This Is The Life
Chapter One
Sookie POV
"Honey, I gotta go to work, okay?" I was putting some clothes in my bag without Alice, my little treasure, realized before I left. "Amelia will stay with you and you two can watch a movie but I want you in bed at ten, alright?"
My Alice was the best thing that had happened to me in my life even though his father, the biggest jerk on earth, didn't know a thing about us. I no longer cared about it, and when Quinn left I was barely showing the pregnancy so I had never to tell her about her father.
"Okay, Mommy."
"I'll be back in the morning, and I'll bring waffles for breakfast, what do you think?" Alice grinned and I loved her to do it. It was what made me go on, what gave me strength to go out every night and do what I did to take care of my daughter.
"Really, Mommy? I like waffles!" Alcide had the same taste as me about eating. Alice was like me, just like me, but I hoped and prayed her life wasn't as complicated as mine. "I'll miss you, Mommy," she said as she hugged my legs. "But I'm too old for a babysitter, Mom."
I couldn't help chuckling. "Baby, you're just six years old, of course you need a babysitter."
"But I'm the smartest one in my class, Mommy. Even my teacher knows." She pouted but I wouldn't change my mind. "Honey, you love spending time with Amelia, so you two are going to have a great time together."
Amelia would show at any time, and I would leave. She was the only person who knew what I was doing, she was my best friend and I knew I could trust on her. I wouldn't let anyone else but her to take care of Alice, so I could at least know that if something happened to me she would take care of Alice.
"Hi Sookie," when I opened the door there she was my best friend with a smile on her face, but the happiness did not reach her eyes. "Sorry, I had some things to do."
"Don't worry, I have five minutes yet." When Amelia came into the living room in the small apartment, Alice ran to her, laughing and yelling. She did it every night and I couldn't be gladder that she at least had a good friend. "Um…Alice has already had dinner so I said to her that you two could watch a movie together and then go to bed."
"I already know, Sookie." But I knew she wouldn't give up. She never did and always wanted to have the same conversation. "Hey, I've been talking to my father…"
"Amelia, no."
When we met one year ago, I worked the night shift at a diner but I didn't earn enough money and a social worker threatened me by taking away Alice from me if I couldn't take care of her. My daughter was the only good thing I had done in my life despite his father was a complete moron. Being a six-year-old girl's mother hadn't been what I would have expected when I got pregnant at eighteen but I wouldn't change anything.
"I just want to help you, Sookie. My father can get you a job in his company, something worthy."
Yes, being a prostitute was not worthy, it wasn't at all, but at least I managed to make much more money and make sure my daughter would have a good future. I dreamed with the day where I could get a good job, have my own home and raise my daughter without being ashamed of what I did.
"I know you do this with the best intentions, Ames, but I've always done things for myself and if doing this for a few months I get enough money to support Alice…"
"That's what you said six months ago, Sookie!" Amelia cared deeply about me and I loved her for it, but she couldn't tell me what I should or not to do. "Do you know how dangerous this world is, Sookie? The streets are dangerous, especially at night, but getting in a car with a stranger man is too much. Anything could happen to you and the last thing your daughter would need is being an orphan." If Amelia thought I didn't think about it every night when I was leaving home she was very wrong. "You know I will take care of her, no matter what, but Alice needs her mother."
"I'll be back in the morning." And I walked into the living room again to kiss my daughter's forehead. "Baby, I love you so much."
"Love you too, Mommy."
"You heard me, I will bring waffles."
She smiled at me and looked at the TV again.
"In bed at ten, okay?"
"Sure, Sookie. Be very careful."
"I'm always careful."
I closed the door behind me and changed my clothes in one of the landings before heading out to the street. I took off the long skirt I was wearing over a much shorter one and put it into my bag. I did the same with the shoes and slipped on high heels, I adjusted my top to make my breasts pop and put on some make-up and checked my hair quickly.
Amelia was right, the streets were dangerous and you couldn't know what was out there, especially in a city like New York.
It was winter, and the cold was terrible and I wasn't even able to warm up despite wearing stockings. It wasn't enough and the sidewalks were icy so I had to walk carefully or I'd end up falling and breaking my ankle. I couldn't keep working and sooner or later someone would take Alice away.
No, I couldn't let that happen.
"Hey beautiful." I had been so absorbed in my own thoughts, and not to slip on the ground, that I didn't see the car that had stopped right beside me.
"If you don't have money you can get away." I said softly and smiling at him. I hated doing this, I hated it with all my strength, but I had no choice.
"How about this?" He showed me a wad of money and all I could do was take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my lips before opening the car door and get in. "What do you prefer, handsome?"
I knew from experience that I couldn't trust appearances, especially when it was a man wearing a suit and driving a nice car. Those were the worst, and when he stopped the car nearby an isolated parking I knew it was the time.
He parked in the darkest place, probably not to be seen, and turned off the engine and all the lights.
"What's your name?" He asked me.
"Susannah." Never, I never told him any of them my real name. I knew with a name that they couldn't know who I was, but I wanted to separate my private life, my normal life, from all this hell. "Now honey, tell me what do you prefer? I can make your dreams turn real."
"Oh I'm sure of it, Susannah." He put his hand on my thigh and began ascending until he reached the bottom of my skirt and then stopped. "Suck it up, Susannah." I wanted to throw up, my stomach turned up and down, but I still smiled seductively and unbuttoned his pants.
It wasn't the first time I had to do it, and at least I didn't have to look at his face as I did, but it was horrible.
First I started stroking him with my hand, and luckily he would cum before my lips had to touch him, but he put his hand on my head and guided me to his cock.
He was a fifty-year-old man, so he probably wouldn't last long, but unfortunately I would remember it for so long.
"Do it, Susannah!"
