Title: Fallen
Song: Fallen by Jennifer Knapp – Letting Go (Album)
Warnings: Slash
Pairing/Characters: Castiel/Dean
Rating: pg-13 (mentions of sex and cursing and general nastiness toward God)
Spoilers: All of season 5 to be safe. Definitely for all the episode since episode 100!
Summary: "I could be given a hundred second chances and I would never change my decision. This world, You and Sam, are worth losing many things more important than my brother's support."
A/N: Oh lord, I can't believe how long it's been since I posted anything. Sorry! I had to study for finals and then I moved across town and things have just been crazy! I hope to write a new chapter of The Jenova Planet and Bright Blue Eyes soon. My muse isn't cooperating for them right now though.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, CW and Kripke do. I don't own the Song "Fallen" it is owned by Jennifer Knapp.
There had been a time, long before the Winchesters entered Castiel's life, that he would never have thought that anything could sway him to fall. Not even when Anael, who had been the closest thing to a sister that he had ever had, had fallen had be faltered in his faith in his father.
All that had changed the day Zachariah handed him an assignment to pull Dean Winchester out of the Pit. Castiel had not questioned his orders that day , but he could look back and see that was the day that his future had been decided. An angel could not pull a soul out of Hell without forging an unbreakable bond with that soul. Even after he rebelled against Heaven for Dean, Castiel could see the shimmering strand that tethered his being to Dean's soul. That connection was a heady, powerful feeling unlike anything he had ever felt before. He had watched humanity for centuries and never realized that anything could feel like this. He suddenly understood the rituals that humans used to tie themselves to another. That feeling of belonging was the most beautiful in existence.
In a conversation, months after Lucifer was freed Dean had questioned Castiel.
"If you had to do it again, would you still help us? Even knowing that we would fail?" He had said, he was seated on the hood of the Impala, beer in one hand. Castiel stood next to him, rumpled trench coat and battered suit barely moving in the breeze. Castiel turned a stern gaze in Dean's direction, his electric blue gaze reminding Dean that, falling or not, Cas was still more angel than human.
"I could be given a hundred second chances and I would never change my decision. This world, You and Sam, are worth losing many things more important than my brother's support."
Even knowing that one day he would lose his Grace and become human, Castiel had not been lying. Being there with Dean, on that cool spring evening, was more important to him than any angelic power. The love they shared now was more than enough to make falling worth it.
"I'm sorry" was the first word out of Dean's mouth when they found a bit of time alone after Dean's deal with Death. Since Castiel had returned to them alive, but human, they had not had a moment apart from Sam, Bobby or Crowley. Chick flick moments Dean could do with Cas, but not with others watching.
"For what?" Castiel said as he removed his coat, his now, not Jimmy's. He felt a momentary twinge of sorrow for the man who's soul had fled into Heaven when Castiel had fallen and taken over his body permanently. The sorrow he felt was not new, but somehow stronger now that he was human. As an Angel his emotions had been muted, wrapped in cotton wool, everything was so much stronger now. The feel of contentment when Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and pulled him against him was more peaceful, the love he felt when Dean looked at him with sorrowful eyes nearly made him sob, the lust he felt when Dean kissed him felt like he would burst into flame from it.
"You fell, you're….human. It's my fault." Dean rested his head on Castiel's shoulder, not looking into his eyes.
"I made my decision Dean, it was my choice." Castiel lifted Dean's head and peered intently into his eyes.
"But I –" Castiel cut him off.
"I knew the consequences, my only regret is that I am so useless to you and Sam now." A flash of anger passed through Dean's eyes.
"You are not useless, I couldn't do this without you. I think, no I know I would give up if you weren't with me." Dean tightened his hold. "I always thought you were invulnerable, you might…you could die now Cas and I'm not sure what I would do if you did."
"Don't think of that Dean, this story doesn't have to come to a bitter end."
"This isn't a TV show Cas, not neat little ending tied up in a bow. Isn't that was Gabriel said before? Winchester's don't get happy endings."
"Maybe this time you will." Castiel kissed Dean to stop him from dooming them before their time.
