Author's Note: I've never been one for high school AUs, but the idea came to me and I knew that I had to write it. This is also going to be a slight parody of most high school AUs (hey, most are pretty overly-dramatic and cheesy). Please read and review (I won't post the next chapter until I have five reviews. They don't have to be super long, just five words long would be fine with me. I just want to make sure people read this since I'm already writing two other Thilbo fics). I'm going to try to incorporate magic with modern day stuff.

Thorin Oakenshield had always been an average student, nothing too big, but certainly not a loser. He still couldn't understand why he'd become friends with Bilbo Baggins, a nerd who loved to read and write more than he did to talk with people, and who had the hairiest feet that Thorin had ever seen. Until then he hadn't even known that hair could grow on someone's feet, but Bilbo teased that it wasn't so different from his goatee.

"I can't help that my facial hair grows fast," Thorin said. "I'm sure that the same thing happened to my father and grandfather when they were fifteen."

The person who had tried to make them friends was their English teacher, Mr. Gandalf, who Thorin had liked, but feared that he smoked weed instead of cigarettes. Thorin feared Gandalf's wife, Galadriel, whose pictures covered all of Mr. Gandalf's desk, did it too, as attractive as she was. It would only explain how she was used to him.

"So," Thorin had said when he'd first talked to the quiet boy who always sat at the back of the classroom. "Mr. Gandalf said that you could help me raise my English grade."

Bilbo had looked up at him, adjusted his glasses, then smiled. "I'll help you!"

He seemed nice enough, so Thorin had agreed to go with him to his home every afternoon to study, though he still feared being seen with the teachers pet. Bilbo's home was a rather boring apartment on Shire Avenue, in a building called Bag End, mostly filled with books and various cooking items, though Thorin always did help himself to whatever Bilbo had made. The walls and floor had all been in shades of beige and light brown, the colors of the furniture following that. It was a nice enough place, but so lacking in interest, like a room from a magazine. It was in there that he learned of Bilbo's hairy feet.

"This is so hard," Thorin had said on the first day that they'd studied together. "I hate this!"

"Just keep trying," Bilbo had said, lightly touching his shoulder. "Believe it or not but this used to be hard for me. You know what they say, practice makes perfect. I can prove that."

Oh great, I'll probably become a nerd like him. Thorin had thought.

The next day, a day where Thorin dreaded the day ending, Bilbo hung out with Thorin and his friends Bofur, Nori, Bombur, and Gloin. Sure they worked together, but the nerd couldn't just come and think that he could join his social circle.

"He's not so bad," Bofur had said. "I like him."

"You're not listening to me!" Thorin had replied. "We study together, that's it! He can't just think that he's allowed to come hang out with us."

"He seems alright," Nori had added.

"And he let me try some of his chocolate chip cookies," Bombur said, licking his lips at the memory. "Oh, they were the most delicious that I've ever eaten! I hope he brings more soon, I really do."

"Guys, do you realize how this affects us?" he asked. "We'll be seen as nerds because of him."

"Well, we certainly aren't the most popular," Gloin had responded. "Everyone remembers you as the guy who lost his family's jewelry shop to Smaug's parents."

Thorin scowled at the memory. "Don't remind me about that." Smaug, the most popular boy in all of Erebor High, was feared by everyone, and he always got his way. Thorin didn't understand why he was popular other than being rich, as he didn't play any sports (though he did work out), wasn't a top student, and didn't really have any talents. Still, he found a way to get to the top of the school's food chain and he would do anything to stay there. He had no problem mocking Thorin for losing his family jewelry shop to his father, mocking Thorin for having lost most of his money and now being poor.

But Bilbo had continued hanging out with him, and as prideful and self-centered as Thorin was, he couldn't bring himself to be rude to the boy who had helped improve his GPA. It just wasn't worth telling the boy that he couldn't hang out with his group of friends, no matter how embarrassing it was to be associated with him.