It was seven o'clock when I was walking into the closest bakery to my house to buy the waffles I had promised to Alice.
"Hi Sookie, you got up early today." Holly was the bakery's owner and a lovely woman. She had two kids and Alice used to play with them in the park.
"Hi Holly, yeah, I decided to get up early. Last night I promised Alice waffles for breakfast so…"
"Right now."
The night was very long but at least I had managed to get more than five hundred dollars so I couldn't complain. I had to fuck with two other men after the first one, but each time I did it I didn't stop thinking that it was because I really needed the money, it wasn't about the sex. Sex without love meant nothing to me, everything was for Alice.
"Here you go, Sookie."
"Thanks." I was about to pay but she stopped me.
"It's on the house today."
"Holly…"
"I insist."
"Thank you."
At least I could be sure there were still good people like Holly in the world. Despite being a single mother and having her own business, she always had time for others and a smile on her lips.
"Sookie, I'm going to take the kids for skating at Central Park, do you two want to come with us?" It wasn't the first time Holly invited me to hang out with them but if I did I would be too tired to work at night, but today was Sunday and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. "I would love it, Holly, but I can't today."
"Another time then. Have a nice day."
"You too. And thanks for the waffles, Holly."
"You're welcome. And give a kiss to that precious daughter of yours."
"I will."
At least I got to go out with a smile and when I got home I tried to be quiet because it was too early.
"Good morning." I hadn't heard Amelia walking into the kitchen but there was a cup of coffee in her hands. "I figured you would need it." And she handed it to me.
"Thank you."
"What about the night?" If something I could do with Amelia was talking openly about what had happened the previous night, every night actually. "Good, well actually no, but you know what I mean. More than five hundred, all businessmen who were looking for something quick."
"I see…"
"And Alice?"
"Fine. No problems. We watched a movie while dinner and then went to bed without complaining." I couldn't help but smile at that. My little angel was really the light of my life. "Sookie, I don't want you to get pissed at me, okay?"
"Ames…"
"Just listen to me." I nodded and waited for her to keep talking. "You're a good person and you have an exceptional child, but it'll only be a matter of time Alice realizes what's happening, do you understand? Sooner or later she will discover the truth, and then what?" I had thought about it like a million times but I never managed to reach a solution. I preferred to think that, eventually, I would find a way to take care of her without prostituting me, and I would meet a good man and my life would be normal again. "Sookie, there are other jobs you could do. It's true you wouldn't earn so much money and so fast, but at least you could go down the street with you head high."
"I'm not proud of what I do, Amelia, but I have no choice." Not if I wanted to continue taking care of Alice and paying the apartment in where we were living. Getting a good place to live in New York when you don't have too much money is not easy, but at least we didn't live in a neighbourhood where the police chased drug dealers and no one knew me for what I did. "I know you just want to help me, but I don't need you getting into my life. I love you, Amelia, you're like my sister and I wouldn't trust anyone else to take care for Alice, but right now I think making money in this way is what I need. Alice keeps growing and growing and I have to buy her clothes, things for school, and food. I will not allow my child to miss for nothing, you understand?" And I began mourning like a fool.
"Sook, of course I understand." And she hugged me. It was what I needed at the time but when I heard footsteps I quickly wiped my tears and started to get the dishes for breakfast.
"Hey baby, did you sleep well?" I bent down and hugged her tightly. After nights like the last one a huge from her was what I needed the most, and the only thing that made me feel good was hugging my daughter in the morning. "Look, I've brought waffles as I promised you."
"I missed you last night, Mommy."
"Me too, baby, but I had to work. You already know that." She nodded slowly as she pouted. "Honey, please don't cry."
"I'm not crying, Mommy."
"Are you hungry?" I asked her and at least I got a smile from her.
"Waffles!" She yelled and ran to the cabinet to get the chocolate syrup. We usually ate healthier things for breakfast, but Sundays were a special days and I loved watching her enjoy.
"Ames, are you staying for breakfast?"
"Sorry, but I can't." She sighed heavily. "My father wants me to have breakfast with him and I have no idea why. Guess I'll find out soon. I'll tell you about it. Take care of yourself."
"You too."
"Bye, Aunt Amelia." Alice said goodbye with her mouth covered in chocolate.
"Bye, sweetheart. See you tomorrow."
Although I still needed money I refused to go to work on Sunday. It was our special day and spend it with Alice was what I was wishing all week.
"Mommy, what are we going to do today?"
"Whatever you want. What do you prefer?" I was sure she would surprise me, she always did.
"I wanna go to the bookstore." What six-year-old girl would rather spend a Sunday at a bookstore instead of staying home playing? The answer was simple; Alice Stackhouse. "I wanted to go yesterday but you were very tired." The fact that my six-year-old daughter was so considered filled me with joy, but I hated not being able to do fun things with her on weekends. Spending all night on the streets, or worse, fucking with strangers for money, seemed to be more important than my own daughter. It was sad, yes, but unfortunately if I wanted to keep her in my life I couldn't stop. At least not for now.
"Then we'll go to the bookstore."
At breakfast she told me everything she had been doing at school that week. Alice learned so fast that it was scary, but I knew she was very smart and she would have no problems. Her classmates thought she was a little odd because she spent her time reading, but that was a quality she inherited from me.
Fortunately.
Her father, Quinn, was the kind of man who did not bother to do anything else in his life because he started working in the family business when he was an adult. His parents knew he would never do anything in life, so it was the best option.
They didn't know either that he got a girl pregnant, because that girl never told them. I didn't want them to force us to get married and Quinn took care of his daughter because I wasn't wiling to give up my life just for getting pregnant.
"Marty pulled off my braids again." Any other girl would have cried or pout, but Alice just shrugged. "I told him he was only a baby 'cause he did baby stuff all the time. He's a fool."