There is a human tradition in marriage, a cup with two handles is shared by bride and groom. The wine contained there-in represents both the sweet and bitter of life. The sharing of the cup represents the joining of two souls into one.
Dean Winchester was not the marrying kind and the end of the world was hardly the time or place for declarations of undying devotion and promises of a years of shared life. Sitting there on a couch at Bobby's house sharing a beer with Dean, Castiel felt as if the bottle that they passed between each other and the knowing glances of Sam and Bobby, were enough of a loving cup for he and Dean. Their love might not be what saved the world, that was a sentiment reserved for poets and dreamers, but at least they could drink their fill of love and spend one more night pretending the world wasn't ending around them.
"Tell me again Cas, tell me if you had another chance, would you still choose me?" Dean said against Castiel's mouth as he thrust into Castiel's, now human, body.
"Yes, oh Dean, yes, fuck! I'd always choose you" He moaned into Dean's mouth, uncontrollable pleasure filling every inch of his body. He had never felt like this before, becoming human allowed him to appreciate so many things that had been muffled before. He could never regret this.
After both had climaxed and the sleepy feeling of afterglow fell over them both, Dean drew Castiel against his body and held him there.
"I would always choose you too," Dean whispered into Cas messy hair. Castiel smiled against Dean's collarbone and placed a kiss there before falling into slumber.
The wind blew cold on the morning that their search for Lucifer began. Castiel shivered in his too thin trench coat, Dean watched him with a worried expression.
"You okay Cas?"
"I will be fine Dean, I am not yet adapted to feeling temperature this …intensely." In truth, Castiel was freezing, but he already felt weak as it was and admitting he was cold would be humiliating. Castiel was roused from his thoughts by Dean removing his leather jacket and holding it out.
"Wear this" he said in a commanding tone that had Cas reaching for the jacket without thinking. He stopped himself.
"You'll be cold." He observed.
"Nah, it's crisp out, it's good for the blood. You're a wimp, wear the jacket." Castiel let a small smile touch his lips as he took the jacket and put it on.
"Thank you Dean" his hand brushed over Dean's and he made to move away, Dean had never been keen on Sam learning of the new relationship between Cas and himself. Castiel was shocked when Dean gripped his hand and pulled him to stand next to him as Sam, Dean and Bobby pored of a map and list of omens stretched out on the Impala's hood. Sam and Bobby hardly reacted, except to smile at them in Sam's case and mutter 'Idjits' in Bobby's case.
"It's cloudy now, but the sun will be shining again soon. I'll be fine." Castiel smiled and stood close to Dean, knowing that Dean's statement wasn't just referring to the weather.
The day they faced Lucifer Castiel feared that none of them would survive the carnage. Demons and monsters alike had flocked to Lucifer, standing by his side was an army that dwarfed their little group. Sam, Dean, Castiel, Bobby and a reluctant Crowley stood on the opposite side of a field. Dean called them the Fellowship of the Rings, Sam elbowed him in the ribs, Bobby called him an idjit and Crowley started muttering something that sounded suspiciously like a prayer to God to forgive him for his sins. Castiel gripped the gun he had been given in one hand and Dean's hand in the other.
If all that was left of he and Dean were a mess of bones and blood and the words of Chuck's books then Castiel wondered if they would be lifted up as heroes or villains in the future. Would they be a lesson in what future generations should be, or a lesson in what to avoid?
It hardly mattered he thought, their actions could save or damn the world this spring afternoon, but the most important thing for Castiel was that Dean know that he loved him. He caught Dean's eye and the glance they shared showed him that they were both aware of what they felt.
Confident, in each other if not the outcome of the day, they enacted their plan.
They won.
Against all odds, against any logic or rational thought, they had defeated Lucifer and thrown him back into the pit. With the destruction of their leader, and a good half of the army of demons and monsters being sucked into The Pit as well, the army of evil disbanded and scattered like dust in the wind.
Crowley was standing, wide-eyed, speaking more curses in more languages than even Castiel knew and finally he switched to English.
"How the FUCK did we do that?!" He said, completely baffled.
