Lips Of an Angel

by Nicholas de Vilance

//ConnMurph// I'm supposed ta get married, but it's too hard ta let it all go. There's somewhere else I'd rather be. //slash, twincest. Challenge/song fic//

Nicholas: Another challenge of Kisses. It's a songfic to "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder (Damn good song!!). I was getting sick of pure angst (I know, amazing to hear me say it, right?) so I added a bit of fluff at the end. Hope you all like.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't make me tell you again!! (;)

Rating: T...language...angst...sexual references...something you parents probably shouldn't be reading over your shoulder (as is all of my stuff!)

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Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

I heard the phone ring three times before I realized that Chris wasn't goin' ta pick it up. The only thing that annoyed me about this was that I was tryin' ta think an' I told her that I didn't want any interruptions. She was the one who wanted a perfect wedding, so the least she could do is let me figure it all out in peace. Not like she was gonna help. It just wasn't Chris. She'd go to a party as long as she didn't have ta clean up afterwards. But I won't hold that against her. I just wish'd people had the common sense not ta call at the ungodly hours of the night when I was supposed ta be asleep. If I were asleep, the caller would be sure ta get an earful o' me, ya can bet on that!

"'Ello?" I said once I had at last silenced the screeching phone.

That familiar voice that greeted me almost made me heart stop. I hadn't been expectin' this particular call. "Hey, Conn…what's up?"

"Oh, hi Murph. Ya alright? Ya sound a bit down."

A sigh hissed through the phone from the other side of the line. "Aye, I'm…I'm good." My twin brother let a long silence fall in which he made it very obvious that he wasn't all that good at all. "So how's the weddin' goin'?"

"Uh…disastrous. How did ya expect it ta go. 'Sides, Chris wants ta leave it all up ta me. Don' be surprised if she makes me say her vows fer 'er." The laugh he made—though half-hearted—gave me a tad bit o' joy an' relief from the night's stresses. Murphy's laugh always gave me that. "How're things in the music industry?"

"Don' ever ask me that again, er I swear, as Jesus is me witness, I'll make the rest o' yer life a livin' hell."

"What, by not lettin' me get a good night's sleep?"

Murphy hesitated nervously. "Did I wake ya?" He sounded like he was afraid he'd committed the worst crime possible.

"No, I was just kiddin'…" I hate this awkwardness we have now. The way we have ta be so careful what we do and say ta one another. Christ, when was the last time we'd seen each other in person?

Well, my girl is in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

"Sorry I called so late, but I've been tryin' ta get to a payphone all day."

"Payphone?" Now what's all this about? Since when did me brother need ta use a payphone? "Murphy where're ya?"

"I'm in a phone booth. I'm not entirely sure where, but it's a pretty dark an' empty street." He cleared his throat. "If I'm buggin' ya, I'll let ya go an' try ta call in the mornin' instead."

Oh fer Christ's sake! "No, Murphy, I'm actually real glad ya called. I feel like I haven't heard from ya in ferever." An' the underlyin' meanin's that go with that statement are infinite. I literally feel when I haven't heard him. It's painful not ta hear his voice. It shouldn't be anymore. We've gotten past that (but fuck it, 'cause we haven't!).

"Must be all the commotion with Chris over yer big day, huh?…" He'd deny it, I know he would. There's this painful, gapin' hole in me chest an' I know he has it too, but fer pride's sake he'd deny it. Fer my sake…

It was always fer my, fuckin' sake. He "protected" me an' all that shite a "big" brother's s'posed ta do. He'd totally ruined himself an' he did it fer me. When Ma finally found out about us—the way we had been—Murphy took the fall. So now the fuckin' family thinks me brother's gay an' I'm not…so now Murphy gets outcast an' I get embraced. It's all a bunch o' hypocritical bullshite!

"How's Chris doin'? Ya drivin' her up a wall?"

"It's more the other way 'round, brother." It was strange callin' him that. Fer longest time we've somethin' other than brothers. Years an' years we've been lovers and jus' recently I've had ta be told over an' over by Ma, Uncle Sibeal, Aunt Rosey an' so on an' so forth: "He's no brother o' yers, Conn. Ye just pray ta God he comes ta his senses." They had no idea what we'd shared.

And I never wanna say goodbye
But boy you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

"How's Ma?" Murphy's voice suddenly dropped ta a decibel above noiseless. "She won't take me calls anymore."

Damn it! I didn't know how I should answer that. Oh, Ma's doin' jus' fine knowin' yer out there in the world lonely as a leper. Didn't seem like the best idea. "I haven't talked ta her in a while. I avoid it, 'cause ev'ry call turns inta somethin' about the fuckin' weddin'."

"She's just excited, is all. Her son's gettin' married."

While her other son isn't… "I hate all o' this stupid weddin' shite!" I didn't mean ta raise me voice. "Gotta make such a big fuckin' deal outta it…Fuck, I fergot Chris is in the other room."

"If she hears ya talkin' like that, she'll blow a gasket."

"God love her," I muttered with a smile.

"Ye an' her…yer a match made in heaven." Fer a moment I thought he sounded a bit jealous, but I think that was just me mind playin' tricks on me.

