A/N: So here's a new one shot for Veronica Mars. It's basically a future fic, and it's definitely AU after Season 2 because I wrote this before Season 3 started. Obviously what I say happened didn't actually happen on the show...Anyway, it's in Veronica's POV. If it's hard to tell, in the very beginning she's on the phone with her dad. And you might be able to catch the slight reference to her dream sequence in 2.22 in the fist section. This is rated just to be safe, there a touch of language from Logan--of couse it has to be him! Oh and this is kind of based on a few lines for the song "Knights Of the Island Counter" by Dave Melillo, I think if you've heard that song you might know which ones. Okay that's about it...R&R! You know I love it when you do that! Thanks! -Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars.
Cheers
"It came this morning." I informed my dad as I stared down at the envelope in my hands. "I haven't even opened it yet."
"Why not honey?" My dad asked. "It's not that big of a deal is it?"
"Yeah, Dad. It is." I rolled my eyes. He knew how I felt about it.
I flipped the envelope back over so I could see my name typed out across the front. It had the Neptune High logo printed in the top left corner. I knew what it was. I knew exactly what it was. I didn't have to open it. It could only be one thing.
Our ten year reunion.
"I don't want to go." I whined. I listened to my dad laugh.
"Why not? It could be fun."
"It would be torture and I can think of about six dozen reasons why. Number one is I swore I would never go back to Neptune once we were settled in New York. And look at that...I'm settled." I replied.
"Veronica, you should go. See your old friends."
"And enemies." I mumbled under my breath.
"Go. Have fun. I'll talk to you later." My dad said. "Bye, honey."
"Bye." I responded and hung up the phone. "Just great. My dad's not even on my side."
My experience at Neptune High was not one I wanted to relive in some cheap banquet room that's poorly decorated, with people I would rather not see ever again. It would be just some stupid party thrown for the few people who had a "blast" in high school. Those people make me want to gag. I think I made my dad promise to lock me in my room for the rest of eternity if I ever became one of those people. Or shoot me, either would work.
I just didn't want to go. It was as simple as that. With a sigh, I tore open the envelope and pulled out the invitation. I skipped the 'You are cordially invited...' nonsense and skimmed down to the date, time and place. Okay, not so cheap. Not cheap at all. Ah, and there's why. 'Generously sponsored by the Sinclair and Pomroy families.' Now it was even less likely that I would go. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the night at an '09er event. I don't want to go. I just don't.
I cannot believe I'm going. I cannot believe I let my dad talk me into going. I couldn't believe it when I packed my bags. I couldn't believe it when I got in my car and drove to the airport. I couldn't believe it when I got on the plane. I still can't believe it now as I sit in my hotel room.
I'm about a block and a half away from the last place I ever wanted to go. Yes, I've said that already but am I getting my point across? Well it didn't work on my dad.. He pushed and prodded until I gave in. Why could he possibly want me out of town so bad? It's not like I live with him anymore. I don't understand his reasoning when it comes to me--never ave. What I do know is, I've got twenty hours before I have to walk into a complete hell...willingly.
Five minutes into this thing and I'm already contemplating the numerous ways I could kill my father for getting me into this--and get away with it too. So far, I've only seen older versions of the '09er crowd--and not the friendly ones either. Only the ones that hated me and were convinced I was a no good slut seemed to be present. Was I surprised? Not much. This was wy I hadn't wanted to come. Because I would be in this exact situation: sitting alone at a table sipping my glass of champagne and wondering where the good times had gone. Granted, there weren't very many good times when it came to me.
I was still alone, though. I had downed a couple of glasses of champagne. The old '09er girls keep shooting me glares that obviously said 'what the hell are you doing here? You don't belong here.' I guess I don't really belong here, but man these people can hold a grudge. It started to really tick me off when Madison Sinclair walked by, rolled her eyes and whispered something to a woman walking withe her.
"It has been ten years people. I think it's about time we gave up on the 'Who Can Hate Veronica More' contest." I exclaimed at the top of my lungs suddenly before I could stop myself.
"Is that Veronica Mars I hear?" A woman's voice reached my ears.
I turned toward the sound and when I caught sight of who had spoken my eyes went wide and a smile crossed my face for the first time that night. "Mac?"
"Yes. Well I'm not sure that works now that I'm married." She repsonded.
"You're married?"
"You don't know him, I promise." Mac--she would always be Mac to me--replied. "He wanted to come but he had to work."
"You look different." I commented as I took in her hairstyle, attire, everything. It was so not Mac.
"More 'Cindy'?" Mac smiled.
"Yes." I agreed.
"I don't know, I guess I'm not so weird anymore." Mac shrugged. "I'm still a super genius, don't worry. The clothes have not affected the brain."
I laughed. "It is so good to see you."
"You too Veronica." Mac reciprocated, "I'm actually glad I found you . I feel so out of place here."