"We" Dean said confidently "are just that bad-ass." He smirked as Castiel and moments later Cas was being kissed fiercely and Crowley broke out of his shock long enough to wolf-whistle at the couple. Sam just smiled again and sank down to sit in the dry grass of the field. Bobby collapsed next to him.
Then everything paused.
A whooshing sound filled the air and a feeling of pressure and the smell of ozone filled the air. The sky was clear, but it felt like a storm was about to break.
You've all done well.
Startled, the little army stopped everything and looked around.
"Who the fuck are you?"Dean said belligerently. The voice seemed to chuckle.
I've been called by many names. Jehovah, Allah, Elohim, I am, but I believe you call me God.
"So now you show up." Dean said, clearly no impressed.
You may not have thought it, but I did know you would prevail. I am all-knowing after all.
"What do you want?" Sam said, before Dean could open his mouth and manage to piss off the most high somehow.
I do not want anything, Sam Winchester. I've come to reward you.
"Reward?" Crowley questioned.
Yes, Crowley, you're wealth has been restored and your home. Feel free to live out your life as you see fit. Demons will not be able to find you and should you die…well I will remember the help you gave here. As for the rest of you, I can give you anything you wish.
The whole of the group seemed a bit shell-shocked by this proposal. Crowley was nearly dancing with glee, but had not left yet surprisingly. Dean suddenly grew angry.
"Why would I want anything from you at all?! You screwed us over royally, let your angel's fuck with our lives for years and never once did you show up. Now that we've risked our lives to do your dirty work you show up wanted to REWARD us! Fuck that." Having said his piece, Dean wrapped his arm around Cas. Sam seemed to agree, he was no fan of God at this point and Bobby already had his legs back and his soul, via Crowley.
God did not seem surprised by this reaction at all, which sort of just pissed Dean off more.
Castiel.
Castiel looked up to the sky, shocked at being addressed by the being that he had searched for so many months ago.
"Yes?" he said.
What reward would you like? You may come home, take your place in Heaven once more at my side. You would be an archangel for what you have done for me this day.
Dean's face crumpled and he took his hand from around Castiel's waist, fully expecting the former angel to leave him. Castiel looked at Dean and reached out with a hand to caress Dean's face. Dean closed his eyes at the feeling, face tensing in near pain.
"I need nothing, Lord. I have what I wish here."
You wish to remain human?
"Yes, I am where I want to be."
Very well.
As soon as the words were spoken the pressure in the air vanished and the smell of ozone faded, leaving only the breeze and smell of grass and wildflowers filling the field. Dean opened his eyes in shock.
"Cas…why…? You could have gone home!" He shouted in outrage as he realized what Castiel had done. Castiel cupped the back of Dean's neck and pulled him to whisper in his ear.
"No matter how many second chances they offer, I'll only want to be with you."
Even though they say we are fallen
Doesn't mean that I won't do it twice
Given every second chance
I'd choose again to be with you tonight
Sorry is often told, but hardly ever done
Not with you my love, not with you my love
All the ancient stories that hold a bitter end
Not with you my friend, not with you my friend
I'll Lift you up like a loving cup
Poured down on all the world
And if the fables strong enough
We'll drink more than our fill
Even though they say we are fallen
Doesn't mean that I won't do it twice
Given every second chance
I'd choose again to be with you tonight
So the wind blows cold, I say it's crisp and clear
All for you my dear, all for you my dear
And though the clouds are sailing in the sky
A blazing sun, wait here it comes
I Lift you up like a loving cup
Poured down on all the world
And if the fables strong enough
We'll drink more than our fill
Even though they say we are fallen
Doesn't mean that I won't do it twice
Given every second chance
I'd choose again to be with you tonight
If all that's left behind
All the pieces that they find of the two of us
Born from wild wild lust
They'll lift us up like a loving cup
Poured down on all the world
And if the fables strong enough
We'll drink more than our fill
Even though they say we are fallen
Doesn't mean that I won't do it twice
Given every second chance
I'd choose again to be with you tonight
Oh oh oh
Given every second chance
I'd choose again to be with you tonight