Title: Spiraling into darkness
author: Cindy Ryan|
pairings: Clint/Nat, Pepper/Tony
timeline: Alternate universe post movie
notes: This story is not connected to any of my others

Slowly and painfully Clint Barton pulled himself into a sitting position. The catwalk metal was cold under his hands. Indication that something was wrong with the helicarrier. As the fog continued to lift from Hawkeye's brain memories returned.
Engine down.
Hull breach likely.
Both at his hands.

It was only when Clint looked up that everything clicked. In one horrifying second the archer remembered why he was on the catwalk. Why his head was pounding. Why he was suddenly clear of Loki's mind control.
Nat.
His partner's still form lay at an inhuman angle a few feet away. Ignoring his own pain and nausea Clint scrambled towards the Black Widow. The sick feeling in his gut told Clint the awful truth before his shaky hands even felt for a pulse. No! Hawkeye cried out silently. Nat couldn't be gone...not now...not this way.

Clint's hands searched for a pulse and found none. He slumped to a sitting position and pulled Nat's still form into his arms. He didn't care who found them. Didn't care who saw. The truth of their hidden marriage coming out now didn't matter. His wife had saved him and paid the ultimate price. Slowly Clint lowered his head so his forehead was touching Natasha's.

"God,Nat...I'm sorry...I couldn't control it...so sorry."

By the time S.H.I.E.L.D.'s medical and mental health team had cleared Clint everything was over. Three days since the battle for New York City. The portal was closed and Loki's army beaten. The DemiGod had been taken back to Asguard to face justice.
That had hit Clint the hardest. That he hadn't had an opportunity to confront the fallen prince. Loki had taken Hawkeye's life. The DemiGod may not have killed Clint but his life was over just the same. The life he had with Nat.
The life he'd had with his wife.

As the grief gave way once more to rage Clint threw his wedding ring against the wall. It bounced off the gray metal of the temporary housing quarters of S.H.i.E.L.D's new D.C. base. Clint watched as the small gold circle he'd only worn once roll around the left side of the floor and come to rest against a four drawer dresser. Natasha had placed that ring on his finger six months ago. Six short months. They'd been involved a year before that. Clint had been surprised when she had agreed to marry him. Natasha had always said love was for children. But the bond they'd had she couldn't deny. It was something so strong neither of them could describe it. Natasha had trusted him and Clint had failed her. Failed her in the worst way possible.

Nick Fury had told him just twenty-four hours previous that there would be no legal charges. As far as S.H.I.E.L.D and the U.S. government were concerned Loki was the reason Natasha Romanoff-Barton was dead. Fury had also told Clint he could return to duty whenever he was ready. The job would be waiting for him. Clint had told Fury that he wouldn't return. Fury had responded by telling Clint to take his time and think about it. That S.H.I.E.L.D. needed agents now more than ever.

Clint stood and reached over to pick up the ring. Swallowing the lump in his throat Hawkeye placed the ring in a small pocket of the inside of his black duffel bag. Zipping it closed Hawkeye grabbed his jacket. He opened the door and left the S.H.I.E.L.D base without a look back. Clint knew Nat would want him to stay and continue the good fight against the bad guys. But he couldn't; not without her.

In the control room Maria Hill glanced up from the medium sized video screen.

"Should I put a detail on him, Sir?"Hill asked.

Nicholas Fury shook his head sadly. "Let him go; it's his choice. We know how to find him."

Maria looked back at the screen."Permission to speak freely?"

The S.H.I.E.L.D. director nodded.

"Think he'll show for Natasha's funeral?"Hill inquired.

Fury sighed as he gripped the back of a nearby chair his gaze never leaving the screen. "Probably after. He blames himself…I don't think he can face anyone."

"We shouldn't have let Thor take Loki."Maria stated angrily.

"Thor assured me that whatever punishment Asguard has it's worse than anything we could have done."

"Nothing's worse than death."Hill argued. "That's what he deserves.

"Agree, but some feel death is too easy. Thor will handle him."Fury responded quietly.

"He better. Barton's first in a long line that want revenge."Maria stated.

"I know."Fury agreed. "Sometimes we just have to rely on our instincts and trust that justice will be served."

Maria nodded solemnly as she turned her attention back to her long to-do list. It'd been a rough few weeks and it didn't look like things were going to get easier any time soon.

Tony Stark smiled at the person Jarvis had let into his lab. It was basically the only part of Stark tower that hadn't been damaged by Loki's merry band of aliens.

"Finding your way around I see."Stark commented as he continued to scroll through data on a holographic image in front of him.

Steve Rogers shrugged as he leaned against the wall by the door. "Fury arranged a ride for me."

"Ah, probably for the best."Tony replied. "Don't think they had road rage back in the day."

Steve filed that phrase in his long list of things to look up later. "You said you could help me adjust."

Tony grinned. "We'll give it a shot. Though Pepper's the more patient one when it comes to teaching."

Captain America stepped further into the large room. "I was reading on the way here. The files say you knew Agent Romanoff before."

"As in knew you mean Fury assigned her to spy on me, then yes."Stark commented sarcastically as he shoved one holographic image away and pulled up another. "The secret marriage to Barton thing explains a lot."

"Hit on her, did you?"Steve asked with a sad smile.

"Every opportunity. Pepper was mad at me at the time for something else."Tony replied."Romanoff was a handful but a beautiful asset to S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Too many funerals to go too."Steve stated sadly as he absently put his finger through the holographic image Tony was working on.

Tony slapped the Avenger's hand away. "You'll mess the data up."

"Sorry, that's incredible…..looks like magic."Rogers murmured.

Stark grinned. "Bet lots of stuff looks like magic to you. Wait till you see 3D movies."

"Loki."Steve began changing the subject. "Do you really think he'll get justice on his home planet?"

Tony shut the holographic images down and saved the data. "PointBreak's no slouch. He won't let Loki walk over him. Reindeer games will get what's coming to him."

"Hope so. Coulson and Romanoff deserve justice."Steve commented solemnly.

"They'll get it."Tony responded grimly. "Even if I have to go to Asguard myself."

.The day of Natasha Romanoff's funeral was sunny, warm and not a cloud in the sky. completely the wrong weather for a funeral. Bruce Banner stood in front of the bathroom mirror of his hotel was wearing a black suit made of light weight fabric. As always Bruce was having trouble with the tie. After several minutes of trying the scientist gave up and tossed the accessory on the counter. He turned off the light and left the bathroom.

Nobody would be paying attention to him anyway. Unless of course the other guy made an appearance. Bruce would do everything he could to prevent that. It was the least he could do for the woman who was brave enough to bring him to S.H.I.E.L.D.A brief smile crossed Bruce's face as he thought of that first had only flinched once and that was because he forced her hand. She was tough, smart and far too young to be buried. The world needed more people like Natasha Romanoff. With a sad shake of his head Bruce picked up his hotel key and wallet from the dresser and left.