"Murphy…when're ya gonna stop pretendin'?" This little dance he had us do was gettin' on me last nerve. He calls me like this so that his voice brings me back to the "good ol' days" when, God, it was so nice ta have him in me arms, an' then he reminds me o' how I can't do that anymore.

"What d'ya mean?" He's so good at pretendin' he don' know.

I looked at the door ta my office/workroom an' made sure there was no activity behind it. "Ya know damn well what I mean. I miss ya, Jack Ass. I miss us."

"Conn, don' start with that—"

"Hey, I'm not the one who called ye in the middle o' the night." He was silent, but I knew he hadn't hung up on me. He wouldn't do that. "I seriously can't take this, Murphy. Unless yer gonna be fuckin' real an' stop actin' like yer just fine when yer not, don' call me." It felt harsh ta say it, but that's truly how I felt right then. It was nothin' but a guilt trip I relived ev'ry time I heard his voice.

For a while, he didn't reply. I let my temper loosen a bit b'fore talkin' again. "'Member that time back in Ireland when we hid behind the Anvil?"

"…No."

"Yes ya do. That was the first time…our first time." He tried ta tell me ta shut up er somethin', but I cut him off. "How could ya ferget it? I remember it just fine. The way ya pinned me down, ya were so much stronger than me back then. Ya…took off my shirt…told me ta stop squirmin'…"

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

"Connor stop!"

"Ya said it just like that." I kept pressin' him. He had ta snap sooner er later, an' I needed ta end this cat an' mouse shite he pulled. "Then ya kissed me. God…that's what made me want ya then. I said somethin' after a while, didn't I? What did I say?"

I heard a low scoff from the phone. The son of a bitch better not have been laughin' at me. "I thought ya remembered it jus' fine!"

"Murphy, what did I say?"

"Ya…ya said 'if this is what Ma's "protectin'" me from, fuck that!' I…" His voice was painfully low. "Connor, ya got a fiancée. Ya shouldn't be thinkin' about ancient hist'ry like this."

"Murphy, I'm not thinkin' about anythin' else. It en't ancient hist'ry, it's just what happened because ya loved me once."

"Fuck ya!" There, I'd gotten a rise outta him now. "Connor, yer such a fuckin' prick! I loved ya once? I love ya now…it en't right how much I…I mean…yer not mine anymore."

"God damn it, Murph." I had ta keep my voice down, but I don't see why he couldn't talk louder. But no as soon as he started shoutin', he quieted down again. I needed ta hear his voice—not the quiet little purr he has taken ta talkin' with lately. "Why're ya bein' like this?"

"What d'ya want me ta do?"

That was not answerable in any of the vocabularies in different languages I know. 'Sides, if I tried to give an answer, I'd end up making this phone call pornographic. Who really knows if that's such a bad thing? "Murphy, I'm so sick an' tired o' this."

Well my girl is in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

We'd been talkin' a while when I heard a knock on my door. "Oh, hold on, Murph," I said and set the phone down gently and stood. B'fore I opened it, I knew who was on the other side o' that door. Who else would it be? "Chris what're ya doin' up? Did I wake ya?"

"No, I heard the phone ring." About ten minutes ago. "Anything important?" Her pajama tanktop was all ruffled and a strap had fallen from her shoulder. As I put it back in it's place I noticed her hair was frizzed like she'd just woken up.

I thought about what would happen if I told her I was talkin' ta Murph. She'd tell Ma, most likely an' then Ma'd get mad an' I'd have more then just a weddin' ta worry about. "Nah, 'twas a wrong number."

"Oh…well, when are you coming to bed?"

"As soon as I finish with all o' this weddin' business. Go ahead without me, ya need yer sleep." I stroked her gently, she always liked when I did that…Murphy did too.

"What? No good night kiss?" She smiled tiredly.

For some reason, I didn't want to kiss her. It didn't feel right to do it when I was thinkin' about fuckin' Murphy. Still, I pressed my lips on hers; let them linger with practiced ease b'fore pullin' away. "G'night," I said with that wonderful MacManus charm I borrowed from all the men in me family.

She walked off down the hall, stumbling slightly in a bare-footed, tired walk. Immediately, I shut the door again an' sat back down. "Ya there, Murph?"

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

"Yeah, I'm still here." His voice was a bit quieter now and slightly shaky. I got the feelin' he was cryin', but I couldn't be sure. "Was that Chris?"

"Aye…"

"Did ya tell'er yer talkin' ta me?"

Ya know what would happen if I did. I wanted him ta talk normally. I woulda begged fer it! Get down on me fuckin' knees in front o' him an' beg (maybe do some other useful things while I'm down there). "No, ya know how many problems that'd cause."

"Right…I know."

An awkward silence passed like a heat wave that was just so uncomfortable that I couldn't stand it. Still, I couldn't make heads or tails o' what I wanted ta say. So I let Murphy do the talkin' fer a while. After a beat, he actually did pick up the conversation. A bit oddly, I'll give it that, but still, he spoke. "Conn, say somethin' sexy."

I just about fell out o' me chair. "What? What d'ya mean, sexy?"