"If Marty did it again you know what to do. You tell her Mrs. Fowler and…"
"Mrs. Fowler is no longer my teacher, Mommy." That surprised me. When the course started I assumed Arlene Fowler would be her teacher again, but maybe I was wrong.
"And who's your teacher, honey?"
"It's a Mister."
"Oh. What's his name?"
"Mr. Northman."
I had never heard of him, so I figured he must be a new teacher. "He's a new teacher and wants to know the parents of all my classmates. He says it's his way of adapting."
"And why don't I know him yet?" I asked. I was waiting Alice said that she already told me but I didn't remember. If anything I could be sure that every word that left my daughter's mouth was in my mind. "Tell me Alice, why don't I know him yet?"
"Mr. Northman said he wanted to talk to all parents one by one, so you don't know him. My name is the last." That made sense, but I was still curious. "He's very handsome." I almost choked on my coffee when I heard what she said.
"What?"
"Mr. Northman," and I was sure she blushed, "when he smiles you can see all his teeth are perfect. And we had fun when he explains something 'cause he never sits in his chair. He prefers to walk around the class and tell us many stories. And he says I'm very smart."
"That's because you're very smart, baby."
We finished breakfast and changed our clothes. I made sure Alice was as warm as possible and the hat was covering her ears. She was wearing a purple coat, her favourite, and when I picked up everything in the kitchen we left to the bookstore.
"Have you thought about what book you would like to buy?" We were in the bookstore about twenty minutes but she hadn't yet decided. I always said that she could only buy one, but after the money I made last night, I said she could pick three and her face lit up as if she had been bathed in sunshine.
"I've only chosen one, Mommy." She showed me the one in her hand. It was a book with various stories, and she would probably ask me to read her one every night.
"Well, you have to choose two more."
"Why? You always say that I can only buy one."
"But today is a special day. You can buy three."
"You're the best!" And she hugged me with all her strength.
Sunday was definitely the best day of the week for us, especially for me, but everything would return to normal on Monday night and I couldn't be less anxious.
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I was sure it was even colder than Saturday night, or maybe it was the fact that I was wearing a miniskirt again when I had spent all Sunday in jeans and boots.
"Hey beautiful, how much for sucking me?" A boy who couldn't be more than sixteen years asked me. He was with a group of friends and they all laughed at me as they walked away.
"Yeeeeesssss, baby! Why don't you come with us? You'll have a great time!"
The first time I heard something like that I almost hit a man. I wanted to, I wanted to hit him until he stopped moving, laughing, or talking, but I knew I would be the only one injured. The police would come and have me arrested. Nobody, none of them would have believed a prostitute over a good man who was just walking down the street.
Social services would have taken Alice away in a blink, and I would have no reason to keep living.
Luckily those guys left, to have a good time, and I was alone on the street, waiting for my next client to show up.
"Hi there, would you like to have a good time?" I leaned over the window of a dark car and ran face to face with an old friend. "Bill."
"Hello there Susannah, I've been looking for you."
Bill Compton was one of my first clients, and I couldn't say that I was glad to see him again. The guy was a pig. He was married with two children, and still went out at night to find a prostitute. I had no right to judge him but I couldn't understand he risked his life for a night of sex.
"It's been a long time, Bill. What are you doing here?" I didn't mean to be nice but I couldn't be rude either. You don't get many clients if you don't smile or are in a bad mood.
"I missed you, why don't you get in?"
I didn't want to, but Bill Compton was a prominent lawyer who used to pay me pretty well for my services. At least I knew him, that was a point for me, but if I had learned something over the past six months was to trust no one, known or not.
I climbed into his car and at least I felt a little better when warm air hit my body. It was so cold I could barely feel my fingers, but when I looked at Bill I saw a strange and creepy smile on his face.
"How are you? How's life?" Were we having this conversation? Really?
"I'm fine." Bill raised an eyebrow and looked at me for a couple of seconds before re-focus his attention on the road. "And you?" I didn't know what else to say, it was a very uncomfortable situation and I really would rather get in the car of a stranger.
"Good. Lorena is pregnant again." He said reluctantly. How could he not be happy with the arrival of a child? When I learned that I was pregnant I panicked but I didn't hesitate at any time that I wanted to have my baby. It was the biggest decision of my life, and when I had Alice in my arms I knew I couldn't ever leave her. "I thought we had enough with two, but she always seems to want more."
"Congratulations." I said no more.
"Why?" He asked me in surprise. "The truth is I'm not even sure it's mine."
"Oh." It was the only intelligent thing I could think of at that time.
"Here we are." We were in front of a small hotel's door, and I recognized it instantly. It was the same place where I was with Bill for the first time so I understood he would have brought me here. "I hope it brings you good memories, Susannah."
I wanted to slap him and tell him he was an asshole for thinking that at some point I enjoyed with him, but I needed the money and I kept telling myself that everything I was doing was for my daughter.
"It's nice of you." I said as I smiled at him.
I didn't know why, but I felt observed and judged. I looked around but everyone seemed to be busy with their own business, so I decided to stop acting like a paranoid and bowed my head.
I wasn't sure if there would be cameras in a place like this, but hiding seemed the best option so I didn't move until Bill and I headed to the elevator.
"I wanted to see you again, Susannah." And he began to caress my breasts. "You don't have any idea of how much I've missed you." I closed my eyes for a few seconds until I heard the bell and the elevator doors opened.
"Shall we?"
"Yes." It was barely a whisper but I knew Bill had heard me perfectly.
We walked into the room and it was like having a flashback. Suddenly I could remember pretty well that first night, and how much I cried in my apartment's bathroom as I recalled the useless, stupid and worthless that I felt while I was trying the hot water will erase all memories of that night.
