Ryan knew that there was a distinct difference between wanting someone and needing someone.
Most of the time, the wanting that he felt towards Kelly was purely physical, inconsequential, but she was a habit by now and habits were hard to break. He always had an addictive personality.
Kissing her was usually done out of necessity—to silence her, distract her, avoid her accusations. She was like putty in his hands when he kissed her—soft, warm, cinnamon scented—but putty nonetheless.
The dates they went on were usually group affairs, with him drinking with his friends and her clinging to his arm, begging for even a fraction of his attention. The liquor made her incessant babbling easier to deal with. And when she left for the bathroom and the atmosphere grew quiet, the only reason his eyes kept searching for her return was to make sure she didn't fail in those ridiculously steep stiletto heels of hers.
She giggled when he told her to keep them on later that night when they got back to his place.
That was want, but it wasn't need.
There was only so much talk about Suri and Shiloh and Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor that he could take, so when Wallace gave him the job at Corporate (thank God for his MBA) Kelly was the first to get the news, and to get the boot.
The breakup sex was more for her benefit than his, because New York City was teeming with attractive single women, and he knew how sparse the selection was in Scranton. Plus, he left his favorite shirt at her apartment.
She was devastated and he was jubilant.
His new, private office was quiet (really quiet) and his new apartment was clean (really clean) and he didn't have to bother with annoying post-it letters on his monitor or lame Friday night movie marathons. He could just go out and have fun any night of the week because it was New York City. He could finally have the casual hookups he was looking for in Scranton, complete with him getting kicked out the next morning by women with dark silky hair and sparkly pink nail polish.
The first time he came back to Scranton, it was to introduce the company's (his, his!) new sales website. His good mood had been smothered when Kelly faked a pregnancy in an attempt to win him back. When the truth finally came out, Kelly cried and he yelled and when he got back to New York, he drank and tried not to think of what the reality of that situation could have meant.
His anger towards her cooled into amusement, leaving him chuckling to himself (and the cameras) about Kelly's naiveté. This monologue didn't make the documentary.
It had been a while since he had gone back to Scranton, and on his way over, he imagined Kelly's tearstained face with mild pleasure. What would she think of this time to win him back? But when he walked into the office to begin his presentation, Kelly was in the back of the conference room, giggling and flirting with Darryl, Darryl of all people. Sending him back down to the warehouse only made sense—Dunder Mifflin Infinity didn't pertain to warehouse workers. Before going, Kelly passionately kissed Darryl goodbye—was it hot in here? The room felt hot—then she sat down, looking bored as she waited to listen to his lecture. Where were his notes again? He needed them.
As soon as he got back to New York that night, he met Troy at his favorite club—he really did look like a hobbit!—and spent several hundred dollars with him to forget the events of the day. Work was so stressful.
When Ryan awoke, really, truly awoke, he was in prison and shaking and Kelly's name was the only word on his lips. And he needed a lot of things.