"Like…something ya think about that turns ya on." Now, this was weird. No other word fer this. Murphy never flat out asked me ta act sexy. He always claimed I didn't need ta. "Conn?"

"Hold on, I'm thinkin'…I miss yer blow jobs."

At this I heard Murphy give a slightly strained laugh. "Will ya describe it fer me?"

"Well, wouldn't ya know what it's like? Ya have ta be there fer it ta happen." Another quiet laugh, but he really expected me ta give details. "'Kay, let's see…It's been a while, but damn ya gave good ones. 'Specially on cool days 'cause yer mouth's so hot then." I could barely hear his breathin' changin', but I went on still. "An' ya know just how ta suck…" I can't believe I was talkin' like that.

"Go on," he pleaded. His voice was dry and slightly higher pitched. Now his breaths were noticeably harsher.

"Murph, what're ya doin'?" I had a strange feelin' that I knew already, but that would just be weird.

"Oh fuck…" I heard him mutter. "Hold on." There was a click like he'd set the phone down an' I listened intently. Silence fer a while an' then a distance squeak that I knew fer a fact was Murphy's voice breakin'.

"Murph!" I called as loudly as I dared so as not ta alert Chris. "What the fuck're ya doin'?"

A bit of noise came through fer a second an' then I heard Murphy again, loud an' clear, an' slightly more chipper. "It's real awkward doin' that in a phone booth," he commented.

"Murphy, are ya jerkin' off, er somethin'?"

The amused silence I heard told me yes an' then I started ta laugh. "Let's just say I hope no one has ta use this phone book again." I only laughed harder, but I had ta make sure that Chris didn't hear me.

I sat back in me chair an' pressed the phone against my ear harder. Of all the things I've known me brother ta do, masturbatin' in public en't one o' them. Seriously, it used ta be when he had a hard on, he'd let it bulge in his pants scarin' old ladies an' children till he got home ta take care of it (or I got around ta releavin' him of it).

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

The weddin' day was nice, I s'pose. I wouldn't know, I wasn't there. I did leave Chris a note an' shite an' no doubt Ma'd gotten the tape o' my phone call with Murphy ('cause I en't stupid enough not ta figure out that Chris had me phone taped). It felt so good ta be able ta say "ta hell with it" an' move on. So this is note I had left:

Dear Chris: It's not you, it's me. I know I'm supposed to say that, but in this case it's true for the most part. I'm not going to marry you, and it isn't because I don't love you. It's because I don't want to go through the rest of our lives together pretending that you're the one I want to be with. That wouldn't be fair to you. I'm going to leave out the bit of annoyance I'm feeling because you and Ma and everyone else are trying to keep me from my brother. I hope you don't hold a grudge against me, and I'm sure you look beautiful in your wedding dress. If you want, use the ceremony to get hitched with someone you really love instead of pretending it with me. Tell Ma I love her, even though she'll probably think I'm a heretic. You can sell the stuff I left behind if you want. See you around. Love, Connor.

"You really wrote all o' that?" Murphy asked, handin' me a beer.

"O' course I did," I stated. He gave me a skeptical look as he sat down next ta me on that o-so-familiar couch in our old, one-room apartment on the fifth floor of a buildin' in South Boston. "Alright, so I left out the bit about bein' annoyed, but I did consider writing that. I mean, c'mon, Murph! She wired the fuckin' phone!"

"Ma's idea, probably."

"O, no doubt of it." I snapped open the can, glad ta be back in the home I share with my twin. "I'm just so fuckin' happy not ta be suffocated by all that weddin' shite! I'm never gettin' married, I swear!"

Murphy smirked, an' I could tell he was fallin' back inta the old Murphy that he should be. "I s'pose it'd be unorthodox fer me ta ask ya ta marry me, then, wouldn't it?"

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, what Ma would say!" I drank a deep swig an' closed my eyes as it slid down me throat. Abruptly, I felt Murphy's weight lift off the couch. I didn't look right away, but when I did, I saw that he was down on one knee. "Oi, don' get all sappy, on me, brother."

"Well, what d'ya expect, ya bastard? I missed ya." He took my hand that wasn't occupied by beer. "So what d'ya say. D'ya wanna marry me, Conn?"

I had this strange feelin' that goin' home would be strange gettin' used ta, but that's ta be expected with Murphy bein' me brother. I pulled him up by his hand an' he was suddenly was pressed against me, starin' inta me eyes. "I do." O, the nauseatin' cliché.

After kissin' me once, Murphy pulled away an' leaned his head on me chest. "'I now pronounce you husband and twin'."

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Chris didn't get the note until she was already getting ready for that big day on which she'd take another's name. Her wedding dress was on and the white gloves that went with it were suddenly stained with teary mascara after she'd read what Connor had left her to find. Of all of the stupid things for Connor to do!! she thought.

Still, there was something about the way he'd written it that made her unable to blame him. In all honesty, he was right. She didn't really love him as a marriage would require. The wedding was Ma MacManus' idea. So, she read the letter over again and this time she smiled ironically. "Well, Murphy…I guess you're just too good of competition."

Honey why you calling me so late?