What really got him to like Bilbo was when he'd stood up to his long-time enemy and bully, Azog. Azog was the resident asshole of Dale High, and though he bullied everyone, he always had a special hatred reserved only for Thorin. It had started when Thorin had broken Azog's arm a few years earlier over the summer, and his hatred had only continued growing since then. Thorin had been about to be beaten to a pulp by Azog and his gang one day after school when Bilbo had jumped on one of Azog's friend who had been about to punch him, and had given Thorin enough time to run as fast as he could away from them. It had gotten Bilbo thoroughly bruised, but Thorin had made it up to him in every way he could, and that was when their friendship had truly started. He'd learned that although the boy was quite strange, he still liked him very much and they got along quite well; Thorin was even beginning to think that he liked Bilbo more than just as a friend, though he had no idea how he would ever tell him or if Bilbo returned his feelings.

The thought had grown and grown, and that was why Thorin Oakenshield was currently pacing around his room, his hands sweaty. It was nearly Valentine's Day, the night before in fact, and he knew that it was a good a time as any to tell Bilbo about his feelings. He knew that he needed to get a way to really get Bilbo's attention, so he grabbed ten bucks and his coat, then left his apartment to walk to the nearby convenience store, yelling at his guardian Dwalin that he would be gone for about a half an hour. Dwalin replied that he better not get into any trouble and that he better get back in time, a joking tone in his voice because he trusted Thorin. Thorin had been living with Dwalin since his parents had died, his mother having gone first, then his father, who was driven mad by grief because of the death of his own father.

The convenience store was brightly lit, a perfumey smell in the air, and cheesy pop music playing over the speakers. Thorin looked around at all the Valentine's Day candy there was, trying to find one that would truly show Bilbo how he felt about him. Most of them he ignored, such as the brightly colored candy hearts that only showed friendship, and the more cheesy ones with phrases such as "My One and Only". He finally decided on one that had a good amount of chocolate in it and was just a generic dark red heart-shaped box. He bought it, along with a candy bar to eat for himself, then left, whistling as he walked home. Once he was back in his room, he wrote Bilbo a card asking him to go on a date with him. He was ecstatic as he wrote it, imagining their date.

Please say yes, Thorin wrote. Please.

The next day he walked into Dale High with a skip in his step, for once happy for reasons other than it being Friday. He literally had to force himself from running to the spot where he and his crew met every morning by the library to have quick discussions before going to class. Once he got there, he immediately saw Bilbo and his group of friends talking, Bilbo handing them plastic bags and envelopes.

"You made me heart-shaped sugar cookies?" Bombur asked. "Thank you so much, Bilbo! And you even frosted them."

"It was nothing," Bilbo replied. "I'm glad that you like them."

"How couldn't I?" Bombur replied.

Thorin tapped Bilbo on the shoulder, startling the boy. He turned to face him, a smile on his face. "Bilbo," he said. "Happy Valentine's Day!" He thrust the plastic bag with his card and box of chocolate into Bilbo's hand. "I hope that you like what I got you."

Bofur hoped that no one saw his look of distress. Thorin had gotten Bilbo chocolates and asked him on a date as well? This was terrible. Though he thought highly of himself, he feared that Bilbo would see Thorin as more attractive than him, and thus choose him over Bofur.

He'd spent so much time making the card, getting dinner reservations, and ordering only the highest quality chocolate, and all his work was about to go down the drain to Thorin and his cheap convenience store candy. Hell, it was still in the bag!

Bofur began to get angry. He'd always been nice to Bilbo, and Thorin had only recently stopped being a jerk to Bilbo. How could he choose Thorin over him, the one who always stood by his side?

Bofur sighed, knowing that ultimately it was Bilbo's choice over who he dated, and that he shouldn't act as though Bilbo owed him anything, because he didn't. As much as he wanted for Bilbo to notice him, he couldn't force Bilbo to become romantically involved with him; that was just plain wrong, not to mention selfish.

Still, he couldn't help but feel sad, along with anxious. Bilbo was about to answer Thorin's question on whether they'd be going out on a date that night, and Bofur hadn't had time to ask him yet. It seemed time also wasn't working out for him either.

