THE CHRISTMAS LEGEND
LET'S DO IT! dood.
Snow had begun to fall over the city of Station Square. Swirling and twirling through the air only to land on sidewalks and streets that had been abandoned by snowplows in an attempt to save money. The pure white wonder never ceased to amaze Cream. On a normal day, she would be out frolicking in the drifts out in the park. But, today was a special day. It was Christmas Eve, and she had just finished some last minute shopping with her mother, Vanilla. Even with packages and bags stacked high in her arms, she still managed to look high into the air and watch the snow fall. The moment was perfect… except for the music echoing down the streets. The source of which being the old German Shepherd, bundled up in his long russian coat, standing on a street corner playing a heaping helping of metal on his guitar. Cream walked up to him and gently tugged on his greatcoat tails.
"Mr. Higrokar?" Her words landed on deaf ears, as the dog just kept playing. "Mr. Higrokar?" she asked again. Still no reaction from the old dog. Finally, Vanilla bashed him in the back of the head with the hardest object she could find, a shopping bag filled with decorative rocks for someone named Heero. The dog dropped his guitar and fell to the ground clenching his head in agony.
"Son of a…" he bit back the last part the expletive, in respect for Cream. "What? What do you two want with me? Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"What are you doing out here Mr. Higrokar?" Higrokar sighed.
"I'm just… um… playing for my fans." Cream stared him right in the eyes, as if attempting to see through his blatant lie.
"Then why do you have your guitar's case open in front of you?" Higrokar recoiled. A few seconds passed while he tried to think up a lie that would fool the little rabbit girl. Right when he was about to spill it, she grinned at him. "Never mind, I'm sure you have a good reason. I hope we see you at Ms. Crimson's party tonight." Higrokar sighed in relief.
"Yah, I'll be there. Don't you worry about me. You had better get up there though, she might send Heero after you… and you know how bad he is at searching." Cream giggled and ran off. Higrokar sighed. "Kids these days... always in a rush, wouldn't you say?" Vanilla nodded.
"Oh well, she keeps me young." she replied.
Fortress of DDDDDOOOOOOOOOMMM (aka Crimson's place)
In the outskirts of Station Square looms a massive structure. Built on crushed dreams and shaped to look like a house... come to think of it... it is a house! Although, seeing as it is three stories tall and two hundred yards long, its probably more like a mansion. Made out of menacing black marble, the mansion dominated the landscape around it. It would be even more frightening... if not for the colorful Christmas decorations hanging from its every edge. A warm light rolled from one of the windows. Inside, furry creatures were seated by a roaring gas fireplace, listening intently (kinda) to a blue hedgehog relating a long weaving tale from yesterday.
"So Eggman said 'I'll be back!' before attempting to fly away in his fatmobile. But, he could even get five feet away before Shadow blew him out of the sky with a chaos spear. Suddenly out of nowhere, a giant, ravenous, rampaging evil came out of nowhere and..."
"I'll have to interrupt you there Sonic." Shadow interrupted with a smirk. "That wasn't any ordinary evil… it was Amy." Sonic pondered this turn of events for a moment, while Amy pummeled Shadow with her "Holiday Hammer". He was about to respond, when a loud voice echoed from the hall.
"Gangway! Coming through! Ah, geez. Whoa!" A flood of colorfully wrapped packages fell into the room, burying everyone up to their knees. In the doorway, the carrier of the packages stood panting from exhaustion, one black fox. "Riuka, why am I the only one who has to carry all those presents?"
"Because you lost the coin toss." Another fox said from her seat on the largest of the presents. "I told you to pick heads, but no, you had to choose the ridge of the coin." The fox in the doorway grinned.
"Well, it was worth a shot right?" the vixen face-palmed before replying.
"Colossus, it's physically impossible for a quarter to stay upright on its ridge. Trust me, I've tried." A white-gold wolf walked into the room, wielding a hammer and a jar of nails.
"Hey, Crimson! Come take a look at what I did!" He said to a quiet lightish-red hedgehog, calmly drinking the last cup of her special "Super" eggnog and watching Shadow get beaten brutally.