"Me too." I nodded. " These people are so unforgiving."
"I know. All I did was get switched at birth and I'm part of the out crowd!" Mac joked.
"So you're completely over that now?" I said.
"Yeah. Madison doesn't have it so good." Mac responded. "I hear she's been desperately single for years. Since she supposedly let it out that she was seeing Sheriff Lamb and he dumped her. But that's just a rumor I've heard."
"Well we're great people. If they don't like us that's their problem." I shrugged as I chuckled to myself. "At least I think so.
Mac and I sat alone together for about fifteen minutes before I saw the only other friendly face, I could hope to see, walk through the door. I excused myself for a moment and Mac smiled as she saw him too. He had his back to us as he checked out the room. I stood directly behind him and put on my best girly voice.
"Oh my God! Wallace Fennel, it's been so long!" I cried out as he spun around.
"Veronica Mars. I should have known it was you." Wallace smiled.
"Who were you expecting? Didn't you recongnize my voice?" I joked, "How are you Wallace?"
"I'm great, how about you Miss Mars? How's life in the Big Apple?" Wallace questioned.
"Well, it's not Neptune. That's for sure. But I guess that's its greatest appeal. Thousands of miles away from the memories." I explained. "I like it there. My dad likes it there. He even has a new lady friend."
"Not a friend's mother, I hope." Wallace joked.
"No, it's not that bad. She's just married." I responded with a laugh, "No really, she's not married or dating six guys and she has no connection to any of my friends. She's nice...And I just figured out why my dad wanted me to leave for the weekend."
"Why?" Wallace asked, looking confused.
"Well I wasn't going to come this weekend, but my dad forced me into it. See, the last time he tried to have her stay for the weekend, I kinda used my key to his place to use his computer, because mine broke down, and she was there. They were only eating dinner at the time, thank God, but I don't think my dad wants there to be any chance I'll walk in on anything." I explained. "That sly dog."
"So you don't miss Neptune at all?" Wallace replied.
"I miss some of the people, but other than that, not so much." I said, truthfully.
"Am I one of those people?"
"Of course. We were BFFs at one time, if you remember." I smiled. "There's just a lot of things here, I'd rather not remember, and coming back was not number one on my list of things to do this weekend."
I was on my way to get a glass of wather from the bar. I gave up on the champagne after the first two. As I neared the entrance doors, which were midway situated between my table and the bar, I saw him come in. My breath caught in my throat and I instantly turned around to head back to my table--my quest for water forgotten. I hoped to get back before he saw me.
"Veronica?" Ah, too late.
I turned around, plastering a smile on my face. "Logan."
"How are you?" Logan asked, out of courtesy I was sure.
"Okay, you?" I responded.
"Okay." Logan said. "It's been..."
"Ten years." I finished for him.
"Yeah." Logan nodded.
This wasn't awkward at all. I was so tense, it was so uncomfortable. I used to be able to talk to him. Now, I can't get out anything but the cliched reunion questions. How are you doing? Are you married? What? Three kids already? You're a lawyer? I never would have guessed.
Logan was another one of the reasons I hadn't wanted to come. After the events on the roof of the Neptune Grand and the murder of his father, he had all but told me he wanted to be with me. I had shyed away from answering and then I moved without ever telling him. Hell, I never evne told him I was moving. I stopped answering his calls. I disappeared from his life as I let Neptune disappear from mine. Now I had to face him.
We had stood silently for I don't know how long before Logan spoke, breaking the silence. "I need a drink."
"The bar is over there." I said softly pointing it out.
"Stronger." Logan muttered simply. He was right, truth was all they were serving was champagne and wine. All the other beverages had no alcoholic content. Then after a moment he added, "Want to get out of here?"
"Sure." I agreed before I really thought about it.
I said a quick goodby to Mac and Wallace and grabbed my bag and jacket. I rejoined Logan and he led me to his car. I got in and he started off toward the nearest bar. Even as I did these things, I couldn't understand why I would agree to this. This was what I wanted to avoid. I wanted to avoid any possible confrontation with Logan. Yet I walked right into this one. What had I gotten myself into?
Logan parked and got out of the car without a word and I followed suit. The walk to the entrance of the bar was pure torture. All I could keep thinking about was every horrible thing he could say to me about what I had done. The reason it plagued me so? What he thought about me still meant something to me. After ten years I still cared about him enough to want him to not hate me. I couldn't go back to him hating me.
I sat with him at the bar but I couldn't get myself to look at him. I could feel the tension in him almost as wella sI could feel the tension in me. Logan ordered a couple of beers from the bartender and I accepted mine with an acknowledging nod. Still silence. I was waiting anxiously for the first words to leave his lips. I waited for the venom. I waited for all the bad feelings to pour out and overwhelm me. I waited.