"Guess you'll want to use the bathroom before, so…" I didn't actually to do anything, but I would need a few minutes alone to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to do.
"Thank you. I'll be back in a minute."
"I'll be waiting for you, Susannah."
I closed the bathroom door behind me and made sure to lock it. I didn't expect anything unusual to happen but I needed to know that I was all alone and Bill didn't come in suddenly.
"Come on Sookie, you can do this." I felt like it was the first time, and perhaps the fact that Bill Compton was waiting for me in the bedroom had something to do. It was as if I couldn't avoid remembering that night over and over again. "Think about whom you are doing this for," I muttered in front of the mirror while I was trying to catch my breath.
Bill wouldn't wait forever, he had a perfect life and a false happiness to come back, so the sooner I started the sooner I would finish, and hopefully he would pay me enough to go home before dawn.
I opened the bathroom door after making sure my make-up was still intact. "Are you ready for me?" I murmured seductively and he smiled. You can tell a lot about a person by the way it smiles, and when Bill did I could be sure nothing good was going through his head.
"Get on your hands and knees." I felt like throwing up when I heard the words leaving his mouth, and my first instinct was to run out of that room, but however I walked slowly toward the bed and did what he said. "I like this, honey, I'll teach you a lesson now." He impaled himself against me in one movement and I wanted to scream with all my strength but I knew that would only encourage him more. Bill was like that, he needed to have the control and be dominant, but luckily he didn't usually last long.
Thrust after thrust, and harder each time, and when I was sure I couldn't longer anymore, he stopped.
"Ahhhhhh…" Bill shouted and I knew he was over. It wouldn't probably have been more than twenty minutes after we entered the room and the moment he climaxed, but they were the longest of my life. "Susannah…it's been amazing." And I could hear him laughing. "I see you haven't lost practice, baby, but I'm afraid we couldn't keep seeing each other a lot when the baby is born." What was he able to talk about his baby while was still inside of me?
"Bill, I have to go to the bathroom." Or putting it in other way, I wanted to get his filthy little cock from inside me.
"Sure, I gotta go too, so when you're done in the bathroom and pick up your things, you'll have to leave first." I wasn't expected him to be a gentleman with me, but respect was something all human beings deserve, and obviously Bill Compton only cared about himself and couldn't be seen leaving a hotel with a prostitute.
"It'll be a minute." I said no more and grabbed my bag and went into the bathroom.
I locked the door again and before doing anything else, I began mourning so hard in front of the mirror that I had to hold on to each side of the sink to keep myself from falling to the floor. I barely had strength in my knees, I felt used and disgusting, and I wanted to get rid off Bill Compton's smell and sweat, but I had no time to take a shower.
I had to calm down, breathe deeply and return to normal before leaving the bathroom.
I changed my clothes, put on jeans and a sweater, and left the bathroom after I washed my face with cold water and take off all the make-up.
"Even wearing jeans you're the sexiest woman I've ever seen in my life." He tried to caress me but I wouldn't let him. "Well, at least much more than my wife, but your job is not something your husband would be proud of." Did he really believe I was doing this for fun?
"I gotta go, Bill, if you could pay me now…" I didn't mean to be rude, but I really didn't care if I was being, I just wanted to leave and not seeing him anymore.
"It's on the bedside table."
I took it and put into my bag.
"It's always a pleasure, Susannah." He walked into the bathroom and I left before he could say another word.
I would have time enough to cry and feel guilty in my own house, and since Bill had paid me a lot of money I decided that my night was over.
I got the subway to go home and the first thing I did was coming into Alice's room to check if she was okay and told Amelia she could go to her house. Then I walked in the shower and rubbed my body several times to wash away Bill Compton's stink.
"Mommy?" I heard Alice's voice when I was going to my bedroom and turned quickly to go to her. "Baby, are you okay? What are you doing awake?"
"Heard you talking to Aunt Amelia, you're back soon." It wasn't yet three o'clock, but after my time with Bill Compton, even if it was despicable and something I wanted to forget, I had earned enough money to come back home much earlier than normal. "Yes, baby, I'm back before 'cause not many customers were at the diner." I hated lying to my daughter in that way but it was better to say that than the truth.
"Can I sleep with you, Mommy?" Alice had passed the phase of hiding in my bed, but that night it was me who needed her more than ever, so I nodded and we got into my bed, hugging each other until we were sound asleep.
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Two weeks later I was very nervous waiting in the office of Professor Northman, with a new dress I bought to make a good impression.
"Mrs. Stackhouse?" I heard a deep voice asking me but I corrected him before looking at him.
"It's Miss Stackhouse, but you can call me Sookie." When he sat behind his desk was the first time I saw him clearly and I almost dropped my mouth as if I had serious mental problems.
"Alright then, Sookie. I'm Eric Northman, but you can call me Eric." And he smiled at me. He had shiny, perfect teeth, the ones you can see on TV. But that was not what caught my attention. Professor Northman, Eric, looked like a model out of GQ magazine with her blonde hair as if it was bathed in sunshine and deep blue eyes in where I would be able to get lost.
"I'm glad to finally meet you, Sookie." And he smiled again. "I must confess that I'm impressed with Alice, she's a very smart girl and she surprised me on many occasions."
I couldn't help but smile thinking all he was saying was true. Alice was perfect.
"Thank you." And I blushed. I suddenly felt like a teenager again in love with her teacher, and if I had had teachers like Eric Northman I would probably had a crush on him. "I'm proud of her."
For a few seconds neither of us spoke, and I began to feel observed, but that gave me time to examine him carefully. Unlike the other teachers, Eric was not wearing a suit, he was in jeans and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and I couldn't stop staring at his strong forearms every time he made a move.
