Dear diary 1. 13.9.09
Dear diary.
Mum, today he was so sweet. He brought me flowers and took my hand. He was such a gentleman; he even opened his car door for me. He took me to a movie, it frightened me mum, but he held onto my hands and squeezed reassuringly when I squealed. Mum, people in the cinema laughed at me, but I didn't care. Mum, when he dropped me home he kissed me. I felt nothing, but he came back that night, he took me to a party, my first experience in this world.
Mum, I didn't like that party, it was too loud. People flew pass me at amazing speed. They were all underage drinkers, and someone grabbed my head. He didn't let go of me, even when I insisted he did. I couldn't see him, mum, but he was strong. The way his hand held my hair, so tight that I could feel the hair coming lose, it made my stomach knot and made my eyes water.
The boy yanked my head back, pulling hair out of my head and made me cry out, and he stuck something down my throat. The drink made me gag and choke but he insisted on pouring it down my throat without waiting for me to swallow. I thrashed and tried to scream, but every time I got close to screaming I would choke. My nose started bleeding but he didn't care. Mum, he was the worse; I had no right to trust him. He was drunk. People around us encouraged him; handing more bottles of the vile substance, and he gladly poured it down my throat. Mum, I started to itch; I became accurately aware that I was allergic to this drink. When I did inch my neck or elsewhere I began to bleed more. Blood poured from my neck where my nails dug into my skin. He dropped me to the ground, mum, laughing at me. When I started to shake and gurgle he didn't help me. He was spinning frantically around me. My blood pooled around his feet and he looked at it disgusted. People around me pointed and laughed at how much I couldn't handle. I was starting to lose myself. My tongue curled up and demanded to go down my throat but someone pushed through the crowd.
Mum, from what I could see, he was gorgeous. He had brown hair strayed around his masculine face. He had the prettiest green eyes I had ever seen. He was also the palest person I had ever seen. As you know mum, I had your blue eyes and brown hair, I had nothing of dads.
The boy was strong and sad for me. He turned me to my side while yelling at the other people. He opened my mouth and stuck his finger on my tongue. It helped. He made sure I didn't swallow it and suffocate, but I was still shaking and thrashing. My blood ran all over the floor; people started to clear out. Every single one of them laughing at what he did to me. Not this man but the one I thought I could trust, the one that kissed me. Mum, this man was nice; he tried to hush me and held me while the ambulance came. I clutched onto this boy even though they had arrived. He was my only source of safety, I could only trust him. He had helped me and I wished not to leave him, mum. I think I was making another mistake, because he picked me up when I didn't give. He was cold. He carried me out to the ambulance, he placed me upon the bed with wheels and didn't let go. He soothed me with words I could not hear.
I felt a prick in my arm and everything went dark. I thought I was lost to the world mum, but I didn't see you. You never showed up and I was grief stricken, even in death I couldn't find you. I became aware of why you never showed up, and I wasn't sure if I was thankful.