A/N: Hi! I am back after so long! Well, really this isn't much..but it's something! I am still happy, happy for the little Gizzie I could glean! I hope you enjoy! For now it's a one-shot..but maybe I could expand? We'll see..lemme know what you think!
"I Stay In Love" is by Mariah Carey off of her fantastic new album EMC2..so, sadly, it's not mine..just like Grey's...bleakosity—that is for the "Lambs" out there reading :-)
"Even when I know you're not around, I still look for you."
We've shared everything from beers to breathing space, but until that confirmation, there was no real indicator that he hadn't forgotten. I mean, life carried on, and neurotic BFF's George and Izzie took over the space once occupied bye lovers, Izzie and George. Aloud I would innumerate our dalliance as one of my multitude of mistakes, and his only reference to a time when he once lay down his everything for me was a passing exclamation about chopping my "hot, hot hair". In just a few weeks time we had managed to erase all that fever, dissipate the awkwardness, and be "back" to something that we once played so well.
But is it kind of wrong that every single time he stepped within breaths length, I still kind of...tingled? That my eyes welled a little when a nurse's phone blasted out Mariah Carey's "I Stay In Love" when her ex called? And that after a particularly emotional day I went straight home to download it for my listening pleasure while I gorged on Haagen Daas?
"And I know we said "Let go"
But I just kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
'Cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try and front like "Oh, well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now, no matter what I do
Baby, Baby, I stay in love with you"
Sappy, sure. But those are lyrics for life. How could I not cry a little into my pillow while my heart bled from the speakers? The split up was mutual, but how could I really forget? I can keep it cool, I can pretend, but alas the heart wants what the heart wants...and mine still pines for George.
However, if I keep it cool, words don't define George. Besides the hair comment, there has been not a word, not a trace. He soldiered on. Maybe he was moody, but who wouldn't be when their life was screwed? He now has a new roommate, new intern friends, and a new attitude. And while I am being painfully honest, I am his last call in case super-fun darts or whatever falls through. As all of the new friends would say, I "Coded" in my attempts to latch on.
"Even when I know you're not around, I still look for you."
And that was all it took.
A faint shimmer in the Sahara, though potentially an illusion, is a sign of hope. And the image of George turning second nature to a spectre of me each time he laughed, or celebrated, or even failed was surely a sign of hope to my heart. Perhaps my little wellspring of joy was over the top, but those words cut by the grate of his voice twined me closer to him than I had felt in so long. In the pause I could almost feel his heart thump quickly beneath my fingertips as it had so many times before.
I realized how my exuberance to join in, the drumming of my fingers on the ledge, were all too telling. Especially when they are reflected back to me in his eyes, and it's like he can read my thoughts. I prayed that he couldn't, but staring back I only pleaded for an answer..."Please George, tell me you are coming back.." For tonight I wish too much, but I leave with a little kernel of...something...for my brain to bite in to.
"Go."
Moment officially passed. He's run out to meet his friends. Oh, but if only he really knew. I can't help but wonder if he would stay.
"My Baby, Baby, I stay in love with you..."