But the calm and collected tone that flowed from his lips was not was I expected. He spoke nonchalantly and with the slightest hint of question lacing his voice.
"Why did you go?"
"For a lot of reasons." I responded. "Too many to explain in a day."
"Was I one of them?" Logan asked his voice low.
"No." I said simply. I could understand why he would think such a thing. It wasn't the farthest from the truth. He wasn't the reason I left, but he was part of the reason I stayed away.
"Then why did you leave me in the dark?"
"Logan, I..." I began.
"You could have told me you were moving from you actually did." Logan muttered, not looking at me.
"And what? Make it easier for you to be with me?" I scoffed. "You always did fight for me hardest when you knew I was leaving you."
Logan was quiet for a moment, taking sips from his beer absentmindedly. "I would have asked you to stay."
"And that would have been fair to me?"
"And running was fair to me?" Logan countered.
"I never said that, Logan." I replied.
"Then why did you do it?"
"Logan, the timing wasn't right." I said after awhile. "We just weren't ready to be everything for each other."
"The timing was never right, Ronnie! First there was Lilly and Duncan. Then there was the hating each other thing. There was you thinking I was a murderer. Then there was Duncan again. And yes, I screwed up big time with Kendall. There was never a right time for us." Logan ranted, his voice full of ubridled emotion. "And it's bullshit that we weren't ready to be everything for each other. I was ready to be everything for you. You wouldn't even attempt to be anything for me."
"Logan that's not true." I replied, unable to say much else. The venom was there in that one and it stung like hell.
"It is. It is true. Veronica, for once, for fucking once could you please just take the blame for something and stop blaming everything on me." Logan snapped angrily. "Contrary to popular belief, I am not responsible for all the shit in the world."
And the silence returns. I don't know how long we've been sitting here since Logan last spoke. Long enough for Logan to chug down three more beers and move on to the hard stuff. Long enough for me to do the same. I haven't had a hard drink in at least ten days, but if Logan Echolls isn't enough to drive someone to a drink, I don't know what is.
Finally Logan spoke again. His voice was quiet and he stared straight foward the whole time. "God Veronica, it just hurst so much. You hurt me so much. And it seems you got of scotch free. Don't got a scratch on you, do you?"
"Logan..." I sighed. I wanted to apologize I wanted to say something, anything to make him not hurt anymore. I didn't want to be the reason he was hurting. I didn't want to be the one who hurt him.
"You know what? I'm done." Logan raised his shot glass. "To being fucking epic."
He downed the shot and slammed the glass back down on the bar, "Cheers."
He pushed away from the bar violently and started to walk out. I sat there stunned for a moment, my mouth open as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. Finally as I collected myself a little more, I jumped down and followed.
"Logan, wait!"
"Logan stop!" I cried out. "Logan, please wait!"
I had chased him all the way out of the bar and through the parking lot. He had passed up his car and was heading down the sidewalk in the direction we had came from the reunion. I had called his name too many times to count. He just ignored me and continued walking.
"Logan, wait!" I called out again as I nearly caught up with him.
"What Veronica?" Logan finally stopped and whipped around to face me. "What more do you want? You've already ripped out my heart and trampled on it...fucking twice. What more could you want to do to me?"
"I never meant..."
"It's been ten years and you're still able to do this to me. I can't stand it. I can't do this anymore. It's killing me." Logan's voice lowered. "I want out."
"Logan, please just..."
"No Veronica...just no." Logan shook his head and started to turn away from me.
"You got to say your part now you are going to hear me out." I said firmly. I wanted him to listen to what I had to say.
"You have no right to ask even that of me."
"You're right. I don't. But I am anyway. Will you just listen to me, please?" I asked.
Logan nodded, but remained silent. He looked to the ground the whole time. I kept my gaze centered on him. I would get him to look at me at some point.
"Yes, I ran. I ran as far away as I could go without leaving the country. I couldn't be here. There is this presence here, in Neptune. It's everywhere."
"Lilly." Logan said quietly, so quiet it was almost as if he had only mouthed it.
"Yes, Lilly, and so many other things. Lilly, your mother, Meg, Duncan, Cassidy...Aaron." I spat out the last name in disgust as it left a sour taste in my mouth. "Everything just overwhelmed me. I couldn't handle it. And you didn't help. You only made it worse. You were connected to all of them. And as much as Neptune made me remember them, you made me remember them more. So yes, I ran. It's my fault. Okay? It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Logan please. I don't...I can't...Logan, I can't have you hating me."
Before I could really get another sentence out, I felt his arms around me and the fabric of his shirt met my face. I let my tears fall and seep into his shirt. My body shook with silent sobs. Logan whispered incomprehensible whisps of sentences into my hair as he held me close. Eventually I pulled away from him so that I could see his face.
I gulped out my words as I tried to force the sobs down. "Please don't hate me. I made a mistake. I know I made a mistake. But you can't hate me...I couldn't survive it. So please Logan, please don't hate me."
