Disclaimer: Don't own this shit, and of course I got nothing against jewish people...hell, one of the jokes in this chapter was created by a jewish kid from the around the 'hood.
Bulma was shocked to see Vegeta dead. Annoyed, she turned to face Supah Borat.
"What you do that for, ya jerk? Now I have to use the dragonballs to bring Vegeta back...again!"
Borat was curious. "What is this...eh...dragonhram?"
Unperturbed, Bulma replied. "Seven magical balls that grant two wishes to whoever gathers them all each year. Being the smartest woman in the world," she said with a cocky smirk, "I made a radar to track them down."
Borat was startled. If she was the smartest wooman...then how could she make something so useful?
He decided to pin her against Capsule Corp.
"You will get this...how you say...dragonhram for me, or else I will bring Urkin, town rapist, on you," he said while smiling at her.
More afraid of getting killed by him than getting raped tham some guy named 'Urkin,' Bulma agreed.
Over a week, she gathered all seven balls and summoned Shenron.
"You have two wishes. Make them quickly," Shenron rumbled.
"Please bring back-" Bulma started, only to get cut off by Borat. "the gypsy and the jew boy!"
Borat held up a picture of an orange haired shinigami and his midget lover.
"Very well, it shall be done." With a glow of his crimson eyes, Shenron then asked, "what is your second wish?"
"Please bring back-" hoping to get it in, but to no avail...Bulma was CUT OFF! "how you say...earth?"
Understanding which Earth he was talking about, Shenron assented. "It shall be done. Now I must return to my slumber." He disappeared and the seven balls scattered across the globe.
Borat was excited. "OH DA BABY!"
Bulma, being the smartest wooman, asked "what baby?"
"I must go now. Dzienkuje!"
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Ichigo was back in his room, as was Rukia. How he got a second chance at life, he did not know. Whatever was driving him mad earlier was gone, and he realized how much he cared for Rukia.
"I-Ichigo?" Rukia was still afraid of him and hiding in her closet, peeking through a narrow opening. Heading over to the closet and opening it, Ichigo took Rukia in her arms and started stroking her hair.
"I'm sorry Rukia...I never realized how much I l-" Rukia's cell phone started to beep.
"It's a large disturbance. Let's go!"
Dissapointed, Ichigo complied and got into his Shinigami form before heading out his window with Rukia at his side.
20 minutes later, they had arrived. All they saw, however, was a blonde haired man with a crazy smile. Somehow, though, he was radiating intense reiatsu.
Suddenly, the man noticed Rukia and gave her an interested look while puckering his lips.
"Very niiiice, how much?"
Ichigo was not about to let this dirtbag insult the love of his life. "You son of a bitch! Ban-kai!"
Tensa Zangetsu in hand, he unleashed his most lethal attack.
"Getsuga Tenshou!"
Borat was unsure of how to avoid this move...from draining Vegeta's energy, he knew the incantation was "Big Bang Attack" but he did not know how to say it, so he tried his best...
"Eh...Bang bang, skeet skeet Neega!"
Amazingly enough, a huge mass of blue energy flew out of his left hand and collided with and overpowered the Getsuga Tenshou.
As the attack headed for him, Ichigo was shocked. How could this man...block his GT?
Realization hit him like the daily Rukia. It was that guy who sang the jew song...
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The captains of Seiretei had assembled an emergency meeting.
"We are here because a large spirit force has entered Karakura but does not have a soul." Yamamoto spoke.
"Therefore, I am sending Zaraki-taichou and Byakuya-taichou to investigate the matter. Make haste you two." Both shunpo'd away and the meeting was adjourned shortly thereafter.
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Ichigo wondered why he wasn't dead.
"What's wrong, Kurosaki Ichigo?" Byakuya stood ominously over the boy, who was lying on his back right now. Ignoring the noble and standing up, he saw Zaraki getting ready to fight Borat.
"Ya better be a challenge for me to come down here!" Zaraki viciously growled. Although Kenpachi did not want it to happen, Byakuya released his Zanpakuto as the eleventh squad captain charged.
"Scatter, Senbonzakura."
Supah Borat knew what to do though. Spreading his fingers on his right hand apart while bending each in towards the palm, he gave a large cry.
"Attack, JEWCLAW!"
Out of nowhere, he pulled out a sword that transformed into a metal version of his hand, which extended out and stole Byakuya's zanpakuto before it had completely broken down, then took Zaraki's as it was about to puncture him.
"Fuck," Zaraki yelled. "You play dirty, bitch!"
"Like a ho?"he replied, thoroughly confused by the statement.
All of a sudden, the Super Kazakh's metal arm broke into several metal spikes with a special type of reiatsu which then formed a cage around Byakuya.
"Nii-sa-" as if on cue, Rukia cut her speech off, eyes widening as if she were in a trance-like state. Pulling a chair out of nowhere, she sat down in front of her adopted brother and spread her legs apart for him to see her...vageen.
"You will never get this! You will never get this! La-la-la-la-la! You will never get this!" she cried while gesturing to that area, much to Byakuya's horror. This was not the way a Kuchiki was supposed to act. She had thoroughly disgraced the name now. Unfortunately, he was powerless now and started to thrash like crazy, lunging at Rukia, despite being impeded by the cage. Thus, he began to rattle the bars as if he were a madman.
"He have a very funny retardation!" Borat commented about the captain.
Finally, Byakuya Kuchiki's amazing strength allowed him to break free...
After the scene unfolded, Zaraki and Ichigo's eyes widened.
Kenpachi turned to face S. Borat. "What the fuck...just happened?""Wa wa we wa! He is like my brother beelow! He break eh cage, and he get this!"
Zaraki understood and started to chuckle. In truth, nobles were a bunch of incest-loving dirtbags. He never liked the Kuchikis anyway so he flashed a smile.
"Now we all eh laugh! High five!"
Which they both did...much to Ichigo's dismay.
"NOOOOOO I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU RUKIAAAAA!!!!"
A/N: end of chapter 1...LOL you noobs, go flame me like a cheddar burger, I dont care. The fact of the matter is, if you haven't watched Borat this shit wont make sense, and if you take it seriously...
Lighten the fuck up.