He almost cried, "Please help me." He pleaded to his sister as he let himself cry, he didn't want any of this.
"They want me to help you." She said trying to keep her voice strong. "They want me to help tear you down."
He looked up at her wondering if she was going to help break him more, but he didn't know if there was anything left to tear down. He was already shattered he was already alone.
"That's why he's letting me see you I know it is." She told him, "And if either of us give in to what they want then they win!" she hissed.
"They win." He told her, "Just make it stop!" his voice trembled, "Please."
She looked at him like she didn't even know him, and she was right. He wasn't the strong brother she once had he was only a shell that had broken wide open. His head fell to her shoulder as he cried and she wrapped her arms around him and allowed him to cry.
He wasn't sure how long they allowed her to be there with him, but to soon it ended and he was alone once more. He was left alone with only his pain and memories of a better time. He tried to escape, not physically but mentally. When he closed his eyes he imagined he was back in high garden.
Renly was there standing in the biggest garden they had looking at the roses. Loras could feel himself smiling when he saw his love's outline among the flowers. And when Renly turned to look at him that smile he missed so much seemed to shower the sun light down upon him.
"Renly." He whispered and his feet were moving, first at a walk then a run. Renly opened his arms and Loras ran so he could fall into them, but no matter how fast he ran he never seemed to get closer. "Renly!" he yelled but it seemed his love was falling farther away. Renly's smile faded.
"How could you?" Renly's haunted voice echoed, "You were supposed to protect me, you were supposed to keep me safe."
Loras tripped and went down to his knees his head fell in shame. "I'm sorry." He whispered, "I'm sorry."
"You failed." Renly's voiced echoed loudly in his ears. "You never loved me!"
"No!" Loras yelled, the garden fell away, Renly fell away and he was alone in his dark cell once more.
"I loved you." He whispered, "I still love you."
The room filled with people. People awaiting his trail. As he was lead out of his cell his was almost surprised at how bright the sun was. He had forgotten what it was like, what the warmth on his skin felt like. Felling the sun upon him seemed to wake him up, to fully to who he used to be, but perhaps instead of a shell and was a shadow of the man he once was.
When he was brought before those who were to sentence him he could feel that small part of him begin to fall away once more. He was nothing.
"Loars Tyrell." The man spoke, but he wasn't really listening. He wanted to fall away, he didn't want anyone to see him, not this shell, not this man he had become. He had once been a proud knight sitting upon a shinning mare ready to take on any and all who opposed him, but now he cowered before an old man.
"Are you prepared to stand trial?" the old man asked, "and profess your guilt or innocence before the seven?"
"There will be no need for a trail." He wouldn't look the man in the eyes, but his voice was stronger then he thought it could be.
'Loras.' A voice echoed through the room, but he tried not to listen. HE wanted the haunted images to go away, he didn't want to hear Renly, not anymore.
"I confess before the seven and freely admit to my crimes." He said, perhaps his punishment could end this, end it all end his pain.
'I was a crime?' Renly's voice seemed to echo through his ears. 'I loved you.' Loras wanted to shrink away, he could feel guilt filling him. Renly was his love his true love, he was no crime, but he couldn't take it anymore he couldn't take the pain.
The man smirked, "Which crimes will you be confessing?"
"All of them." His mind flashed to Renly, of his smile, of his touch of the two of them in bed together. "I lay with other men." He paused and what was left of his heart shattered, "The traitor Rely Baratheon."
After that everything went by in a blur, the words he spoke didn't feel like his own, he hardly was aware of what he said. He only saw the ghostly image of Renly anywhere his eyes looked so he cast them down even farther as he spoke.
When the others came up behind him to carve the symbol on his face he wished it would all end there. Then he felt it, a hand on his own. He cast his eyes sideways to see Renly looking at him, holding his hand.
'It is almost done my love.' He whispered.
'You are here.' Loras whispered back.
'I am with you always.' Renly's voice echoed as Loras was brought back to reality from the pain.
When the carving stopped he was brought to his sister, but now his eyes scanned the crowed, he didn't notice her leave him, he didn't notice her worry. No he looked for Renly, what did you mean it was almost done. The pain, or perhaps life? Would they see each other soon? Would Renly love him even after all he had done even after he had failed to protect him?
"We all need to leave now!" he heard his sister's powerful voice. She hurried over to him, "Loras, stay with me." She told him softly as she began to lead him away. Only they were stopped.
"Let me go, let me through!" she growled at the men, Loras only stood by her side. The only him would have cut these men down, they would have gotten her through, but he was only a shell now.
Together he and his sister looked back to the center of them room. Loras wasn't sure if she could see what he saw, but instead of fear he felt peace. There was Renly looking at him, only he didn't look like a ghostly image not anymore.
'We are free' he said to Loras and extended his hand.
There was a flash of green and screaming, but Loras felt no pain, felt no fear. He felt warmth and joy. He moved forward and as the green haze cleared he was back in high garden with Renly standing among the roses. He held Renly's hand in his own, the other man pulled him into his embrace.
"I'm sorry." Loras whispered, "I'm so sorry." He still felt and looked like the broken man in the cell.
"There is nothing to apologize for." Renly spoke.
"If it weren't for my whispers you would have never put a claim on the throne, you would be alive, we would be together." Loras said
"We all die in the end." Renly told him, "and here we are now, together."
Loras looked up, Renly felt like the sun warming his cold tired bones, seeming to burn away all the pain, all the darkness. Renly was his light his love. In that moment Loras couldn't help but smile looking into Renly's eyes seeing Renly's smile. He was everything Loras had remembered everything he had missed.
"Together." Loras echoed and in that moment Renly leaned over and kissed him they were surrounded by heat and light, Loras could feel his old self-return. He was once again the shinning knight in his armor looking at the one he loved. His strength returned to him and he smiled for the first time in a long time.
AN- Just a little one shot, what do you guys think?