Bilbo's face flushed red once he'd finished reading the card. Yes, he did like Thorin, even to where he had a tiny crush on him, but could he really say yes. He began to feel claustrophobic, feeling everyone one his friends' stare on him, waiting for his answer.

I don't want to say yes, he thought. But it'll hurt Thorin for me to say no. He looked around, hoping that he'd be saved, but he wasn't lucky enough to see Smaug.

But then luck was on his side, and Smaug walked through the wing of the school that Bilbo was on. He looked confident, dressed in a black jacket with a dark red T-shirt, along with faded jeans and black boots, his dark red hair combed back casually. They'd recently started their relationship, but Bilbo already cared deeply about him. Even though he was only a freshman like Bilbo and all of his friends, he was more popular than any senior. Bilbo still couldn't believe that Smaug was dating him, but he was quite happy about it, and every time he thought about Smaug he smiled and his cheeks turned red as a ripe apple.

"Hello, Bilbo," Smaug said, wrapping his arm around Bilbo's waist, then leaning in quickly kissing him.

"Hi, Smaug," Bilbo replied, feeling his cheeks get hot. "It's great to see you today."

"Hey," he said, pulling him away from his group of friends. "I was wondering if you were busy today."

"Actually, I'm free tonight. . ."

"No, I meant today, as in right now."

"But Smaug, we have school today. . ."

"School can wait," Smaug replied, leaning his face in close to Bilbo's. "Besides, I'm sure that I can pull a few strings to get you out of here without a single problem."

Bilbo knew quite well that he could. "Okay, I'd be happy to."

"Good," Smaug said. "We might as well get going while we can, right?"

Bilbo nodded. "Yeah, definitely."

Thorin dropped his box of candy in his locker, figuring he'd either return it to get his money back or just let Bombur eat it. He dropped his letter to Bilbo in the recycling bin, fighting back tears from his eyes. He'd lost Bilbo, and to Smaug of all people! He was both angry and sad, and the two emotions both seemed to make him want to rip Smaug to shreds.

Thorin knew that Smaug wasn't dating Bilbo because he wanted to, no, Smaug would never lower himself to dating someone so low and invisible as Bilbo. He was doing this because Smaug had somehow figured out that Thorin himself liked Bilbo, and planned on using Bilbo to just make Thorin angrier.

He'll leave Bilbo heartbroken, thought Thorin, clenching his fists. That selfish asshole! I swear, I'm going to rip him to shreds like the son of a bitch that he is. Thorin could see that Bilbo was shocked that Smaug was even looking at him, and he had to save his friend from heartbreak. Bilbo just didn't deserve for that kind of thing to happen to him.

Bofur stared at his phone, knowing that he needed to call to cancel his dinner reservations, but he couldn't work up the nerve to. He sighed, staring down at his weekend homework, though it did little to distract him. He'd only finished three of the fifteen assigned problems, and though he tried to begin the fourth, he wrote very little before going back to worrying. Though he could at least stand up against Thorin, he knew that there was no way to win Bilbo from Smaug. Thorin was now the least of his problems.

Sighing, he finally picked up the phone, then called and cancelled the dinner reservations. The person on the other end of the phone seemed relieved, saying that so many wanted a spot already, but that only made Bofur imagine Bilbo eating there with Smaug, the fantasy shocking him and making him feel as though he'd vomit at any moment.

He pulled out his box of high-quality chocolate, planning to have it shipped back to get his thirty dollars back. He then walked to his kitchen, passing his older brother Bifur, who sat watching TV in the living room, who took no notice of him. Once he was in the kitchen, he grabbed a bag of M&M's, then walked back to his room and began eating them, doing his homework while he did so. Once he finished, he tried to congratulate himself for being productive, but even he didn't believe himself. Instead, he grabbed a handful of M&M's, popped them into his mouth, then plopped down on his bed and began to cry, wetting his pillow.

How could he happen? he asked himself. How could this possibly happen?

Like I said, 5 reviews and you get the next chapter. I'm still debating over how to make Smaug a dragon/human, but I figure he uses magic to change from one to the other.