"You're a single mother, aren't you?" He looked at me for a second and was like I wasn't able to talk so I just nodded. "Most of my students are not so perceptive as Alice, and I am surprised by a lot of things she says, and even how she explains all the time. She's like much more mature for her age."
"Is that bad?" I asked worried. "I mean, Alice has always been like this, since she was a baby but I never believed this was a problem."
"It's not," he said quickly, but I knew he was going to keep talking. "But there is something it worries me a lot about Alice."
"What is it?" Alice never had had or caused problems at school, or at least Mrs. Fowler never told me anything. "Has she done something wrong? Has she fought with someone?" Alice had an exemplary behaviour at home, and if she was different at school someone would probably have called to tell me.
"No, Sookie, it's not about that, calm down." And I breathed relieved. The idea that something might happen to my girl got on my nerves. "Alice's always reading." And I smiled weakly. That was something she inherited from me. "I think it's great to have that craving for reading being so young, but it worries me that she doesn't relate to the rest of her classmates."
What kind of mother was I that I had no idea Alice had no friends? I wanted to hide or the earth would open and swallow me whole. Why didn't she tell me anything?
"I…I don't know what to say," and bowed my head in shame.
"Sookie, you shouldn't feel guilty." He spoke softly, as if he were a father talking to his son. "See, sometimes children have a different attitude at school and at home. I'm sure Alice is a cheerful girl who loves to smile all the time, but for some reason she doesn't seem to be comfortable with her classmates to be herself."
I was trying to understand every word he was saying, but it wasn't easy to focus when he was staring at me. I had to concentrate on my daughter and what Eric was telling me.
"Sookie, I don't want you to worry about this, okay? I think Alice just needs a little more time to adapt to her new classmates, that's all." He seemed very confident of himself and made me feel better when I heard his words. "But I would like us to talk again." And I agreed waiting for him to tell me to return to his office soon. "What do you do tonight?"
I was literally with my mouth hanging open and wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly.
Did he just propose me a date?
"Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have said…"
"Nothing." And he looked confused at me. My throat was dry and I couldn't say anything else.
"What?" He asked me, frowning.
"I…I mean," I stammered, "I mean I have nothing to do tonight." And I smiled slightly. Was I accepting his invitation? Was agreeing to date with my daughter's teacher?
"What about at eight?"
"Yes. At eight is fine." I said and when I was about to ask where we would see, he said he had my address on Alice's file, so he'd pick me up at home.
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"OH MY GOD!" Amelia shouted. Luckily Alice and I were used to her screams, otherwise we would have been deaf at that moment. "I can't believe it, Sook, it's amazing that you go to talk to your daughter's teacher and you're back with a date for dinner with him." Amelia hadn't ceased to repeat it, smile and laugh since I told her.
"Relax, Ames, we're just going to dinner 'cause he wants to keep talking about Alice, that's all." But I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
"Hey, sorry, but I don't buy it." And I rolled my eyes. It was just a date, and I couldn't remember the last time I had one. With Quinn things were very different, he and I just spent time together, didn't go out anywhere, and I got pregnant without him even knowing it. "Sookie, I've heard some moms talking about this teacher, and I assure you that they all would want to fuck with him."
"Amelia!" I didn't want Alice to hear her talk like that, much less found out that I was going out to dinner with her teacher. "Alice doesn't know."
"Why didn't you tell her?" Was she serious? I wasn't prepared to tell my daughter that I had a date with her teacher.
"Hey, this is only a date, it means nothing." I had repeated the same phrase over and over again, trying to convince myself that Eric Northman would never be interested in someone like me, especially with what I did for a living "Is the black dress too much?"
"It's perfect, Sookie."
I was excited, I couldn't deny that, but also scared and worried because I hadn't had a date in years, and had the feeling of being untrained. Besides, for some reason, I could not stop thinking about someone, a client, could see me and said something and then Eric would run away and I would never see him again.
"Sookie, I know what you're thinking, so stop, okay?" Amelia was right, I couldn't spend my life looking over my shoulder waiting for someone to recognize me for what I did at night. It wasn't something I could be proud of, of course not, but at least I earned enough to give a future to my daughter.
"I'm just nervous, it's been a long time since I had a date, that's all." But I knew my best friend wasn't believing me. Not. A. Word. "But can you blame me for thinking about it? What if someone recognizes me?"
"Sook, don't be silly, who would recognize you?" And she moved closer to me and whispered. "Moreover, most of your clients are married and have kids, do you really think they would like others to learn of what they do at night? Sookie, even though you'll meet some of them, don't worry, they have more to lose." That was right, but I couldn't help being nervous about it.
At eight o'clock the doorbell rang and my heart jumped, like I was a teenager about to have her first date.
"That's him!"
"Sookie, calm down, okay? Take a deep breath and I'll open the door."
"What?" I thought I was going to open.
"You have to say good night to Alice, have you forgotten?"
"Sure." I wanted to kick myself for not being able to think clearly. "Okay, you go open the door and tell him that I leave in a minute."
"Relax."
I went to Alice's room and found her lying on her bed reading one of the new books I had bought her.
"Honey, I'm leaving now."
"Okay, Mommy, have a good time." I thought she would ask me a million questions but she was just grinning at me with the book still in her hands. "I like to see you smile." When she said that I wanted to mourn, but Eric was waiting for me, so I held my tears as best as I could, gave her a kiss on her forehead and left my girl in her bedroom reading.
"Sookie, Eric's in the living room. Have fun," and she giggled like a schoolgirl.
Amelia walked into Alice's room and seconds later I heard them laughing, probably at me and my date, but I didn't mind at all 'cause I was excited.
"Hi, Eric." I smiled broadly at him when I saw him in the living room looking at some pictures of me and Alice as a baby.