"Get 'em Amy. Quick, hit him in the stomach, he's not guarding that part. And to answer you Heero... No. I am not leaving this chair."
"But I think I fixed your washer." Crimson took one last swig of eggnog before leaping up from her chair.
"Like I haven't heard that line before. Lead on my good man." Heero's eyes twinkled in triumph as he led Crimson out into the hall.
"Here we are!" Crimson looked around in confusion for her busted washing machine. "Look up." she looked up and there it was... the greatest of all holiday traditions, a green plant named Mistletoe.
"What in the name of..." Crimson's swear was cut short by the wolf's kiss. It was a short kiss, but a kiss non the less.
"WOOO!" Heero shouted when they finally separated. "Sonic, Shadow, Colossal! You guys owe me money!" he sped off back to the living room to collect his winnings, leaving a blushing Crimson in his wake. But, that blush soon turned from one of embarassment, to one of unadulterated rage. Back to the soon-to-be-dead Heero, he was fondling his new roll of dollar bills.
"Ha ha! Maybe that will teach you three not to bet against me. Easiest sixty bucks I've ever made." Unfortunately, during his celebrations, Crimson walked up behind him, armed with the world's deadliest weapon... her 2X4.
"How could you?" She brought it down across the back of Heero's head. Not surprisingly, he got sent flying into the next room. "You bet that I would kiss you?" Heero coughed up what seemed to be one of his lungs (upon closer inspection it was actually just debris from his landing).
"Ugh, yep... that was the bet in a nutshell." Crimson loomed over him, the glare of the fire in the living room making her seem like an angel of death armed with a piece of solid oak. "Wait, wait, wait, wait! If you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!"
"I'll take my chances. Four!" She swung the iron-hard timber like it was a feather and sent Heero flying over to the other side of the house... while avoiding all the walls and breakable objects along the way too. And all the while this was going on, the people in the living room were ignoring it... after all, Crimson beats the heck out of him every day, why should Christmas Eve be any different? Tails, who had just appeared out of nowhere (fill that plot hole why don'tcha!), made a remarkable observation.
"Isn't Higrokar supposed to be back by now? We sent him out for pizza quite sometime ago." Crimson walked back into the room, wearing her new white-gold wolf scarf that she made herself.
"And for booze. I can't make more eggnog without bourbon and rum after all."
"Mr. Higrokar was out playing his guitar on a street corner last time I saw him... what I'm more worried about is that my mom isn't here yet." Cream replied. Sonic suddenly grew an evil grin.
"Maybe the CHWK got them." he said after disguising his grin as a face of shock and horror. That one little tiny phrase instantly got the attention of the room. Gripping everyone in either fear for the two people out there, shock that Sonic would say something like that, or intense stabbing pain at being made into a scarf. "What? Has no one heard of the Christmas Hook-man Werewolf Killer?" Those in fear shook their heads. Those in shock face-palmed. And those in pain bitched and moaned about being made into a scarf. "Well, looks like I'll have to tell you about him." The room dimmed as the fire began to grow lower due to the increasing temperature in the room.
"The legend goes like this. There was once a grouchy old man who, after being visited by three spirits, each promising that his life would go better if he turned his way around, got his hand run over by a bus! He wasn't too beat up, after all, the doctors at the hospital had cut off his hand a long time ago and had it replaced with a hook because he had type 1 diabetes, but the worst was yet to come. As he picked himself up off the ground, he was mauled by a werewolf! And the only way to cure himself, he thought, was to save the princess of Hyrule through a magnificent journey filled with epic storyline and off the charts graphics. But, because he was so lazy, he decided to go kill random people at Christmas time instead. The End." Everyone stared at Sonic in disbelief, albeit for different reasons. Those in fear actually believed Sonic's story and were afraid for their lives. Those who were in shock now glared at Sonic's complete and total idioticy (not a word). And those in pain were still bitching and moaning about being made into a scarf.