"I don't hate you Veronica. I could never hate you." Logan said softly. "I'm just frustrated and hurt. I love you so much and you walked away without a word. You shut me out. Do you know how much that hurt?"
"Loved." I blurted out.
"Huh?" Logan frowned.
"Loved. You loved me." I corrected him. No matter how I felt, it had been ten years. What we had was in the past tense.
"No, I love you Veronica. I never stopped. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop." Logan shook his head. "You hurt me, but that didn't change how I felt about you."
"Logan, it's been ten years."
"I know. Ronnie, believe me I know." Logan let out a strangled laugh. "I didn't think I would even see you tonight."
"I wasn't going to come." I replied. "My dad talked me into it."
"Well aren't you glad? Wasn't this just a lovely experience?" Logan remarked sarcastically.
"I did miss you Logan. I just thought a clean brake would be easier for both of us." I responded quietly. "I really didn't consider how much it would hurt you."
"Obviously not."
"I wouldn't have done it if I knew how much it would have hurt you."
"Is that true Veronica? Because if it was, I would think you would have told me you were going." Logan said, looking me straight in the eyes.
"I didn't want to hurt you Logan. That was the last thing I wanted to do, after all you did for me, after all we had been through." I shook my head. "It's not what I wanted. That night..."
I didn't need to clarify which night I meant. He knew. It was burned into our memories and it would probably never fade. His gaze on me faltered for a second. He had done the same thing everytime that night was brought up. In that second every moment of that night flashed in front of his eyes. I know, because the same thing happens to me.
"That night..." I repeated. "That night I thought you were all I had left. And the way you took care of me, I was ready for you to be all I had left. That scared me. I didn't want what happened before to happen again. I wanted to be with you so bad, and it scared the hell out of me."
"I never would have hurt you." Logan whispered. "Veronica, I would never..."
"I know." I stated. "I know that. You've always tried to protect me."
"Then why couldn't you just be with me? Why did you have to run off?" Logan questioned.
"I don't know." I looked toward the ground. "We just had this way of naturally falling apart. I guess I thought it was a good idea at the time."
"Not so much now, right?"
"Not at all now. I should never have ran. I should never have left you the way I did. I should never have given up on us. I let our chance slip away. I'll always regret that." I responded.
"What about now?" Logan asked. "You don't consider this another chance?"
"No, it's been too long. It would be crazy to try and restart something ten years too late." I answered. "And why would you want to?"
"I told you." Logan said. "I love you Veronica."
"But it's been too long. I've been away for nearly ten years."
"Spanning years and continents." Logan replied. "We woudn't be epic if we let that stop us."
"But Logan..." I began. I wanted to say I was going home. I wanted to say it hadn't worked when we lived int he same city, so how could we make it work when there was a country between us. There was a lot I wanted to say, but for some reason I couldn't say a word.
"Veronica, there's just something about us. We can fight and argue, and still find our way back to each other. We can have problems, but we'll always find a way through them. We pull through. You'll always be a part of me and I hope I'll always be a part of you." Logan spoke softly as he stepped closer to me. "I'm just not complete without you."
I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath. It was awhile before I spoke up. "Is it just me, or do you have to have been drinking to say all the right things?"
"It makes it easier when you react badly to what I have to say." Logan smiled slightly. "Which you do often."
"I'm not reacting badly now, am I?" I asked, looking up into his eyes.
"Not at all." Logan responded as he took the last step toward me so that he has less then a foot away from me.
He reached his hand out to stroke my cheek and I didn't turn away from him. I kept my head titled up and my eyes locked on his. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as he leaned in closer to me. My eyes fluttered shut as I anticipated his touch. I felt his breath on my cheek as he whispered four words into my ear before capturing my lips with his.
"I love you, Ronnie."
Logan's hands found my waist and wrapped around my back. He pulled me flush against him as he deepened the kiss. I grasped onto his shoulders, pulling myself up and pressing into the kiss. I let out a sigh as I let my feet lower all the way to the ground and Logan began to pull away.
"Logan..."
"Don't say anything yet, Veronica. Please." Logan whispered. "Let us have that moment."
"No let me say this." I said firmly. "I...Logan, I love you too."
How this was going to work, I didn't know. But I think it was about time I let myself leap into something without letting the tiny ounce of fear I felt take over. I had to admit, the few times Logan was right when it came to us, he was really right.
I gasped out a laugh as Logan kissed me again, catching me by surprise. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he practically picked me up off the ground when he hugged me tightly to him. It felt so good to be back in his arms, like a burden had finally been lifted from my shoulders. It was a feeling I could never forget even after ten years.
Like Logan had just said, together or apart we had something. We were part of each other. Our love could survive practically anything. It felt good to finally let myself feel that love.
To being epic. Cheers.