"Sookie, you're spectacular."
"Thanks." I couldn't help blushing slightly and cleared my throat before speaking again. "That picture was taken a couple of days after leaving the hospital." I said no more. "I wanted a picture of her to show her when she grew up."
"I think it's a great idea."
And suddenly, without knowing why, I couldn't help thinking on the cute babies with blond hair and blue eyes we might have together.
Why the hell I had thought on that? Was I crazy? Eric Northman would never being interested in someone like me. Eric Northman would have ran away from my house before I could blink if I had told him that I earned money being a prostitute.
"Shall we?"
"Sure." I grabbed my purse and closed the door before leaving.
I was nervous as we descend in the elevator, and I could hardly look at his face, but being around him made me feel pretty well and safe. I didn't know why, but it was a feeling that filled my whole body. I had never felt anything like that, even with Quinn, but he was a complete jerk who would forget his head if he didn't have it stuck to his neck.
"Where are you going, Sookie?" I was walking to the nearest taxi stop, but that was when I saw Eric had stopped along in front of a spectacular red car. "This is my car." And he smiled broadly.
"Is this your car?" It was a stupid question 'cause I already knew it was his car but couldn't help myself. Eric simply nodded. "It's amazing, it's…what kind of car is?" I had no idea about cars, I never had one but one day I'd have enough money to buy one.
"It's a Corvette." He said no more, and maybe he hoped that I knew what he was talking about, but I just nodded and that was it. "I hope you don't think I'm a car nuts or something." And we laughed together. That helped us to relax 'cause he looked as nervous as me. "It was something I wanted to buy since I was a teen and my father took me to a car showroom. That day I told him that when I had enough money I would buy it, the same colour exactly." I couldn't help grinning at the thought that we both had the same dream.
"Well, I won't spend all night talking about my car, Sookie, shall we go?" He opened the passenger door for me. When I got in I realized that was the most comfortable seat in which I ever sat, and I sat in many, but I decided to set aside that thought in my mind. "I booked us a table at a small restaurant downtown, I've been there a couple of times but it's great." I couldn't help but be excited when I heard him. A date. A date!
"Great, I'm starving." Eric smiled and we chatted animatedly during the trip.
Eric was right about the restaurant, it was quiet and cozy, perfect for a date.
He helped getting out of the car and held the door open for me. A gentleman. I've never met one, but it was what gentlemen did.
"Thanks."
The waiter brought us to our table and we ordered drinks while we decided what we were going to eat.
"I'm a little nervous," I said before I realized that I had opened my mouth. "I haven't been in a date for…actually I can't remember. Alice occupies most of my time and I love being with her and do things together."
"You're a good mother, Sookie, I have no doubt." I knew I was a good mother but it wasn't bad when someone remembered it to you. "I know what I'm talking about because every time I have to talk to other parents it's a nightmare."
"Why?" I asked no more.
Eric hesitated for several seconds and then leaned towards me and started talking with a smile on his mouth. "Most of them have no interest in talking to a teacher who teaches six-year-old kids," and he laughed excitedly, "they think I get paid for doing nothing or tell them stories or something."
"I've always worried about everything that could be good or bad for Alice, she's always been the first in my life, and I can't imagine what kind of mother I would be if I didn't." I was being completely honest with him and I felt great, but hoped Eric did not ask me about my job 'cause I would have to lie to him.
"You're amazing, Sookie Stackhouse." His comment caught me by surprise and I didn't know what to say, but luckily he was faster than me. "Sorry, I couldn't help it." But he was grinning. "Well…" He chuckled and I never imagined he could be so fun, "sorry, you must be thinking I'm crazy."
"No, in fact I think you're the most normal person I've met in this city." And it was true.
"You are unique, Sookie. Do you know how hard it is to find that in this city?" Yes, I knew. "When I saw you this morning in my office it was like…I don't know, as if the sun had come into the room and had blinded me. And your smile…" It was the sweetest thing I had heard in my life and I felt tears in my eyes, but I was strong enough to contain them. "I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Sookie, but that's what I think. I don't believe in love at first sight, the idea seems ridiculous, but I feel something for you."
Was this really happening? Was Eric Northman really interested in me? And was I ready to let him into my life? Could I be completely honest with him?
There were too many unanswered questions, but it was only our first date so I decided to relax and follow Amelia's advice and enjoy the night.
"So when I told my father I wanted to be a teacher, he almost had a heart attack. He's a lawyer, and wanted me to do the same as him, you know, follow his steps into the world of law and justice," and he chuckled, "but I always knew I couldn't do that."
"Why not?" Eric looked like a tough guy and could do anything, but when I heard other parents talking about how a good teacher he was I knew he had made the right decision to pursue teaching. "I don't think I could be able of defending people who were guilty."
"And what about the innocents? There shouldn't be always guilty." But in a city like New York that was virtually impossible.
"I love you be able to see the good in all, Sookie, there are few people who can."
The date was amazing, wonderful, stunning, perfect, and if I have more ways to define it I would have. I had had a great time, I had enjoyed as I hadn't done in a long time and didn't want the night to end but I knew Eric had to work the next day.
"I've had a great time, Eric, really." He accompanied me to the door of the building and we were chatting there for a few minutes. It was bitterly cold but I was unable to say goodbye.
"I want to see you again." Eric Northman definitely was going straight to the point and I liked it. "It was the best night of my life, Sookie, and I won't settle for just one night." I bowed my head in shame 'cause I knew there couldn't be many nights like the one we had. I had to work, had to go through the streets to earn money for my daughter and wanted to spend time with Alice. How could I explain this without hurting his feelings?
"Sookie, is everything okay?" My throat was dry and I was unable to utter a word. "Hey, if I've said or done something inappropriate…"
"No," I muttered. "It's not about that, Eric."