"Would the CHWK come for us?" Cream managed to whisper through her petrifying fear. Sonic shrugged.
"Beats me. But I do know the three signs of his approach. Sign one..." Sonic took a dramatic pause here to add suspense. "If it is snowing, the snow turns blood red to signify the future blood to be spilt. Sign two... There will be a loud shriek to signify your screams of terror. Sign three... there will be a soft knock at your door, almost as quiet as falling snow, signifying the time left till the end." Not a moment after Sonic finished his story, a loud piercing shriek echoed through the house, sending torrents of raw unadulterated fear down everyone's spines.
"Sonic! Look!" Tails shouted while pointing at the window. The pure white as cotton snow that was falling previously, had turned blood red. As suddenly as the shriek had come and gone, the disbelievers began to doubt themselves and proceeded to slightly freak out. Even Sonic, who just thought up that story up off the top of his head began to freak out. All freakouts stopped when one last noise echoed through the house. Although it was as soft as falling snow, it sounded to them like a space shuttle taking off... it was the front door, and the soft beating on it that issued from it. The knocking continued, as the petrified patrons of the parlor attempted to regain their nerve. Knuckles (who had also appeared out of freakin nowhere) nudged Shadow with his elbow.
"Hey Shadow. Go check out the door." Shadow stared at the echidna like he had just lit his own dreadlocks on fire.
"Are you frakin insane? I'm not going anywhere near that door!" Sonic whipped out his signature cocky grin and said the few words that sent Shadow over the edge.
"Ah, come on Shadow! What's the matter? You chicken?" Shadow whipped his head and stared at the blue hedgehog with the fury of a thousand Eggmans. Shadow sighed, and got up from his place on the floor. He took a deep breath.
"Well... here we go." Shadow reached for the door, slowly and deliberately. He grasped the shiny brass knob, feeling its smooth coolness rush up his hand. He turned the knob... and was sent flying as the heavy black oak door bashed into him.
"Well it's about goddamn time!" Through the open door stepped a grey streaked dog, carrying several heavy packages and bags, and a brown and cream colored rabbit, who smacked the dog in the back of the head. "Ow! Son of a... Ow! Sorry, sheesh... can't even swear in my own house, sh... Ow!"
"Hey Higro! You bring the good stuff?" Crimson strutted up to Higrokar and held out her hands expectantly. Higrokar grinned and grasped for two bottles from one of the bags.
"Hell yah. Little bit of white rum and bourbon for you." Crimson squealed in glee and ran off into the kitchen screaming something about "Super 'nog here I come!". Higrokar dumped the other bags into the floor and pulled another bottle from one of them. "And one massive bottle of Jack for me! Ha ha!"He ripped off the stopper and turned to the others... who were staring at him and Vanilla as if they were ghosts. "What? What fu... heck are you staring at?" Sonic was the first one to respond, although Cream rushed her mother and grabbed her in a massive hug.
"We thought you were the Christmas Hook-man Werewolf Killer!" Sonic said. Higrokar stared at him in confusion.
"What the hell have you been smoking boy? Do I look like something to do with Christmas?" Higrokar winced as Vanilla slapped him again.
"If the knocking on the door was you..." Knuckles said, "Then what was with the red snow?"
"I think I can answer that." Tails said. "It's a rare meteorological phenomena, but the snow must have a chemical from the pollution in the air that absorbs all light except for red." Everyone nodded in acknowledgment (mostly to get him to shut up).
"And the shriek?" Sonic asked. Colossus raised his hand.
"That was me... someone stepped on my man parts."
"Ah... well that explains that. So... what now?"
"I don't know about you guys." Shadow said while dusting himself off. "But I'm gonna get me a little bit of that Super 'nog."
Outside in the red snow, surrounded by thick brush and brambles, stood a lone figure. The figure wore only a crazy grin and a shiny silver hook. The figure raised the hook to its mouth and licked the last little bit of blood residue from it.
"Ho ho ho." the figure said.
And now... the punchline!
... okay... i forgot it... never mind.