"So what is it?" Eric wasn't willing to leave without an explanation, and I decided to give him one.
"Work and Alice…I'm not sure if I'll have time to see you again."
"We'll have to improvise then."
Improvise was what we did during the following weeks.
Finally I told Alice that I was dating her teacher, and although I was afraid of how she would react, she surprised me. That little creature always managed to surprise me. Alice was thrilled with the idea that her teacher, the most handsome and clever as she had said, was spending so much time with us.
"Sookie, you want me to set the table?"
It wasn't the first time Eric was at home for dinner and it was becoming harder and harder to pretend when I said that I had to leave for a few hours to deal with some business. How could I be dating with him and keep doing what I did? I felt guilty and cried when no one was listening.
"Yeah, thank you. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."
During the short time we had been together a routine had formed between us and Alice seemed delighted with the fact that Eric spent so much time at home. She loved talking about books with him, and I was happy to have another person in her life that was a good influence for her.
"I could do more than set the table," he whispered in my ear as he hugged me from behind.
"No, you're a guest."
We kissed for a few seconds until Alice came into the kitchen and caught us.
"Baby, why don't you help Eric setting the table?"
"Okay, Mommy." And she left grinning. That Alice knew Eric and I were together was one thing, but she saw us was very different.
"She's a freak, isn't she?" I said laughing. "As her mother."
"No, that's not true. You two are extraordinary people, and I feel lucky because you have let me into your lives." He kissed me passionately, one of those kisses that leave you breathless, and I had to breathe deeply a few times before I could speak again.
"You're perfect, Eric."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Hello lovely girl, why don't you come with me to have a good time?" It was becoming harder and harder to endure this situation. It wasn't the fact that I was hiding it from Eric anymore, I couldn't bear to hear comments from other men who were only looking for sex and they treated me like trash.
"No, sorry." I said and kept walking.
"Really?" And he chuckled. "You're a whore, you're gonna tell me no?" That was enough. I stopped and looked through the car window.
"You're a pig, asshole. Go away before I punch you in the face." I said as aggressively as I could but he just laughed at me. "Get out! Leave me alone!"
The next thing I saw was this man getting out of the car and walking towards me at full speed. He hit me before I knew it, and when I fell to the ground he didn't stop kicking me.
I thought he was going to kill me 'cause he kept hitting me over and over and over again, but after a few minutes or even hours, I collapsed and was lying on the ground unable to move.
When I regained consciousness I was in a hospital bed and could barely open my eyes. It hurt me everything and when I raised my hand to touch my face I felt a sharp pain.
"Sookie?" I heard a familiar voice, but in that moment I couldn't even recognize it. "Sookie, can you hear me?" It was a woman's voice, and when I got to see her face I realized it was Amelia. "Sook, honey…" but all I could hear was her sobs.
"Amelia…" I mumbled and barely recognized my voice. "What…what happened?"
Amelia brought her chair close to the bed and held my hand. I couldn't help wincing when she touched me but it wasn't her fault.
"Sookie," she sobbed again but I knew she was trying to calm down. "Someone hit you in the street." The street? Oh, I began remembering. I remembered I felt very bad when I was walking down the street 'cause I kept thinking about the damaged I was causing Eric for not tell him the truth, but it wasn't so easy. I couldn't tell him with no more and expect him to understand. And then there was that man. I was so focused on my own thoughts that I didn't see him until he shouted me through the car window, and we argue. I insulted him and he decided to take his revenge with the prostitute.
"I remember." Even talking caused me pain, but I had to pretend that I was fine.
"Sookie, I can't bear this situation anymore, you understand?" I hadn't seen her angry, but I could understand she was, but it wasn't the best time for a sermon. "Do you realize you could have died? What would happen with Alice then? You're my best friend, damn it!" And some nurses turned around to look at us. "What would I have done if I had lost you, Sookie?" Tears flooded her eyes again and I felt like a real stupid. I should have shut up when that man began insulting me, but instead I let myself go and faced him. I was a whore after all, so I had no right to talk to him in that way.
"I'm sorry, Ames, I'm so sorry." I had a terrible headache and the last thing I needed was to mourn. "I don't know why happened, but I assure you I never go out without thinking about Alice. I know she would be alone in the world if something happened to me, so you have to promise me that, whatever happens, Amelia, you will take care of her."
"Sookie, no…"
"Just promise me. Please." I had no intention of leaving this world, but I needed Amelia to promise me.
"I promise you, Sookie. I swear I'll take care of Alice if something happened to you." And she added quickly. "But that's not going to happen." I nodded and felt much more relieved even thought my whole body was hurting. "Hey honey, I gotta go home to stay with Alice, so Eric will come, okay?"
"Eric?" I asked terrified. "Eric knows what happened?"
"Yeah, sure he knows." She said as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "Sookie, I had to tell him."
"Why?" I yelled at her. "Why did you do? He'll found out the truth now and I…I…I can't tell him."
"Sookie, maybe it's the opportunity you were waiting for to confess him everything, you understand? Eric's your boyfriend, or at least you two are together, and he had a right to know. Besides, he wanted to come to the hospital as soon as possible, but I said to him that it'd be better if I was here first and he stayed with Alice, so he has to be pretty nervous right now."
"He's gonna hate me, Ames. When I told him the truth he will hate me and never forgive me." Despite my efforts to be strong it was impossible not to mourn at the thought of how much Eric was going to hate me when he discovered everything. We hadn't even had sex because I wanted to make things right for once, but now I wouldn't ever know what I had lost because I was sure Eric would ran away as soon as he knew the truth.
"Sookie, please, calm down." It was like I couldn't stop mourning if I tried with all my strength. "Hey, the doctor's said you need to rest, so you have to calm down, okay?" Calm down? How could I calm down when my boyfriend was about to discover the whole truth? How would he react when I told him that I hadn't slept with him because I was fucking other men for money? Nobody in their right mind would understand, I didn't even understand it sometimes, so I knew I would see Eric Northman for the last time in the hospital.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I can't believe what I'm hearing, dammit! Do you realize how horrible it is?" Eric was walking back and forth in the room. He was pissed, very pissed and I could understand it perfectly. "You fuck with men for money, Sookie! What kind of person does that? How can you do that when you have a daughter?"
If he believed it was for fun he couldn't be more wrong. "You are like all others, Sookie. You're a liar who did not hesitate to use me as women have made throughout my whole life, but it's over." My heart was about to jump out of my chest but I swallowed and tried to stay as still as possible.
"I never want to see you again, Sookie Stackhouse."
I opened my eyes and suddenly wanted to get up but everything hurts me so I just barely moved.
A dream.
It was a dream, but a very real one and couldn't avoid Eric's words to resound in my mind over and over again. It was probably a premonition and I'd hear those words coming out of his mouth soon when Eric came to see me at the hospital.
Why couldn't I tell him the truth since the beginning? Everything would have been much easier and I wouldn't be suffering a nervous breakdown every time I thought about it. Why did I think things would improve over time? I should have been crazy to believe it, yet I did.
I was so excited when Eric asked me out that day that I didn't stop to think about the damage I might cause him. I was not a normal person with a normal job. I was a prostitute, and though I refused drugs, I was still a prostitute who chose to have sex with men for money to support her six-year-old daughter.
It was my decision, and maybe not the most appropriate, but I was desperate and I hadn't money at the time. I found a quick way to get money and being with Alice, but I began questioning my own decision. So my only concern was my child, but things had changed a lot over the past seven months I felt that I was mistaken.
"Sookie?" I heard his voice before I realized he had walked into the room and he startled me. "Sorry," he said smiling, "I didn't mean to scare you. Maybe I should have called first."
"No, it's okay." My voice didn't seem my voice, but I couldn't care less at that time. I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready! I kept repeating the same phrase over and over in my head like a chant, but I knew it wouldn't matter how many times I repeated it, it wasn't going to change anything. "Eric, I…" But what could I say? The words seemed to get stuck in my throat, as if an invisible force prevented them from getting out, but I had to make an effort. "I care for you more than you can imagine, but…" Was I really going to give him a pathetic excuse rather than tell him the truth?
"Sookie, I don't know what happened," he began, as he examined every wound in my body with his beautiful blue eyes, "but I don't think a person deserves everything that you have suffered. No matter what you did or said, this," and ran his eyes through my whole body, "this is not fair. You're a good person, Sookie Stackhouse, a great mother and a better girlfriend. I don't understand the reason for all this, Sookie, I don't understand it at all." He took my hand gently and I made a great effort not to show that even the slightest touch was painful. "I know there's something you're not telling me, and I've respected you from the beginning because I didn't want to pressure you, but that's enough, don't you agree?" He stared at me, waiting for a reply but all I could do was nod. "I wanna be with you, Sookie, and with Alice, and the rest doesn't care to me, but I need you to be honest with me."
During the time we'd been together Eric had told me many things about his past, and what shocked me the most was that, throughout his life, women never had loved him as they said they did. I found it impossible to believe at first because it made no sense, but I believed in Eric's word and I knew it was true.
"Sookie, sometimes things are complicated, we can't change that any of us, but if everything were so easy it'd end up being boring, right?" I nodded again as I kept thinking about how I would tell him the whole truth. "I've always been completely honest with you, you know, I told you things that no one else has ever heard, and though you have shared secrets with me…I know there's a big secret you're not telling me."
"Eric…"
"Hold on," he cut me off waving a hand and I closed my mouth, "let me finish, please. I am not perfect, Sookie, and I don't pretend you to be. Nobody is perfect, but it's our imperfections what make us special." I wanted to burst into tears every time I heard a word out of his mouth. Eric was perfect but he thought otherwise. He was sweet, attentive, and friendly and put me first instead of anything else. However, I was about to lose him. "I love you, Sookie." I opened my eyes wide despite the pain it caused me, but I couldn't help it.
"What?" I muttered, not knowing what else to say.
"I love you, Sookie Stackhouse."
If I believed it would be difficult to confess the truth now I was sure he would hate me for the rest of his life.
I wanted to say to him with all my strength, the minimal I had in my body, that I loved him but I couldn't do it without telling him all first. I hadn't felt fine with myself and it was unfair for him to live a lie.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" He was smiling slightly, but I could see the nervousness in his eyes.
I had to hold back myself and breathe deeply for a few seconds to be sure that when I opened my mouth I wouldn't say that I loved him. There was something much more important I had to confess at the time and the sooner I did the sooner I would lift this weight off my shoulders.
However, the weight of fear and rejection was stronger than me at that time. I knew the conversation would be the most difficult that I'd have in my life, but what else could I do? Of course I quit my job, and I would never walk the streets anymore even if it meant I had to work twelve hours in a disgusting diner. No, that life was over for me, and I hoped somehow, Eric was able to forgive me someday.
"I have to tell you something very important before saying anything else, Eric, and maybe what you're going to hear change your opinion of me forever." I knew he was confused and worried, but soon he'd just be pissed off and walking in the opposite direction from me.
My dream.
My dream was about to come true, despite what that phrase always used to mean, this dream wasn't a good one.
This dream was a nightmare. My nightmare, and was about to become the most important of my life. I was going to lose the only man who I truly loved, because I loved him, but he would never be able to look at me in the same way when he knew the whole truth.